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What's a Wreck?

A Cake Wreck is any cake that is unintentionally sad, silly, creepy, inappropriate - you name it. A Wreck is not necessarily a poorly-made cake; it's simply one I find funny, for any of a number of reasons. Anyone who has ever smeared frosting on a baked good has made a Wreck at one time or another, so I'm not here to vilify decorators: Cake Wrecks is just about finding the funny in unexpected, sugar-filled places.

Now, don't you have a photo you want to send me? ;)

- Jen
Friday
Jul272012

8 Cakes For Completely Inappropriate Occasions

I'm a firm believer in celebrating just about everything with cake, and from the submissions you guys send in I'm clearly not the only one.  However, there's celebrating, say, a new vasectomy or Daddy's parole, and then there's the stuff that some people might consider, well, inappropriate cake material.

 Not me, of course. No sir! Heck, I say, you wanna get pregnant? Then SAY IT WITH CAKE:

 

Or you're happy you DIDN'T get pregnant? Say THAT with cake.

 

Let's say your friend Cory suffered a nasty seizure recently. That warrants a cookie cake, right?

(Remember, kids: It's "i before e except after c." Except in the word "seizure.")

 

And remember that time your friend lost a finger to the lawn mower? Just in case he doesn't, let's remind him! With cake!  

I like how this is less a "get well" cake, and more an "IN YOUR FACE! With love from the Lawn Mower" cake.

 

Driving while intoxicated is a serious crime, so be sure to tell your friends you won't stand for such behavior. Also with cake.

I like to imagine the candles are mini breathalyzers. 

(How cool would that invention be? Right? I'll make millions. MILLIONS, I say!)

 

The world is too success-oriented. We should be sending a better message to younger generations. A message that says, "Hey, no matter what, at least you'll get a cake out of this."

 

Dangit. Why don't I know any lady farmers to give this to? WHY?!

 (PS - You misspelled "Awesome." But I'll let it slide, because melons.)

 

 

And finally, my favorite: 

Hang on... we get cake for that? 

WHY DIDN'T ANYONE TELL ME?!



Thanks to Anony M., Katelyn, KG, Paul S., Paige S., April B., & Stephanie K. for the inspiration.

« Sunday Sweets: Threadcakes 2012 | Main | Baby Bears All! »

Reader Comments (104)

BAAAHAHAHAHAHA*gasp*HAHAHA*wheeze*ha....

Let me just be the first to say, I wholeheartedly endorse cakes for all occasions. What's next? "Congrats on Tying Your Own Shoelaces!"?

July 27, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterAmanda

Omgosh! those are effing hilarious. I want to get one just out of principle.

July 27, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterEri

I want my vagina cake! When's it gonna get here UPS? Huh? I've been waiting for 34 years!

July 27, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterTracy

I would love to know the back story on the va-jay-jay cake. Do share...

July 27, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterI have one too!

This might be my first comment after reading this site for a few years, because holy cow, I think I have to get myself that vagina cake ASAP. That is fantastic.

July 27, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterShannon

"I got a sex change operation! Now that I'm female, I should get a cake... a chocolate cake! Hmmm, what should it say... oh! I know!!!" - The only explanation I can come up with for the last cake. Unless it's for a Vagina Monologue party.

Those are the blobbiest (that's a word, right?) roses I've ever seen. At least, I hope they're roses.

July 27, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterMuria

Do you think maybe the last one is for someone who just had a sex change? Cuz it's clearly in an office, with the tape dispener in the background, and I can't imagine any reason an office would have a cake for a vagina, unless it was a new vagina. I'm a gardener and I've never gotten a cake for anything I've grown. Not even the very phallyic squash I grew one year.

July 27, 2012 | Unregistered Commentersparkling74

The last cake is, of course, a "let's celebrate my sex-change operation" cake.

July 27, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterLMR

I now realize that I have been missing out on all these great occasions that I could have had cake. "You Missed Another Deadline!" and "Congrats! You Pissed Everyone Off!" are some recent possibilities.
WHERE'S MY CAKE??
(p.s. I guess it should be "Congrads" instead.)

July 27, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterFM

I'm pretty sure the third one was all about the lack of a classical education, poor enunciation, and incomplete notes:

Customer: I want a cake that says, "Seize the Day, Cory!"
Wreckerator: "Seizure Day, Cory?"
Customer: Yes.

July 27, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterSharyn

Brilliant cakes! Good thing no one else was in the office when I read this :)

July 27, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterJenny

"Boys have a penis, girls have a vagina."

(Only one is cake-worthy, clearly.)

July 27, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterM. Dale

Floored. Really.

July 27, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterSalannB

I love love love the lawn mower one!

July 27, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterSuasn

I’m looking forward to many months of celebratory cakes: I have a scalp. I have a forehead; I have a pituitary gland…

July 27, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterSuBee

The last message is either a lame courtship effort or a warning about the cake itself. O_O

July 27, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterClassic Steve

I'll bet that last one is somehow connected to a Vagina Monologues performance. If you're ever involved with one, expect to hear anatomy mentioned loudly and often!

July 27, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterPrincess_Fiona

OK, this took a while, but...

Sung to “Part of Your World” from “the Little Mermaid”

Look at these cakes
Aren’t they neat?
Wouldn’t you say the collection’s complete?
Who would have known there’s a cake?
A cake made for everything?

Looking around, stories unfold
I hope her guy will do just what he’s told
She took the time to buy cake
Asking for pregnancy

And the next girl’s not pregnant at 20
A statistic her parents adore
Cakes for grand mal seizures? I’ve got plenty.
It’s not hard. No big deal. Ask the store.

I want a cake about lawnmowers
Next time you might just rethink the drinking
And stay in school ‘til your education
Is complete

Big frosted orbs on a cookie cake
‘Cause what you’ve got leaves the fellows panting
They take one look at your melons
And they say, “Sweet.”

Before you balk, I’m not quite done.
I thought vagina cake might be fun
Sorry, Disney
You had to see. ..
… See the “V” word

July 27, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterSharyn

Where's the "I have a uvula" cake?

July 27, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterSuzieQ

How come the drop out cake is the first school related item you have where congratulations is spelled correctly?????

July 27, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterD. Webster

The mind boggles...I wonder if at least half of these were for weird inside jokes or some something-if not I do NOT want to know O_o

July 27, 2012 | Unregistered Commentermindy1

Hold your horses, here comes a very tasteless joke and I'm very sorry...

That last cake is for Jame Gumb to celebrate the completion of his collection....

(I think I've watched Silence of the Lambs one too many times...I'll go quietly.....sorry...so sorry...)

July 27, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterCaroline B

*blink * *blink *. what?????

July 27, 2012 | Unregistered Commenteranony mouse

How great is it that the cake for the dropout is the one that has "Congratulations"spelled correctly?

July 27, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterKaren

@M. Dale--oh how right you are, clearly only vaginas are cake-worthy!

Reminds me of my friend's 2-year old son who declared one day "Daddy has a penis, and Mommy has a giant!"

July 27, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterJulie

Cd have done w/o the last one. I think I prefer the Victorian days with the philosophy that if it's private enough not to show, it's private enough not to mention!

July 27, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterJeanette

H*R reference FTW.

July 27, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterBrandon

I can finally trot out the complete verse that somehow landed in my long-term memory many years ago and refuses to leave, no matter how useless it is:

I before E, except after C
Or when sounded as A, in "neighbor" and "weigh."
But "their," "weird," and "either,"
"Foreign," "seize," "neither,"
"Leisure," "forfeit," and "height"
Are exceptions spelled right.

Which still doesn't excuse most of our cake wreckers!

July 27, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterLaura

Don't let Theadare get wind of this lawnmower's capabilities!!! (they may join forces-that would not be good!!!)

July 27, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterEla

That's it! This post just totally justified my reasoning this evening for running to the nearest grocery store/bakery and grabbing some cake because, well, it's Friday...and...um...wait, it'll come to me! But cake is sooo in my very near future now!

July 27, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterDebs

@Ihaveav*****cake: I figure it's a girl who wants an excuse to have cake (possibly once a month) and had that great idea. But I want cake and I'm a boy. So look out for a cake that says, "I have a [ding-dong]!

Am I the only one a little dissappointed that the roses on the last cake aren't a little more vagina-ie?? I want a vagina cake! I'm going to get my husband a penis cake, too. That should be celebrated with nut sprinkles.

July 27, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterTor2ga

I don't see a lawn mower; I see an alien sitting in one of those little toddler-sized Flintstones cars.

July 27, 2012 | Unregistered Commentershmana82

I have one, too! :D

And so do both of my daughters! YAY!

But my son does not. :( No cake for him.

Cake for all the girls in the house. WOOT!

July 27, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterMimiheart

Re: the "I have a Vagina" cake: ...And three - count 'em, THREE - uteruses (uteri?), evidently...

July 27, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterBADKarma

What is a DW1?

July 27, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterJust Me

Sharyn, CarolineB bwahahahaha XD XD

July 27, 2012 | Unregistered Commentermindy1

I'm going to bet that last cake was served a couple of months ago in Michigan. Perhaps in a certain State Rep's office? :)

July 27, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterJenn (dish)

I really have to wonder what the decorators think when they get orders like those... particularly the last one...

July 27, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterWendy

@M. Dale - I got the movie reference in your comment!! Maybe a cake that says (in a cute little kindergarten voice), "Boys have a penis. Girls have a vagina" is in order. That way nobody feels left out!! LOL

July 27, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterMarsha

Is that lawnmower just a car with a stick coming out of it? At least they could've left out the driver.

July 27, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterKara

Burnt out linear pink things on cake #1 ... they were out of Baby or Divorce cakes? BTW, where's my Need to Clean Keyboard cake???

July 27, 2012 | Unregistered Commentergobbler

Oh my that was so freakin hilarious!!!! Gotta catch my breath!!! My fav is the last one......well actually the commentary that goes with it!!, THANK YOU

July 27, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterMichelle

HA this one made me laugh out loud in my cubicle at work... let me tell you how many awkward looks THAT received.

Vagina cake... PRICELESS.

July 27, 2012 | Unregistered Commentersarah

OK, see... I know a woman who survived breast cancer with a dual mastectomy.

She recently got a clean bill of health and permission to have reconstructive surgery. She deserves a cake, not just for what she has been through but also for the clever name she has given her new additions.

"Congratulations on getting your Robo-Boobies!"

July 27, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterBeckerby

Why is the "lawnmower"* a car with an alien and a pole in front?

*I can use quotation marks correctly, unlike the decorator who did cake #2.

July 27, 2012 | Unregistered Commenterdoodlebug

Not cake related, but I apparently have the mind of a 14 year old boy (Not the 38 year old mom that I am): I was grocery shopping and I saw a lady carrying a honeydew and a cantaloupe. It was ALL I could do to restrain myself from saying, "Nice melons."

July 27, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterAlibaba

Well I am guessing the Vagina cake might be for someone who wasn't born with one?? These are priceless!

July 27, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterJay

Maybe the Vag cake is to make someone aware that you do indeed have a vag and are not a man, and should be treated like someone who has a vag. Just a suggestion.

As far as the melons go... do you think it's for someone who just got new melons or who grew great melons... like real melons in their yard or something?

July 27, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterCrystal

Could the last one be someone announcing the sex of their yet to be born child? I mean, they have "reveal" parties to tell everyone whether they're having a boy or a girl.............(desperately trying to think of the most innocent reason anyone would EVER have that written on a cake)

July 27, 2012 | Unregistered Commenteranonymouse

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