My Other Blog

What's a Wreck?

A Cake Wreck is any cake that is unintentionally sad, silly, creepy, inappropriate - you name it. A Wreck is not necessarily a poorly-made cake; it's simply one I find funny, for any of a number of reasons. Anyone who has ever smeared frosting on a baked good has made a Wreck at one time or another, so I'm not here to vilify decorators: Cake Wrecks is just about finding the funny in unexpected, sugar-filled places.

Now, don't you have a photo you want to send me? ;)

- Jen

"Special" Deliveries

I will love him/her and squeeze him/her and call him/her "Babs."

Good friends, the Hooks and Slices always hoped their little ones might one day grow up and fall in love. However, little James' love of the open sea and life-long distaste of children would eventually drive Sally to drinking and raising teacup poodles. (Although after the ASPCA stepped in, she was forced to stick to just raising them.)

Here's a tip: if your last name is Bignar, and you want your shower cake to read "Welcome Baby," proceed with caution.

Wow. It's not often one gets to witness the birth of an embarrassing nickname!

Do you suppose a kid named "Finally" could ever get addressed in a non-sarcastic manner?

I mean, think about it: "Finally! You're here!"

And finally lastly, my personal favorite:

Ah yes, Luca Joeseph Kiwi Mango - that's the name of kings, right there.

Tasty, fruity kings.

Anony M., Alisa K., Carrie B., Shane M., & Amy C., how many people do you suppose asked what flavor the cake was?

- Related Wreckage: The Name Game

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Reader Comments (122)

Gary said... "Oh, I just had a thought:
Given the "Pink vs. Blue" decorative theme on the "Hook/Slice" cake, could "Hook" and "Slice" be vulgar terms for portions of the male and female anatomy, respectively?"

That's EXACTLY what I was thinking!

January 6, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterChristina

Hmm, between today's and yesterday's cakes, do you think Jen is trying to tell us something?

January 6, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterJessi

ROTFLMAO! God, you CRACK me up!

January 6, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterConnie Moreno

It looks like whoever wrote hook and slice did it in Sharpie. So would not be eating that cake.

January 6, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterAnonymous

You finally get that baby boy, and then you name him "Finally?" So now we all can see how very bad you are at planning, since in all this time you haven't managed to think up a better name?

Or does it just go with the names of his older sisters, "Not What We Hoped For," "Another Disappointment," and "Why Me, God?" There's a family that's big on nicknames, for you. Huh.

January 6, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterAnonymous

oh heavens, does the Stork on the Bignar cake seriously look like it is going to be paddled with the frosting rattle up the butt, or what?

January 6, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterLittle Lovables

Abi, I like your interpretation MUCH better, and anyone who has suffered through the nightmare of infertility certainly has earned as many "FINALLY!" celebration cakes as they want!

Congrats on your 3 terrific sons. I am sorry you have relatives who don't seem willing just to enjoy the fabulous kids you already have! It's really unhealthy the level some people will try to impose their template of an "ideal family" on other people's kids!

January 6, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterKittyKat

I suppose the parents of little Hook and Slice are raising them to be henchpeople for a golf-obsessed James Bond villain.

Actually, no. Not James Bond. Dick Tracy. That comic revels in goofy pun names so much you might mistake it for a parody.

January 6, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterSteve the Pocket

In line with what Gary said about the Hook & Slice cake, some people believe that, positions can lead to having a boy or a girl. I absolutely cringed when I saw it, whatever it IS supposed to mean.

January 6, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterElla

Holy Smurf, I just now got the Captain Hook reference (was his first name indicated as "James" anywhere besides that awful Disney sequel?) ... but I have no idea who Sally Slice is.

January 6, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterSteve the Pocket

That reminds me of the jokes amongst Harry Potter fans about Sirius being serious, ehm himself.

January 6, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterAnonymous

*looks through comments* Oh, good, I'm not the only one who thought of "How is babby formed."

January 6, 2010 | Unregistered Commentercapri-chan

Finally it's a many times did they try before?!

January 6, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterThe Black Dog

The folks who commissioned the "Big Nar" cake also should've looked into finding someone with a sense of color and an eye for flotsam arrangement. I guess this goes to show you can't have it all-- or even any of it, maybe.

January 6, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterAnonymous

"tasty, fruity king"...LOL!!

word verification:

sking - a king with a little extra fruity "zing"!

January 6, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterJanine

Maybe I'm the odd one out, but I can totally read the names on that last cake as Luca Kiwi and Joseph Mango. Or, perhaps, Luca Joseph's cake was supposed to have kiwis and mangoes on it (or be a kiwi-mango cake).

Ah, the possibilities!
I love cakes that leave it all up to the imagination.

WV: donsig - a wrecky way of saying "dancing." I feel like donsig because this blog makes me feel so good about my amateur cake decorating!

January 6, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterSuzanne :-)

Abi, when my husband told his mom our first child was a girl, her first response was, "Oh, are you disappointed?" (palm slapping forehead)

I'm finding it's much more fun to read the post, read the comments, re-read the post. Apparently I missed stuff the first time through!

January 6, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterDeirdre

Doing genealogy, I frequently run across an eighteenth or nineteeth century family with a Finis as the last child. After 10 or so you just get tired. . .

wv - nopere. Ha ha ha. Not in this case! (French for father, if you didn't get it.)

January 6, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterMarilyn

I hope that "Finally" cake isn't the result of some mad, desperate longing to have a boy-- you can't control everything in life. Also, this inability to control things applies to your cake order at the local bakery, it would seem.

January 6, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterAnonymous

I'm with those who couldn't see a problem with the first cake. I know enough people that call 'em babbies that I just figured it belonged to an Irish family (or as other commenters have pointed out, Scottish or Brummie).

Hook and Slice are also used in cricket, but the latter is not an elegant shot, so I doubt you'd name your kid that. Far more likely to be "Cover Drive". A good hook shot is worth naming your kid after though. Seems like a girl's name to me. Cover Drive would be your boy's name.

January 6, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterAriane

I'm willing to bet "Kiwi" and "Mango" were the nicknames of the twins while they were in utero.

My oldest brother was "Buzzard" and my other brother was "Vulture" when my mom was pregnant. I was "Crow" because my dad decided that since they wanted a girl, they needed a more "feminine-sounding" nickname. =D

January 6, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterTirya

As someone suggested hook & slice are probably the nicknames of a golf lover's twins. But I like to think that somehow a golf themed cake got mixed up with a baby shower cake. Somewhere there is a golf cake that says "Congratulations on your new arrivals."

January 6, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterJennie

Nobody would really name their kid Luca Joeseph Kiwi Mango, right? Kiwi Mango was the flavor that they wanted for the icing, right? And the wrecker didn't really spell "Joeseph," right?

January 6, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterRose Ann

Maybe "Kiwi Mango" IS the fruit of kings. Or the fruity king... Perhaps we've witnessed the birth of a future interior designer to the stars...

January 6, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterAnn

Aren't hook and slice words that mean your shot was off the mark? Am I reading too much into this if I think these are the poor kids' nicknames when they haven't even been born yet?

January 6, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterAnonymous

No way would I call my daughter Hook OR Slice! This is no way to map out a great future for her, with a suggestive nickname like that from the very beginning!

January 6, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterAnonymous

It is so sad when the placement of one capital letter can change the whole meaning of a sentance. Or even the lack of a capital letter.
While I have heard some really bizare names for kids, 'Finally' takes the cake (so to put it).
Q: What is it with celebrities giving their kids weird names? It is like they want them to be picked on at school.

January 6, 2010 | Unregistered Commentershikishinobi

The company that made the hook/slice cake is in Taiwan, so it was never designed to make sense to Americans.

January 6, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterAnonymous

I truly laughed out loud at the last cake... I bet it was vanilla, wasn't it?

Also loved the Bugs Bunny reference in the "hug him and squeeze him (and call him George)". Haven't heard that in ages!

January 6, 2010 | Unregistered Commenter*gemmifer*

Anyone else wonder about how the stork got the baby? I mean that red... is a tad suspicious.

January 6, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterAthena

I could be the only one thinking it but... "No! You cannot have the (Luca Joseph Kiwi) Mango!"

WV: stope - There's already too much flotsam on that cake, please stope adding to it!

January 6, 2010 | Unregistered Commenteremilyb0902

I went to an antique needlework lecture that discussed a sampler by an early nineteenth century girl, Waitstill Richards. Apparently this was a fairly common name for a daughter whose parents had to "wait still" for a son.

People suck, and apparently always have. Yay history!

January 6, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterSarah

I'd bet anything that "kiwi mango" was the cake flavor, but got copied off the order form along with the inscription instructions.

January 6, 2010 | Unregistered Commenterkayak



January 6, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterAnonymous

tasty, fruity kings! hahahahahaha! I am sure my neighbours can me laughing.

January 6, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterKathleen

LOL!!! LOVE that last one. Poor Joeseph Kiwi Mango indeed!
that's a keeper right there with under neat dat!

January 6, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterMarieA

or "Finally . . . you've got that sex change you always wanted."

January 6, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterRGuillory

Dear, wonderful Jen and John --

I'm not disputing the wreckishness of that first cake, just unintentional chauvinism on your part: "babby" is a perfectly respectable pronunciation of "baby" in the Sunderland/Tyneside part of England -- up north, you know. Lots of planets have a North...I still admire and respect your dedication, just thought I'd offer this interpretation...

January 6, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterEmily

Jen is cutting back on posting and highlighting baby themed cakes....hmmmmmm

January 7, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterBirdie

@ Anony. 8:49-- I'm glad the Taiwanese understand it, so please explain because I don't understand the Hook-Slice cake at all!

January 7, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterAnonymous

So on the last cake, WHY does it say kiwi mango? Is that the flavor of the cake maybe?

January 7, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterSixxlet

How is babbie formed?

January 7, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterRawpower95

Ah yes, Luca Joeseph Kiwi Mango - that's the name of kings, right there.

A fruity king or Bob Geldof is having more children & this is his cake. I can see it, Luca Joeseph Kiwi Mango Geldof, he's playing with his sister's, Fifi Trixibelle, Peaches Honeyblossom Michelle Charlotte Angel Vanessa, Little Pixie & Heavenly Hiraani Tiger Lily. See, he fits right in there.

This blog is too funny!

January 7, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterCan't See Sheep

*Searches for Babby meme and Instain Mother* Well, no need for my contribution. Carry on.

January 7, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterKatjaMouse

Kiwi isn't such a bad girl's name.

I'm kidding, I'm kidding!

January 7, 2010 | Unregistered Commenterfeathergirl

Dear Emily,

Babbies is not an English word.

Bangers and Mash,
and How's your father?

See? Those are all not English. They're English English which doesn't count as English if you're not in an English speaking country that is England.


I hope that's clear.



January 7, 2010 | Unregistered Commenterjohn (the hubby of Jen)

Misplaced modifiers make are my favorite!

January 7, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterMama Sky

How is babby caeked? How girl get desert?

(I'm wondering if it's a deliberate play on the babby meme.)

January 7, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterJeni

John (the hubby of Jenn),

I'm an English teacher in China. I'm from America. I'm a native English speaker. But now, I'm questioning my sanity.

"I'm soooooo confused!" (Vinnie Barbarino lives.)

I do teach a section on the difference between American and British English, but I've never heard of "How's your father?" being an item of contention. (Gotta admit, never heard of "babbies" before either!)


It's what on the cake. Maybe. Maybe not.

WV: dosse. Dosse or doesn't he? Understand my confusion?

January 7, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterWriteCards

I thought of the babby meme and Brummies, too. That said, it very well could be non-intentional wreckage...

LOL I also hope 'Finally' is a long-waited for first baby, not the unfortunate progeny of desperate parents who had 13 girls in the hope of having a boy! I can understand appreciating children of either gender, but when it becomes a creepy obsession, carrying on having kids just to 'complete the set' rather than because they can look after and want more children, it's the children that suffer.

Word Verification: skilis.

Don't apply for a cake decoraring job unless you have all the relevant skilis, or you will create nothing but wrecks!

New word verification: inessest (too bad to pass up!)

Obsessing about having a kid of one particular gender may make people think you're into inessest...

January 7, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterMinnako

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