My Other Blog

What's a Wreck?

A Cake Wreck is any cake that is unintentionally sad, silly, creepy, inappropriate - you name it. A Wreck is not necessarily a poorly-made cake; it's simply one I find funny, for any of a number of reasons. Anyone who has ever smeared frosting on a baked good has made a Wreck at one time or another, so I'm not here to vilify decorators: Cake Wrecks is just about finding the funny in unexpected, sugar-filled places.

Now, don't you have a photo you want to send me? ;)

- Jen

Tell Me What You Want, What You Really Really Want

Sometimes when a cake makes no sense, it's helpful to ask yourself, "What do you suppose the customer asked for?"

Insults 101: When calling a girl a dog, it's always helpful to be breed-specific.

(For what it's worth, I'm pretty sure that's not how Mrs. Hopperband spells her name.)

"Look, I just want what every girl wants for her birthday: a big- a$$ cake!"

Eh. [shrugging] As I'm sure every cake-loving girl would agree: close enough. Pass the forks!

Sometimes you just want a sugary baked good for no reason at all. And yet, without an inscription, what can Wreckerators wreck? That's why they're so adamant that your cake say something.

And that's also why we get Wrecks like these:

Give it a minute.

Jen B., Stephanie W., Autumn R., & Sara G., one "Ho Thing Special," comin' up.

- Related Wreckage: Dial-A-Wreck

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Reader Comments (87)

Love the BIG ASS CAKE!!!

March 5, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterBindyree

Jenny Dog Bassett Hound is better than Jenny b*tch, right?

March 5, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterThe Boob Nazi

The past two posts are what cake wrecks is all about...

March 5, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterAnonymous

The Big A$$ cake one is actually a play on the Big A$$ chain T-Pain wears.

March 5, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterAndydawg's mom

Sorry to ruin the third cake but I think it's a spoof on T-Pain's BIG ASS CHAIN.

Which it makes it awesome.

March 5, 2010 | Unregistered Commenteredwina h

Is there a Wreckerator school for that? Because, durr...

March 5, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterHalf Assed Kitchen

Morning Jen!

March 5, 2010 | Unregistered Commenterkirstie

Was #3 supposed to be a big-a$$ cake... or a big a$$-cake?

March 5, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterChris S.

Not that it makes it any better, but I'm pretty sure the 'big a*& cake' is a riff on a chain a prominent rapper wore, with a medallion that had ' big a#$ chain'.

Please don't make me explain how i knew that.

wv:lesec - defined as the type of eye surgery one needs to make any of these wrecks look acceptable.

March 5, 2010 | Unregistered CommentertxCurlyQ

Even if it wasn't what they asked for, the BigArseCake probably got some serious laughs! Love it!

March 5, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterErin of Brownie Bites

I had to blow up that last one to make sure I was seeing an "H". But then I saw the book to the right. Is it just me or does it say, "Customizing Instruction...Less Proficient Readers"? I'd say that would be appropriate!

March 5, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterElizabeth

I am just cracking up over the 'Ho Thing Special.'

March 5, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterJayde

joules wonders: "What IS a 'Bond Bride'?" "Or is that 'Band Bride'?"
WV: quiving - These Wrecks are quiving me the quiggles.

March 5, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterAnonymous

I seriously want the big ass cake.

March 5, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterBecky

Nothing special on it. HAHAHAHAHA!!!! That's too much.

March 5, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterDomestic Goddess

Yes, please. I'd like to order the big a$$-cake, very specifically not the big-a$$ cake.

Also, I'd like the Ho Thing Special.

I mean, what the hell! How many bachelor parties are you going to have, am I right?

March 5, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterSarah

I think that one is supposed to say "Band Pride" and Mrs. Hopper is the band director.

March 5, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterWhozat

You know how a joke now is to move the dash in big-ass {whatever}, so it has a whole new meaning? For example, "Steve had a big-ass party last night" to "Steve had a big ass-arty last night". See?

So the big-ass cake? Could be the third cake in this post:

I was going to link to just that image but... {shudder} couldn't. Just couldn't.

March 5, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterDharmamama

Who the he11 is T-Pain, and why do you people know this stuff?

The first cake is SO classic. Oh well, the wreckerator probably would have screwed up making an actual basset hound even more.

March 5, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterBecky

I'm thinking Big Ass-Cake would have been worse!

March 5, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterAnonymous

That last one had me literally laughing out loud at my desk!

March 5, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterAlbatross

That Big Ass cake is going to scare all the kiddies away...not to mention the dieting set!

March 5, 2010 | Unregistered Commenter*G*R*U*N*T*I*L*D*A*

Hothing?! In Cyrillic, the "n" sound is spelled with a letter that looks like H. I'm going to hope that the wreckerator was Eastern European and doesn't actually think hothing is a word.

March 5, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterSkye

It looks like the Big A$$ Cake is trying to rival EPCOT ;)

Either way, my big ass wants some cake now.

March 5, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterMouse

I might appreciate getting the BAC if not for the black parts that resemble caviar.

March 5, 2010 | Unregistered Commenterdeckardcanine

I now have Spice Girls stuck in my head!!!!! AHHHHHH!!!!

March 5, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterKelly

As for the "BIG @$$ CAKE" -- now that's a CAKE!!

And as for the last one, if they just had a hankering for a giant cooking with frosting balloons on it, why didn't they just request it "plain"?

Uh-oh, i think i just opened myself up to another wreck!!

March 5, 2010 | Unregistered Commenterryglights

I thought that it was Mrs. Hopper (blonde bride on cake)


March 5, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterBryna

thanks for the Friday goodness and black icing to boot!

March 5, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterStella

They wanted a cake with a Bond Bride on it?? Do they even know what happened to Bond's bride at the end of that film???

("On Her Majesty's Secret Service" with Diana Rigg. Bring tissues, you might need them.)

March 5, 2010 | Unregistered Commenterryglights

Ho Thing Special..... sounds like some kind of Chinese take-out. :)

March 5, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterTiffany

Well, I'm pretty sure the first cake was supposed to stop at "Jenny", then add a basset hound (i.e. dog) figure/picture/whatever.

And to answer some previous questions, I think a substantial number of people know who T-Pain is solely because of this:

March 5, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterThanny

The Big Ass Cake is a glorious, glorious thing. It is most assuredly NOT a wreck.

March 5, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterChristy

You know, aside from the fail that is the words on these cakes, a lot of the time the handwriting on these things is atrocious. I could do that myself. If I were paying money for a professional cake, I'd expect the writing to be nice.

March 5, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterLaurie

Placing order at counter:
"I would like a slice of Big A$$ Cake and a Ho Thing to go please."

March 5, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterSara MK

LMAO at the "Big Ass Cake"! I MUST have this!

March 5, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterMandy

OK, I'll bite. What did the "band bride" customer ask for?

March 5, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterNaomi Zikmund-Fisher

I was driving through southern Utah a while back and saw a sign for "Ho-Made Pies." Another think-it-through moment that got away.

March 5, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterHelen Husher

I love the Big Ass Cake; not so much the Ho Thing Special.

March 5, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterRobyn B.

I'm glad the Big @$$ cake did not feature a picture or sculpture of a big @$$!

March 5, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterSuzanne :-)

AHAHAHAHA. For my next party, I must replicate the Big Ass Cake! When they start cutting, it will get even more interesting. Start at the top and it becomes Ass Cake. Start at the bottom and it becomes Big Ass. you can't lose! XD

March 5, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterMiranda

The dark bits on the big-a$$ cake (or he big a$$-cake) look at little like rabbit pooh - eeuuwww!

wv anubsess: the ancient egyptian god of Wreckerators

March 5, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterSarah

I want some of that big ass cake! Or the Ho Thing Special cookie. Really, just give me anything sweet right now...I don't care if it's pretty.

March 5, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterMelinda

I LOVE the BigAss Cake! Evidentally someone thought it was a wreck, but I'm sure it's just what the customer ordered.

March 5, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterEG

I took the "hopperband" to mean she wanted them to write the inscription and put the picture in a "band" on the cake, like a ribbon?

It's hard to comprehend how unbelievably dense these cake writers are!!! Time and time again they can't understand when someone wants a picture ON the cake and not spelled out for them! and they do this for a living! Wow. It never ceases to amaze me!

March 5, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterRachel

Hahaha I'm sorry but the Big Ass Cake is total win in my eyes :D

March 5, 2010 | Unregistered Commenterlauradoodles

AHAHAHAHAHA "BAC--for when you REALLY want yourself some CAKE!" XD XD XD

That just might have made my day. I may or may not sneak back here throughout the day to laugh at it again.

The rest? As usual, I got nothin'. 0_o

March 5, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterMelissa (& Billy)

The Big Ass Cake is actually T-Pain's birthday cake!

March 5, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterHolly

I'm going to go with the camp that says it's suppose to be a BLONDE bride on the cake. Which potentially makes it even more of a wreck, because it means that the either the customer or the wreckorator misspelled "blonde".

March 5, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterAnnette

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