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What's a Wreck?

A Cake Wreck is any cake that is unintentionally sad, silly, creepy, inappropriate - you name it. A Wreck is not necessarily a poorly-made cake; it's simply one I find funny, for any of a number of reasons. Anyone who has ever smeared frosting on a baked good has made a Wreck at one time or another, so I'm not here to vilify decorators: Cake Wrecks is just about finding the funny in unexpected, sugar-filled places.

Now, don't you have a photo you want to send me? ;)

- Jen
Wednesday
Oct272010

This Is Halloween. (No, Really.)

Greetings, bakers! This handy guide will demonstrate how easy it is to turn your bakery's plain stock cakes into fabulously frightening Halloween designs.

Ready?

Then let's get started!

First, nothing says "Halloween!" like a sprinkling of candy corn:

So easy, the deli guy can do it!

Or, October is the perfect month to stretch your product's shelf life. When the icing cracks and the colors fade, just add a spiderweb!

See? Now you meant to do that!

And why not take this opportunity to "customize" your scones?

"That'll be $1.20 extra for our 'tomb scone specials.'"

Or, since studies* have shown that customers prefer plastic over pastry nearly 37 to 1, far better to reach for your trusty Flotsam Bugs®!

* We asked our marketing team.

Suddenly, Stanley felt the tide of power turning...

Flotsam Bugs® are grrreat for turning any design into a Halloween one. Can your bakers only make roses? Nooo problem. Just add a Flotsam Bug®, and poof!

Now that's one scary Halloween flower!

Or, how about turning a birthday present into a Halloween birthday present?


Spine-chilling, isn't it?

But let's say you have character cakes already decorated with an assortment of flotsam. What then?

Why, just pipe a few ghosts on, silly!

Hm? What's that? How do you pipe ghosts?

Uh...

Ever see a cactus?

Perfect!

And finally, what about all those doggy cupcakes you're required to pump out by the pound? Well, a little Flotsam will soon have you seeing eye-to-eye with your customers!

[chortle]

Or, if you want to go the extra mile, give Patches some patches!

Good dog that's awful.

I mean, uh, look how cute!


And remember, bakers, once Halloween is over it's easy to convert your cakes back, too:

"Aw, Suzy, don't cry! It's just a sweet little kitty cat! See? He's smiling at you!"

Thanks to Wreckporters Katrina S., Kristin S., Holly Q., Emily A., Sara F., Megan G., Jess & Connor W., Bettie P., Stacey K., & Kristen, who know that a party hat makes everything better.

« Training Day | Main | Going Through a Rough Patch »

Reader Comments (75)

Ugh. Why would ANYone want a cake with nasty ol' spiders on it? Brrrrr. And an additional "ickkkk".

WV: "unnood": wreckerator term, derived from "denude", as in "The cake would look better if you unnood it of the flotsam."

Merry at Annie's Book Stop

October 27, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterAnonymous

Are those not the dumbest ants ever? "Oh hey! Look! A spiderweb! Let's get closer!"

October 27, 2010 | Unregistered Commentermio

I missed the episode of SpongeBob where dead saguaros haunt Bikini Bottom, but I guess that makes as much sense as anything else they've done on that show.

I think the black cat is spot on. Seriously, put a party hat on a cat and see if that's not the expression you see right before cat liberates your face from your skull.

My WV is awesome: falke! You can't have Falker Satherhood Day without falke!

October 27, 2010 | Unregistered Commenterpikkewyntjie

Thank you, Isolder74. You are awesome!

I'll be humming "das ist Halloween" all week now.

I admit I like the Spongebob cake.

October 27, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterJerry

*Snort*
*Chuckle*
*Guffaw*
“tomb scone specials”
"FlotsamBugs"
“Good dog that’s awful”
Awesome as always!!

October 27, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterMaureen

Am I the only one who thinks "Patches" is sort of cute? He reminds me of some cartoon or show from when I was little and the person's dog was all sewn together like Frankenstein's monster. Anyone know what I'm talking about?

October 27, 2010 | Unregistered Commenterderomanticize

Ah, turns out this is what I'm talking about: http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0087291/

October 27, 2010 | Unregistered Commenterderomanticize

I heard Colin and Ryan from "Whose Line Is It Anyway?" in my head doing this commentary. Especially with the lines
"Good dog that's awful.

I mean, uh, look how cute!"

Jen, you're too much! Love you!

October 27, 2010 | Unregistered Commenterjillb-ilslp

Last week I babysat 3 and 5 yr olds. We decorated cupcakes with sprinkles, candy corn etc. With no direction from me they did better than the wrecks in this posting! Yikes...

October 27, 2010 | Unregistered Commenterkimberj

Actually, given my temperment, I don't think I'd *mind* the black cat birthday cake...

October 27, 2010 | Unregistered Commenterladypyrate

the horror the horror....

October 27, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterAnonymous

@ Irene said "All I could think of when I saw the second cake down was, "NO, NOT MY BELOVED PUBLIX!" I guess I'm naive and thought that Publix could never make a cake wreck."

Actually, Irene, I believe that is a Walmart creation based on the mark-down label. I think it is time for our beloved Publix to find some new bakery labels that are not identical to those used at Walmart.

And I find it very sad that I have to read several dozen comments to learn what that is on top of the black cat. I'm with Sharon on this, I thought it was a deformed Easter egg.

October 27, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterTricia L

You always make me smile! I want a tomb scone. With a spider.

October 27, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterAmes

as to the candy corn.... THEY WASH IT! THEY WASH IT!!!

Kate

October 27, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterDaGeorge

Cyclops dog!! woot

October 27, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterAnonymous

the hat on the cat looks like an off-color "Beaker" from the Muppet Show

-Barbara Anne

October 27, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterAnonymous

Ha! At first, I thought Patches was covered in festive bugs or something. Actual patches never came to mind.

October 28, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterC. L.

Nothing could be more frightening than a Spongebob cake.. arghhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh that would make me run for the hills lol. Why would they ruin a perfectly good rose with a spider :( this makes me sad. Ah these wreckerators they make people cry lol.

October 28, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterArlene

Ok, the candy corn. Really? Really really?? At least the others were trying for to achieve something, however misguided. The candy corn is just sheer laziness. At least turn the candy corn into a misshapen decorative pumpkin design, or perhaps some sort of candy corn bat, but just a smattering of candy corn on a cake? For shame.

October 28, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterPenguin

I actually like Patches the Frankendog and the Cyclops the dog. I am strange, I guess.

October 28, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterA.J.

I haven't posted here before, though I've posted over at Epbot. But I had to tell you...that Dog with the Eyeball literally made me stop chewing. I was eating lunch, and my jaw just stopped and hung slack for a minute...hahaha. I'm sure it would have been funny to watch! I always love the Halloween posts...and this year is better than ever!

October 28, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterTheRedQueen

I like the Cyclops dog.

The other dog is cool too if you keep in mind he's a Borg.

WV: "difun." "Difun never stops at Cake Wrecks."

October 28, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterCarrieP

Those are the biggest fleas I've ever seen.

October 28, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterAnonymous

Duuuuuude I don't know what it is, or where its from, but the 'tomb scone specials.' looks super yummy (well the spider web one beside its prettier, but either way it looks like caramel-y mousse-y pastry goodness!

October 28, 2010 | Unregistered Commentermystic_eye_cda

Gives new meaning to the term, "Seeing Eye Dog", doesn't it?

October 29, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterLeah

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