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What's a Wreck?

A Cake Wreck is any cake that is unintentionally sad, silly, creepy, inappropriate - you name it. A Wreck is not necessarily a poorly-made cake; it's simply one I find funny, for any of a number of reasons. Anyone who has ever smeared frosting on a baked good has made a Wreck at one time or another, so I'm not here to vilify decorators: Cake Wrecks is just about finding the funny in unexpected, sugar-filled places.

Now, don't you have a photo you want to send me? ;)

- Jen
Tuesday
Oct262010

Going Through a Rough Patch

It's the quintessential symbol of Halloween: the Jack-O-Lantern. Fortunately, it's also one of the easiest designs for a baker to make. Just take one round cake, ice it in orange, add a cartoony face, and...voilá!

AAAEEIII!!

Er. Heh, sorry. Let's try that again.

Voila!

That's...not a cake.


[rolling up sleeves] Voila!

Is that...plastic?

Cheater.



Voila!

A Pumpkin Poo-nicorn. Well. That's a first.


[through gritted teeth] Voi-la.


What the...what IS that? Come on, seriously, there's no way you could make this thing look less like a pumpkin!

Allow me to retract that last statement.


Knock, knock.

Well? Orange you glad I didn't say "voila?"

Hm. Maybe the problem lies in trying to make the whole cake look like a pumpkin. Maybe if the baker just drew a pumpkin ON the cake...

[blinking]

Um...

[more blinking]

Voila!



Dorota, Carra M., Melody N., Shanna T., Andrew M., Ted, Donny & Amanda, Kaitlin K., & T.A., don't ask me; I'm going with "abstract jack-o-lantern."

« This Is Halloween. (No, Really.) | Main | All Hallow's Wrecks »

Reader Comments (124)

Lol! I always enjoy your posts! It does seem like pumpkins ought to be pretty easy but after seeing these maybe not!

October 26, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterRachael

Let me first thank you for knowing the word is "voila", not "wa-la" or "walla"! And what is that non-cake monstrosity?

October 26, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterAnonymous

laughed so hard I snorted. loudly. at work.

you're the best.

October 26, 2010 | Unregistered Commenterlizzied

@____________________@

Were these decorators stoned? "A hur hur hur, I know what'll be funny! I'll make the worst pumpkin EVAR!"

I mean... this has got to be one of the easiest designs to get right, if one makes any effort at all!

October 26, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterMiranda

well, that is impressive. good work, Jen!

October 26, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterErin

Yuck! Those "pumpkin" cupcakes look like orange poo, I'm not eating those!

October 26, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterPeg

The first one is pretty well made, just... ech.

October 26, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterJ. R. W.

Well, see, that last one is photographed upside down. See the little pumpkin stems at the bottom? They should be at the top. Then it would be very clear that it's a ... uh ... well ... um ....

October 26, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterTricia L

Poo-nicorn. I love you...

October 26, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterLinda

Have these bakers ever SEEN a real pumpkin? huh? huh?

(head plant)

omg

October 26, 2010 | Unregistered Commentermn_me

I think I'm in love with cake #7.

No really. It's so awful that it's kinda great.

October 26, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterLegion

"poo-nicorn" LMAO!

Yeah, you deserve all the accolades and success. Keep 'em coming!

October 26, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterFlartus

I actually kind of like the first one. I mean, it's pretty well made, and well, jack-o-lanterns are SUPPOSED to be kinda scary, right?

Yes, I know I have bad taste. *looks down in shame*

October 26, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterAnonymous

I'll give them the crappy spelling on cakes... people can be bad spellers... but apparently this group is BLIND and has never seen a pumpkin before. They do realize this is a typical KINDERGARDEN art project, right? To draw and decorate a pumpkin... *headdesk*

October 26, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterLaura

Wow, *snork* these are GREAT!

NOT!

(but the comments are OMG funny!)

October 26, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterAnonymous

Maybe it's just the mood I'm in today, but I kinda like #1! And #7 would be great if it hadn't cracked.

October 26, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterKay

How... how do they live?! Do people actually buy these? Maybe we should set up FUD (the Fund for Useless Decorators)

October 26, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterAllicat

POO-NICORN :D:D:D

That just made my day

October 26, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterHelena

So I know its not a cake but the rice krispy pumpkin is kinda cute (*hangs head and shame and banishes self from cakewreck fandom*) but anyways loved the comments...as for the last pic...vagina pumpkins anyone? LOLZ

October 26, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterMeghan

My 2 year old who loves pumpkins said "whats that" to every picture. And when I told him it was a pumpkin he laughed!!!

October 26, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterMcConnehey

Ummmm....that last one is dirty, right?

(And I'm not even going to talk about 'poo-nicorn' with a slight change in hyphen placement)

Are you SURE this blog is PG-13?? :)

October 26, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterLaurenH

I think the last photo looks like halved apples. Yeah, that's it.

I'm usually up for all the frosting I can get but I've never seen orange poo on cupcakes before.

October 26, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterNiki

If there isn't a cartoon character called Pumpkin Poonicorn, there darn well should be!

October 26, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterCaroline B

Pretty sure I thought the top cake was going to jump out of my computer screen and try to eat me! If the goal was to scare me, it worked. ahhhhhhhhh!!!

Ha ha ha. Thanks for sharing!!

October 26, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterMegan

The second to last one with the angry face with the crack through it? That one's pretty good, except for the angry face and the crack.

October 26, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterMary Connealy

Pumpkin poo-nicorn should be the Band Name of the Day.

WV:gospine. The other bakers in town were gospine about Loretta's inability to make a jack-o-lantern cake.

October 26, 2010 | Unregistered Commenterthesacredandtheprofane

I ♥ Poo-nicorns!

from someone who lives next to Walla Walla, not Voila Voila.

October 26, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterLarisa

A kudos to you for knowing the correct spelling of 'voila'. (Going for the reverse EPCOT here, after yesterday's 'orange alert' scare.)

I always thought a jack-o-lantern was pretty much impossible to screw up. I should have remembered: Any time you think a concept is foolproof, some fool will prove you wrong.

October 26, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterCraig

Wow! I was going to comment about the 3 noses on the 2nd cake, but they just kept getting worse and worse (love the title "pumpkin poo-nicorn," BTW!) until there's no comments anymore, just mouth open, head tilted to the side, saying; "Whhaaaa?"

October 26, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterStacy Q

Ya know that first one is kinda cute. The poo-nicorn is just ewww. lol

October 26, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterMary

I'm skeered of that first one.

HAHAHAHA She said POO-NICORN!!!! HAHAHAHA...... *Sigh*.(wipes eyes) thanks Jen I needed a good laugh.

October 26, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterAudra,Tony,and Erinn

Umm, I'm going out on a limb here and saying that I LIKE the first one. And the second 'not-cake' (being a fan of rice krispie treats). Please don't eject me from the fan base.

poonicorn - *snort* --ah, where does that hyphen go?

I'm beginning to believe that wreckerators think we're all really stupid, expecting us to accept what they do.

thanks for the laughs.

orange ya glad... rofl!

~~Di

October 26, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterAnonymous

#1 AttACK of the Kiiiiillller TOmaTOEs!

#2 A giant popcorn ball. Does it have 3 noses or 3 cheeks?

#3 A peach-colored pumpkin? They can’t even get the color right. The plastic face is creepy.

#4 Pumpkin Poo-nicorn *snort*!

#5 They put the pumpkin in a vice.

#6 They put the pumpkin in a vice and put a sad face on it. I’d be sad too....

#7 Am I the only one to see something “odd” with the stem?? Orange you glad to see me? I am!

#8 Orange and brown poo? Looks likes someone’s digestive tract doesn’t feel well.

#9 Umm…yeah. Abstract pumpkins is what I’d go with too ;-D

wv - demplabi: Demplabi the worst pumpkin cakes I've ever seen!

October 26, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterAnonymous

The "voila" through gritted teeth just needs some babies on those carrots and it's good to go.

October 26, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterKara Lynn

The third one from the bottom looks like what Meatwad would look like dressed as a pumpkin for Halloween. I thought it was actually kind of cute! The rest were hideous!

October 26, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterMichelle

Pumpkin poo-incorn is probably one of the funniest things I've ever read in my LIFE!

WV: unwqe - To be seen on a future wreck instead of the correct spelling of unique.

October 26, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterJennifer

Pumpkin Poo-nicorn??? BAHAHAHA!

October 26, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterKayleen the Violinist

Jen,
You owe me one keyboard to replace the one that I ruined when I snorted Coke Zero at the pumpkin poo-nicorn! I can't even type that without laughing! From now on, no more drinks until I am done with this site.

Awesome!!

October 26, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterChris

Can you say peach, or orange... anything BUT pumpkin. The Poo-nicorn made me lol and my daughter had to come look, she's calling them all "monsters" hahhaa

October 26, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterHeather D.

I also liked the first one, more than just" it's not that bad" but iffi ordered a pumpkin cake and that's what I got, I'd be pretty pleased

October 26, 2010 | Unregistered Commenterchiquita13ster

these "cakes" are truly shudder worthy. hard on the eyes. for sure.

I can't believe anyone actually pays money for them.

I agree---I don't think these decorators have actually seen a real pumpkin, even though they had to trip over them getting into the store this time of year.

October 26, 2010 | Unregistered Commenterjoyce

I simply have no words.
Every time I think you HAVE to have run out of bad cakes - after all, how many REALLY, REALLY bad bakers/icers can possibly be out there? - you post another collection of not-to-be-believed cakes (?). I would be so darned embarrassed... Even on my worst day, when the only decor available was either (a) sprinkles or (b) gel icing in a tube, NEVER were my cakes this bad. Even if I THOUGHT they were... Thanks for my daily laugh!!!

October 26, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterKrys72599

This is now one of my top five favorite posts.

October 26, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterSif

the pic 3rd from last looks like meatwad from Aqua Teen Hunger Force!

October 26, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterAnonymous

In the spirit of Holloween "WTF is that? Aaagh!" then Cake #1 is a win.

So are the poo-cupcakes because I'm shudding what you'd have to eat to get orange out the other end.

WV: Ingorne. Igor's busy right now harvesting fingers for cupcakes, this is his part-time assistant.

October 26, 2010 | Unregistered Commentermsyendor

Is it just me, or does that last one look vaguely... Gynecological... To anyone else, as well? (blinkblink)

WV - strumed: the wreckerators strumed und dranged, but still couldn't come up with something that looked like a pumpkin. Mein Gott!

October 26, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterBADKarma!

Tee hee.

Every time I see "Voila," I am reminded of someone of Facebook who wrote something like "Wahlah! Here are the pictures!" Took me a sec to wonder WTH they were trying to say. Then it clicked.

October 26, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterKaaren

That first cake looks like what would happen if the YouTube character Annoying Orange got gussied up for Halloween. Scary!

October 26, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterMichelle

#1 looks likeit was enjoying being in a barroom brawl, blood at the lip, black eyes, etc.

#2 --is it made of caramel corn? it looks like something out of Spongebob Squarepants.

#3 what a peachy cloud! with a plastic face

#4 poonicorn!! eww!

#5 looks like something that only comes out at night and creeps around in nightmares and horror fillms.

#6 Oscar the Grouch's lonely orange cousin? wearing a muzzle? and a dorky hat? maybe it's a bullying victim pelted by vegetables?

#7 what a grumpy orange

#8 anemic peppers--very pale!or are they knockwurst? or organs?

#9 What are those tiny green birds doing flying with those time travel thingies from Harry Potter?

October 26, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterAnonymous

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