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What's a Wreck?

A Cake Wreck is any cake that is unintentionally sad, silly, creepy, inappropriate - you name it. A Wreck is not necessarily a poorly-made cake; it's simply one I find funny, for any of a number of reasons. Anyone who has ever smeared frosting on a baked good has made a Wreck at one time or another, so I'm not here to vilify decorators: Cake Wrecks is just about finding the funny in unexpected, sugar-filled places.

Now, don't you have a photo you want to send me? ;)

- Jen
Friday
Nov192010

The Wrecks Which Shall Not Be Named

There are two kinds of people in the world: those who know Harry Potter 7 is opening this weekend, and those who couldn't give a flying wrackspurt.

Now, since John is a HUGE Potter geek (and I'm only a regular-sized one), it makes sense for him to write today's Potter post. However, to make today's commentary enjoyable for all our readers, I, Jen, will be providing muggle-friendly translations.

Take it away, John!

Wow. I'd say I'm too proud to let this Wreckerator take me for a ride with this wreck, but that might seem...hippogriffical.

Heh. Aheh. Heh.

TRANSLATION: A "hippogriff" is half horse, half eagle. Kind of like this cake is half airbrush, half blobby bits, and half cardboard. Also, I stink at math. But that's not part of the translation.

What's that, John? Hurry up? Oh. Ok. I'm done. Carry on.

Professor Flitwick was not amused.

TRANSLATION: Short joke.


Cor! Has Professor Trelawney been foreseeing something GRIM here? [chortle]

TRANSLATION: See, Trelawney sometimes has the gift, which is the ability to prophesy, and there's this legendary creature called The Grim, and...uh..

[blinking]

It's a fortune teller joke.

Moving on.

On a scale of 1 to 10, I'd give this wreck a 9 3/4.

Bwahahaha!!


TRANSLATION: Fractions are [jazz hands] maaaagical.

[whispering]

No, that was not me being sarcastic. You wanna see me being sarcastic? Ask me how I like your flip-flops.

[more whispering]

Well, where *do* you want to have this conversation? Because seriously: we need to talk about those flip-flops.

"What has it got in its pocketses!?!"

Well, it's either a green donut on a wand, or he's REALLY happy to see you.

TRANSLATION: Unnecessary. (I hope.)

Here we have a classic case of "Abracadabra" vs "Avada Kedavra:"


TRANSLATION: Muggle magic is to top hats and rabbits what wizard magic is to blowing your roof off. Word.


And finally....

[stunned silence]

TRANSLATION: That was a stunned silence.


Elizabeth C., Kala M., Holly E., Audrey B., Becca T., Rebecca J., here's hoping these wrecks were magically delicious!

« Sunday Sweets: Potter Mania | Main | Engaging Wrecks »

Reader Comments (93)

ROFL - sadly I didn't need the translations but they were hilarious.

November 19, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterKarel

ROFL - sadly I didn't need the translations but found them exceedingly entertaining and hilarious anyway.

November 19, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterKarel

yea, John! (I think my fave of his comments is the 9-3/4 - ROFL! So clever!!!!!!)

November 19, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterNancy

I guess Harry is just going after the brass ring.

I would love to see what would happen if someone ordered an "HP" cake.

November 19, 2010 | Unregistered Commenterjohn

omg those cakes are just too much fuglinesss lol

November 19, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterJane

When will I learn not to be eating while I read this blog. Splattered keyboard and near death choking

again

November 19, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterMary Connealy

... tapping foot....
waiting for the real invisibility
cloak...
and I never would have quessed that #2 was a sorting hat!
Somebody send those wreckerators a screamer.
Thank you...{patting hair back in place}

Mocking

November 19, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterAnonymous

Maybe it's my hour and 45 minutes of sleeping I got after HP7, combined with school and tests and such, but Gollum on a HP cake? is there *any* way to explain that?!?!

November 19, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterLily Marie :)

Guess what? I know the truth behind the last of the horrors on this post! The Wrecktorator was actually using this lovely discontinued http://www.amazon.com/Wilton-Cake-Pan-Potter-2105-5000/dp/B00006FWWA" rel="nofollow">Wilton cake pan. See? That's how it SHOULD look. It appears that Hagrid sat on the disgusting creation featured here. After it was dragged through the Forbidden Forest and nibbled on by Blast Ended Skrewts, that is.

I recognized it the moment I saw it, because I happen to own the same one. My cakes were never this terrifying, but then, I'm also capable of following the provided pattern.

November 19, 2010 | Unregistered Commentermc49735

That is totally a picture of Gollum not Dobbie!

November 19, 2010 | Unregistered Commenteromniscience

The only thing I recognized was Gollum . . . and the rabbits in the hats . . . so don't give a . . . whatever Jen said in the beginning of the post . . . about the Potter movie.

November 19, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterAnonymous

The chunky pieces of Harry's face make me want to vomit, mostly because it looks like that's what it's made of

November 19, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterJB

Let me have a van gogh at that last one.

November 19, 2010 | Unregistered Commenterstashmuffin

DEATHLY HALLOWS PEOPLE!!
WEE HOOOOO!

November 19, 2010 | Unregistered Commentermissnay

That last cake looks like what would result if Harry, Dobby and Spock had a three way...sorry about that mental image folks.

WV: Sclambo - One of the rare magical species that Luna and her husband Rolf studied during their extensive travels.

November 19, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterAnonymous

The books are seriously called "Magic" "Wizards" and "Dragons?" That's the best they could come up with?

November 19, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterGina

Woooo!! Like so many others in the comment section I am nearly delusional from only getting an hour and a half of sleep last night :) But I nearly fell off the sofa laughing at that last cake. Hooray for so many Cake Wreck fans being such big HP nerds!!! :D :D :D

November 19, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterChantelle

That last one looks a bit like Janet Reno!

November 19, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterAnonymous

Yay HP! Terrible cakes lol, I'm crossing my fingers for a hp sunday sweets! Pretty please?

November 20, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterCristine

I tried evanesco on those horrid abominations, but it didn't work. They must have protective charms on them or something.

November 20, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterCdaae663

I'm fairly certain that the last one is the offspring of Liza Minelli and Sloth from The Goonies, as rendered in pimento cheese. Yikes!

November 20, 2010 | Unregistered Commenterjen

I am stunned by that last cake.. stunned like a deer caught in headlights. That would give one nightmares just trying to cut into it lol.

November 20, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterArlene

Looks like a few of these eyesores were created by someone who put the word 'pot' in Potter.

November 20, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterJennifer

so what did everyone think that saw the movie? anyone? anyone?

November 20, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterMissNay

The whole post leading to one question, why does a harry potter cake (cake number 5) have GOLLUM on it?
Saw the movie, it was awesome!

November 20, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterAnonymous

Wow! Amazing cake for today.

November 20, 2010 | Unregistered Commenterttv

Woo hoo, I'm going to see HP7 tomorrow! What on (middle) earth is going on with that "When Harry met Gollum" cake????

November 20, 2010 | Unregistered Commentershaz

someone should put a taboo on these cakes!! I think they put me under an imperius curse because I just...can't...look... away! Great comments, Jon, and great translations, Jen!

@MissNay: saw it (at midnight!), loved it!!! I thought it was really well done. I laughed, I screamed, I sobbed (yes, really). But I loved every minute of it. And yes, I was one of those crazy costumed people: I went as Tonks, complete with pink hair!!

November 20, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterJules

You know you're seriously cake deprived when you look at those cakes and go "Uhm, I'd still eat them."
Damn all diets!

However, no amount of sugar-deprivation would make me drool over crusty, decolorised Harry-cake. I *do* have some dignity left!

November 20, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterIsabel

That last cake, isn't that supposed to be when Harry's hit with a swelling spell? At least I hope so.

November 20, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterThe Mocha Monster

"Harry" kinda looks like he's wearing . . . lipstick. . . on the last cake. Wow. :(

November 20, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterHeather

The one with Gollum was both sinful and hysterical. I'm a die hard LOTR fan and just a regular HP fan, so I couldn't believe someone could mess that up like that.
My mom looked at the 9 3/4 cake and just kept saying, "What? Whaaaat? WHAT?" and then she cried, "But WHY ARE THERE LINES GOING ACROSS THE CUPCAKES? WHY?!" Props to Jen for the muggle-friendly translations, by the way; hysterical!

November 20, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterClara

"There are two kinds of people in the world: those who know Harry Potter 7 is opening this weekend, and those who couldn't give a flying wrackspurt."

I guess I fall into the latter category. I know who Harry Potter is, but I haven't read any of the books or seen any of the movies.

That said, I understand where some of these cakes are coming from, but #4? I see a train wreck on a BBQ grill, a suitcase, and a bird cage? The colors are horrible and not something that I'd want to eat. I KNOW there's a train in the story because on Ace of Cakes, they made one for their movie debut, but sorry, I just don't get what this is mess is suppose to represent.

Sharon's Edible Art

November 20, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterSharon

Stunned silence HP cake - just take a look at Daniel Radcliffe in twenty years time.......then again sorry Daniel. Looking forward to some thanksgiving specials from you. cheers Pauline x
PS I think the 'Nothing' Cake would make a good T shirt design so poignant.

November 20, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterPauline

I LOVE THIS!!! Squeeeeeeel!!!
Love that y'all are catering to us HP GEEKS! ~8-D

November 20, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterGwendolynSnow

Gollum...?

Psh, muggles. Can't trust them with anything.

I can't WAIT to see Deathly Hallows. I AM PUMPED MAN. PUMPED.

November 21, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterKendall

I'm a harry potter fan and these cakes are hilarious! I would have to say that the first and last cake were my favorite. The colors of the first cake make it very unappetizing and honestly gross. The last cake with Harry Potter's face is beyond amusing. It actually looks like he doesn't have any ears.

The second to last cake (Happy Birthday Erin) is pretty funny too. The whole concept of having bunnies coming out of hats is related to Harry Potter, how? Very funny.

I really enjoy reading your remarks below the pictures.The "green donut" on the wand (Congratulations on your Epic Journey cake) was hilarious. Thanks for keeping us amused!

November 21, 2010 | Unregistered Commenterramyaaaa

I think that Harry has some sort of cranio-facial condition as well as a clear case of hyperthyroidism - his eyes are clearly about to pop out of his head.

Scary

November 21, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterLois

That first cake looks toxic! Ughh. I love your blog and have been coming here for a long time. I featured your blog on my site, http://andyd.org/?p=16

November 22, 2010 | Unregistered Commenterandy

How dare you say that about harry !:0 every one in 4 grade wants to see the 7 :0 - word ? ?:(

November 23, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterCaroline

At first glance, I thought the third cake (with the books and crystal ball) was a really, really bad Stargate SG-1/Harry Potter crossover/mashup. That crystal ball really looks like a Stargate, with the base as a ramp.

November 23, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterAnonymous

A hippogriff is half eagle, half lion, not half eagle half horse. -.-

November 26, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterSara

@Sara A griffin is a half lion, half eagle. A hippogryph IS a half eagle, half horse much like a hippocampus is a half horse, half fish.

November 30, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterAnonymous

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