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What's a Wreck?

A Cake Wreck is any cake that is unintentionally sad, silly, creepy, inappropriate - you name it. A Wreck is not necessarily a poorly-made cake; it's simply one I find funny, for any of a number of reasons. Anyone who has ever smeared frosting on a baked good has made a Wreck at one time or another, so I'm not here to vilify decorators: Cake Wrecks is just about finding the funny in unexpected, sugar-filled places.

Now, don't you have a photo you want to send me? ;)

- Jen
Tuesday
Dec072010

A Little Too Much Ginger, Perhaps

Some people collect stamps, or art cards, or limited edition laser-etched Animaniac propeller beanies*.

I collect photos of ridiculously decorated gingerbread men.

* Actually I'm just hoping this is true, because I'd love to see one.

I started when I realized a lot of bakeries sell gingerbread cookies year-round, and so try to decorate them to go with all the different holidays. Which gets, shall we say, a little silly:

Get me an old priest and a young priest...

Oh, and a glass of milk.


I'd look alarmed, too, if someone stole my torso and left my bloody limbs scattered around. [shudder]

And a personal favorite:

The guy on the right looks like he just had an alien chest-burster episode, only with a giant leprechaun.

Which, you must admit, is kind of awesome.

No, Mr. Scary Clown Man, actually, I do *not* want your sprinkles. Thank you.

BRING ME THE HEAD OF STRAWBERRY SHORTCAKE!!

Then be a dear and glue it to a cookie, won't you?


Purrrrfect.

'Course, the best designs are usually the ones that ignore the "man" shape altogether:

Not exactly what I had in mind when I asked for "Catwoman."

Ok, this is getting ridiculous.

Really ridiculous.



No, really REALLY ridiculous.

Death by poodle.

(Also, $2.19 for that? Really?)

Not sure what these blue things are, but boy are they appetizing!


Bwhahahahaa!

Just kidding.

Still, I ask you: what's wrong with the time-honored, classic gingerbread man design?

[snicker]

Actually, this one is pretty awesome, too.

But this - THIS - on the other hand:

This must be stopped.

Think of the hippos.

L.G., Jas D., Ginger G. (yes, really. Heheh.), Leah O., Sean R., Lauren A., Kim, John D., M.L.W., & Eyal, thanks for contributing to my collection! Now I just need a Valentines' one. (Hint hint.)

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Reader Comments (132)

Am I the only one who thinks the blue sharks look like body building fish?

December 7, 2010 | Unregistered Commenterwdiscard

RoseInBloom... I think you're my new best friend. The imagery of your gingerbread destruction had me in stitches!

I, too, loved the broken gingerbread men. And the monster. And the alligator! And thanks to Marybindc's comment, I can't look at the poodle cookie in quite the same way. And I have to say the lollipop ones made me giggle.

And yes, somebody please inform these wreckerators that other cookie cutters do, in fact, exist.

December 7, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterAliza

Oh, and I should state that this is a very well-timed post. I'm making gingerbread this year, so this gives me an idea of what to avoid doing (like I needed these tips)

December 7, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterTrevor

Pretty sure the blue things are fish and the red ones are crabs. Which is kind of hilarious...

December 7, 2010 | Unregistered Commenterblah blah

So far, anyway, @marybindc.

The last three are from places (figurative and literal) from which I wish to stay far away.

"Here's an order for blue shark cookies. Before you ask, I have no idea. Since you made 1,000 gingerbread men last week instead of the 100 that were ordered, only one kind of cookie exists until they're gone, got it? No matter what the decoration is, no matter what the final result resembles. [Why do I have to be a bakery manager? I'd rather be a lumberjack...]"

Does anyone else hear 'Mack the Knife' when viewing the shark cookies?

December 7, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterCraig

I really LOVED this post.

"Death by poodle."
hahahahahaha!

December 7, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterMargot/Cecilia

Strawberry Shortcake looks like Tit Head off of Little Niki!

December 7, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterKara Lynn

*Me, too!

December 7, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterRoses

why is there only one "Spider ginger man" in the case? Is it because the rest have already sold out?

December 7, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterMarissa and Aidan

Those decapitated ones look like they were made by Calvin & Hobbes :-)

December 7, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterDarcy and Sharon

I'm thinking those blue things are deformed fish. And my coworkers are probably wondering why I was going into coniptions over here when I saw the maimed gingerbread men! Those are AWESOME!! Want to bake!

December 7, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterLaura P.

Gingerbread + Halloween = win

...Merry Christmas?

December 7, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterLD

LOVE these!!! ;)

and well, my DH and I, one year for Christmas made 2 very "special" gingerbread adults. Well-endowed adult gingerbread cookies I might add ;)

Yep, you are thinking along the right track..... we made anatomically correct gingerbread cookies (only 1 of each). In our defense, it was 1:30am and we had been baking all day... we were tired, silly and having fun :)

December 7, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterJenn

"Not my gumdrop buttons!"

December 7, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterAngela

I love the 'classic' ones! I might have to make some!

December 7, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterGwyneth

It's like a bad interpretation of vinylmation onto a cookie.

December 7, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterStephanie

Why is Spiderman hanging out with all the hippos in the last one?

December 7, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterMichelle

We make sugar cookies at Christmas and get tired of the same old shapes, so we frost them to look like fish, or Puffles, or sunflowers instead of stars and snowflakes and gingerbread men. It's funny. But we don't sell them.

And I admit, I've made bloody gingerbread men, but they usually lose their limbs in baking accidents. FUNNY!

December 7, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterSusie

I have only one word: "... ... Why?!?!"

December 7, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterAnonymous

The gingerbread men that befell an horrible accident remind me the snowmen built by Calvin. Of Calvin and Hobbes. I knew I didn't need to clarify it for you, Jen, but for others it may have been the thing that pushes them to Google Calvin Snowmen and get those wonderfully warped creations of a creative little boy. Kind of like the wreckerator who was stifled by the bakery work.

wv - chronic - REAL WORDS?

December 7, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterDawn

OK, the mutilated zombie gingerbreads are pretty awesome... you have to admit that.

December 7, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterGina

oh... my....

is somebody in the bakery just having fun with the decorators "let's see what they do with THIS!"

December 7, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterT

Faith an' Begorrah, nuthin' sez "St. Patty's Day" liek a fien Leprechaun Chest-Boorster, I allus say!

Oh, an' somboody waek oop Hicks...

December 7, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterBADKarma!

I agree with the sentiment that gingerbread can be cut into more than one shape. My son loves ginger cookies, so we made ginger-bats for Halloween one year...and they were not gingerbread men with wings since I have *more than one* cookie cutter {gasp}.

wv=bralizin "I believe the ginger man/lady needs a bralizin on his/her nether regions..."

December 7, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterJenn (dish)

the poodle looks like hes doing something other than death to that poor thing. im almost a fraid to ask.

December 7, 2010 | Unregistered Commentersedienaleeb

Is it just me or does the fish one have very happy grass?

December 7, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterAnonymous

Too true about the Creepy Clown Hermaphrodite, boobs, but way to perky.
The Awesome Monster Gingerbread is a masterpiece!! The teeth even are shaped like teeth. You don't get that kind of artistic likeness by dumb luck.

December 7, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterStar B.

The one that the bakery was charging over 2 bucks for, I originally read the label as "degraded gingerbread man" instead of "decorated gingerbread man". That would have certainly been more appropriate...

Funny post, as always! :)

December 7, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterJenamarie

Have you seen these gingerbread cookie cutters, just think of the possibilities.

http://www.bakedideas.com/EnlargeGingerYoga.html

December 7, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterAmy

So that next-to-last one...is that a mouth full of teeth on its torso???

December 7, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterMarytoo

This post makes me wish I had taken a picture that year that my mom made gingerbread folks with chocolate sprinkle, uh, "body" hair.

December 7, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterAnonymous

Is that one with the teeth supposed to be a dentata? Its creepy.

December 7, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterDiana

I'd like to see an animaniacs propeller beanie too!!

The leprechaun is surprisingly well done - if only they had just done it on a sugar cookie or atop a cupcake to begin with instead of as an alien.

Is it just me or does Mr. Clown have REALLY perky moobs?

Also Strawberry Shortcake's suspenders(?) look more like they are a part of a set you might purchase at an *ahem* adult novelty store.

It was nice that they flattened the icing on the cat, thus making it look slightly less like black poo on a gingerbread man...

The fish cake at least has a gingerbread man with some modesty?

The poodle looks less like a dog and more like an advertisement for some really scary Nair for Senior Citizens!

I really like the scared broken ones!

In the last one.... Is that... hippos, spiderman, a tiger making "o face" and ... several blondes with purple beards? It is? Okay just checking ;)

December 7, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterElizabeth C.

ALMA - OMG yes! Snort out loud in the office!

December 7, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterElizabeth C.

http://www.williams-sonoma.com/products/star-wars-cookie-cutter/ THESE would make awesome gingerbread cookies

December 7, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterElizabeth C.

Ok, ya' got me. I laughed out loud for at least a minute - the alligator on the gingerbread man. Was "alli" using it as a surfboard? Mysterious and hilarious. Love you guys. May the Season bring you as much joy as you bring to others. Hugs from Deborah in California

December 7, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterDeborah in California

I had just finished reading the book Dress Your Gingerbread: Bake Them! Dress Them! Eat Them! by Joanna Farrow. Nowhere does it show anything like these.

One year for Christmas we made 144 dozen (a ton) of gingerbread boys and girls. None of them looked like these.

Obviously, I am sadly lacking in imagination and icing skills.

December 7, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterAnonymous

My personal opinion of the taste of gingerbread is that I would just as soon eat cakeboard. Clearly, some of these decorators seem to feel the same way and have converted tasteless, dry gingerbread men into miniature cakeboards. I am, however, liking the green alligator, BTW.

December 7, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterTricia L

:)
The first one looks really yummy to me. Well, except for the plastic ghost, which was totally unnecessary. They had it with the "boo": We get it, they're ghosts!

(sorry about my weird English)

December 7, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterMargot/Cecilia

I'm hoping the Tooth Monster is a spongmonkey--you know, those little roadkill guys that used to sing in the Quizo's commercials.

Victoria

December 7, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterAnonymous

For the first time I have to make gingerbread men with my 7 year old. Now that I've seen these I know mine can't be any worse!

December 7, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterAnonymous

I'm not alone in liking the partly-eaten gingies, eh? Warped minds think alike.
The rest are just pretty dang sad. And over-iced.

December 7, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterJasry

That last one...Hippos, clowns, spider-man, bearded ladies...er, what?

December 7, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterHalesbales

What about a maniacal gingerbread man (or even better 'gingerbread woman') dripping in bloody icing to go along with the hacked up victims of his knife wielding, frenzied attack?

"Run, run, fast as you can! Can't catch me, I'm the gingerbread man!".... Ummmmmm, sorry pal, but I think the slasher did in fact catch and maim you.

December 7, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterCake Cop

anyone else look at the giant mouth cookie and think "I'MA CHARGIN' MY LAZER!!!!"?

December 7, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterAnonymous

I don't think that's "death" by poodle unless you mean "death" in a Medieval euphemistic way. You know the guy in Australia who married his dog? Yeah, I think these were served at the bachelor party.

December 7, 2010 | Unregistered Commenterpikkewyntjie

Love the partials! Now I know what to do with the broken cookies I get :D

December 7, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterDonna M.

LOL. The one with a poodle actually made me think, "Wow, this is the first time I've seen a bearskin rug lying on a person!"

Thank you for turning my bad day into a "B.A.D."...day. I really needed a laugh. You rock, Jen.

December 7, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterMonica

Looks like the little old woman got to these gingerbread men after all. Gaela

December 7, 2010 | Unregistered Commenterdewgiesgirl

Why the hell do they even use a gingerbread man platform? Why not just a square or a rectangle? If you're gonna cheat,at least be a lazy cheat.

December 7, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterPauline

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