My Other Blog

What's a Wreck?

A Cake Wreck is any cake that is unintentionally sad, silly, creepy, inappropriate - you name it. A Wreck is not necessarily a poorly-made cake; it's simply one I find funny, for any of a number of reasons. Anyone who has ever smeared frosting on a baked good has made a Wreck at one time or another, so I'm not here to vilify decorators: Cake Wrecks is just about finding the funny in unexpected, sugar-filled places.

Now, don't you have a photo you want to send me? ;)

- Jen

...But the Words Get in the Way

It's not always easy to express your feelings on Valentine's Day. Fortunately, these Wreckerators are here to help.

This explains all those "Marry Christmas" cakes!

Happy Valentines + 'Day'

Yep, that's a first.

I'm continually amazed at how many Wreckerators botch the classic "Bee Mine" pun. It's not like it's that hard, guys: if there's a bee on it, write, "Bee Mine." If there's NOT a bee on it, write "Be Mine." That's it! And yet...

(Granted, you'd have a hard time convincing anyone those are bees.)

The fact that this was on clearance makes me oddly proud of the buying public.

Of course, no V-Day is complete until we explore some alternate spellings of "Valentine's":

Still, always remember this, my dear Wreckies: At the end of the day, what matters most to your S.O. is that you tried.


(No, I don't think this vintage Wreck is professionally made, but it was just too cute not to share. I mean, c'mon, who wouldn't love to come home to this? Am I right, ladies?)

JuliAnn J., Linda R., Abby D., Shannon L., Vickie M., Maria P., Eunice S., & Carrie M., I tried to say "I love you"... but then I realized that was wildly inappropriate. So, uh, hey, good job!

- Related Wreckage: Valentine's Variety

« Rockin' Wrectators | Main | TMI Valentines »

Reader Comments (87)

The next to last one looks like it was iced with tapioca pudding. Yuck!

February 12, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterPerkinsClan

Those jet engine caterpillars give me the creeps... too many flames.

I tried. *giggle giggle*

February 12, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterFluffy Cow

I love how the "I tried" cake is actually dated! "I tried" one year. Isn't that good enough? does this guy do it every year and he has the cakes dated so he gets credit? "I tried 1979" "I tried 1980" "I tried 1982" (because of course, they were separated in 1981).

Or even funnier, what if he tries to use the same year every year? in 1985 "I tried 1979"--doesn't it still count? because of course 1979was during the honeymoon phase of the relationship and he doesn't want to try anymore beyond ordering this reminder cake.

Meanwhile, wreckerator, bees have six legs and two wings, not six orange thorns!

wv: fredis. I'm fredis not a bee, but something else...

February 12, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterAnonymous

#1. Why, no; I don’t think you’re particularly merry at all. Kind of a downer, actually. Go away!

#2. A real princess would have found a bakery that knew what the heck they were doing.


#6. “Spell check on aisle 6!”

#7. OMG, that pink gel looks like something that oozes out of a recent injury!

#8. I really hope the guy got something. Out of this! I mean, y’know, like personal fulfillment or something! Er, uh… Okay, I’ll just shut up now…


WV: poloso. "How was the polo?" "So-so."

February 12, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterTigerwolf

This is why I'm wishing everyone a Happy Chinese New Year this year instead ;)

I've explored our grocery store's bakery aisle for weeks now - nothing this tragic, but I did see a CCC trying to represent a chocolate covered strawberry. Made me wish I had a camera phone.

February 12, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterBek

Boy, am I glad I didn't mess up my own blog post today (devoted almost entirely to "Bee Mine")! The "Bee Mine" thing has always been a pet peeve of mine. It's such a cute pun...done right.

That last photo is too cute! And that's a pretty good try, IMO.

February 12, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterBakingdom

Har-Har-Har - those are damn funny! Love the "I tried" message, even the cake looks tired of the whole Valentine's racket.

February 12, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterThe Shitty Astrologer

Does that cake above "Merry Me?" say, "Always Wiener"?

February 12, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterGary

Remember kids, take your valetins!

February 12, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterSteve the Pocket

Hah! Or you can do like us, skip the wrecks and head to a fondue restaurant. om nom nom nom!

February 12, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterMiranda

Man, if my man (for any reason) gave me an "I Tried" cake, I might just fall for him all over again. That's got to be the sweetest thing; it's proof that the best things come from the heart, not from the store.

February 12, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterRachel

Was #4 'be mine' with the killer bees taken at the Mall of America? I swear I saw it there but didn't have a chance to grab a photo.

February 12, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterRian

Think of all those young bees schlepping every day to work in the bee mines just so we can have big cookies with hardened frosting on them. This is America people, stop the maddness. Just stop it.

February 12, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterLisa T.

So, the last picture wouldn't load for me here at work. I tried clicking on it to see what the cake was and I got a screen that said, "Your page is blocked due to a security policy that prohibits access to Category Adult/Sexually Explicit."

If I get fired because of Cake Wrecks, I'm gonna be mad.

Also, is there an alternate link to the last cake picture?

February 12, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterTaylor@MyOlderBrothers

The curtains in the "I Tried" picture look just like the ones from our house growing up. And I could see my dad doing something just that classy. LOL

February 12, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterRoseAnn

Would you also take a cake made out of Play-doh ? Because I made one , and it even has little Play-doh candles on top of it !

(from my daughter Hannah, who is 12)

February 12, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterNee S.

Wow, nothing says love like flaming caterpillars. "You set my (blank) aflame"--caterpillars do not usually come to mind.

Bee mine's? There's not supposed to be an s at all, then to add punctuation???? improperly? *faceslap*

The Valentain cookie was kinda nice looking, except for the stupid spelling.

Valetin's. *faceslap again* Not. even.close. sorry, wreckerator, with the funky icing.

Maybe "merry me?" is a wishful thinking sentiment, as in, the giver is hoping the receiver will so be grateful for the the cookie gift that the giver will get lucky and the receiver will make them "merry"...*nudge nudge wink wink*

*SIGH* The irony of "I tried" is that they didn't even finish icing the trim on the cake. Is that what they meant? Is the pretty heart next to it what they attempted to make? Is that a lid? maybe they should have just covered the pitiful cake with the one to the right.

Was that thing even professional? Was this an "I tried in our relationship in 1979 by buying this sorry-ass cake"? "I tried to do something this year for Valentine's Day since I never made much of an effort before" or was it from the wreckerator to their boss an "I tried 1979 to make a valentine cake but I ran out of icing or I'm too much of a dolt to make this cake look nice or finish the trim" and the boss didn't notice it in the display case, or maybe the enterprising boss told them to put it out for sale anyway to see if some fool would buy it as an apology cake because we can't waste cake! sugar, flour and butter cost money!

*catches breath* I'm so confused.

February 12, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterAnonymous

Awwww Taylor,

What a shame! That last picture... WHEW!!! That is some sexy, naughty stuff!!!


Aww yeah, baby.


February 12, 2010 | Unregistered Commenterjohn (the hubby of Jen)

I was shopping yesterday, looking to pick up that last minute card for my honey....

Maybe I should have shopped a little earlier because I couldn't find a Valentain Day card anywhere - I guess they ran out. All they had were Valentine's Day cards. So I left the store empty handed and very disappointed.

Guess I'll just have to drag out the youngin's crayons and construction paper and make a card myself.

February 12, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterJulie

That "I tried" cake is too freaking cute! I'd die if I got that for Valentines!!

February 12, 2010 | Unregistered Commentereverythingisjustwonderful

Those aren't just bees. They're bees on a cookie cake -- ON CHRISTMAS GARLAND!

February 12, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterJosin L. McQuein

Hmm... that last one has inspired me. Should I get my valentine a cake inscribed with, "This is the best I could do"? Or maybe, "Hope you're not too disappointed?"

February 12, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterAnonymous

Thanks john. I'll take that as a "no" to the alternate link, then. I guess I'll never get to see the last cake. I feel so left out! It's like high school again!

February 12, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterTaylor@MyOlderBrothers

huh. who knew there were "valentains" suited for vegetarians? go figure.

being a carnivorous kinda gal, i prefer my valentine cakes made with some good ol' animal fat.

now that's what i'm talkin' about.

February 12, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterTerry Lee

Those 'bees' look like poisonous caterpillars with carrot oars.

February 12, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterAnonymous

Those caterpillar bees are actually African Jet Powered Attack-bees. They defend the hive with their savage pollen-powered flames, and preserve their honey in a high humidity jungle environment by heating it and storing the dried honey gum in special wax chambers. Quite an exotic cake!

February 12, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterNoni Mausa

I would like to believe that the 'obvious clearance' cake was iced with the color blind in mind! One can only hope! Happy Valentines :)

February 12, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterCher' Shots

I choo, choo, choose YOU!

February 12, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterDeanna

Do you think it was "Happy Valentines + 'Day'" or was that "+" in there supposed to be the "&" for "MJ + Brenda." which is almost even funnier to me that the wreckerator thought would fly.

Happy V-day . . . always get a smile from you blog! thanks.

February 12, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterMelissa D.

Thanks John for putting it so succulently...made my day.

February 12, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterStella

Okay, I definitely read "Happy Valentines + M.J. Day, Brenda" On that cake.

February 12, 2010 | Unregistered Commenterslicescakes

I never knew I was supposed to sign the cakes I gave to other people and have their names look as though they were an afterthought. I must remember this next time I order cake.

The "Bee Mine" cookie has not one, but two correctly spelled "Be Mine" picks on it. Did they not look at them or did they point and laugh and comment on the poor spelling skills of flotsam makers?
Inquiring minds want to know...

February 12, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterLeftWingLock

makes me want to run out and MERRY a vegetarian

February 12, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterFeisty Irish Wench

My company’s nanny-ware is blocking that last picture. That’s never happened on this site before. Considering some of the other cakes I’ve seen here, I can hardly imagine how naughty it must be. But strangely, I’m having a hoot trying.

February 12, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterAbby Normal

That second one is one crowded cake.

February 12, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterLaura

I love Valentines Day, the cake wrecks are awesome!

February 12, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterChristine

I love that one of the flame squirting bees seems to be pooping out the frosting that dots the "i".

February 12, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterSiouxzr

Princess Courtney just needed to spring for a bigger cake for MJ & Brenda. I love how the wreckerator snuck in some tiny parentheses around Day, so we didn't *accidentally* read the cake as Happy Valentines + MJDayBrenda.

February 12, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterShelley

Not to sound mean, but the picture with the heart that spells " Valentain"
Is not mispelled, it's in french ...

February 12, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterAnonymous

Least the poor guy tried on the last ones..the "Be" "Bees" are just sad lol

February 12, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterLauren Borquez

Julie, just make sure you write "I tried" on it. Or "I tried 2010"

Poor Taylor. This is what it was: a picture of a half a dozen red roses on a table with a heart shaped cake propped in front of it. to the right of the heart shaped cake was a pretty heart (a box lid? a template? who knows) the heart shaped cake had medium pink icing smeared on top and a darker pink blob smear (another heart?) on the right of the heart. In BIG UNEVENLY SIZED CAPITAL LETTERS in red (or dark pink) the wreckerator wrote "I" (on the left of the heart smear, and underneath that) "T R I ED". (my quotation marks) Underneath that the pointy part of the heart's bottom, where the cake actually looks a little smooshed, they wrote a wavering
"1979". ("I TRIED 1979" for the total inscription, in three rows.)

THEN, the cake sides are white, like they only smeared pink icing on the top. dark pink trim encircles the bottom edge of the cake. but the top edge of the cake was trimed only 3/4 of the way around. The smooshed bottom point under 1979 has no pink trim. Pink icing with white on the side underneath. Ugly drapes in the background.

hope that helps! don't know what's so racy about that that the picture is blocked...

February 12, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterAnonymous

"I tried" was cute. :)

February 12, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterFelixAndAva

Ahhh the thorned bee, such a lovely depiction of this seldom seen shy creature. In its evolution the queens of this species traded its wings for 6 thorns, not to be used for defense but instead to dispense an irrisistable pheremone that signals the males to come mate after which a highly fatal poison is releaesd killing them instantly. How Romantic!

loved the "I tried" cake, I totally awwed at it!

wv: Stalerp. The burp inducing indegestion one gets from eating clearance wrecks. "I bought this cake for 75% off because it was covered in pooperflies! I got the stalerps from it though, I think it was sitting a little too long before I came along.

February 12, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterNikki

I totally want the "Bee Mine's" one!

I'm going back to my Kroger in a minute, and I hope it's the same one that cookie is in!!!

February 12, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterStephakneeSays

Valentine's Day deserves to be wrecked! For my husband and me, this holiday is a "don't go there" day - we don't observe it. (Long story...)
But the last one was cute, I have to admit.

Totally enjoy this blog for the wrecks, but also for the witty wordplay - can't get enough of bad puns for a good laugh!

Happy Every Day!

February 12, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterLaura

Ack! Two of the wrecks are blocked at work, will have to check at home

February 12, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterThe Black Dog

Bee Mine's was my favorite. hahaha

February 12, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterThe Boob Nazi

Maybe it is Valentin's Birthday and so Happy Valentin's Day. Okay, I'm sure it's not.

Today I can blame your for Gloria Estefan looping endlessly in my brain.

February 12, 2010 | Unregistered Commenterdrumnate

Did anyone else notice that just one of the "bees" was missing its flaming orange thorns? I mean, the thorns definitely aren't all that awesome-looking, but why leave the one little guy out????

February 12, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterMichelle

I love how Princess Courtney's name being on the cake was wayyyyy more important than the actual recipients' names! It's all about meeeeeeeeeee!

February 12, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterI Love Baby Quilts!

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