My Other Blog

What's a Wreck?

A Cake Wreck is any cake that is unintentionally sad, silly, creepy, inappropriate - you name it. A Wreck is not necessarily a poorly-made cake; it's simply one I find funny, for any of a number of reasons. Anyone who has ever smeared frosting on a baked good has made a Wreck at one time or another, so I'm not here to vilify decorators: Cake Wrecks is just about finding the funny in unexpected, sugar-filled places.

Now, don't you have a photo you want to send me? ;)

- Jen

TMI Valentines

MOM ALERT: today's Wrecks may start some awkward conversations with the kids.

When choosing sweets for your Sweet this week, think twice before going with one of these.

The cocky Wreckerator strikes again!
(Although s/he seems a bit unsure:"Huge.. Me..."?)

I've heard of taking a flying leap before, but this is ridiculous.

Stores aren't really helping with their Valentines' displays, either:

Something about this sign just rubs me the wrong way.

I wish I could say "breast" is a Freudian slip here, but it isn't. (I'll spare you *that* picture, though. Heh.) Still, the way this is phrased makes me wonder why some guy named Valentine is demanding we women yell instructions at one of our wachungas. ("You there! Lefty! Stop slouching and face front!")

And finally, the sure-fire mood killer:

"Darlin', let's make a really ugly baby together.
Or maybe just eat this one."

Grant H., Anthony S., Meredith S., Jennifer S., & Jen F., that baby cake would be a hilarious Valentine for an ex. Not that I'm encouraging that kind of thing, of course. ;)

- Related Wreckage: Heart Expressions

« ...But the Words Get in the Way | Main | From the Bottom of My...Bottom »

Reader Comments (84)

$6.99? I've never seen massage cookies so cheap!

February 11, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterT.A.Y.L.O.R.

I'll confess that I have no idea what the 'breast' sign was *supposed* to say.

February 11, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterAnonymous

The ugly baby looks remarkably similar to Strong Sad from Homestar Runner.

wv: tientle - the cross between a necktie and a lentil.

February 11, 2010 | Unregistered Commentercoeurdechoeur

Is that last one a baby, or happy Buddha?

February 11, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterJenn

Flying poo bugs? Pooping as they fly? What fresh hell is this? Mosquitoes and roaches and flies, oh my! but I give up with the flying poo. Interesting, too, that it is cake #2.

February 11, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterMomcat

Ummmm...the wings on the pooperflies...are those PLASTIC?

Some of these wreckerators need to go see a shrink and deal with their poop fetish. Cake icing should not make one wanna hurl.

I think I'll go cleanse my mind by looking at one of my food "porn" blogs.

February 11, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterMiranda

LOL at ordering one's breasts. Mine are conscientious objectors.

How did Zippy get associated with St. Valentine?

February 11, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterAuntie Meme

Massage cookies? I like :) Poop butterfly? Not so much lol

February 11, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterLauren Borquez

Sorry, I'm not going to eat a cake (or CupCake Cake?) with insect droppings all over it, even if someone did try to camouflage it with multicolored sprinkles.

Massage cookies must be what you use if you're tired of the usual oils.

... What was "Order your breast now" SUPPOSED to mean??

As for that baby at the end, all I can think of is that it was commissioned as an ad for birth control.

February 11, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterGary

Sadly, that butterfly cake would have been okay had they only used a different color of icing...

February 11, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterKatie

OMG. It is a CCC baby. Truly frightening!

February 11, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterAnonymous

Baby? It looks like a clown in a diaper. I need a massage, Cookie.

February 11, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterAnonymous

By the time I reached the final ccc, "Huge...Me..." was looking REAL GOOD.

February 11, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterKaren Valinda

That last cake looks more like he could be a dude from that old Mike Tyson wrestling game from Nintendo.

February 11, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterKamity

LOL - that "Huge Me" cake reminds me of one of the first Cake Wrecks I've ever seen - the "Huge Me" cake from last Valentine's Day!

February 11, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterJim Todd

Flying leap? Looks more like a flying HEAP!

February 11, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterAnonymous

BOOYAH!! Great puns as always!!

February 11, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterAnonymous

How about "Parent Alert" instead of "Mom Alert"?

Dad might need to do some wreck explaining too!

February 11, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterLeslee Beldotti

My best guess is that they were talking about a chicken or turkey breast.

The last cake is Cupid after he let himself go. Maybe he decided to take up sumo.

February 11, 2010 | Unregistered Commenterdeckardcanine

When I realised the baby was a just made it me realise how truly despicable they truly are!

February 11, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterAnonymous

Yes, I'll take one of those 12" massage cookies. wonder what exactly they are???

February 11, 2010 | Unregistered Commentersoapbox

Love is all around me... Love for your wit astounds me!

February 11, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterAnonymous

Just think... on Monday these cakes will be half off.

Oh wait, perhaps they already are.

February 11, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterFluffy Cow

NOTE TO DECORATORS: When you are about to use chocolate frosting, ask yourself, "Is this going to wind up looking like a turd?"

I really think we could've saved ourselves from a LOT of these wrecks if that was part of every decorators checklist. (Of course then there wouldn't be as much to laugh at ;))

February 11, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterLaurenH

Thanks for the parental warning! My kids love Cake Wrecks! :)

WV: probili: these cakes probili won't sell very well.

February 11, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterTara

I'm thinking the 12" massage cookie is probably exaggerating.

February 11, 2010 | Unregistered Commenterthetoddlerwhisperer

"Let's make a really ugly baby together, or we could just eat this one." Classic.

Your awesome Jen.

February 11, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterBigMomma

I love this website.

February 11, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterThe Boob Nazi

I could use a 12" massage, eh, cookie....

btw, love the label on the ugly cherub baby. "buttercream icing without picks or rings"--yet I see heart picks and safety pins! at least the cherub isn't wearing any piercings. but the lipstick and RED TOENAIL POLISH freaks me out. that and the angry, licorice-like decoration on his head. ears, hair, face? it's all the same.and yet he has delicate pink frills at his collar and cuffs, and a pink wittle bellybutton!

should we call him Gangster Baby? because that is what he looks like

wv: slysi: These decorators thought they were being sly, si?

February 11, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterAnonymous

Who would order a baby cake for Valentines Day? There is nothing LESS romantic than a misshapen ccc with a poopy diaper.
Well, except for poopy butterflies.

February 11, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterHobbit

I didn't get the massage, or the message. but what a bargain!
the poo butterflies are leaving a trail...ick. nice cheater wings with the hearts, too.

Jen, your interpretation of the breast sign was hysterical. I was seeing poultry case issues, then concubine situations, but you took it to a whole new LITERAL level! LOL

February 11, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterAnonymous

momcat: "What fresh hell is this?"
ROFL that's a great line!

February 11, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterAnonymous

Gary, those massage cookies sound messy! ouch--crumbs in the bed.

I wonder if that sumo baby is supposed to HOLD the Huge Me heart?

February 11, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterAnonymous

I swear these cakes take every single spark of romance out of Valentines! YIKES .... ware du day fine dees wreckerators?

February 11, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterCherShots

Gotta love the "huge me" pun. Though now, all I can think is that last year's "huge me" was so much better...

...clearly, I need help. ;)

Also, LOL @ Miranda. "Pooperflies" made me laugh almost as hard as the wreck itself made me wince.

February 11, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterAnonymous

That bottom one looks like a lady sumo squatting to give birth.

February 11, 2010 | Unregistered Commenter~* Aria *~

that's a baby???????? oh. my. god.

February 11, 2010 | Unregistered Commenter5feet9

odd. my comment from earlier in the morning didn't show up. was i censored/deleted?

i thought i was behaving today. :-)

February 11, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterTerry Lee

Why, oh why, can't people wishing to give their loved ones a Valentine stick to chocolates? Or a nice card, or some flowers?


February 11, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterMelissa (& Billy)

almost makes me glad i don't have a valentine to give me one of these cakes! almost...

February 11, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterLaura P.

The last one is definitely supposed to be be Cupid. See the heart cookie "wings" on the shoulders? Why Cupid has a candy-apple red pedicure, however, is beyond me.

February 11, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterKristin

I've said it before and I'll say it again - Valentines Day and Halloween are interchangeable holidays - that last cake in the deck is proof!

February 11, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterThe Shitty Astrologer

That last cake is just hideous!

February 11, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterHeather

ok the poo bugs are pretty amusing... that baby however? is horrifying!

wv: rhaeupso. as in did the creator of the baby cake get fired? rhaeupso!

February 11, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterNikki

AH MAH GAH! Another "Huge Me"!!! That was my favorite wreck of all time!

I even had Jen write it in my book when y'all were on tour. Amazing.

February 11, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterViewtiful_Justin

that last cw is a *baby*??? barf. and, to add to the wreckage, i'm pretty sure it's a CCC (patooey).

mood killer indeed.

February 11, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterEtiquette Bitch

Nothing says "I love you" like an angry Benjamin Button in a diaper.

February 11, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterKathryn H

I am going to have nightmares about that last one ::shudders::

February 11, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterThe Red Headed Mama

Hmm. Heard of Hot Stone Massage. Maybe Cookie Massage is another new New Age type of massage.

Do you get to choose cup size for the Breasts? I could see that as a new type of treat at Hooters or an "exotic dance bar."

February 11, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterAnonymous

that creepy baby cakes looks suspiciously like a dreaded CCC!!!

February 11, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterColony's Cakes

PostPost a New Comment

Enter your information below to add a new comment.
Author Email (optional):
Author URL (optional):
Some HTML allowed: <a href="" title=""> <abbr title=""> <acronym title=""> <b> <blockquote cite=""> <code> <em> <i> <strike> <strong>