"Welcome back to round one of the National Wreck Bowl, folks. Our reigning champion, Pat Wüfflehausen, has filled his pastry bags and is ready to attempt a new world record.
"Greg, this is obviously a huge challenge for Wüffelshausen. What do you think he's feeling right now?
"Well, he ate the same lunch we did, Pete, so probably nauseous and constipated."
"Hey, I did warn you about those samosas, buddy. Aaaand here we go! Our champ is now in position. Looks like he's assessing the area...he's preparing to pipe...and...
"A-HA! Would you look at that? Right out of the gate, he has destroyed the first word!"
"Tell me, Greg, how many points would you say that misspelling is worth?"
"Oh, I have no idea."
"But if you had to take a shot in the dark?"
"Well, I'd probably spill it."
"No, no, I mean...Uh, tell you what, let's just move on to round two."
"Only when absolutely necessary, Pete."
"Haha, sounds good. Well, folks, this is it: the final round. And, uh-oh! Look what just got plunked down on the playing field!
"Greg, it's going to be pretty tough for Wüfflehausen to misspell "achieve" with that star stamp right next to him. Do you think he can pull it off?
"Well, sure! It's just a tiny plastic pick - probably doesn't weigh a thing."
"No, no, sorry, that was my fault there, Greg. I mean, do you think he can do it?"
"Right, let's get back to the action! The crowd is hushed with anticipation, and you can almost feel the tension in the air, can't you, Greg?"
"And here we go...and, oh! Oh! It looks like he could...go...all..the...way!
"Well, there was that time my mother-in-law fell down the stairs..."
"And that's a new World Record! To those of you at home, thanks for tuning in, and good night!"
Annie, I think I'd call this the "Hale Mary" of Wreckerating.
- Related Wreckage: The Teacher Tearjerker