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What's a Wreck?

A Cake Wreck is any cake that is unintentionally sad, silly, creepy, inappropriate - you name it. A Wreck is not necessarily a poorly-made cake; it's simply one I find funny, for any of a number of reasons. Anyone who has ever smeared frosting on a baked good has made a Wreck at one time or another, so I'm not here to vilify decorators: Cake Wrecks is just about finding the funny in unexpected, sugar-filled places.

Now, don't you have a photo you want to send me? ;)

- Jen
Friday
May142010

What $1,000 Gets You In Texas

Groom's cake: $400


Wedding cake: $600

Having the two biggest wrecks in a state where everything's bigger?

Priceless.


(Okay, not really; it's a thousand dollars.)


Thanks for putting those Longhorn cakes in perspective, Shelley G.

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Reader Comments (145)

Wow. It took me a few minutes to figure out what the "100" things were (dumbbells...I think).

And the wedding cake would have been cute, but, as Maxwell Smart used to say, "Missed it by THAT much."

Yikes. 0_0

May 14, 2010 | Unregistered Commenterladyrazorsharp

I thought the thing at the bottom of the groom's cake was a cassette tape until I read the comments.

May 14, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterD

@John (the hubby of Jen): that explains my first comment's WV, which was "grants". Great Rants need no punctuation.

I couldn't help picking on you, I love unclear antecedents.

May 14, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterKeeley

I also love how the groom apparently has really boring interests. Um... an iPod! His car! Yeah!

And that frosting job really is pretty tragic. I looked back at photos of the only "wedding" cake I have ever made (it was 3 tiers but was for my sister-in-law's casual reception, and they didn't pay me, so there wasn't a lot of pressure). I am a notoriously bad "froster" and usually end up with a mess and crumbs everywhere... my non-baker husband does a far better job. And, yep, mine looked better. That wreckerator should be very afraid.

May 14, 2010 | Unregistered Commenterspacedcowgirl

Those are barbells on the groom's cake? Well, glory be! I thought those were $100 mushrooms growing out of this poo-iced cake!

Can't wait for Sunday Sweets....sigh...

May 14, 2010 | Unregistered Commentercrownring

Hey, look closely at the strawberries: instead of tuxes, they look like faces wearing sunglasses and scared expressions.

That makes how many wrecks if you count all the berries?

May 14, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterKeeley

Actually, that's a panther on top of the Fort Worth police badge. You can see a close-up picture on their website. Which makes it even sadder that people guessed it was a beaver or woodchuck.

Yet again I ask -- did the bride and groom look at previous cakes this baker had made?

May 14, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterTricia L

I'd be embarassed if I was a cake decorator charging that much for those messes they called cake. I hope they got a refund!

May 14, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterBellaLovesPink

I just cannot bring myself to believe that someone actually paid for these, let alone $1,000.00. If they did, they are at least partly at fault, here.

I mean, even if it was just an hour until the wedding, you could go to the supermarket and get a nicer looking sheet cake for $30.00.

May 14, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterSandy

Hot pink icing/fondant? Seriously?!?

May 14, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterStephanie

I bake one or two cakes a year. I've never taken a decorating class.
I don't use fondant.
However,
I'm pretty sure, with my meager-to-nonexistent decorating skills, that I can do a marginally better job than what was done here.
So, if a professional can't even beat my lame skills, then why are they even in this profession?

May 14, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterAnonymous

REALLY? I mean... REALLY?

The groom's cake isn't even really decorated -- more like badly painted cookies on a poorly frosted tower.

And the wedding cake... wow, just wow.

wv: elatedi - a feeling currently escaping the victims of today's post

May 14, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterMaryIrene

I wonder if the bakers thought the scattered rose petals might distract observers from the cakes....It takes real hutzpah to charge that much for those cakes!

May 14, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterKim

TruthseekerLA said...

"...The answers to all these questions and more, when "Cake Wrecks" returns after a word from our sponsors."
---------
I wouldn't hold my breath; the sponsors were just spotted running down the street, screaming...
That is, those who weren't seen jumping out of windows.
=^@.@^=

May 14, 2010 | Unregistered Commentersendingtheclowns

Do you think the groom specified those dumbbells to be 100 lbs? Has to make you wonder if the guy has something to prove...

May 14, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterAllison

they PAID for those!?! that's what i'm shocked about! why why why???

May 14, 2010 | Unregistered Commenterjen bryner

I know the official animal on that groom's cake is supposed to be a panther, but I am voting for the Giant Sloth.
And I'm pretty sure I've seen the bride's cake in a hat store. (Why would you have the second layer the same size as the bottom layer. It's so out of proportion. And so very pink.)
And how many servings of cake are they getting for that $1,000?
And I know this isn't a cake question, but what's the deal with that flower hanging upside down on the wall or floor or whatever.

May 14, 2010 | Unregistered Commenterdrgns4vr

Am I the only Texan offended by the title? Sure, there are wrecks everywhere, but why single out Texas like that? The worst I've seen haven't been Texan wrecks, and why in the WORLD do some of you assume we're all gun-toting, tobacco-chewing, cammo-wearing rednecks. We're not. I Promise :(

May 14, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterLiz

I consider my decorating skills to be relatively non-existent, but pay me the $1000 and I'll bet I can do at least that well!

May 14, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterRJ Flamingo

Oh wow! It seems as though everyone wants to be a cake decorator these days. We can thank the food network for that one. Unfortunately most people don't realize that decorating takes talent. I'm a pastry chef and I do some decorating on the side (at home mostly, but sometimes for extra cash at a bakery) and I could do a better job with my feet. Sure, the ones I make at the bakery turn out better because they have proper equipment, but jeeez!! My home decorated cakes are much cheaper and look a helluva lot better. I can't believe anyone would pay anything let alone $1000 for those travesties. The only way they'd be even kind of acceptable is if they were free, and even then!
To the folks thinking they chose the wrong career, I assure you this cake "decorator" won't get much business unless her customers are visually impared. Like I said, not everyone has what it takes.

May 14, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterHilary

Oh, it's a *car.* Um... is it the... front? I definitely thought it was a cassette tape until I read the comments. It's still not entirely clear to me.

And I'm 100% behind Jen and John on the wedding cake. The bottom is cracked and caving, the edges are uneven, the color is reminiscent of Pepto Bismol, and parts of it look like they were iced by my epileptic dog.

Bailey, put that piping bag down.

May 14, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterJamie Spaulding

@TruthSeekerLA - I almost laughed til I cried at, "the frosting looked as if someone applied it with a toilet brush." Bwa ha ha ha...
I wonder if the baker should have just left the bride's name as "Chrissy"? Would that be more offensive than the sad attempt to change the s into a t?

May 14, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterAnonymous

These would be sweet if your 10 year old niece made them for you for free -- but to me this looks like a future episode of Judge Judy.
WV slayri -- smooth out that frosting so it doesn't look so slayri

May 14, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterSiouxzr

This is so sad.. looking at both cakes, I'd say that neither of them have support for the upper layers, and the weight is squishing the bottom tiers. The chocolate grooms cake is suffering from too much weight, or has been dropped.. even so, I'm still appalled at the horrible job the baker did on the accenting pieces.. is that really supposed to be a car??

As for the hot pink mess.. well... you can see the fondant cracking under the weight.. and it's just unforgiveable.

May 14, 2010 | Unregistered Commenterschmaimz

Merry National Sunshine Happy Joy Day, everybody! :D

It IS a wreck, and then once the $600 price tag was applied, I think it became a felony wreck. Where's a cop when you need him... Oh. I see.

May 14, 2010 | Unregistered Commenterjj

OMG. I know my DH could do a better job, and he hasn't had any training, just years of watching me. In fact, I'm fairly certain my 12 yo DS would do a better job as he wants to open a cake shop with me when he gets older. I sure with I could get paid $1000 for a cake. I guarentee that it would look nothing like what this couple received.

WV: tarefer

You know this couple is not going tarefer this bakery to ANYONE.

May 14, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterKelli

I figured it out! Relax folks! Remain calm! The groom's cake was really made by the groom to hide the fact that he took the $400 he was given to get a cake for himself to the strip club... Er... I mean, to a fine upstanding gentleman's establishment.

May 14, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterPrincess Judy

Please tell me those did not actually cost $1000. If that were my wedding I would cry. And possibly throw things at people (most likely the cakes).

May 14, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterSparky

I can make out the Goo Goo Dolls on the ipod, can't make out the song though. And why are the cookie things on the groom's cake so warped? And the wedding cake....I'd be crying the wrong kind of tears if that was my cake at my wedding. Shame on the decorator...

May 14, 2010 | Unregistered Commenterparyjeja

$1000? Yo, officer (or sheriff, sorry, not Texan, don't know the diff.) Reporting that someone got frosted.

The melting pink overload cake could almost be salvageable as a kid's cake if you stuck a few Strawberry Shortcake dolls on it.

May 14, 2010 | Unregistered Commentermsyendor

I'm being nice when I say maybe the cakes(and decorator) were victims of the summer heat. I live in the same part of Texas these cakes came from.

However, heat does not explain the decorations on the groom's cake or the crazy pinkness of the bride's cake. It looks like a cake for a teenager's birthday party, not a wedding. Also sandwiching a square cake between two circle cakes just makes everything look wonky.

May 14, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterAnonymous

Wow, even if the pink cake wasn't collapsing in on itself it would be a wedding wreck. It looks like the birthday cake of girlie girlie 13 year old.

May 14, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterMiradwyn

Even though I'm not a cake decorator... I think I could do better. And for less than $1000!!!

May 14, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterCaliforniutahan

I can not believe that anyone would even dare pay for those cakes! If it was my wedding cake/grooms cake, and I saw them like that I would flip out! I could have decorated a better cake than either one of those, BEFORE I took my cake decorating classes.

May 14, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterMaggie C

I just clicked to enlarge both cakes, and all I can say is, "oh...yikes!"

These are not anywhere near $1000 worth of work. Also I thought the pink cake was a mangled Gloria, until I zoomed in and realized it's a mangled Christy. I don't even need to point out all the other issues that arise upon closer inspection.

WV burget: When bakers forget something. Sometimes bakers burget that customers are going to see their work and pay them for it.

May 14, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterAnonymous

Note to decorator: You're not supposed to still charge for the cakes if you drop them on the way in.

Also to Liz from Texas: Get a grip, it's humor okay?

May 14, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterErin

Hey John, I didn't say the second one wasn't a wreck, just not as bad as teh first one! I mean, it just wasn't AS bad. The first one is an atrocity.

May 14, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterTrevor

The sad thing is that most wedding cakes must be paid for in advance. Ten to one they were none too pleased on their wedding day when these distacular cakes showed up.

May 14, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterElle

Mmm...nothing puts a man in the mood for nuptial bliss quite like big lumps of doggy doo doo with plastic bits randomly stuck on.....................shame his intended will be bug eyed and climbing the walls from the artificial colorant in that bilious pink icing.

May 14, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterAnonymous

The chocolate icing looks like Betty Crocker from a can...

May 14, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterPunkyPower

Wow, I really really really really hope those cakes were given at a discount.

May 14, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterThe Black Dog

Dude. Seriously? SERIOUSLY? Gah.

May 14, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterFlea

@parejeja: Oh, the irony. The Goo Goo Dolls song on the iPod is "Slide". Bwhahahahaha!

May 14, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterKeeley

someone should be arrested...that couple got robbed

May 14, 2010 | Unregistered Commentervicki

Even if the bakery *didn't* fubar them entirely, they'd still be wrecks.

May 14, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterDamon

@Hillary 1:01 - nobody is disparaging cake decorators by implying that it's easy or that anyone can do it. It's just that if there are people willing to pay $400-$600 for abominations that look like they take no time or talent, then let me be that abominator.

May 14, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterJGold

The wedding cake is pretty bad - the bottom two layers are the same size, and the fondant is not tidy at all - the square layer should have right angles. But I can see why people are asking why it's considered a wreck, when compared to the groom's cake. Holy Toledo. I'm not even touching the icing job, because it's obvious it is pathetic. But I am wondering 1) why there is a two-dimensional shot of the grill of a "Toyot" or a "Totot" and not the entire vehicle (notice the license plate says "NLUV09"), and 2) why choose the Goo Goo Dolls to be on the iPod. They're a fine band, but I find it hard to believe that of all the things you could do with a groom's cake, one would choose to feature the Goo Goo Dolls. I think the song is "Slide," but I'm not sure because it really looks like "Sliats," which is not the title of a song by anyone. Also, the car grill totally looks like a cassette tape.

May 14, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterMallie

$1000!! Man I am doing something wrong. I wouldn't let a cake leave my kitchen looking like those. Nothing like a good wreck to inspire me while I have a cake order today :)

May 14, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterJM

I think that people are beginning to believe that The Learning Channel is actually about learning--as in, "hey, if I watch a couple of episode of Cake Boss, I can learn to make a killing making incredibly detailed cakes!"

The frightening thing is that people pay them based on this belief. Now, I'm not saying I could do better--but, dang it, I could do as well. And I would TOTALLY undercut that price. I'm a grad student...if I make five bucks profit, I'm happy.

May 14, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterKae

Wrong, on so many levels.

May 14, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterAnonymous

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