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What's a Wreck?

A Cake Wreck is any cake that is unintentionally sad, silly, creepy, inappropriate - you name it. A Wreck is not necessarily a poorly-made cake; it's simply one I find funny, for any of a number of reasons. Anyone who has ever smeared frosting on a baked good has made a Wreck at one time or another, so I'm not here to vilify decorators: Cake Wrecks is just about finding the funny in unexpected, sugar-filled places.

Now, don't you have a photo you want to send me? ;)

- Jen
Monday
May242010

The Baby Cake Gets Cut Down to Size

You know how sometimes you see a baby cake that's not too horrendously awful, and your first reaction is something like,

"
Aw, just lookit that face! Who's a cute widdle boopsie woopsie baby? Is it you? Yes, it's you!!"


(Actually, sorry, that's John talking to our cats. My bad.)

Anyway, my point is that while some of these baby cakes might be just the teensiest bit cute, you have to remember one very important thing:

It's all fun and games 'til you cut the cake.

Yes, I have an example. Brace yourself.

Here we have the standard old man baby cake:

I say we call him Benjamin. ('Cuz he's cute as a Button!)

[Quick side note: in case you're wondering, as I did, why he's on a food court tray: it turns out that's a new type of cake board popping up in bakeries. Weird, I know. Ok, sorry to interrupt. Let's move on.]

And just so you get the full effect:

Just lookit that face!

No really, look at it. Aren't you glad the eyes aren't open?

[shiver] Whoah. I just gave myself the willies. (Or should I call them the "bennies?")



Okay. So, ├╝ber realistic baby. Been there, done that. However, here's where things get...

...cutting.

I would insert some side-splitting commentary here about how stabbing someone in the back always gets you the cold shoulder in the end - but as you can see, there's no need. He's already "waist"ing away!


Oh, Oh! Wait! I have one more:

Hey, Benji! You just got served!

Bwahahahahahaahaa!

Ah, I crack myself up sometimes.


Anyway, we still haven't gotten to the worst part yet. The worst part actually, literally, in real reality, honestly gave John nightmares. Seriously. So now he won't let me post it here. Instead, I'm going to link to it. But please, all joking aside, choose your clicks wisely. I'm here to make you laugh, not give you nightmares - and this thing puts the "ick" in "squicky."

Ok, enough warnings (since I'm sure they're having the opposite affect anyway): Click here to see the final photo.

Thanks to Kimberley K., who will never again say to a child, "I could just eat you up!"

Note from John: I initially made that last picture a separate post and linked to it, not realizing it would show up in Google readers before the actual post. Oops. Sorry to those of you who clicked on it with no warning! Oh and if the new link doesn't work, you may have to refresh the page.

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Reader Comments (271)

Wow, I saw the nightmare picture first, and totally didn't parse it. I wish I still didn't!

May 24, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterKat

...I really shouldn't. Which means I will.

*clicks link and looks at photo*

...right. I'm going to therapy now. o_o

May 24, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterRemaix

I know it's just a cake, but super super sad!! Poor little baby Benny (cake)!! :( I hope this doesn't catch on!! Too sad!!

May 24, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterHanah

oh hell, why did I get all brave and click that link?

it put me in the mood to go kick some ass

May 24, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterLittle Lovables

My stomach literally lurched with disgust at that last photograph. Dear God!!!

May 24, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterKatherine Erickson

This is soooo Garbage Pail Kids. I think perhaps 'Baked Benjamin' or 'Cathy Cut-Up'.

Must admit that I lol'd at the linked picture. It's just so disturbing. Laughing must my coping mechanism.

May 24, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterAlexis

GAHHHH!

And it's even better when you check out this site just before bed. Nice!

May 24, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterButtercup Bento

My reaction to the last pic: "Yuck. Fondant."

May 24, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterAuntie Meme

This is why Charm City Cakes try to make their figures more cartoony! THIS!

May 24, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterMonica

Oh, fer cryin' out loud. It's a cake.
!!!
Freaking UGLY...but still a CAKE.
It doesn't look remotely real.
Or remotely edible, for that matter.
So I wasn't scared of/by it.
(Because it's so FREAKING UGLY!!!)
The weirdest thing (I think) is the way it looks in the cut-up photo: look real closely at the mouth...Go on! Can you see it?? It has taken on a grimace--as if the *baby* had started to pucker up to cry! Wow, HUH??
I think that is amazing.

Too bad it's so FREAKING UGLY.

=^e.e^=

May 24, 2010 | Unregistered Commentersendingtheclowns

That's so perfectly done, but as a cake that is TERRIBLE! It would be like cutting into a real sleeping baby! Oh no.....

check out my blog: nikkiscakery.blogspot.com

May 24, 2010 | Unregistered Commenter~Nikki~

EWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW
!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

May 24, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterEat Cake

SO SO SO SO SO upsetting

May 24, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterAnonymous

Okay, I seriously got chills when I saw that pic. Why don't I listen when people say not to click? Shudder.

May 24, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterSpotgirl

I.cannot.stop.laughing at the sheer ridiculousness/horror of it. Um, thanks?

The cut in shot looks like someone is about to get a piece of...oh, nvrmnd, family site and all.

May 24, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterAnonymous

I'll take hot dogs riding poo waves over that last photo ANY day! Really... Real hot dogs on smelly poo waves... *wretch*

May 24, 2010 | Unregistered Commenterdawn

That link came up first in Google reader...yikes! Literally made my six-year-old look at the screen in open-mouthed horror. (Of course, kids always walk past the computer at the most inconvenient times. "It's not a real baby, honey!")
What a horrible idea for a cake...ick!!

May 24, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterJulia

Maybe I'm just fed up with my children today, but that's hysterical. Red velvet cake would have made it better. [Note to self: offer to make next baby shower cake.]

I even shared with my son Benjamin and we had a good laugh.

Yes, I'm evil. I'll just let myself out...

May 24, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterMoxie

Is it bad that I howled with laughter when I saw that last picture?
Huh.

May 24, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterJayneCobb

Disturbing!!!! Looks like something a serial killer would do.

May 24, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterKimberly

Had to stop eating cake for health reasons, this just made it that much easier. :P

May 24, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterW.Peabody

Holy blessed honorable Cripes!! That is just horrific and creepy...*shudders*. What the frigg man? WHAT THE FRIGG?!?!? (i admire the art as much as the next guy, but wow. Just 'wow'.)

May 24, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterBernie

Now I know what happens to the damsel in distress when the hero doesn't find her in time.

Or, the new movie, "UpChucky."

May 24, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterPapi and Wee Granny

Even though you warned me NOT to look at the photo...I DID...

and now it's burned in to my eyeballs...

YIKES!

May 24, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterBecky

Old wives tale said that if a mother had a bad scare before delivery something would be wrong with the baby - hope she wasn't jinxed!

May 24, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterAnonymous

my 2 1/2 year old son just said...'mommy I don't like him, he's scary'

so true

May 24, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterAnonymous

Oh dear lord, WHY WHY WHY would you take a photo of the cutting of the head??? Really? As if the mere fact that you are cutting into a rather realistic baby cake weren't bad enough, you HAD to take photos of the face being butchered? REALLY?! Sick people! I swear, if anyone shows up at MY baby shower w/a baby cake, I disown them!

May 24, 2010 | Unregistered Commenterncflaggs

I saw the set up pictures. I read the text. I was duly warned. "How bad can it be?", I wondered.

*click*

Pretty bad.

May 24, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterMadeleine

At least the cake isn't red velvet!

May 24, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterDonna

That final picture is horrifying! Truly!

May 24, 2010 | Unregistered Commenterjeriniam

Whether or not that cake gives you "the willies" might depend on just how anatomically-correct it is under the diaper. Just as long as there's some chocolate sauce in there too ... !

May 24, 2010 | Unregistered Commenterbrian t

My 8 year old and I have wonderful bonding time over this blog... we were not pleased with the people who decided this cake wasa good idea. neither of us understand why making a realistic baby, cutting it or eating it is a good goal. For the love of Pete, make something else.

May 24, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterJonathan

Eeeeeeeeeeee. I was one of those google reader people who got the first picture, and sat there saying "Dear God, what IS THAT THING?" and wondering if it was some cake on the theme of "To the Pain".

This is just as bad, and I might join you all in NightCake on Elm Street.

May 24, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterThe Vagabond Priest

Wow... while I'll admit I can't stand children, no baby deserves that(I can think of a twelve year old, but not a baby). I'm not too squeamish, but it definitely weirded me out...

May 24, 2010 | Unregistered Commenterunseeliepixie

well it was kind of scary as I'm pregnant, but I'm surprisingly hungry for cake now.

May 24, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterSarahSarahSarah

I should have heeded your warnings!! That's is just plain wrong! EEEWWWWWWW Never have I ordered a Baby Shower cake and been offered that. However, I will be on the look out. I love my friends and desire to keep them as friends for many years!! LOL

May 24, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterAnonymous

Ewww. Why did I look??

May 24, 2010 | Unregistered Commenterjonna

My 10 y.o. was looking over my shoulder as I was looking at the last posted (not linked) picture and said "aww how cute....what are they DOING to him."

I had to explain that it was a cake, not an actual baby.

May 24, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterTimestep

At least they cut the head in slices & not quarters.

May 24, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterAnonymous

That has to be one of the most disturbing things I've seen in a long time. I have no idea how a pregnant woman could stomach (hah) that.

May 24, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterASDmomNC

I don't know why in the world people ask for a baby cake... it's a horror how you have to cut it... well.... I do cakes and I really refuse if someone ask me to do a baby cake... lol :)

May 24, 2010 | Unregistered Commenterpaulina

Horrifying for sure, but I'm just very thankful that they went with a white cake and NOT red velvet.

May 24, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterAnonymous

Huh.

The close up of the FREAKY BABY FACE pre-cutting was way way worse, IMO. It's actually somewhat improved by being cut into slices.

I actually went to go look at it again just see if I was missing the horribleness. *headcocks* Nope. Still just looks like a baby doll cake head. Only less creepy.

May 24, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterAnonymous

At least the rest of you were smart enough to not look at the link while your three year old was standing beside you. When he saw the first two pictures he said, "Look, a little daddy." Then when he saw the picture in the link, he said in a very sad voice, "Little daddy died." Seriously.

I can't imagine having been at that baby shower.

May 24, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterTable for Seven

Oh.aaaaccckkk...I clicked the extra link and...I think I threw up in my mouth a little bit...

I have seriously never understood how people can cut up and eat baby cakes or preggo belly cakes or even cake-to-look-like-my-dog cakes...too much like dissecting a loved one.

Too creepy!

May 24, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterSugarFrosted

Relax people this is all part the the Governments no child left behind program.

Now clean your plate.

May 24, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterAnonymous

I love horror movies, but seeing a realistic baby cake being sliced into is way too much.

I'd like to know what's wrong with a cake that has balloons and baby blocks with a simple Congratulations (provided the baker can spell) on it.

May 24, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterBree

hm, i do consider myself strong. i can watch a japanese horror movie without a hiccup.
but.
erhm.
anyway, thanks for the experience and keep up the good work, this site is great.
cheers from Europe.

May 24, 2010 | Unregistered Commenterujraluca

OH. MY. LORD. If I ever went to a party where a cake like that was served, I would promptly leave.

May 24, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterLorilynne

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