My Other Blog

What's a Wreck?

A Cake Wreck is any cake that is unintentionally sad, silly, creepy, inappropriate - you name it. A Wreck is not necessarily a poorly-made cake; it's simply one I find funny, for any of a number of reasons. Anyone who has ever smeared frosting on a baked good has made a Wreck at one time or another, so I'm not here to vilify decorators: Cake Wrecks is just about finding the funny in unexpected, sugar-filled places.

Now, don't you have a photo you want to send me? ;)

- Jen

Our World Cup Overfloweth

So apparently this World Cup thing is a big deal. I know because it keeps breaking Twitter. And when Twitter's down, I'm forced to come to grips with my Twitter addiction, and let me tell you, henchpersons; that is NOT something you want me gripping at the crack of noon.

Anyway, when Twitter isn't broken, it has a handy little "World Cup" definition up, along with a soccer ball icon.

By studying this definition ("the largest sporting event in the world") and icon, I have come to the conclusion that the World Cup has something to do with soccer. Or football. Or something sports related.

And, gauging by the tweets and Facebook statuses I've seen, the World Cup also features a lot of these:

Er, those are supposed to be bees.

No, I don't know why they're puking orange jelly.

Or why their hive has an orange jelly door outlined on it.

Look, the point is that bees buzz. And from what I hear, there's a whole lotta buzzing going on at the World Cup.

The source of the buzzing is hundreds and hundreds of of vuvuzela horns:

which look nothing like this.

So anyway, I guess at this point I should probably show you some Soccer wrecks.


Hey, this could be a soccer wreck. I mean, really, do you know what it is? No, you do not. Therefore, I think the real question here is, how do you know it's NOT a soccer wreck? Hmm?

Ok, ok, fine. Here:

No, really, it's a soccer cake. Honest.

And this is a drawing of a molecule made with tinker toys:

Or possibly another soccer cake.

How about a few more traditional black and white "balls?"

Note: At this point, I actually had to google "soccer ball" just to remind myself what they're supposed to look like. In case you're in the same boat, here:

Now go scroll up and compare. I'll wait.


All set? Good. One more:

Mmmm. I'm not sure if I want to headbutt it or eat it!

(Ok, that's a lie: I'd definitely prefer the headbutt.)

And finally, a cake diorama of the 2010 World Cup:

Or something.

I mean, it could be, right? I haven't watched any of it, so you tell me: has anyone been shot with an arrow yet? Or have any of the female cheerleader's feet fallen off?

Janet, Dan W., Nina T., Ann S., Rachel L., Hillary H., Aimee P., Jen E., Brandy B., & Sarah W., if that kind of stuff is going on, then I'm totally checking out the World Cup after all.

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Reader Comments (131)

THIS makes my week! Thanks!

June 16, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterRebbie Macintrye

I really want to know about that 2nd wreck. Did that "horn" have like, grapes squished into the frosting? It was truly hideous.

June 16, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterAngel

That second cake isn't a vuvuzela. It's an Alien chestburster that's been cut in half. Or, maybe it's a cake made for a biology teacher who spent just a little too much time teaching kids how to dissect earthworms. Whatever it is, it'll be on the discount shelf tomorrow.

June 16, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterElkman

About the time I got to the Flamingoes cake, I uttered "Dear Lord in heaven." Other than that, I'm speechless.

June 16, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterTricia L

Holy crap, that third one looks like a diagram of the inner ear!

And that seventh one looks eerily like the symbol for the Umbrella Corporation (in B&W, of course)!

June 16, 2010 | Unregistered Commentermichelle

Is that orange thing supposed to be the Arsenal football club cannon? It's so... flaccid.

June 16, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterTeow

Demented and moldy soccer balls? Those CCC's have to be given the boot.

June 16, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterStella

What is that last cake??? A track and field meet massacre??

June 16, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterCeeJay

Um... and on that 2nd wreck (I cannot tear my eyes away, it's like a traffic accident)... is that OATMEAL? I mean, with grapes squished into it? I've calculated that it is supposed to be a cornucopia, but it's making me feel queasy.

June 16, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterAngel

Ok Jen soccer doesn't have cheerleaders; that's for your American football (as we call it here in Europe). Soccer has supporters, hoards of men (and quite a few women too!)filled up to their eyeballs with adrenaline! LOL! BTW those wreckerators really don't know that a soccer ball is supposed to be ROUND! LOL! And black & white! And I'll add for your own personal information that soccer players cannot touch the ball with their hands (except the goal keeper).

June 16, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterAna

I'd like to see some wrecks of the supposedly demon-possessed ball that is the World Cup special ball this year ... no really, the players say that it doesn't want to be kicked so it moves ... by itself ... just think of the possibilities!

June 16, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterColette

#2's actually pretty obvious...right?

Here's a hint - "He who controls the spice, controls the universe!"

June 16, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterFalze

I don't know what that last cake it, but I think I want one.

June 16, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterFluffy Cow

CW#2: does anyone else think it looks like a compacted colon or an exploding intestine? Ewwww...

June 16, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterAnonymous

I just found your site the other night and I really want to thank you. My husband is away for 5 weeks in training. He is joining the Air Force. Since he has been gone, with three kids at home, it's been stressful.
The other night I spent 3 hours on your site, all alone, laughing so hard I cried. Thank you thank you thank you. I truly needed that! The cakes you feature are hilarious, but it's your wonderfully twisted sense of humor that makes this site so awesome. Thank you again for making my month!!

June 16, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterBirdy

god, this made me laugh so hard.
i think i need Twitter to break a lot more for stuff like this to come out of you in masses :)

Thanks Jen

June 16, 2010 | Unregistered Commenterizzati noris

The Beehive State is not amused!!!!!

If that abomination of cake sculpting was made in Utah we may need to break out the pitchforks and the torches!

What does a beehive have to do with soccer aka football anyway? There are way too many CCC's(blah!) soccer balls run over by construction equipment(you know those roller things) today.

June 16, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterIsolder74

I think that last one is more of a track and meet gone horribly wrong. It's kind of cute though!

But oh man, those "footballs" look more like poorly planned, soccer themed medicine balls. Although that rose one could have worked so well! ..if they actually paid attention to what a soccer ball looked like.

June 16, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterKilroy!

I hate the vuvuzelas....but I guess not as much as I hate the look of that 2nd cake LOL. Oh and the 3rd one looks like it's supposed to be...uh....male anatomy....So maybe it IS a soccer wreck- they can get injured there ya know ;P

June 16, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterRuth

I laughed so hard at that last cake. Hysterical! The look on the ref's face says it all. I would love the story behind that one.

Is it wrong that the OCD part of me wants to try to reattach the cheerleader's feet?

June 16, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterChristine

#5 should read "a drawing of a molecule made with tinker toys" not "an atom". Atoms consists of a tiny nucleus surrounded by an electron cloud.

June 16, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterMertseger

LOl, those are barely even soccer wrecks.

June 16, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterAnonymous

I just kept staring, hoping they'd make sense.

Sort of like those 'Magic Eye' pictures. If you stared long enough, sort of unfocused your eyes, something would pop out and make sense.

I finally gave up.

June 16, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterMary Connealy

The beehive would be sort of charming if it didn't have the bees vomiting blood all over the place. As my art teacher used to say, the secret to art is knowing when to stop.

June 16, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterGary

Your last wreck reminds me of "Homecoming Queen's Got a Gun" for some reason. Don't know it? Go do a You Tube search on it and watch. I'll be here when you get back. No, seriously, if you AREN'T familiar with this, you HAVE to see it.

Oh, and I feel bad for the decorators doing the soccer balls. They're HARD!

June 16, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterTrevor


You think you're sooo smart with your big blue eye! "I know the difference between molecules and atoms!" you say. Well some of us didn't "pay attention" when we were "educated" in the "sciences." And there's nothing wrong with that. (except for that whole lack of knowledge thing)

I changed it. HAPPY!?!?!



Love your blog! I always read it and seldom comment, but today I just wanted to pop in and tell you how much I enjoy your view of things. You always make me laugh! Thanks for bringing a smile to my day, so many times a week.

June 16, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterSheri at The Loopy Ewe

That first grey and white one, just before the Google comment, looks kinda like Tiffany stained glass. And from that perspective, it's pretty.

June 16, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterGaladriel

ha ha ha! I LOVE that last one! I have absolutely no clue what's going on and find it all a little frightening, but at least they managed to be cute while doing so.

June 16, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterLaurenH

thank you for adding the true picture of a soccer ball. I needed that.

and I am so glad you are bringing joy to people who find your site and need a laugh and spend hours here catching up. that is wonderful!

don't take the literal or "scientific" folks personal. they can't help it.

June 16, 2010 | Unregistered Commenterjoyce

I think the mystery cake is supposed to be a whistle. Like what gym teachers use. If you squint really, really hard... it almost maybe sorta looks like one.

Jen, totally awesome post today. Your commentary continues to amuse and amaze me!

As for the "soccer ball" CCCs, it is IMPOSSIBLE to create a round shape out of a bunch of smaller round shapes, IT WON'T WORK. There is not a scalloped edge to be found on a soccer ball, so why do the wreckerators insist on continuing to try? I know, a rhetorical question for which there is no answer, but we can ponder...

WV jiticin - Many of these cakes should be jiticin'd before they're shown to anyone.

June 16, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterAnne-Marie

What is the story behind the tragic track meet cake? Inquiring minds want to know!!!

June 16, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterAnonymous

That orange thing looks like a Jai-Ali (sp?) scoop.

And the third cake from the end looks sort of like silvery stained glass, which would be kind of pretty if it weren't supposed to be a soccer ball.

June 16, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterShanti

Ahahahah this was spectacular, made my day!

June 16, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterKathi

#3 is a motorcycle shift lever. Obviously. Can't understand how you missed that.

WV: likerse If the Wreckerator had stayed away from intoxicating likerse might have produced a better cake.e

June 16, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterSusan

That orange cake third down looks very similar to certain styles of Pacific Island warclub.

In case the link didn't work:

"Fiji's Treasured Culture: Sali, Cali or Tebetebe.
A broadly curved club with a blade on the end and a spur on the upper curve of the club."

And yes, I'm precisely the kind of person who would order a warclub-shaped cake. If I order one and get a wreck, of course I'll send it in.

June 16, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterMichael

That diorama is totally awesome! That is, if it was made by Quentin Tarantino.

June 16, 2010 | Unregistered Commenterandygirl

I would like to know why there is a foot on the bee-hive. It's a bad idea to kick a bee-hive people.

June 16, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterCara

I never realized "ROUND" was such a difficult shape of cake pan to find and use.

June 16, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterJosin L. McQuein

@ Falze
Hah! that was my first thought. A sandworm throwing up (poor thing drowing in wrecks). Most of the rest look like mutant glial cells.

June 16, 2010 | Unregistered Commentermsyendor

last cake is a track meet murder scene... i think... oh my... hahahha

June 16, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterMeg

That's the scariest poo tornado I've ever seen! And the rest of the stuff is in that condition because it has been struck by the poo tornado.

*dusts hands off*

There, all explained!

June 16, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterMiranda

I had the "pleasure" of listening to FOUR freaking HOURS of those horns on Saturday while guilted into staying at my mom's for some family time. Her new husband is British and wouldn't miss a soccer game to save his life. I don't know what gave me a bigger headache, four hours of buzzing or these wrecks!

June 16, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterHeidi

Another winner; thanks for the laugh today Jen! :)

June 16, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterJohn and Sarah Sperry

I think the third one is meant to be a whistle........

June 16, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterScarlett Robyn

My 2-3/4-year-old was unable to identify the bees on the first cake. The best she managed was "cowbird" and "chocolate". And trust me when I say this kid is an ace at pattern recognition.

June 16, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterNovember Jocasta Wilde

I'm pretty sure #3 is a shofar.

Given the date (which seems to be late August) this strikes me as more than possible--it would be around the High Holy Days.

...I also think I saw that cake's identical twins last year around Rosh Hashanah.

As to #1, I thought it was pretty clear that they were bees, but I do wonder why they appear to be breathing fire.

June 16, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterChaos Herself

I've got one question: why are the bees allowed to have lasers? Or is someone cutting the cake with a lightsaber? Ok, that was two questions, but they should count as one, right?

I thought that pink cake was celebrating the "Great Flamingo Season" of 2009 at first--it kind of looks like a stylized round flamingo if you squint a lot. Those others look like Spiderman created them.

June 16, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterKeeley

Remember, honey is essentially bee barf. I wonder if the first cake tasted like honey.

That vuvuzela was probably a cornucopia left over from Thanksgiving. Ick.

June 16, 2010 | Unregistered Commenterdeckardcanine

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