My Other Blog

What's a Wreck?

A Cake Wreck is any cake that is unintentionally sad, silly, creepy, inappropriate - you name it. A Wreck is not necessarily a poorly-made cake; it's simply one I find funny, for any of a number of reasons. Anyone who has ever smeared frosting on a baked good has made a Wreck at one time or another, so I'm not here to vilify decorators: Cake Wrecks is just about finding the funny in unexpected, sugar-filled places.

Now, don't you have a photo you want to send me? ;)

- Jen

Our World Cup Overfloweth

So apparently this World Cup thing is a big deal. I know because it keeps breaking Twitter. And when Twitter's down, I'm forced to come to grips with my Twitter addiction, and let me tell you, henchpersons; that is NOT something you want me gripping at the crack of noon.

Anyway, when Twitter isn't broken, it has a handy little "World Cup" definition up, along with a soccer ball icon.

By studying this definition ("the largest sporting event in the world") and icon, I have come to the conclusion that the World Cup has something to do with soccer. Or football. Or something sports related.

And, gauging by the tweets and Facebook statuses I've seen, the World Cup also features a lot of these:

Er, those are supposed to be bees.

No, I don't know why they're puking orange jelly.

Or why their hive has an orange jelly door outlined on it.

Look, the point is that bees buzz. And from what I hear, there's a whole lotta buzzing going on at the World Cup.

The source of the buzzing is hundreds and hundreds of of vuvuzela horns:

which look nothing like this.

So anyway, I guess at this point I should probably show you some Soccer wrecks.


Hey, this could be a soccer wreck. I mean, really, do you know what it is? No, you do not. Therefore, I think the real question here is, how do you know it's NOT a soccer wreck? Hmm?

Ok, ok, fine. Here:

No, really, it's a soccer cake. Honest.

And this is a drawing of a molecule made with tinker toys:

Or possibly another soccer cake.

How about a few more traditional black and white "balls?"

Note: At this point, I actually had to google "soccer ball" just to remind myself what they're supposed to look like. In case you're in the same boat, here:

Now go scroll up and compare. I'll wait.


All set? Good. One more:

Mmmm. I'm not sure if I want to headbutt it or eat it!

(Ok, that's a lie: I'd definitely prefer the headbutt.)

And finally, a cake diorama of the 2010 World Cup:

Or something.

I mean, it could be, right? I haven't watched any of it, so you tell me: has anyone been shot with an arrow yet? Or have any of the female cheerleader's feet fallen off?

Janet, Dan W., Nina T., Ann S., Rachel L., Hillary H., Aimee P., Jen E., Brandy B., & Sarah W., if that kind of stuff is going on, then I'm totally checking out the World Cup after all.

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Reader Comments (131)

Very very funny!!!

June 17, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterNina Timm

That last cake looks like almost everyone has died. Now if that is what it is like to be in the game I may just have to watch lol. That first poo bee cake made me wonder what on earth the wreckerator was trying to say. And the horn cake.. smashed and all only reminds me of some twisted alien trying to pop out of the cake.. yikes lol.

June 17, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterArlene

Fanboy Wife said...
If cake decorators can’t manage soccer balls, there is no hope for my tessellating M. C. Escher cake!

I'd be willing to give it a try just as long as you don't want me to sculpt for you and impossible staircase cake.

Or the staircase maze in 3D either....

June 17, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterIsolder74

I think the last one is from a track. There actually was once that kind of an event when a Finn threw the javelin out of the sector and it hit a french broad jumper!

June 17, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterEmma

Listen here people - you may be able to sit on the other side of the world and witter on about bees and droning and such - i live here (Johannesburg) and what the media have dubbed 'buzzing bees' is more like a chainsaw gone wrong multiplied by five million and then amplified through a crackling megaphone. And they don't stop. I heard my first one at 6am this morning and they just keep on going. Sigh. I feel better now after that rant. But otherwise yes, we are enjoying being the hosts of the Soccer world cup (we also call it soccer - football sounds sooooo european doncha think?)And Jen, I think I might love you. In a platonic, we are both girls and have significant others and actual real people in our lives too I promise kind of way. Ahem.

June 17, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterSarahJ

"perhaps they have combined jai alai and mixed martial arts to create a fight-to-death match."

Tricia L., I think I would enjoy watching that. Is that wrong?

June 17, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterShanti

What slays me is the placement of the strap, right smack in the middle of the "flip flop"! Seriously, do all Floridians have big toes that are half the size of the rest of their foot?? Or maybe that's just environmental adaption caused from living someplace that's always warm... Hmm... that'd almost be worth the price of living in Florida...

Anna in Ohio

June 17, 2010 | Unregistered Commenterbabyblue1217

Is that an Africanized Bee Hive cake? Festive AND appropriate, since that droning noise coming from the TV could make someone mad enough to kill.

There's got to be hummus on that cornucopia. Please tell me that's hummus.

And the orange whistle CCC? Well, you know how to whistle, don't you? Just put your lips together and...ANYWHO....

June 17, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterAnonymous

#2 is a puke tornado. definitely. Does a vuvuzela horn really blow chunks? and the orange/green icing splatter is probably an allusion to the fact that it's probably a carrot cake. Guess they can't make carrots either. unless they're puked carrots seeing as they're followed by the puked cranberries and all. *looks at Jen suspiciously* are you sure this isn't a mutan cornucupia cake? ;)

June 17, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterAnonymous

the messy pink neon CCC is definitely a soccer ball attempt. For an elementary school age soccer team. I'm guessing they're in Florida. They probably had pink balls or shirts, too, hence the name Flamingos. I love cutesy sports team names for girls. In our town I've heard of: Green Grape Dragons, Red Dragons, Rock stars, Green Machines, Ladybugs (this cake would work for them, too), Bluebirds, Bulldogs, Bumblebees, Dolphins, Sunsets, etc.

What are those red lumps on the molecule cake?

at least the third to last one is actually on a round cake (not a CCC or an oval) But the one after it looks like it's a round cake, that's not..quite..round. How did they manage that? and is it smeared or airbrushed or censored?

that sports crime scene is a riot. I can identify a dismayed referee. what kind of field that is (with the ramp) or what kind of sport (with cheerleaders and arrow-struck murder victims) I can't figure out.

meanwhile, I can't figure out what the guy in the back is holding or why cheerleader looks happy with her feet chopped off. The child on the left has his tongue sticking out (I think) and is in a very unnatural position.

Really, what is the story behind this cake? inquireing minds want to know.

June 17, 2010 | Unregistered Commenterjo

Soccer and the world cup are nearly as important to me as cakes, and that's saying a LOT! lol thanks for the laughs and thanks be to God that there's some good futbol cakes out there too, lol. :o)

~Eryn @ MacDh'omunill Bakery

June 17, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterEryn 'Ginny' Kalista

Jen, has a slide show of gamer cakes.

June 17, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterAnonymous

That first possibly-soccer wreck looks more to me like an angry alien fetus cake. But hey, I'd be angry too if I was displayed upside-down. Heck, I'd be angry being on display.

June 17, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterMe, Myself, and I

In reference to the last wreck and to football in general.

June 17, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterAkimika

Cake #2 must contain cherries from my fridge and cat vomit from my floor.

June 17, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterAnonymous

these coaches/parents are to blame for the soccer CCCs. I bet the wreckerators do a *faceslap* every time they get an order for one, knowing' it's pointless.

chances are, the cupcakes are being given out to the kids after their last game on a soccer field somewhere where there's no cutlery for cutting and eating. pizza is a "fingerfood," too.

now, individual soccer balls would be cute, but yet another nightmare for the wreckerator. they should make it even easier--a green iced cupcake with a plastic flotsam soccer ball on each individually iced cupcake. voila. soccer celebrated.

wv: foroast. when something stupid is going to be made fun of. CCC soccer ball cakes are immediately foroast(ing). Either that, or we're talking a planned BBQ menu. or CCC bonfire.

June 17, 2010 | Unregistered Commenterjo

@Keeley: "Great Flamingo Season" of 2009

LOL that conjures some funny images in my mind!

Gotta love the girly soccer balls they have out today (I saw Disney Princess!)

meanwhile, the bee barf/fire breath looks like caviar. fishcake anyone?

June 17, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterAnonymous

I GET THE SECOND CAKE!!! *proud face*
It's a sideways cornucopia!!!
Heck yes! *touchdown dance*

June 17, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterMissNay

That second wreck looks like the creature in "Tremors" after they blew it up!

June 17, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterLisa

The bee cake is my favorite! My nick name is Bee and one year my sister got me a birthday card that explained on the front how bees make honey. On the inside it says "So when I say I hope your birthday is sweeter than bee barf I mean it as a good thing!" those bees are just barfing up honey! It's a totally natural occurrence in nature, I'm just pretty sure it's not neon orange ;)

June 17, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterJenny

LOL! I've never seen so many balls that aren't in the least bit round. (Yes, I realise what this sounds like >.<)

And the orange cake is definitely the referee's whistle (or so is my conclusion). But why it's orange, I do not know. XD

June 18, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterAnonymous

makes me feel a lot better about my disaterous football cake !

June 18, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterHelen

That weird orange cupcake cake looks just like a drawing my daughter made when she was 3. She informed me it was the elephant bone, you know, that it uses to make its noise.

June 18, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterAnonymous

I think cake 9 has b in gnommish.

June 21, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterAnonymous

Okay, so I'm late, but I have to post it anyway... cake #3 is clearly a failed attempt at the Hot Wheels Spin Out cupcake cake!
Can't believe I actually stumbled across the answer!

June 24, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterAnonymous

#1 The poo-bees (what a great name for a band) are puking because they saw a reflection of that wreck in the glass.

#2 is obviously the 'star' of the 'Tremors' movies, though I don't remember those things breathing fire.

#3 I really don't want to know. Bad enough that it's another CCC (quick, the mouth-bleach!) with mile-thick icing. Why not just serve a sack of sugar and be done with it?

#4 Another CCC. For the Fierce Fighting Flamingos! At least that (sort of) explains the color scheme.

#5 Heeere comes another one... At least the wreckerator got that 'symmetry' thing down. Whereas...

#6-8 are just sad. Cupcakes might have been an improvement.

#9 is in a class by itself. At the insistence of other cakes, in an effort to avoid contamination. Is that condensation on the inside of the cover? Or perhaps some sort of vapor was given off by... excuse me!

All better now -- as long as I don't look at #9 again. Ever.

#10 Who commissioned this -- Sam Peckinpah? The creator of 'Mr. Bill'? I don't know that this is the most disturbing wreck yet, but it is definitely in the top 10. It looks as though the referee's hands would be dragging the ground if he stood, but that might be stretching things a bit.

June 29, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterCraig

Nerts! Missed the 'Dune' reference on #2, until Falze pointed it out. It took me awhile, but I got it.

Perhaps #10 commemorates why grade schools don't offer fencing for Phys Ed. Or else civic leaders simply have to stop awarding playground contracts to the same company that builds abattoirs. I don't care that they're the low bidder, it's just wrong!

June 29, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterCraig

Is that Hitler in the top center of the last one?? So I guess Germany was playing?

July 6, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterJaide

You know, I'm so far out of the whole decorated cake loop that I wasn't aware of the existence of um, cupcake creations..until I started looking through more of your posts. The more of them I see the better I understand your opinion of them. Wow. The human imagination sure can be..interesting.

Thanks for expanding my horizons?! :s

August 20, 2010 | Unregistered Commenterhyphen8

I seriously love this blog. It makes me feel better about the cakes that I make. Anyway i think the 3rd cake is not a soccer wreck. I think it is a motorcycle handlebar. Not sure. However, even if that's what it is, it still makes no sense. Anyway, thanks for the laugh and keep them coming.

September 30, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterEliza WiInters

I think the people in the last one are supposed to be dead. (notice the x x eyes on the blond with a ponytail)

March 2, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterBluejay

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