My Other Blog

What's a Wreck?

A Cake Wreck is any cake that is unintentionally sad, silly, creepy, inappropriate - you name it. A Wreck is not necessarily a poorly-made cake; it's simply one I find funny, for any of a number of reasons. Anyone who has ever smeared frosting on a baked good has made a Wreck at one time or another, so I'm not here to vilify decorators: Cake Wrecks is just about finding the funny in unexpected, sugar-filled places.

Now, don't you have a photo you want to send me? ;)

- Jen

A Marriage in Idle

Welcome Marriage In Idle.

Our first contestant Susan has dreams of flying high, but does she have more than a wing and a prayer? Let's find out.

"Hi, my name is Susan, and I'm going to do Wind Beneath My Wings:"

Darla: "Ok, Sweetie, go ahead."

Susan: [cracking knuckles] "Alright. Here goes."

Darla: "Um... Ok! Randall? What do you think?"

Randall: "I dunno, dawg. I mean, it was really pitchy there in the middle, you know, when it almost fell over? And you just didn't go high enough. Sorry."

Darla: "I have to agree with Randall. When I look at you, I see JOY. But I just don't taste the joy. What? Nigel, why are you always laughing at me?"

Nigel: [eye roll] "Look, Susan, I simply don't know what to say to you. It was complete and utter crap. Oh, hey, I guess I did know what to say."

Next up is Michael, who hopes his rendition of Under the Sea won't leave the judges all wet.

[voice cracking] "Hi, I'm Michael, and I'm going to do Under the Sea.

Um. Should I just start?"

Nigel: "YES, Michael. While the sun's still up, if you please."

"Oh, Ok."

Nigel: [head in hands] "Oh, Michael. Michael, Michael, Michael."

"Uh. Yes, Nigel?"

"THAT, Michael, was completely -and I mean this in all seriousness - completely and irrevocably the worst thing I have ever seen created in five years. It was a nightmare. A total nightmare."

Randall: "Yeah, sorry, dawg."

Darla: "Maybe next year. Don't lose that sparkle!"

Can our next contestant Kelli win the judges over, or will her wreck get in the way?

"Hi there! I'm Kelli, and I'm going to do The Words Get in the Way."

Randall: [sucking air through teeth] "Oooh. Wow. I'm sorry, dawg, but that was not good. What do you think, Darla?"

Darla: "There's something very special about you, Kelli. A kind of hazy...colorful...haze. Yeah. In fact, I think...I think I love you. OW! Nigel, what was that for?"

Nigel: "Darla, don't make me take away your sippy cup again."

Kelli: " that mean I win?"

Nigel: "Kelli, there aren't enough words in the English language to adequately describe how terrible that was. Looking at your cake is like having my eyes plucked out, wrapped in burlap, and beaten with a cactus. I'm actually nauseated. You disgust me."

Kelli: ""

Wow, it's been a rough night for our wreckerators. Will Billy, our final contestant of the night, turn things around?

"My name's Billy, and I'm gonna rock your worlds with Pretty Pink Ribbons, by Cake."

Randall: "Wow. Nice choice."

Billy: "Yes, sir. Prepare to be amazed."

Darla: "WHAT IN THE H...[falling out of chair]...oooph!"

Randall: "Sorry, Darla. Here, have your sippy cup."

Darla: [from floor] "Bad! Baaaad!!"

Randall: "Yeah, I gotta say, dawg, that is pretty heinous. Nigel?"

Nigel: "I rather like it."

Jenna C., Josee, Diana B., & Katie C., I'd say your wedding wrecks and a snarky British judge are a match made in heaven.

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Reader Comments (92)

As a bride-to-be currently choosing a baker, you just gave me nightmares. And I thank you for that.

August 11, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterRachel

After seeing that cake with the feathers on it, I think my search for my wedding cake has ended. But after seeing the wreck it inspired, I think my search for my wedding cake has been reinstated.

The commentary and song choice for that cake were brilliant!

August 11, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterInaya

Okay so despite it's heinous appearance, I would actually eat that chocolate cake. The rest of them would have to improve to be crap. Wow, especially that pink one, what WERE they thinking? I mean, it's actually nauseous-making!

August 11, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterGrnEyes

These wrecks make me happy to be married and not have the worry of these "visions" to surprise me on my wedding day. I think I would have just broken down and cried had I been confronted with these.

August 11, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterDonna

Ah, inspiration vs. perspiration wrecks! Part of me feels guilty at taking such pleasure in the misery of others, especially since that misery occurred on the happiest day of their lives (and didn't come cheap), but then I get over it and revel in just how bad some of these wrecks turn out.

August 11, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterAnne

Does the writing one say "Kahlua Ick"?

August 11, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterAnonymous

OMG! I love the inspiration vs perspiration posts! How can they get it SO wrong?!?! Thankd for starting my day off with an LOL!

Don't forget to vote for Icing Smiles so they can bring cakes to critically ill children!

August 11, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterJenniffer

There always must be a snarky British judge on every reality panel..... that's what makes it so funny!

August 11, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterClara

I feel sorry for the brides.... WTH wants to eat a gray cake? And I thought that it could not get worse; but, Pinky blew me away - while looking like s tiff wind could blow it away (and what's left of the icing)

WV: skyllift- what that first cake needs to fly

August 11, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterKaren

The Wind Beneath My Wings wreck is just amazing. Topped off with wilted asparagus, it must have been a horror to behold! I hope this "professional" found a new career after presenting that mess.

Glad our wedding cake 26 years ago today was just a simple carrot cake, no decorations but yummy.

August 11, 2010 | Unregistered Commenterbassgirl

High fives for Cake (the band) references!

August 11, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterJHill

@Anonymous 9:38 - I think it says "Kahlua I do". Is that the NAME of the bride or groom?! Or is the decorator warning people that there's Kahlua in the cake? I hope it's the latter.

August 11, 2010 | Unregistered Commentersrah

Gosh. Looking at these cakes makes me scared of getting married one day to a hypothetical future husband; we would risk having a hypothetical future cake wreck...

-French Bean

August 11, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterFrench Bean & Coffee Bean

So, this always makes me wonder if these are cases of 'you get what you pay for'...if someone quotes you a low, low price and you give them inspiration pics like that, what do you expect, exactly? I mean, yes, the baker/wreckerator should come clean with a 'that is beyond the scope of my abilities' but if you have expectations like those pics (which I love, btw) you had better plan on spending a pretty penny.

On the flip side, if any of them paid what those cakes should have been worth and then got those
wrecks I hope they got a refund.

I think I'll go dig out a picture of my beautiful, executed to perfection, so-pretty-it-made-me-cry wedding cake just to remind myself that they do exist.

:) Kirsten

August 11, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterAnonymous

Ha! This is the first time a "Darla" has been "nice." Usually we're portrayed as being pret-ty psycho!!

That pink, melty, ribbon-holding-it-together cake made me queasy.

August 11, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterDarla

Oh God! MY EYES! MY EYES!!!! That last cake has burned them out forever.


August 11, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterAnonymous

I was away from my computer for a week, and had lost my will to laugh -- you've brought it back. Thank you.

Although, I think Pinky there has made me lose my brekky.

Who needs actual food when virtual cake is able to make one laugh this hard? Marie Antoinette had it right.


WV--dysisi Anyone who wouldn't touch that cake with a fork is simply dysisi.

August 11, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterAnonymous

My ex-nurse genes pick the darndest times to rear their heads....

The moment I saw the pink caketastrophe I immediately thought "Hmmm...uterine scrapings."

And yes, my dinner table/restaurant conversations are awesome.

August 11, 2010 | Unregistered Commentermorriganscrow

Is it just me, or do all of those wrecks look like they're melted, or in the process of melting?

And as I've said many times before, I REALLY hope nobody was required to actually pay for those wrecks. Horrid.

August 11, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterAngie

Oh... my. That pink one is something special. Is that supposed to be poured fondant? Ick.

August 11, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterTracy

It's so much worse when you can see the inspiration.

I do like that it says "Kahlua" real big at the top of that one, though.

August 11, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterEG

The third cake that was copied is beautiful. The copy horrified me.

August 11, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterThe Boob Nazi

I just got married less than 3 weeks ago, and I comforted myself with thinking, "If our cake turns out badly, we can just submit it to cake wrecks!" but if I walked in and saw that pink cake....oh man. Someone really, honest-to-goodness, got paid for that? Really?? And they're still alive??

August 11, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterDorothy

Cupcakes. Individual cupcakes. No decoration. That's the way to go.

I'm going to be haunted by these disasters forevermore.

WV: plererch - the sound my stomach made while viewing the cake on this post.

August 11, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterNikki

lovely photography on that pepto bismol turd there, but it's not enough to save it...i assume that was the wedding photographer and not the bakery, who would want to promote that mess?

August 11, 2010 | Unregistered Commenterkelly

Handwriting horrors, what did that say?
Leaning tiers to ruin your wedding day.....
We will, we will wreck you!
We will, we will wreck you!

Sharon's Edible Art

August 11, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterSharon

Dude, get a manicure!

August 11, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterAnonymous

The real version of the first cake doesn't really do it for me either. And the chocolate one (non wreck version) was exactly like the Groom's cake at my b-i-ls wedding in Hawaii.

August 11, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterFran

Kahlua? Really? Kahlua?!?
They'd need to drink it by the bottle to get past that cake.
Wow. In fact, I'm thinking about hitting the sauce after seeing those! And clearly the decorators hit it hard before decorating!

Hilarious! I literally laughed out loud. The "Idle" stuff was great, one of my favorite posts ever.

August 11, 2010 | Unregistered Commenterlawnajo

Yes, yessssssss!! I love love love the 'what was requested/what they actually got' posts! I was hooked in the beginning with that plaid cake (OMG, I still go back to that and laugh)
Any way this could be a regular feature?

August 11, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterCarol

Makes me happy yet again that my mom & I made my wedding cake. There's something to be said for Wilton classes!

August 11, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterLori

Love the Pretty Pink Ribbon mention! Now we can add great musical taste to your outstanding wit and clever cultural references!

August 11, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterAmy

Buahahahah!! That has to be your best inspiration vs. delivery posts ever! Thanks.

August 11, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterBrooke

It took me about 10 minutes to figure out this was a "missed marks" post, partially because the "inspirations" are all pretty ugly, in my opinion!

The "Idle" commentary is pretty funny though :-)

August 11, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterZanthia

How do you guys manage to make everything so spot on hilarious?

I might need a, ;-) ;-) "sippy cup" of my own if I had to judge those cakes.

August 11, 2010 | Unregistered Commenterania

Pffffff... best commentary ever :)

your word verifier says "stable" obviously it hasn't seen many of the cakes today.

August 11, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterT

That last one...oh my...I really hope no actual money exchanged hands on that one. It just makes me sad.

August 11, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterAnna

Besides the last cake, not ever the ORIGINALS were that good. How can you not get a wreck when the standard is so so so low?

WV: hoost-the host of a game show involving owls.

August 11, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterMeaghan

Most of the pictures on which these were "based" in the first place didn't thrill me to begin with. But yuck!

August 11, 2010 | Unregistered Commenterelissa

I think if I ever get married (again) we're having a cookie tray.

August 11, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterLisa

Between the first two photos, I'm genuinely unsure which one is the wreck, and which the inspiration. Both are, well...not my taste, and neither looks particularly well done. Plus, feathers on a cake? eeeeeeewwwww why don't we go ahead and bake a blackbird in a pie?

August 11, 2010 | Unregistered Commenterclan of the cave hair

How can any self-respecting professional baker turn out such crap??? Did you notice that even the seashells were trying to escape from that chocolate cake, all crowded over to the edge, ready to take the plunge? Now, granted, maybe some of the brides wanted a $1000 designed cake but only wanted to pay $100 for it, but still, these are just too hideous.

August 11, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterDonkaloosa

Really? All of these cakes were really, REALLY made by people who call themselves "professionals"? And People give them MONEY? Like, REAL money? I just... wow. Those poor brides :(

August 11, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterAnonymous

At first, I thought the first feather cake WAS the wreck! Whoops!! =)

August 11, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterEmily M

I remember my wedding cake to my ex, the cake itself was beautiful, I picked it out of the baker's book. It was random piped squiggled lines (I'm not that good at describing it) over the surface of the cake with a piped color border (using a star tip I think) The cake was white. I asked for lavender icing for the color border, what I got was hot eye bleed fuchsia.

I don't have pics of the cake as my ex mother-in-law kept our proof book to "pic out photos she wanted to order an album" and 15 years later still has it. [eye roll] she can keep it.

The cake as a whole wasn't at all a wreck, it was beautiful, but I still wonder to this day how one could confuse hot eye bleed fuchsia with lavender, and I explained PALE PALE purple.

My mother's comment "You should have shown her a color swatch" I honestly don't think it would have helped.

That last cake brought back the color memories lol

August 11, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterMiss Mina

I just assumed the first one was a wreck. The colors, the feathers...

I love the compare and contrast. My wedding cake (professionally made) wouldn't win any prizes, but it was pretty. I would have cried if one of those showed up at my reception.

August 11, 2010 | Unregistered Commenterlady

I always wonder if when the bride and groom see the wrecktacular mess they've been given, that they pay someone to run out to the nearest bakery and buy a plain sheet cake - but seeing them actually cutting the kahlua cake? I think I would have thrown my arms up and said "not cutting this thing, anyone wanna come grab a chunk?"

August 11, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterLaury

Oh dear...this makes me so nervous at the idea of choosing my cake.

I wish that there were stories with these inspiration vs. perspiration. I too am curious (read deathly afraid) about how they get from photo to disaster!

August 11, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterErika

EEEK that last cake. It's like they dumped strawberry YOOHOO on it and called it frosting. EEK.

August 11, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterDecrepit Telephone

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