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What's a Wreck?

A Cake Wreck is any cake that is unintentionally sad, silly, creepy, inappropriate - you name it. A Wreck is not necessarily a poorly-made cake; it's simply one I find funny, for any of a number of reasons. Anyone who has ever smeared frosting on a baked good has made a Wreck at one time or another, so I'm not here to vilify decorators: Cake Wrecks is just about finding the funny in unexpected, sugar-filled places.

Now, don't you have a photo you want to send me? ;)

- Jen
Friday
Sep242010

This Calls For a Par-Tay

Birthdays and weddings? Pshaw. That's nothing. How about...

...celebrating your favorite fashion fetish?

And I love cake! We should be friends.

No, you can't borrow my yellow boots. Yes, I know they're awesome. No, sorry, you can't "just hold one for a minute." Hey, what are you...are you smelling my shoes?!? Dude, this is getting kind of uncomfortable. You know what? How 'bout you just give me my slice of cake and I'll go eat it in my cubicle?

Ok, so maybe fashion fetish cakes aren't the best idea. How about obscure lines from 60's sitcoms?

Here's a story

Of a lovely lady!

(everybody, now!)

Who was something something very lovely something!

Something something...something...

something...
.....

AND THAT'S THE WAAAAY WE BECAAAME THE BRADY BUNCH!

Alright, maybe some of us don't remember the Brady Bunch that well.

HOWEVER, who couldn't use a cake like this?

Perfect for blind dates.

(The visual is in case they happen to be illiterate. Or Canadian.)

And once the honeymoon's over, there's always this handy design to let your mate know exactly where s/he stands:

Or, in this case, sleeps.

[It says, "You're in the doghouse now!"]

It's kind of a mixed message, though, don't you think? I mean, I'm in the doghouse, but you're giving me...cake? (Granted, a vile cupcake cake - ptooie!- but still.) Hmm. Yeah, I've thought it over, and you know what? I *still* think those pants make you look fat. So THERE. And I hear there's a sale on sheet cakes today. Just thought you should know.

And speaking of repeat offenders...

If loving your favorite gun enough to celebrate it with a cake is an offense, then call me not guilty. (I prefer cannoli. Unless it's an automatic, of course; in that case, I go with the more traditional JELL-O Jigglers.)

"But, Jinn," you're thinking - because now you've confused me with a bottle-dwelling genie, or maybe that guy on LOST - "Jinn, I don't *have* a favorite gun to celebrate! Or any gun at all!"

Well, my sadly confused friend, never fear; no matter who you are, or what you're celebrating, I've found a cake that will truly go with any occasion:

It's like a one-size-fits all.

Assuming the "all" is one person, of course.

Thanks to Alison D., Becky K., Sondra D., Kasey R., Laurie R., & Mia L., Mia L., Mia L., who I believe are all Canadian. And I love them. In fact, I love Canada. I love Canadian stuff. The fact that I've chosen to make Canada my knee-jerk nemesis for this post is really just a reflection of my deep-seated love and respect for this country and its people. 'Cuz they can take a joke. And won't, for example, hunt down errant bloggers with packs of wild meese. (That IS the plural of moose, right?)

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Reader Comments (127)

Extremely funny post! I'm so glad I wasn't drinking anything ('cause it would be already be out of my nose and onto my keyboard).

September 24, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterAnonymous

I am Canadian, but I don't take any offense to that, considering here in the North we do love making fun of the Americans.

September 24, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterAnonymous

I hate to be grammatically correct, but the plural of mouse is mice and the plural of moose is moose. Moose is both singular and plural. Although I use the word meeses in place of mice, I don't technically think it's a word. Anybody up for trying to get it in the dictionary?!

Meeses: Plural of moose of mouse,take your pick.

September 24, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterAnonymous

I don't know which is funnier... the cakes or your commentary! You are freakin' hilarious!

September 24, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterAnonymous

If it's already been said, forgive me but the "Marsha, Marsha, Marsha" quote was from a commercial of the same vintage, but it's not a Brady Bunch reference. I don't remember what they were selling, but they were satirizing romantic / fuzzy-film romance by having 2 lovers run towards each other in slo-mo. "She" was saying, "John," once, and he replied...then they kept turning up the ludicrous until it was three of each name.........Yes, I'm old enough to remember it. Our family still jokes about it.

September 24, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterAnonymous

The shoe cake reminds me of Romy and Michelle's High School Reunion:

"Would you excuse me? I cut my foot before and my shoe is filling up with blood."

WV:ectona- That is ectona ugly cakes!

September 24, 2010 | Unregistered Commentervioletfade

I think the CCC is technically a cupcake MOSAIC, which you said was ok. Granted, it's a bad cupcake mosaic, but that would make it not a CCC and therefore not ptooie-worthy, correct?

September 24, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterAnonymous

Lol at that got crabs cake.. Oh my. Is there ever an appropriate occasion short of an impending break up to use a cake like that? Can't stop laughing. Maybe a vengeful ex gave that cake to a happy new couple..so many evil things wreckerators do to ruin cake.

September 25, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterArlene

@Davina LOL!

As a Canadian AND a Brady I think I should get the corner on the Offended market! ;)

September 25, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterKristeen

That tomato soup can really was condensed...
As for the gun cake, the only thing I can thing is someone told the cake orderer they wanted to put a gun barrel down their throat for their birthday. A little macabre, but hey, it could happen. McWorld!

September 25, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterAnonymous

As a Canadian, I'm always just happy to be mentioned. It doesn't have to make any sense. Aww, look, they're talking about us!

September 25, 2010 | Unregistered Commenterrachel

Ok now on the count of three, 1-2-3 "Mom always said 'Don't play ball in the house'"

Brady Bunch for-the-WIN!

September 25, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterVeggieT

@elissa said...
"Is it really a cupcake cake if it's just individual cupcakes arranged into a shape? These are not slathered together by a mass of icing mortar, after all."

Let the battle begin!! You are actually correct, this is a display of cupcakes vs. a CCC (ptooie). However, is it any less asthetically offensive? Anyone, anyone?

@Brookeville said...
"I wonder whether the Crabe cake is flavored with Old Bay spices? That would be unique."

OMG- I got bile in my throat over that one! ICK

The only John,John,John and Marsha,Marsha,Marsha skit I know was the Bugs Bunny ripoff! :D

P.S. Jen, there is no one-size-fits-all cake: I know someone allergic to tomatoes (and, incidentally, someone allergic to only fresh tomatoes...)

-Barbara Anne

September 25, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterAnonymous

Excellent post and even better comments! Well done, my fellow followers! Well done!

Kim in ID

September 25, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterAnonymous

No it would be Moosen.. Just ask Brian Regan

September 25, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterDanielle

DO you think you could stop with the all the shots at Canadians? It got boring a long time ago and it certainly puts me off visiting your blog or buying your book.

September 25, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterSuburban Princess

I love the gun cake. It's amazing!

September 25, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterJames

Yep, Blame Canada. We can take it. We're ... nice. Some of us even have pet meese. It's all good. Mmmmm cake!

September 25, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterRainyday

Jen,

I do believe that's the Mal pistol.

http://store.qmxonline.com/Official-Malcolm-Reynolds-Stunt-Pistol-Replica_p_22.html

Cake is still wrecky, but that's the only gun I'd put on a cake. That and Vera.

September 26, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterCarrieP

Ok, im 14, and I have the brady bunch theme song down by heart. clearly, you need to work on ur theme songs

September 26, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterAnonymous

um, the gun one is kinda cool in a kitschy kind of way

September 26, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterLittle Lovables

As a Canadian english teacher, I just wanted to say the "pack of wild meese" comment made me laugh out loud. Love this site!

September 30, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterGenaboBena

ha ha ha! Guns-N-Roses. Great wit! lol xx

October 14, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterCupcakes Lady

Yup, meese, I'm sure. I mean, there're geese, right?

Well, I thouhgt it made sense. Then somebody told me I was wrong.

December 3, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterArtemis

So is that last cake a piece of pop art?

February 11, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterTana

What does the 3rd cake mean?

November 21, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterG (yes, me again)

So there's a cake if you're a fan of guns & roses and one if you're a fan of Andy Warhol?
Sweet!

September 1, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterElanor

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