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What's a Wreck?

A Cake Wreck is any cake that is unintentionally sad, silly, creepy, inappropriate - you name it. A Wreck is not necessarily a poorly-made cake; it's simply one I find funny, for any of a number of reasons. Anyone who has ever smeared frosting on a baked good has made a Wreck at one time or another, so I'm not here to vilify decorators: Cake Wrecks is just about finding the funny in unexpected, sugar-filled places.

Now, don't you have a photo you want to send me? ;)

- Jen
Tuesday
Jan252011

Well Met, Helmet

Apparently, there was a football game over the weekend. Or something. And while I care slightly less about football than I do about squirrel husbandry, I figured now would be a good time to talk to you about protection.

Er, of your heads, I mean. Not my squirrels' nuts. (Those are in the shed. Next to the zippers.)

So...helmets! For your heads! Except the cake ones, of course, which are for your mouth!

It's actually really hard to make a cake that looks like a helmet. There are all the doodads and thingamajigs and whoosywhatsits, and if you're not careful it just looks like a heap a' flimflam jibber jabber!

(Wow. I just turned into my grandfather)

First, let's have Mr. Floopers model a real football helmet for us:

"I hate you."

See? It's simple. Just wrap your cat in a towel, and you can get almost anything on his head.

Oh, and the helmet is pretty easy, too.

In fact, when you break it down artistically, you can see that it's really just a big tombstone with a snail on it:

RIP, Ravens.

Or a one-tentacled jellyfish:



Make sure your helmets are well-rounded, though.

"Comb the dessert!"

A well-executed cupcake cake (hooy-patooty!) is great for crushing the other team's spirit.

"Choppin' broccoli!
I'm choppin' brocolay-hay!
I'm choppin' broccoli!"

Why, just look at the terror in their eyes:



Or you could confuse them with the abstract method:

"And that little pile of poo is a fleur de lis!"

[other team's minds exploding]

You could also try a little more Sparta than Super Bowl:

Hey, a football field is 300 feet.

And remember, when all else fails, try the ultimate offensive play:

Peeping Tom Brady. [shudder]

Thanks to Tim M., Cassidy S., Hunter F., Molly M., Erica B., Dena G., Amy K., & Lisa K., who think someone really should tell Giselle.

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Reader Comments (118)

Choppin' broccoli just made my day!

"And if I didn't know her...she'd be the lady I didn't know!"

January 26, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterS Ketne

It is STARING at me! *Whimper*
-B

January 26, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterAnonymous

I have never in my life felt compelled to reply to a blog post.

But whoever created these monstrosities completely deserves the d and the a and the m and the n and the a and the t and the i-o-n.

January 26, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterMandy

comb the dessert! or desert. whichever fits. toooo funny.

January 26, 2011 | Unregistered Commentermrspotts66

Mr. Floopers is going to hurt you. I know that look well.

January 26, 2011 | Unregistered Commenterfurpurrson

Good grief. I live in the heart of Patriots'-Land, am an actual Patriots' fan, and I wouldn't fork over $3.95, much less $39.95 for that Tom Brady helmet cake (is that what it is? really?)! That's awful. Please tell me that was for sale in Jets-Land... pretty please with buttercream on it?

Merry at Annie's Book Stop, Sharon, MA

January 26, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterAnonymous

Every time I think you have posted the most ghastly cake ever made, why, I discover soon after that I was wrong. There is a limitless supply out there, limitless. Did you know this when you first started this blog?

January 26, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterKerry

squirrel nut's zippers...well played.

January 27, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterAnonymous

My lady, she went downtown
She bought some ...broccoli
She brought it ho-ome

January 27, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterKittie Cupcakes

Your cakes are hilarious. I like the touch of sarcasm and I bet they taste great.

Thanks for sharing.

January 27, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterAnaDrol

Are they *seriously* asking $39.95 for the cake with Tom Brady's eyeballs peeking out?! Wow... That takes some (foot)balls! :-)

January 27, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterKathryn

oh dear. is there anyone in charge of any of these bakeries, or do they just select random people from the pickle aisle and say, "here, decorate a cake for us!!" sigh.

January 27, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterLetitia

Thank you, thank you, and thank you for making the Dana Carvey concert joke! I always enjoy reading your updates, but tonight I REALLY needed some good laughs and you delivered brilliantly.

January 27, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterJeri Ann

"Comb the dessert" and "Choppin' Broccoli" were the best comments to me. I love it when somebody else has an eclectic sense of humor.

January 28, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterTim

oh, my sides, they ache...
hahaha... new swing *and* older saturday night live references made these that much funnier!
keep doing what you do!

January 29, 2011 | Unregistered Commentercalamityjane

Mr Floopers looks like he's thinking "Son of a..they've got a camera." But the surprised beheaded football players really did it, mascara is ruined, sides hurt, thank you I really needed that. :)

February 1, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterStephm

Thanks for putting Mr. Floopers in a Packers helmet!!! I'm a cheesehead so it made my day :) I've been thinking of converting my VW Beetle into a big Green Bay helmet. What do you think?

February 15, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterAlyska

of the yellow thing, Quoth my daughter, "It's a sad pie"

April 20, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterAnonymous

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