My Other Blog

What's a Wreck?

A Cake Wreck is any cake that is unintentionally sad, silly, creepy, inappropriate - you name it. A Wreck is not necessarily a poorly-made cake; it's simply one I find funny, for any of a number of reasons. Anyone who has ever smeared frosting on a baked good has made a Wreck at one time or another, so I'm not here to vilify decorators: Cake Wrecks is just about finding the funny in unexpected, sugar-filled places.

Now, don't you have a photo you want to send me? ;)

- Jen

Putting the "Ha!" in Halloween

You guys, it's Halloween! And you know what that means, right?

Yep: Time to get our hands on some cake.

Finger-licking bad.


Or I suppose we could sink our teeth into


...never mind.


Just keep your eyes off this pumpkin cake, if you please:

Thank you.


I'm having a hard time wrapping my brain around this design:


Oh, I know! Maybe it's a window pane!




I did wonder why Frank there had no nose, but then I realized:

That's why.

Yep, you could say it's as plain as the dong on his face.


Come to think of it, this bakery really should reevaluate their staff:

'Cuz that's one broomstick that should be swept under the rug.
You know, for being too hard to handle.
Not to mention stick-y.


And so, my friends, in conclusion:






Thanks to A.F., C.C., Linda L., Donna S., Patrick M., Dana, Jeremy C., & Kelsey N. for the tricky treats.

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Reader Comments (45)

The last one's totally a Deathly Hallows cake!

October 31, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterParagrin

Man, is it bad that I actually saw an almost tolerable version of the Frankie ccc *yuck!* at my local Kroger? And I thought it was bad because of the wacky amounts of frosting...

October 31, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterIvy_Wolfe

Well... I was trying to figure out why there was a bunch of bacon on that second cake (other than the obvious - bacon goes with everything!) It took way to long to see that they were teeth....

October 31, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterJen

The Cake Wrecks Smash (with apologies to Bobby “Boris” Pickett)

I was working in the bakery late one night
When my eyes beheld a scary sight,
My cake, from its pan began to rise,
And suddenly to my surprise

It did the Smash, it did the Cake Wrecks Smash,
The Cake Wrecks Smash, it’s no bakery trash.
It did the Smash, it caught on in a flash.
It did the Smash, it did the Cake Wrecks Smash.

From the well-equipped kitchen in the bakery east,
To the pantry in the basement where I keep the yeast,
The ingredients came up from their humble abodes
To get a jolt from the oven’s electrodes.

They did the Smash, they did the Cake Wrecks Smash,
The Cake Wrecks Smash, it’s no bakery trash,
They did the Smash, they caught on in a flash,
They did the Smash, they did the Cake Wrecks Smash

The sprinkles were having fun,
The party had just begun.
The guests included some sugar,
And butter by the ton.

The scene was cooking, all were digging the sound:
Wooden spoons on chains, backed by baying horehound.
The Mixing Bowl Bangers were about to arrive
With their vocal group, the Frosting Tips Five.

They did the Smash, they played the Cake Wrecks Smash,
The Cake Wrecks Smash, it’s no bakery trash,
They played the Smash, they caught on in a flash.
They played the Smash, they played the Cake Wrecks Smash.

Out of the canister flour’s voice did ring,
Seems like he was troubled by just one thing.
Opened the lid, shook his spoona, and said
“What ever happened to my rockin’ Macaroona?”

It’s now the Smash, it’s now the Cake Wrecks Smash,
The Cake Wrecks Smash, it’s no bakery trash,
It’s now the Smash, it caught on in a flash,
It’s now the Smash, it’s now the Cake Wrecks Smash.

Now everything’s cool, flour’s part of the band
And the Cake Wreck Smash is the hit of the land.
For you, non-bakers, this Smash was meant, too,
When you see all your friends, give ‘em a Cake Wrecks Ooob!

Then you can Smash, then you can Cake Wrecks Smash.
Cake Wrecks Smash, it’s no bakery trash.
Then you can Smash, you’ll catch on in a flash,
Then you can Smash, you did the Cake Wrecks Smash!

happy halloVVeen!

October 31, 2011 | Unregistered Commentermel

Thank you very much for telling me that was a broom, because that was pretty much the one thing that DIDN'T pass through my mind.

October 31, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterMarama

The first cake is obviously an homage to the dinner party scene in Beetlejuice.

October 31, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterJami

Its HAAlloween, because that cake played a practical joke on the pumpkin cake - stole its eyes. Right? Maybe?

October 31, 2011 | Unregistered Commentermelissa

Sperm ghosts! and flesh colored thick-staffed "broomsticks"....yah....

October 31, 2011 | Unregistered Commenteranonymous

@ Jen - it also took me awhile to figure out they're teeth. What are they sitting on though? Cheese from a can and guacamole? Or a squished pumpkin?

October 31, 2011 | Unregistered Commentercc

I was at my local grocery store yesterday, and saw one of those giant cookies decorated for Halloween. Being someone with a usually malfunctioning social filter, I said (very loudly) "SPERM!" My husband whipped around and said WHAT? I just pointed at the cookie, and said again "SPERM!"

He laughed. The lady who works in the bakery- not so much. :-/

October 31, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterDazie

Am I going nuts here? I thought that we saw a few of these just a few days ago, but in scrolling back, don't see them now..

It's work I tell ya.. driving me insane..

[Editor's note- Bwoops. We accidentally published this draft on Saturday and took it down within 30 minutes. -john]

October 31, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterSue

Just 1 more day! Jen and John will be in Toronto tomorrow!
(I have "The Monster Mash" stuck in my head today.)

I was looking at the cakes on my favourite site
Snickering at Halloween’s bakery blight
There’s icing blob confusion, and some missing eyes
But old Frank’s nose was the greatest surprise
The monster flashed!
His spider hair-clip might clash
*the monster flashed*
Sperm ghosts are always a smash
*the monster flashed*
Are those crumbs or a rash?
*the monster flashed*
That’s a broom? Balderdash!

October 31, 2011 | Unregistered Commenterzoomom

Cake 1: one hand in the back got smashed by a door or coffin lid...ouch! Hate when that happens!

Cake 2: Definitely trick.

Cake 3: Fail to see what's so funny....

Cake 4: Huh? Looks like his face is on his body instead of where his head should be...that's abby normal.

Cake 5: Frank looks a little stuck up.

Cake 6: Man that cake is soooooo wrong on so many levels with that "broom"...the chocolate stars, the squiggles....

Cake 7: Oooh a two-fer! Sperm ghosts AND a misspelling!

Cake 8: My first thought was the same as Paragrin's.

LOL Mel - good one!!!!

October 31, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterLoo-E Loo-I

Mel, great minds think alike, right? Your version of Monster Mash wasn't up yet when I did mine. I think it's just too funny that we did different versions of the same thing. Kudos to you, though, for doing the whole song! Wow!

October 31, 2011 | Unregistered Commenterzoomom

LOLOL@Mel. Who are these bakers, out work porn stars D:

October 31, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterMINDY1

I like those claw or talon or witch finger cupcakes. I think they are fairly well done. Kids would like them too, at least mine would!
What did you see wrong with them? They even have one digit different for the thumb. Oh, they aren't the Sunday kind of cupcakes, but they are much better than "wrecks."

October 31, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterLisa

What is on that second cake/cookie? Those don't look like teeth at all! Eeewwwwww
AWESOME puns!!!!!
Love, love the Cake Wrecks Smash

October 31, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterMaureen

@mel--HOLY HAALOWEEN!! I bow to your greatness.

I think the "window pane" one looks like the bear from the Charmin toilet paper commercials--with some unfortunate growth sewn to the top of his head.

October 31, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterJulie

"Cake" 2: When Good Bacon Goes Bad... News at 11:00!!!

Final cake: Evidently, the holiday "Hallow" involves grass, spiderwebs and peaches. Who knew? (Maybe it's a Roald Dahl thing...).

October 31, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterBADKarma

ok Thanks John I thought I was going crazy 'cause I did see Saturday's post. Good news is you changed it up a little so wasn't exactly the same!!

My issue with that pumpkin cake are those pink things.. Brooms are they... REALLY!?! Yeah still don't see it but this gutter my head is in looks fantastic!!

October 31, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterPenny

Broomstick eh? Ok, if you say so but I'm not convinced...........

October 31, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterCaroline B

Got this email joke today...thought it fitting for the one cake....

Two brooms were hanging in the closet and after a while they got to know each other so well, they decided to get married.

One broom was, of course, the bride broom, the other the groom broom.

The bride broom looked very beautiful in her white dress. The groom broom was handsome and suave in his tuxedo. The wedding was lovely.

After the wedding, at the wedding dinner, the bride broom leaned over and said to the groom broom, 'I think I am going to have a little whisk broom!'

'IMPOSSIBLE !' said the groom broom.

'We haven't even SWEPT together!'

Sounds to me like she's been sweeping around....


October 31, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterLoo-E Loo-I

Glad you told me that one thing was a broomstick, cuz I'm not sure I would have figured it out.

Talk about a happy halloweenie.

October 31, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterTrista

Ok, who else really had to stare at cake 2 to figure out what in the heck was on it??

October 31, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterTrekkie Gal

Frankenstein's nose looks like he's flipping the bird. I would to, at the baker that made that kind of nose for me.

October 31, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterCAM

@zoomom: you are so right -- this is proof -- great minds DO think alike! i like your song -- a great refrain!

October 31, 2011 | Unregistered Commentermel

Frankenstein's nose would sure add a new twist to the Pinocchio story -- and I'm not lying! (Let's hope he doesn't either...)

@mel and @zoomom -- Guess what song I'm going to have stuck in my head all day? Your songs were brilliant squared.

October 31, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterSharyn

@mel - awesome!

it took me a minute to figure out those were teeth on the second cake. I kept wondering why they piped bacon on the orange blobs.

October 31, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterRachael

#1 Now that's a Gerber daisy!

#2 Not just bacon, but raw bacon -- on a CCCC!

#3 I always thought the song was 'Eyes Without a Face'. Who knew.

#4 My first thought: 'Mutant starfish with oven mitt for nose', but that makes no sense.

#5 That guy's a real d**k-head.

#6 & 7 I'm starting to see a theme to these posts. (I know; took me long enough, right?)

#8 Finally, a cake that celebrates November 1st. (Or October 31 before sundown, if you prefer). Or else it's that 'fear of the letter 'e'' thing again, but that would be "Happy Hallown".

October 31, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterCraig

EEN to you and yours, too!

October 31, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterFlartus

I was just going to write that I couldn't make out the teeth on cake (er, cookie) #2, when it clicked. And they appear to have red gummy fangs! Still can't figure out the green & orange, though. Maybe they're biting into a pumpkin from above?

October 31, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterJen

um...why do Frank's nipples have eyebrows??? (Cake #4)

October 31, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterMree

I wonder what the baker would say if you asked what these cakes meant?
cake 01- "Well, as you can see, these are frozen sausages and whipped cream on a puree of silly-string."
cake 02- "*scoff* Well, those are OBVIOUSLY vampire teeth on marmalade and guacamole!
cake 03- "It uh, appears to be underwear on a white backdrop, with graham cracker bits.[duh!]"
cake 04- "..."
cake 05- "What do you MEAN it looks like his nose is making a dirty gesture?"
cake 06- "oh, so you've never tried to decorate a cake with only five minutes to spare? Well I thought it looked like a broom!"
cake 07- "It's happy smile-y balloons with a pair of eyes and two depressed pumpkins. any more questions?"
cake 08- "We're closed, go away."

October 31, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterTifa

John, thanks for the note about the oopsie.. I really thought that I was going bonkers. "Wait.. I DID see some of those... but the whole post isn't quite the same..."

Glad that I'm not yet quite insane.. :)

October 31, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterSue

"He must have an enormous schwanstucke."

October 31, 2011 | Unregistered Commenterstarbuck

My daughter could not figure out what was on the cookie cake (#2), so I explained they were vampire's dentures lying on road-kill pumpkins!

October 31, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterLucinda

Okay, I've posted before when people have said 'I don't get this, can you explain?' but now it's my turn to be confused... I don't get the 'window pane' line for cake number 4. I can see why it's a wreck, and I get the 'ow' bit ... and I can see how the sideways teeth look like a window frame ... is there more to it than that? Is there a reference I'm missing? (Am I going to have to smack myself in the head when someone tells me?)

October 31, 2011 | Unregistered CommentertheangelJean

Cake 4 is a Frankenstein hot water bottle

October 31, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterChucknorris1975

disembodied hands, I see.
half moon with few teeth, I see.
big green wtf blob, I see.
Mo from the candy store, I see (Stephanie Plum reference, it's the first thing I thought of: old Penis Nose).
sunken-in spider web of doom, I see. other "part" noticed after some scrutiny.
the eyes from cake #3, I see.
kumquats, I see.

teeth? on cake #2? nope. turned my head left. nope. turned my head right. nope. asked the dog's opinion. nope. gave up and re-read the posts from mel & zoomom several more times each. :D

October 31, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterBarbara Anne

No, CAM, it's not a flipping bird, it's'broom'
**cough, cough**

October 31, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterDeeta

I think the 2nd cake has sushi on it. Not sure what sushi has to do with trick or treat!

November 1, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterMarimij

No, no, no! Cake #2 is the naked baby carrot jockey's teeth once they have grown old and the carrots have decayed a bit! Didn't you know that, in addition to being naked, babied and accomplished carrot jockeys, the kids are secretly vampires as well?

November 1, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterLiz B.

I was showing cake #6 to DH and we had the same thought at the same time- a wizard's staff has a knob on the end :-)

November 1, 2011 | Unregistered Commentercolleenoz

"plain as the dong on his face" !!!!!!! Can't. Stop. Laughing. *gasping for air*

November 5, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterRobyn

When you said Haa, it reminded me of that song dragostea din tei that goes "mai ai hee, mai ai hoo, mai ai haa, mai ai ha ah".

November 24, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterRomeo

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