Today we're going to talk about what makes a successful blog post. Remember, it is very important to follow these instructions carefully, or else trolls may never find you and tell you how stupid you are.
Start with boobs.
Because an internet without boobs is like fingers without bones: Horrifying.
Add adorable animals, like:
And, of course, monkeys...
Now that you've captured the attention of your audience, it's time to talk about something important and life changing.
You know, like Kim Kardashian's divorce:
And don't forget to sprinkle in a generous helping of "hip slang" for your peeps, yo!
"J... J... Jammin' on the one."
Finally, once you've wowed your audience with your insightful wisdom, it's time to leave them wanting more. If you have more boobs, now would be a good time to use them.
Unless they look like that.
If not, you can always say something about Justin Beiber:
Because love him or hate him, he is the internet.
That and boobs.
Thanks to Kristen M., Christina E., Kara A., Bethany M., Sarah H., Jill H., Zoe B., and Anony M., who would NEVER marry for a TV show or for money. Uh...right, guys?