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What's a Wreck?

A Cake Wreck is any cake that is unintentionally sad, silly, creepy, inappropriate - you name it. A Wreck is not necessarily a poorly-made cake; it's simply one I find funny, for any of a number of reasons. Anyone who has ever smeared frosting on a baked good has made a Wreck at one time or another, so I'm not here to vilify decorators: Cake Wrecks is just about finding the funny in unexpected, sugar-filled places.

Now, don't you have a photo you want to send me? ;)

- Jen
Wednesday
Jun252014

How To Be Popular On The Internet

Today we're going to talk about what makes a successful blog post. Remember, it is very important to follow these instructions carefully, or else trolls may never find you and tell you how stupid you are.

 

Step 1:

Start with boobs.

Because an internet without boobs is like fingers without bones: Horrifying.

 

Step 2:

Add adorable animals, like:

Kittens...

Bunnies...

And, of course, monkeys...

...with boobs.

 

Now that you've captured the attention of your audience, it's time to talk about something important and life changing.

You know, like Kim Kardashian's divorce:

 

And don't forget to sprinkle in a generous helping of "hip slang" for your peeps, yo!

"J... J... Jammin' on the one."

 

Finally, once you've wowed your audience with your insightful wisdom, it's time to leave them wanting more. If you have more boobs, now would be a good time to use them.

Unless they look like that.

 

If not, you can always say something about Justin Bieber:

Because love him or hate him, he is the internet.


That and boobs.

 

Thanks to Kristen M., Christina E., Kara A., Bethany M., Sarah H., Jill H., Zoe B., and Anony M., who would NEVER marry for a TV show or for money. Uh...right, guys?

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Reader Comments (47)

WhAt ThE HeCk Is WrOng WiTh ThAt BaBy!?!?!
I can't unsee it.

June 25, 2014 | Unregistered CommenterTrista

I am most concerned about the first pic looking like the aftermath of a porno…

Well, that and the baby boobs. *Insert joke in poor taste about kids feeding themselves* (Puns intended)

June 25, 2014 | Unregistered CommenterFluffy Cow

Wait, Justin Beiber is the internet AND boobs?

Ah, I see, this is the rest of that grammar lesson, right? Well, it is a dangling modifier, but not a dangling participle.

June 25, 2014 | Unregistered CommenterR3Test

Go Dwags makes me laugh like a hyena! I like to wind up my 12 year old daughter by texting her using hashtags with teen text language ("Seriously, mum, nobody does that. STOP IT NOW"). I think I'll have to use this in one. Muahahahaha!

June 25, 2014 | Unregistered CommenterRachel CrazyMum

I thought cats were the internet (Justin Beiber does not exist in my world, lol).

June 25, 2014 | Unregistered CommenterMisti

jammin on the one. Cosby show reference?

June 25, 2014 | Unregistered CommenterStacey

Boobs. Cats. Kartrashians. The Biebs.
Yup -- I think you got it.
[me, glancing around] "Where are we going? And why are we in this handbasket?"

June 25, 2014 | Unregistered CommenterMaureen

I thought the last one looked like the Tom Baker Doctor. With a scarf, albeit completely wrong-coloured.

June 25, 2014 | Unregistered CommenterJoel Polowin

WHY does the cat have 4 front feet? Poor mutant kitty!

And that bunny has red smeared all over its face. It must be Bunnicula, the vampire rabbit.

June 25, 2014 | Unregistered CommenterJulie

Bwah! The be-boobed monkey cracked me up like a teenaged boy!

June 25, 2014 | Unregistered CommenterJodi

Justin BEIBER? Did I miss a joke or did you just misspell BIEBER? Because that could be on one of your cake wrecks...


[Editor's note- Yeah, no, we totally meant to do that. Yeah. I can't believe you didn't get that... clever... joke. I'll just go ahead and change it though. Ya know. O.o -john (thoJ)]

June 25, 2014 | Unregistered CommenterAmanda

If that's what boobs look like, I'm glad I don't have much of them.

And that rabbit. Looks like it hunted down a gazelle and is fresh from the feeding frenzy. Maybe we can train it to hunt down Justin Bieber.

June 25, 2014 | Unregistered CommenterTLC

Cannot unsee baby cake D: D: D:

June 25, 2014 | Unregistered Commentermindy1

I just know I'll be seeing that bunny in my nightmares tonight. <shudder>

June 25, 2014 | Unregistered CommenterPeachkins

The rabbit's nose looks like a sombrero. That's what I'm going to focus on so I can keep that poor mutilated baby cake out of my brain...

June 25, 2014 | Unregistered CommenterMelissa

Julie, you're right! The cat does indeed have four front feet. Additionally, it seems to have a back foot and a back hoof. And at first it was just the devil's horns that disturbed me!

John, kudos on your good humored response!

That bunny cake is also the stuff of nightmares. Good thing there's the horrible baby cake to wipe that image out of my brain! What the heck is wrong with that baby's chest? And neck? Does it need skin removal surgery?

June 25, 2014 | Unregistered CommenterJodi

I thought I was the only one that remembered that Cosby Show reference

June 25, 2014 | Unregistered CommenterAlex

How Dehydrated Baby, Batman!

Just how long was that cake sitting in the display before it got that dehydrated . . . and dusty?

Thanks for the Theo quote from the Cosby show!

June 25, 2014 | Unregistered Commenterdrumnate

DWAGS... I'm betting that was supposed to be "Dawgs" as any graduate of the University of Georgia might think.

That demon bunny will haunt my dreams. Beside that baby cake with the boobs... Is that really a sculpted nose syringe thing? How appetizing.

June 25, 2014 | Unregistered CommenterGinger

Were the monkey's boobs supposed to be her arms? Because... Fail. I see two boobs and three arms, two of which have leaves on them:) That baby freaks me out. I would like to think it is a Sience Fiction reference that none of us get, rather than something the baker thought looked normal enough to show people.

June 25, 2014 | Unregistered CommenterCBushLite

So, wow. That baby one truly scared me! I cannot fathom how the baker/decorator (and I use the term decorator loosly) could think it looks ok. Actually, I think this about all of the wrecks. And I also winder how they can still be in biz and take payment with a clear conscious. I know everyone thinks tis, but I just had to say it. SMH.

June 25, 2014 | Unregistered CommenterJenny

awww...the monkey is cute. It's not boobs people, it's paws holding the branch...not boob like at all to me. That baby on the other hand....hmm...not sure what sort of mutant power it has.

June 25, 2014 | Unregistered CommenterMelanie

Fingers on boobies and four front-pawed kitties
Bunnies on cocaine and large breasted monkeys
“I’m not in love with you” has a nice ring
These are a few of my least favorite things

Shouting “Go Dwags!”
Baby boob bags
Bieber FTW blog
Whenever I see all my least favorite things
I facepalm and say “Oh Gwad!”

June 25, 2014 | Unregistered CommenterSandy

The UGA fan in me wants to cry at the "GO DWAGS!" cake. I know it wasn't done in Georgia, since even my 2 year old can spell DAWGS correctly.

June 25, 2014 | Unregistered CommenterPaula

The "kitten" kinda looks like it could be Toothless from "How to Train Your Dragon".

June 25, 2014 | Unregistered CommenterMT Sakura

OMG. It was funny enough and then you threw in the "J...J...jammin' on the one" and I thought I was going to fall out of my chair laughing. Thank you for helping me take the focus off the images permanently scarring my retina.

June 25, 2014 | Unregistered CommenterShelly

Not only are those pitiful hands on the first cake, but those are some equally pitiful boobs!! The monkey is cute, but how many tails does he have?! 'Cause what are those things with the little hearts/arrows on them?! Love, Love, Love all of your posts!

June 25, 2014 | Unregistered CommenterConnie

It's like TMZ on cake.

June 25, 2014 | Unregistered CommenterSusan

A missing
Soon..
Rachel

What kind of message is that?

June 25, 2014 | Unregistered CommenterAlison

Alison, I think it says 'Arriving soon Rachel', but I could be wrong. It's a wreck, after all ^_^

June 25, 2014 | Unregistered CommenterRachel CrazyMum

That Justin Bieber cake resembles a Demetri Martin self-portrait, with a little less nose.

June 25, 2014 | Unregistered Commenterjbrecken

My, that rabbit looks surprised!

Meanwhile, as Uga would say, "Go Dwags!"

June 25, 2014 | Unregistered CommenterTricia L

Oh, the Monty Python rabbit. With a little blood.
WHAT is your favorite color?

June 25, 2014 | Unregistered CommenterKnittedbooties

Apparently, Kimye's divorce cake is made out of the uranium that Saddam Hussein went to Niger for, or something.

June 25, 2014 | Unregistered CommenterCap'n Phealy

Sandy, your song is now one of MY favorite things! Brilliant!

June 25, 2014 | Unregistered CommenterSweet Li'l Bonbon

@Sandy, especially loved your last line.

June 25, 2014 | Unregistered CommenterJodi

Hey now, that cat has a name, y'all! Let's show some respect for Fudgey. "FUDGEY THE CAT". It says so right on the package. And he's Kosher so he's got that going for him.

Oy vey on the eck wrey.

June 25, 2014 | Unregistered CommenterCynthia

What The Frosting???
OK Jen, I didn't mean for you to take my little song yesterday so serious. Like we don't have enough craziness around here?

June 25, 2014 | Unregistered CommenterJodee

Psycho Bunny of DOOM!!!!
Popular with birthday parties and bar mitvahs.

June 25, 2014 | Unregistered CommenterStacy

Cake ratchetness at its finest! Go Dwags Lmbo!

June 25, 2014 | Unregistered CommenterTanya

[me, glancing around] "Where are we going? And why are we in this hand-basket?"
Nice, Maureen!
'Be-boobed monkey' is now my new favorite hip cool phrase to say.

June 25, 2014 | Unregistered CommenterLindarella

I get it - yellow cake uranium! The stuff Sheldon Cooper wanted to build his death ray as a kid.

June 25, 2014 | Unregistered CommenterMoonrabbit

Lol!! I had no idea the internet was all about Justin Bieber. Maybe my computer filters him out lol. As for that baby.. I will never unsee the saggy chest..ever.

June 26, 2014 | Unregistered CommenterArlene

It's probably sad that I know this.... But.... I really appreciated the Cosby show reference. Baaahahaaa! Made my day. And my 19 yr. olds day. I know. We're a strange, strange family ")

June 26, 2014 | Unregistered CommenterJen

What is this Cosby show reference everyone keeps talking about? Because I did watch that show and I am going nuts trying to find it here.

June 26, 2014 | Unregistered CommenterJanice

I think the real "boobs" in this case are the wreckerators.

Janice: There was an episode featuring Stevie Wonder. The Huckstable fam met him and ended up at hus studio. He had a keyboard that recorded sounds, so he let the kids all say something to record and then he turned their recordings into a song. Theo said, "Jammin' on the one," when it was his turn.

June 26, 2014 | Unregistered CommenterMy Goodness

J... J... Jamming on the one! LOVE IT!

June 27, 2014 | Unregistered CommenterMe

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