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What's a Wreck?

A Cake Wreck is any cake that is unintentionally sad, silly, creepy, inappropriate - you name it. A Wreck is not necessarily a poorly-made cake; it's simply one I find funny, for any of a number of reasons. Anyone who has ever smeared frosting on a baked good has made a Wreck at one time or another, so I'm not here to vilify decorators: Cake Wrecks is just about finding the funny in unexpected, sugar-filled places.

Now, don't you have a photo you want to send me? ;)

- Jen
Wednesday
Nov302011

Say What?

I know they keep pushing back the retirement age, but this is ridiculous:

Worst. Retirement package. Ever.

 

Clearly this "celabrate" you speak of refers to an activity with which I am unfamiliar.

 

Ever notice what a difference an "e" can make?

Ouch.

 

Or the lack of proper spacing?

Woohoo! Uric acid-induced arthritis! Yeah!

 

At first glance I thought this next cake said "gobbles," which you must admit would have been perfect on an edible baby cake.

Of course, if you say it fast enough this actually almost sounds right.

And, poof!
Just like that, I got you all to say the word "Gobbless" under your breath.

BOW BEFORE YOUR PUPPET MASTER!

Bwah-ha-haa-haaa!!!

 

Ahem.

 

And finally, a reminder of the importance of commas:

"The first 102rd moms were just so-so, but number 103th? BINGO."

 

Thanks to Bethany V., Clare P., Jason T., Angela L., Erin L., & Rachel M., and whoever first put an "rd" superscript over a number two. (Seriously, just try to pronounce "2rd" without giggling. Go on.)

« Now This One Really Slays Me | Main | Wreckeration H »

Reader Comments (91)

And thank you for you... service as well, CW!

November 30, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterFluffy Cow

I can't work out the last cake. Unless it actually is a 103rd birthday cake - possible I suppose. Any ideas?

November 30, 2011 | Unregistered Commenterdave

Too funny!

November 30, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterMee

Apparently, terrorists can't spell...

November 30, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterSuBee

If the last one really IS a 103rd birthday cake, I would have though such an occasion calls for something a little more.............. impressive....

November 30, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterFrankN.Stein

Is that 2500 years of service or do I need new glasses?!! Another great post - thank you!

November 30, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterTracy Thomas

So, cake number 3 is pro circumcision and very happy happy about it?
Would hate to work for 2500 years. Evidently that company has a very poor retirement package.

November 30, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterSusan

It actually took me a few minutes to figure out that "gobbless" was probably supposed to be "God bless." At first I thought it was the baby's last name, as in James William Gobbless. Kind of an odd last name, written in an odd way for a cake, but whatever. But then the fancy cross finally clicked in my mind and I realized it must be a baptism or christening cake. Duh.

November 30, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterBarbW

If I'd lived to 103, I'd be more upset that I didn't get a bigger cake. And dancing animals, a brass band...oh, who am I kidding? I'd be more interested in a nap.

November 30, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterFlartus

But..."Gobbless" STILL doesn't make sense. Unless...they actually gave the kid the first name of Gobbless. Can anybody be that cruel?

November 30, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterSaraCVT

1. Nicholas Flamel's retirement cake
2. Next time, write out "9, 10, and 11". Otherwise, it just gets confusing...
3. Bris cake -- who will be the first person brave enough to ask for a slice?
4. Concerned it might feel slighted after seeing the "Super Bowel" cake, Bob had a similar cake made for his urinary tract.
5. Maybe it was a phone order and the person had a cold? Or they think spit-up deserves a blessing, just like sneezing?
6. Coraline's having a REALLY bad day. (This would be her other, other, other, other.... Mother.)

November 30, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterSharyn

Great, now I have Judy Tenuta stuck in my head.

"You are my STUD PUPPETS!!!"

argh.

November 30, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterCarmiehead, the Un-Stalker

Anyone notice the cross on that gobbles James William cake looks like a... ?

November 30, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterBea

Thanks, BarbW. I totally thought "Gobbless" was the kid's last name. After you pointed it out, though, it does make sense that they were aiming for - and completely missed - "God bless."


Hee hee. "Hundred and thirth."

November 30, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterCarol

Many, many years ago there was a comedian on the black and white TV named Red Skelton (the comedian, not the TV,) and he would end every show by saying, "...and may gobbless." Anyone remember that? Anyone? C'mon anyone celabrating their 103th must remember that.

November 30, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterOldonymous

The first cake is factually correct; it's for a vampire who has been in the employ of a certain wealthy Hungarian family since before there was a Hungary. It's only a wreck because, being a vampire, the poor sap can't enjoy his own cake after two and a half millenia. Show some sensitivity, guys.

And at last, 3th makes its triumphal return. I'm stunned; absolutely gobbless.

November 30, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterNaomi

I don't know what the fuss is about #3. It's for the Jewish Bris ceremony. I doubt if any of the guests would mind consuming it at all. They may, however, get a few giggles when the god mother starts serving and asks, "Nu? Who wants an end piece?"

November 30, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterBerk

Ahhh the importance of grammer and puncuation-gets you every time. Also lolol@gobbless cake

November 30, 2011 | Unregistered Commentermindy1

Yes, I remember Red Skelton saying, "and may Gobbless." I wondered why someone always sneezed at the end of the show.

I suppose it's passe since no one pointed it out. However, #1 also says "Thank you for you." Unhappily, even if/when they invent a cake spell-checker, that particular error will never get caught.

Sigh.

November 30, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterBerk

I think the 9-11 cake is becoming a "thing." I just finished editing a book that had more typos than any document I'd ever seen, and the author invited everyone who worked on the project to a "Celabratory Dinner." Sheesh.

November 30, 2011 | Unregistered Commenterkayk

I was thinking Gobbless was his FIRST name lol
(and yes, Jen had me saying that out loud)

November 30, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterCB

Baby blue roses?
Get a man's cake for honored
Weightlifting toddler.

November 30, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterHaiku Joy

PLEASE tell me you'll use the "GOUT" cake on your next book cover!

November 30, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterShanti

Bad diagnosis?
Soften blow with Sugar Bowl.
Gout cake for the win!

November 30, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterHaiku Joy

But, but but.....that cake DOES say GOBBLESS. It doesn't matter how you say it. I KNOW it's supposed to say GOD BLESS, but the "D" was replaced by a "B". It seems to me that maybe others don't understand that? Maybe??

November 30, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterMargaret

I'm less concerned with the spelling of "celebrate" than I am with the fact that someone would be celebrating 9-11.
And I agree, a 103th birthday girl deserves a Sunday Sweet.

November 30, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterSuBee

Wasn't it Tiny Tim from "A Christmas Carol" who uttered those words while looking at the bunch of butchered turkeys Ebenezer Scrooge got for his employees....."Gobbless...everyone".....

November 30, 2011 | Unregistered Commentermel

Cake #3 is obviously for a Bris.

November 30, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterGary

Years ago, there was a children's toy called Gobbles the Goat (he was designed to eat fake garbage). But his name is misspelled here.

November 30, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterGary

Possibilities on the second cake: (1) Someone has a birthday or other personal good news on September 11, (2) the giver is a bin Laden sympathizer, (3) the giver does not know the meaning of "celebrate" any more than its spelling, or (4) somebody coined "celabrate" for an act with the trappings of celebration but to commemorate a tragedy.

November 30, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterClassic Steve

Ooooooh! Look what I just found!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GOw6g0UFDss
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8_ezWQk_ZNI&NR=1
http://www.flickr.com/photos/99439895@N00/2019548407/

Rare video footage of Gobbles the Garbage-Eating Goat!

John Waters (of "Pink Flamingoes" and "Hairspray" fame) had this to say about Gobbles, in an essay entitled "Why I Love Christmas":

"That crazy eating goat" reads the delightful package, and in small print, "Contains: One realistic goat with head that goes up and down. Comes complete with seven pieces of pretend garbage." This Kenner Discovery Time toy's instructions are priceless. "Gobbles loves to eat garbage when he's hungry, and he's ALWAYS hungry. (1) Hold Gobbles mouth open by the beard. Stuff a piece of pretend garbage straight into his mouth and (2) pump the tail until the garbage disappears." It ends with an ominous warning, "Feed Gobbles only the garbage that comes with the toy," and in even smaller print "If you need additional garbage, we will, as a service, send it to you direct. For 14 pieces of garbage send $1 (check or money order; sorry, no C.O.D.) to . . . . " I can't tell you the hours of fun I've had with Gobbles. Sometimes when I'm very bored, Gobbles and I get naked and play-play.

November 30, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterGary

#1 If not for the kinda / sorta consistency of the font, I'd say this was done by a committee ('commity' in wreck-speak).

#2 Would make a great target for a beginning skeet shooting class. "Pull!"

The 6st cake, though, is just...underwhelming. Think of the minutes it must have taken to throw that together. It just gets ya right here, [points to stomach] ya know? (Even my spellchecker is stunned -- it didn't flag 'underwhelming'.)

November 30, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterCraig

All your cake are belong to us.

November 30, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterSal

My sister's mother-in-law is 108, and the nursing home is very strict about not letting her have too many sweets, so she won't get diabetes. My nephew says they are worried she won't live to 110! Oh for Heaven's sake! Just give her the cake - and make it a nice big, fancy one. A Sunday sweet, in fact!

November 30, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterLady Anne

A thought on the 2500 years of service. Maybe they tallied all of the years of service for eveyone in the department and decided to celebrate with a cake. No? Ok, I've got nothing then.

November 30, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterHai Dee

*sigh*

CLEARLY, I've lived in Tennessee for too long when the football cake made complete sense upon reading the first time and I had to figure out what the wreck was... the orange, the football, the UT... completely normal.. sadly, proper spacing is an on going issue, so... *sigh*

(PS-- I prefer GOUT over UT, so, there's that, too)

November 30, 2011 | Unregistered Commenterstaxia

Eh-so they screwed up the "r" on "your" (1st cake).Either they just ran out of room, or it's huddled underneat the sprinkles. That's not as bad as the fact that they are only only *happy* about "2500 years of dedicated service." That's an insult! I happen to know that the employee worked a total of 2,503 years...dedicated to the bitter end. He/she even left a note stating that when the cobwebs/mold/maggots got too bad, to just air him/her out for a bit in the sunshine and put him/her right BACK at the darn desk.YESsir.
And that's the thanks you get.
"Tiny Froggies and teddy Bear toys Oh thank goodness no one Cares about Our sh*i ee spellinG ..."
The "MOM" one looks like, "Happy 1oz th " to me. But that makes no sense...and we CAN'T have things not making sense...not HERE, for crying out loud.

November 30, 2011 | Unregistered Commenter~anamorous~

As someone living in Lexington, I think all the UK fans will find the football cake extra hilarious after last weekend's win. And yes, you are my puppet master. ;-) Love the Gobbless cake!

November 30, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterJulie

@ Lady anne:

Jumping Jehosaphat! THEY won't LET her have cake??
THEY want her get to 110?? Isn't what SHE wants the important thing?
Who wants two years without CAKE?
That's ridiculous--not to mention, well, RIDICULOUS. Hey, it's a free country, fer cryin' out loud. She has rights! CAKE rights!
Want me to come over there and kick some cake-denying BUTTS???

November 30, 2011 | Unregistered Commenter~anamorous~

I've got gout! < /Bobby Hill voice >

November 30, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterCheesygirl

Yes, you are my puppet master. It's like when my kids listen to Barenaked Ladies, where they "just made you say underwear". They love that song.
:-)

November 30, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterJasry

The "GOUT" cake nearly had me laughing out loud at work.
I just love this website!!

November 30, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterAmy

I am totally bowing! :)

(two-rd... tword..) *lol*

Gobbless to you too! ;)

November 30, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterLotte

At least the Gout cake is on a FOOTball. The baker wasn't totally off the mark.

November 30, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterChellsBells

So, is it pronounced one-oh-turd and one-oh-threeth?

November 30, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterMe-me

You really should check out the book "We are in a book" by Mo Willems. The definitive handbook on making people do things while they are reading. :)

November 30, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterChrissy

Clearly, whoever ordered the second cake put the emPHAsis on the wrong sylLABle.

November 30, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterNet

Jen, you're going to get me into trouble! I can't be laughing like this in the middle of a calc lecture!

November 30, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterHannaSolo

I agree with Lady Anne. If someone has lived to their 103th birthday, they can have whatever the heck they want to eat. It better be a nicer than that pathetic excuse for a cake too!

November 30, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterGinger

One of your funniest posts ever!

November 30, 2011 | Unregistered Commenterjennie w.

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