My Other Blog

What's a Wreck?

A Cake Wreck is any cake that is unintentionally sad, silly, creepy, inappropriate - you name it. A Wreck is not necessarily a poorly-made cake; it's simply one I find funny, for any of a number of reasons. Anyone who has ever smeared frosting on a baked good has made a Wreck at one time or another, so I'm not here to vilify decorators: Cake Wrecks is just about finding the funny in unexpected, sugar-filled places.

Now, don't you have a photo you want to send me? ;)

- Jen

The Golden Wreckies

Welcome back to the 2011 Golden Wreckies! I'm your host, Nicky Ganache, and for this segment I'll be talking about myself in the third person.

Nicky can hear you booing, everyone. Don't make Nicky get the hand puppets out again.

Okay, our next award is in the category of Best Supporting Role. And the nominees are:

"The Pastor's Podium"
in Falling Down




"The Flower Girl's Chiclets"
in The Abyss




"A Hope and a Prayer"
in Beaches

And the award for Best Supporting Role goes to.... 'The Flower Girl's Chiclets!' Yes, brilliant. I loved them in JAWS.


Now on to our second category, the award for Best Writing in a Comedic Role. (I actually wrote a hilarious cake this year myself, but, surprise surprise, it's not "eligible." Yeah. They even used air quotes.)

Anyway, the nominees are:


"Cowboys Undeafted"


The story of a rowdy group of deaf football players who suddenly regain their hearing after the coach blows his whistle. Starring Will Ferrell.



"Maga Kum Latté"


The story of a group of rowdy sorority girls who work part-time at a coffee shop and fall in love with a nearby football team. Starring Will Ferrell.



"Happy Colleen"


The story of a rowdy teenager who explores life as a sheep-herder in the 1920s. Starring Will Ferrell.


And the award goes to... "Happy Colleen!" Although I still think my cake was better. Anyone want to see it, by the way? I happen to have it right here behind the podium... And, if I may say, it's bloody brilliant! ... No? ... You're missing out! ... You sure? ... Anybody?... FINE.



And finally, it's time for our last category of the evening. Because that's what "finally" means. Hah! See? I AM funny.


The nominees for Best Set Dressing are:


"Shower Horror"


The amount of ribbon on this cake will make your hair curl.




"Choking Hazard"


What it lacks in creativity, it makes up for with explosions and 3D effects.



"Hello Kitschy"
For once in his life, Nicky is actually speechless.



And the award goes to....why, Nicky Ganache! YES! I won! Haha! Suck it, Hollyweirds!!


Um...who are these big burly men coming on stage? What are you...HEY! PUT ME DOWN! And give me back my award! That's mine! MINE, I SAY!! BWAHAHAHAHAAA!!

[announcer] This has been the Golden Wreckies! Thank you for watching, and good night!

Nicky: [voice fading out] MIIIINE!!


I'd like to thank the Academy, Steve, Kathryn B., Deanne M., Karen B., James, Michael, Sandy B., Brenda J., God, my mother and father... [music swelling] Wait! I'm not finished! My dog Boopsy, my hairdresser Leon, that guy from Cheers...


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Reader Comments (63)

Thank you for making me laugh every single day!!!! I love these wrecks!

February 16, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterBBQLou

Ahahahahaaha you are so darn funny!

Those cakes...I feel bad for the people who gets the cakes that fall over.

February 16, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterMary

Maga Kum Latte?

I don't want THAT in my coffee, thank you very much!

Could be worse -- could be raining. Oh, sorry, that's Young Frankenstein.

Let me try again. Could be worse -- the first word could have been spelled "magma." Or even . . .smegma . . .

February 16, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterEllen

I laughed so hard, I choked on the piece of cheese I was eating, glad I wasn't drinking my coffee at the time! Maga Kum Latte!!!!!!!

February 16, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterAnonymous

The 8th cake is the fuzziest cake I've ever seen. How do you even find the cake under all that stuff???

It reminds me of when my son went to the ER on his sixth birthday. The nurses showered him with Happy Birthday stickers, because they finally had a use for them. That must be what's going on with the accessorized cakes. ("Finally, we can get rid of all that darned curling ribbon that the last bakery manager ordered by mistake.")

February 16, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterMuria

The choking hazard cake actually made me gasp. But I have to say, the people in the background of the first cake are my favorite thing. Is he actually comforting her??? I really wish I could see their heads...

February 16, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterFluffy Cow

Funny :D thanks for giving a laugh for the day!

February 16, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterDownload stuff for free

Maga Kum Latte... this is one of those trick phrases to separate out the pure from the impure minds - i just know it. Kind of like that dolphin vase, if you've ever seen that.

On the other hand, that last cake is SO going to end up featured on the Hello Kitty Hell web site.

February 16, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterEvalis

They might have just put barbed-wire around those last cakes -would have been just as effective!

February 16, 2011 | Unregistered Commenterlaughingmom

Is it terrible that I actually like the "choking hazzard" Mickey and Minnie cake? I think I need my head checked :-/

February 16, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterAnonymous

I was waiting and waiting but noooooooooooo. I never will know who won the last award.

February 16, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterLorrie Munson

Best Supporting Role...LOL! What is that...brown sugar for "sand"? It goes *in* baked goods, not *on* them! Ugh.

I read "Cowlioys".

Alex & James are in a Sorority? O.o Is it like a Bosom Buddies movie?
*Giggle* @ Ellen...I wouldn't want that in my coffee either!

All that's missing from "Shower Horror" are staircases. And 50 plastic pink baby carrot jockeys.

wv: graltion: Here's a celebratory cake for you..."Graltion Nicky!"

February 16, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterLoo-E Loo-I

At least Colleen is happy...

wv: worearr - how a pirate says war

February 16, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterDonna

I think that the "Choking Hazard" cake should be renamed the "Porcupine Cake."

February 16, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterMs. Blasé

OMG! If I went to an event and that first one was there, I would have to run outside to keep the wreckorator from hearing me laugh. Why is it sitting on a slanted, although low, lecturn??? Did they mean to offset the slant on the topsy-turvy? Then the cake should have been turned around.

That and the pink curly-ruffly mess are the aweful, worse than the rest.

You should receive an award for best commentary. You are the best part of my day, every day. Thank you!!

February 16, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterSandy C also in SoFla

Just when you think it's okay to keep scrolling down. Thanks for the laughs.

February 16, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterStella

On #2, did the wreckerator just jam some plastic columns in the bottom tier?

I'm just...speechless (and that doesn't happen often).

WV: Nesse; Even the Loch Nesse monster would cower at the sight of these monstrous wrecks.

February 16, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterNancy McGill

Uh... are those last three cakes even edible anymore? Is there even cake under all that junk?

February 16, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterCarynSKA

Re: Choking Hazard and Hello Kitschy... There WERE cakes under all that crap, right? O_o

WV - stall: Uh-oh, here comes the customer, and I still haven't sussed how to spell "undefeated"... Quick, Larry, go out there and stall!

February 16, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterBADKarma!

For the "Cowboys undeafted" cake, if they were talking about the Dallas Cowboys this year, they had it about right. They were emissaries of the tower of babel as far as playing effectively (as in totally unable to do so).

February 16, 2011 | Unregistered Commenterairhead

Ha ha!!!! Hilarious!

February 16, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterJeanette

WONderful commentary! I want to see the cake behind the podium -- where is it???

First cake - I think they were going for a 'wreckplicator'. If the angle of the cake is anything normal, there's no way it could have ended that way had the wooden platform actually failed.

Second cake -- I'm still trying to figure out the hieroglyphics on the sides. What the ??

Totally spewed on Maga Kum Latte'. @Ellen - I thought the same thing about raining...

I think CW is getting to me -- the Mickey/Minnie fuzzy cake looks totally fabulous to me! A fantastic retro Philippine cake.


wv - affear -- again, way too easy.

February 16, 2011 | Unregistered Commentermladybright

I like how the wreckerator went for authenticity on the "Beaches" cake. I think I can see discarded cigarettes in all that "sand."

February 16, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterSusanna King

Excellent, excellent, EXCELLENT post! Kudos for the hilarious commentary Number 1. These "cakes" are truly memorable atrocities. I do think that the phrase Maga Kum Latte should be enshrined in the Wreckie lexicon.

I do agree with Fluffy Cow that the couple behind the first cake were rather fascinating. Not dressed in wedding clothes--so was this at a (their?) reception? I do love the gripped hands and her body language. Poor babies if it was theirs. The cake is resting on what looks like a wooden step stool from my hospital---high extra ICK factor

WV: aspocod. You guessed it! An unfortunate cake filling of asparagus and white fish.!

February 16, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterNiteNurse

Obviously the first cake's decorator didn't do so well in high school physics, where everything happens on a frictionless plane. It's one thing to use a slanted platform, it's apparently too much though to get the angle right on the cakes so they balance out level in the end. Yikes.

I assume that Mickey/Minnie explosion was supposed to be a thing of beauty, given the lovely setting. Maybe the baker assumed that Disney does everything big, so the more stuff stuck in there, the better?

I don't really even see the cake under the heart picks with Hello Kitty on top--guess decorations are cheap when you're on a tight cake budget.

WV: watein--I'm just sittin' here a-watein for the good cakes... :-)

February 16, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterAnonymous

Funny! That's pretty much all I can say.

February 16, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterSarah

That baby shower cake is truly a wreck, but my question is this: How many people attended that shower?!!!? That is a LOT of cake for a baby shower.

As always, Jen, you are FABULOUS! Wherever did you find the cakes in the last category? They are all horrendous.

February 16, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterAnne-Marie

Happy? I'm delirious! They named a cake after me and it won!!! :-)
Anyone else notice the big crack in the bottom layer of the chicklet cake?
I can't imagine trying to serve the over-picked cakes, by the time you pulled off all the inedible stuff to get to the actual cake, the guests would all be home and tucked up in bed...

February 16, 2011 | Unregistered Commentercolleenoz

"Maga Cum Latte" = fantastic.

February 16, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterJecka

Loo-E Loo-I said...
>> *Giggle* @ Ellen...I wouldn't want that in my coffee either!

All that's missing from "Shower Horror" are staircases. And 50 plastic pink baby carrot jockeys.<<

Glad to know I'm not the only dirty-minded one around here. :)

And I agree about the Shower Horror -- definitely needs staircases and jockeys.

Oh, and a plastic fountain to go with the staircases.

February 16, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterEllen

MY name is Colleen....totally cracked me up!!!!!

February 16, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterColleen

Totally, totally hilarious! Great commentary "Nicky". LOL!

That Mickey & Minnie cake is just one big fuzzball. Are you sure there's cake in there? Ha!

Awesome job!

February 16, 2011 | Unregistered Commenterlisadh

I submitted the last two cakes and wanted to point out that the Mickey & Minnie cake has tons of tiny hearts glued to the curly ribbons! ha ha ha. It's an old Wilton's design that's no longer on their website. Wonder why?

February 16, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterBrenda Jo

On behalf of myself and all the other Colleens out there.......we would like to thank the little people, our parents, and the other myriad of things that made us so Happy! Thanks for voting for us everybody!

February 16, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterColleen


Ooooooh I forgot about the fountain - with pink punch to match the pink ribbons!


"A dirty mind is a terrible thing to waste." - Louise “Ouiser” Boudreaux, Steel Magnolias

wv: twivene: If a friend is too involved with the Twilight series, you need to hold a twivene (Twilight intervention).

February 16, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterLoo-E Loo-I

#1 That has to be the most awkward way to hold hands yet devised. Maybe they're trying to restrain each other from taking out the photographer. "I SAID, no pictures! You think I want this disaster in our album?!" Frankly, it is difficult to see how it could have turned out better...

#2 Wreckerator: "Great -- didn't the air conditioning just have to pick today to go out. If you ask me, weddings should be in January, not June."

#3 The buckling on the bottom tier suggests fondant rather than frosting. I don't have anything against fondant, except when it comes to eating it.

#4 ...or a tragic love story of good icing penmanship and bad spelling.

#5 The Latin word is spelled with a 'c' (yep, *that* word is spelled exactly the same), but the wise decision was taken to use 'k' so as to enable people to breathe between bouts of laughter at the missing 'n'.

#6 Maybe they left off the comma and the question mark. 'Happy, Colleen?' Various song references keep suggesting themselves, but invariably prove to feature a sound-alike name. Maybe we can finally get through one day without an earworm.

#7 'Shower Horror' (cue 'Psycho' theme) does have bridges -- that is close enough to staircases. It just needs a pink grapefruit juice fountain to be 'perfect'. This puts a very literal spin on the phrase, 'child bride'.

#8 Wreckerator: "Do you have any ideas about your cake?"
Customer: "Yes, we want something Mickey Mouse."
Wreckerator: "You got it."

#9 "Kids, you really ought to wait. Sure, you both have jobs, but his paper route and your lemonade stand won't enable you to float a mortgage, even on the playhouse out back."

February 16, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterCraig

I'm addicted to CWs. I just have to have my daily dose of lol and it delivers and Sunday Sweets gives me the ahhhhes. You guys should be so proud of yourselves, you're the best.

February 16, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterPamela

My sister's name is Colleen and she was pleased to see someone thought of her today, although 6 weeks early for her birthday.

February 16, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterFeisty Irish Wench

If you look REALLY REALLY close at the shower horror cake you can see white bridges outlined with pink ribbon between the satellite cakes on each side lol

February 16, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterKristen

Okay, I went on Google to find out about "Maga Kum Latte", using Craig's comment.

And here's what I found, there's a catering company in Seattle called Magna Cüm Latté that specializes in gourmet espresso.

Perhaps Alex and James managed to acquire a job with the company?

February 16, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterAnonymous

I giggled all the way through that. Very funny, and I needed a bit of humor today. Thanks!

I also checked out online the clips from the Graham Norton show about Cake Wrecks. I love it!!! I kept thinking, "Yay! Go Jen!"

February 16, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterRU

Wow. Oh wow. Just... wow. Every once in a while I worry that I might make something that might end up on here, and then you go and post something like this that clears my worries away completely.

February 16, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterGina

How is it that they managed to use such pretty writing AND spell 'congratulations' right, but so totally missed the mark on 'Maga Kum Latte'?

Unless of course, they were going for the whole "we're glad you made it through at least one year of higher education fuelled entirely by caffeinated drinks without too much embarrasement" much like my experience was...

This is one of my favourite wrecks, ever!

February 16, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterAnonymous

Good god himself... who vomited up those wedding cakes at the end? The others are more examples of the train wreck of the phonetic spelling movement and lack of fondant.

February 16, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterRachel

Is it just me, or does "Cowboys Undeafted: The story of a rowdy group of deaf football players who suddenly regain their hearing after the coach blows his whistle." sound like it would make a HILARIOUS movie starring Will Ferrell.

February 16, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterIlluminatiSancti

I don't get it- Maga Kum Latte? What?!?

Haha your funny! Thanks for making me laugh!

February 16, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterMicalah

Those last two cakes-my eyes hurt O_o, decor overload.

February 16, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterAnonymous

I love how the first cake's board is even propped up on one side.. like the wreckerator couldn't figure out how to make the cake appear to be leaning so they just gave up and forced it to.. it's so funny but I feel so bad for the poor people that ended up with these pieces of "art"..

February 16, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterAnonymous

"Hello Kitschy" -- unreal. Where does one even go to GET THAT kind of cake?

February 16, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterSLR

Ah -- 'Shower Horror' is for a baby shower? So why does it look so wedding-ish?

I'll just leave it at that -- the obvious jokes sound too snarky.

wv: coning. "No one is coning me into doing another baby shower!"

February 16, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterCraig

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