My Other Blog

What's a Wreck?

A Cake Wreck is any cake that is unintentionally sad, silly, creepy, inappropriate - you name it. A Wreck is not necessarily a poorly-made cake; it's simply one I find funny, for any of a number of reasons. Anyone who has ever smeared frosting on a baked good has made a Wreck at one time or another, so I'm not here to vilify decorators: Cake Wrecks is just about finding the funny in unexpected, sugar-filled places.

Now, don't you have a photo you want to send me? ;)

- Jen

The Golden Wreckies

Welcome back to the 2011 Golden Wreckies! I'm your host, Nicky Ganache, and for this segment I'll be talking about myself in the third person.

Nicky can hear you booing, everyone. Don't make Nicky get the hand puppets out again.

Okay, our next award is in the category of Best Supporting Role. And the nominees are:

"The Pastor's Podium"
in Falling Down




"The Flower Girl's Chiclets"
in The Abyss




"A Hope and a Prayer"
in Beaches

And the award for Best Supporting Role goes to.... 'The Flower Girl's Chiclets!' Yes, brilliant. I loved them in JAWS.


Now on to our second category, the award for Best Writing in a Comedic Role. (I actually wrote a hilarious cake this year myself, but, surprise surprise, it's not "eligible." Yeah. They even used air quotes.)

Anyway, the nominees are:


"Cowboys Undeafted"


The story of a rowdy group of deaf football players who suddenly regain their hearing after the coach blows his whistle. Starring Will Ferrell.



"Maga Kum Latté"


The story of a group of rowdy sorority girls who work part-time at a coffee shop and fall in love with a nearby football team. Starring Will Ferrell.



"Happy Colleen"


The story of a rowdy teenager who explores life as a sheep-herder in the 1920s. Starring Will Ferrell.


And the award goes to... "Happy Colleen!" Although I still think my cake was better. Anyone want to see it, by the way? I happen to have it right here behind the podium... And, if I may say, it's bloody brilliant! ... No? ... You're missing out! ... You sure? ... Anybody?... FINE.



And finally, it's time for our last category of the evening. Because that's what "finally" means. Hah! See? I AM funny.


The nominees for Best Set Dressing are:


"Shower Horror"


The amount of ribbon on this cake will make your hair curl.




"Choking Hazard"


What it lacks in creativity, it makes up for with explosions and 3D effects.



"Hello Kitschy"
For once in his life, Nicky is actually speechless.



And the award goes to....why, Nicky Ganache! YES! I won! Haha! Suck it, Hollyweirds!!


Um...who are these big burly men coming on stage? What are you...HEY! PUT ME DOWN! And give me back my award! That's mine! MINE, I SAY!! BWAHAHAHAHAAA!!

[announcer] This has been the Golden Wreckies! Thank you for watching, and good night!

Nicky: [voice fading out] MIIIINE!!


I'd like to thank the Academy, Steve, Kathryn B., Deanne M., Karen B., James, Michael, Sandy B., Brenda J., God, my mother and father... [music swelling] Wait! I'm not finished! My dog Boopsy, my hairdresser Leon, that guy from Cheers...


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Reader Comments (63)

Oh how I love you guys! These wrecks even made my husband pause Mario Kart on the Wii to see why I was dying of laughter. Man what scary cakes.

February 17, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterArlene

Okay all of those were bad but the last 2 will all the STUFF on the cake OH MY! Thanks for the laughs

February 17, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterNona

The Mickey and Minnie cake looks like it's completely covered in that hairy white mould you get on food that's been left way too long. It would be a crime to leave a cake for long enough to get that mouldy...

Maga kum latte was hilarious but I can't even hazard a guess at what it was supposed to say.

February 17, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterJuniper

Epic posting today. Also, I want to say the words "Nicky Ganache" out loud over and over again!

February 17, 2011 | Unregistered Commenterpmohanian

Anonymous NiteNurse said...

>> I do think that the phrase Maga Kum Latte should be enshrined in the Wreckie lexicon. <<

I agree -- in fact, I think it's time for a new t-shirt!

wv - ovenex.

The ovenex-ploded when it saw how these wreckerators destroyed their products.

February 17, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterEllen

Whaaa? You're cake wasn't eligible? Hmmm NOT COOL!

February 17, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterAnonymous

OMG Hilarious post today! I LOVE the crazy puns! (Hello Kitschy, Shower Hazard, etc.) Bravo! I'd give you an award for humor every day!

February 17, 2011 | Unregistered Commenterjo

The good thing about the lat two is that at least you can't see the cakely horror underneath the "decorations...

February 17, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterAnneke (Mudhooks)

To anyone still in the dark, the "maga kum latté" is supposed to be "magna cum laude". Close enough.

February 18, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterTinkerbell

Number two down has to be one of the most depressing cakes I've ever seen...*tear*

February 18, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterMeg

Great post! I laughed (Best Writing in a Comedic Role), I winced (Best Supporting Role), I stared in disbelief (Best Set Dressing)...

Does the winner of a Golden Wreckie get a bronzed carrot jockey?

"Hello Kitschy" would definitely be perfect for HKH.

As for the cake for Alex and James: I agree with those of you who wouldn't want *that* in your coffee, but it seems there's a recipe for cappuccino in the (Lulu) cookbook Natural Harvest. Supposedly the book is full of recipes using that particular protein-rich liquid; there may even be one for cake! Warning, major ick factor here - (blanked out for the benefit of the easily offended and/or grossed out, but those of you who want to know more can easily fill in the correct 3 letters).

February 19, 2011 | Unregistered Commenterhyphen8

I have been looking for a picture of the Wilton Micky and Minnie Mouse cake for 2 years! I did a cake that had that one for the inspiration, but I made it look good. BTW, the "sprays" took 3 days, if anyone is considering it, charge accordingly!

February 27, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterAnna

The Mickey and Minnie mouse one is from a Wilton Cake book its tiny royal (rock hard) icing hearts on floral wire. I made it by request once, except she wanted candles on it too...uh, maybe just flameless ones maybe not as pretty but a whole lot less going up in flames. That was murder on my fingernails but my niece asked for it as a 6th birthday present. The next year was a Castle, then my daughter's pink Barbie castle tower it almost needed an airplane becon

July 9, 2013 | Unregistered Commenteranggelic confections

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