My Other Blog

What's a Wreck?

A Cake Wreck is any cake that is unintentionally sad, silly, creepy, inappropriate - you name it. A Wreck is not necessarily a poorly-made cake; it's simply one I find funny, for any of a number of reasons. Anyone who has ever smeared frosting on a baked good has made a Wreck at one time or another, so I'm not here to vilify decorators: Cake Wrecks is just about finding the funny in unexpected, sugar-filled places.

Now, don't you have a photo you want to send me? ;)

- Jen

Dear Diary...

April 10th, 2011 - Today was my first day as a cake decorator at the local Wrecky Mart. My parents claim they warned me of this day when they told me not to major in Ancient Latin Philosophical Dance Theory, but I wouldn't trade those 14 years for the world!

Anyway, for our first lesson, Susan, the Bakery manager, taught me how to make a dog cake. I did it with an Ancient Latin flourish!

April 11th, 2011- My second day at the bakery. Susan was arrested this morning for stealing headcheese, so now I'm the Bakery manager. (And my parents said I'd never get anywhere with this job!) My first customer placed an order for a Spider-Man cake. I hate to brag, but I think I exceeded everyone's expectations:

April 12th, 2011 - I think I'm getting the hang of this! Three more orders filled today: one for a school spirit cake... for a Dora the Explorer cake...

...and one for Easter.

This decorating thing is a breeze!

April 13th, 2011 - Wow. I've been asked to teach an advanced decorating class at Wrecky Mart! I've learned so much since my early days at the bakery. How foolish I was then, making all of my cakes look the same! I was such an amateur.

Fortunately, I've since mastered the art of using color...

Evoking emotion...

And replicating Grimace from the old McDonald's commercials.

Who knew I could ever become such a master of decorating?

April 14th, 2011- Today I was asked to leave the Wrecky Mart. :( Something about me "flying under the radar for too long," and being a "complete sham" with "no formal training" or "talent of any kind." Clearly the upper management is threatened by my talent. Still, I'm not worried: I hear Mart Wrecks is hiring.

Besides, I got a lovely farewell cake from my associates - the ones I taught everything I know:

Viva los Ancient Latin Philosophical Dance Theory Academy!

Thanks to Heather H., Jen S., Manda, Donovan F., Dylett B., Stephanie V., Leslie W., & Amanda K. And, in the ancient words of my forefathers, "Catapultam habeo. Nisi pecuniam omnem mihi dabis, ad caput tuum saxum immane mittam."

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Reader Comments (76)

Were these all from the same bakery?

LOL almost peed my pants!
good one.

April 14, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterMicalah

Shared this one w/ my 11 y.o. daughter. Her comment on the last cake: "Your reign of terror has come to an end, puppy!" Should I be proud or frightened?

April 14, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterAnonymous

Ha! Google translate didn't do too well...

"I have a catapult. All the money, you were left to a huge stone on your head in the wood."

Hmmm....and with all the rules Latin has, you would think translation would be fairly straightforward. Now I wish my high school had offered Latin.

I'm glad JackieBean knows Latin!

I also liked the roadkill dog best!

April 14, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterJenny Allworthy

The "evoking emotion" cake is actually pretty adorable for being so sloppily made... and kind of unappetizing. That's one way to solve the old "too cute to eat" conundrum.

April 14, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterSteve the Pocket

Hilarious post, as always!
And H Lynnea @ 11:03 - love dead puppies (a la Dr. Demento)
Had that one running through my head til I got to STephanie @ 1:11 where the VeggieTales kicked in... lol!! The story of Esther will never be the same.

April 14, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterSuphred

"Catapultam to have. If not money omnem me dabis , to capitis your large stone monstrous to send."

BAHAHAHAHA! Gotta love that Free Online Latin to English Translation page.

April 14, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterAnonymous

Best ever! Thank you!

April 14, 2011 | Unregistered Commenterann

Jen, you MUST take Sharyn in Superior's idea and run with it- a CCC launch- please, please, please, please, please. Shoot, I'll help organize it and everything (maybe we could have it at E.P.C.O.T.)

@H Lynnea FOR.THE.WIN!!!!! If I could bold it and put it in a bigger font size, I would! :D

@Craig- appreciate the apology, sir, but you're still slacking. (shakes finger)

I truly adore the roadkill one and plan to superimpose that over all the others in my head- even if I'm in Wrecky Mart. LOL

-Barbara Anne

April 14, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterAnonymous

"Give me all your money or I'll lob a rock at your head."

So glad high school latin is finally paying off.

April 14, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterAnonymous

Oh my goodness! I'm trying SO HARD not to laugh out kids just went to bed...

These cakes are soooo funny!!!

Thanks for the laugh...I needed it!!!!

April 14, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterVaglica Kids

hands down my most favorite CW entry to date!

WV: milks - cause everyone needs something to wash down dead dog with.

April 15, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterLexi

I have had such a terrible day and then I come here to find the cake I took a picture of! (The dead doggie...may he rest in peace.) Loved this post long before I got to the end. Thanks for the laugh!

April 15, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterThe Kellys

Actually you really don't have to have any previous experience to be a cake decorator at Wrecky Mart. I've been a decorator there for 4 years now and I learned everything I know there. However, I like to think I've surpassed my teachers. I'm convinced that one of them reads this blog and uses it for inspiration, because she's made just about every wreck on here.

April 15, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterMs_Lily

Oh my lord. I just laughed until I cried, then laughed some more. Awesome post.

April 15, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterAnonymous

I don't think "on a dog with swirly poo eyes" was written under "I want sprinkles".

April 15, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterShinnewn

Hmm I say that wreckerator is obsessed with "dog" cakes. Man if this is the same bakery I would really consider hiring someone else for the job lol. Unless they are into all dog cakes all the time.

April 15, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterArlene

Once again, thank you for making me laugh. And laugh and laugh. Love you guys.

April 15, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterCarole

The new bakery manager clearly was a vicious tool of upper management.
But really, who puts a sick cake like that out for sale??
It upset my little Blondie, but I told her "illegitimi non carborundum!"
PS I will try your Latin on my boss today. Wish me luck.
PPS Kinda liked the "I'm sorry I peed on the carpet" cake.
--Blondie's Mom

wv: latterma -- Your father's second wife.

April 15, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterAnonymous

"I have a catapult, Unless you give all your money to me, I will hurl a huge stone at your head."

I too majored in Ancient Latin Philosophical Dance Theory. Or rather, History and Classical Studies, which is basically the same thing.

Thank you for giving me something Latin to translate. It happens far too rarely in my daily life.

WV: Aftablu. In the color spectrum, indigo is aftablu.

April 15, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterMad Cooper

Damn you, Cake Wrecks! You forced me to dust off the old college Latin textbook and translate pluperfect tenses. This is a trespass most vile for a Friday...

wv: duxima. The leading drake in a brace of ducks. "Elmo, being the most brilliant and handsome drake in the community, was the duxima."

April 15, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterLinda in Louisville


April 15, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterFoy Update

@ninja dude 11
I think they are! The brown "BAKERY" logo on the cakes are all the same!

April 17, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterEat. Sleep. Internet.

So my 4 year old son is looking over my shoulder at this post and goes "Mommy, I know what that is!" pointing to the first... creature... "It's a MOLE RAT! See cause it has no fur and it's all wrinkly!"

April 20, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterAmanda "Mandi" Plogger

Seriously haven't laughed this hard in a long time. Your narration in conjuction with dog after dog after... was too much. I actually have tears in my eyes. Thank you.

April 20, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterStephenie Daily

I read this whenever I need a lift and can't stop laughing!!! The doggie cakes and commentary would be an hilarious coffee table book!!

April 23, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterAnonymous

Are you kdding me, you need a lot of training and then I don't think that would help.

April 24, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterKayla

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