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What's a Wreck?

A Cake Wreck is any cake that is unintentionally sad, silly, creepy, inappropriate - you name it. A Wreck is not necessarily a poorly-made cake; it's simply one I find funny, for any of a number of reasons. Anyone who has ever smeared frosting on a baked good has made a Wreck at one time or another, so I'm not here to vilify decorators: Cake Wrecks is just about finding the funny in unexpected, sugar-filled places.

Now, don't you have a photo you want to send me? ;)

- Jen
Friday
Jul292011

Stack the Wreck

 

Helen Keller once said,

 

"The best way out is always through."

Which is fabulous advice pretty much any time you're not constructing a multi-tier wedding cake.

 

Cake Construction: You're Doing it Wrong.

 

Let's go in for a closer look, shall we?

Wow. You know, no matter how contrite the baker might have been, I have to say: those really are the tiers of a clown.

 

[Bah dum CHA]

Thank you. Thankyouverramuuuch.

 

Thanks also to Holly M. for putting the "holey" in "Holey wedding cake with big gaping holes in it, Batman!"

UPDATE: The baker has spoken!! Yep, Laura, the good-humored creator of this holeyness, has contacted us to explain. It turns out she's actually *not* a professional baker [ack! Our bad].  I'll let her explain:

"In the Wilton course 3 kit (which I did not have), the pillars are meant to go through the cake, with the bottom pieces threaded through so that it looks like it isn't in the cake.  I simply bought the wrong pillars, the ones with the square bottom that is meant to sit on the separator plate and not actually go into the cake. When I pushed them into the cake, the square holes were the result."  

Ah, so it's Wilton's fault!  I knew it!  Well, I think I should mention that this was one of Laura's first cakes and she has since improved her cakey skillz a little bit:

Or, ya know.  A lot bit.

Thanks for being such a good sport, Laura, and for setting the record straight.

 

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Reader Comments (72)

OMG! I think I just threw up in my mouth a little! Of all the horrid things I have seen on this site, I cannot believe someone did this!!

July 29, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterJenniffer

That's so sad. I don't even have the heart to say something mean or witty about it.

I'll just come back later and see everyone else's comments.

July 29, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterFluffy Cow

My head keeps tilting to the right.

Jackie

July 29, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterThe Pink Drink Ladies

Tiers of a clown....youch.

It looks like it was made by a building trades person, who wanted to make sure that the columns went right down to the footings for a solid contruction. Wonder if it required a building permit to execute this design?

wv: smorrec Can't wait till Monday so we can see smorrec(s).

July 29, 2011 | Unregistered Commenterbassgirl

Lol, I thought the saying went "a square peg in a round hole"!

July 29, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterClassic Catering

lol, then I guess I'm not seeing things when it looks like the holes were cut to insert the pillars in?

July 29, 2011 | Unregistered Commenter~*Jess*~

wv sums it up today ---

wv-falti: (with apologies to the very funny British TV show) do I see some falti towers here...?

a toast to the bride and groom: may the tiers of your wedding day be replaced by the happiness of your new life....

July 29, 2011 | Unregistered Commentermel

So close...too bad they didn't camouflage the holes with fresh flowers. It would have been prettier.

cc

July 29, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterAnonymous

Oh, how horrid! That would not have been easy though. Just further evidence that my husband is right when he says "You've got to be tough to be stupid."

July 29, 2011 | Unregistered Commenterzoomom

I love your blog :)

July 29, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterTara

What I keep coming back to is...how is the second layer floating above the bottom layer? If the columns go straight through, what is the 2nd tier sitting on?

July 29, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterRoseAnn

Hey, at least those columns are stury enough to (mostly) fully support that rather heavy (and pricey - my mom collects this stuff) Lladro cake topper... (I'm trying REALLY, REALLY HARD to make lemonade here - did you notice?)

WV - physi: This cake defies several laws of physis...

July 29, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterBADKarma!

Forget the cake, the bride topper's gown is pushing the groom off the cliff!
Too late to warn him. :(
mocking

July 29, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterAnonymous

That cannot *possibly* have been made by a professional! I am a hobby-type cake decorator, and I'd have been ashamed to put that on the table! There are tapered columns designed to be pushed through a cake, but those aren't it! Square holes? Yeesh. At least camouflage the holes with flowers or icing ruffles - or something!

July 29, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterLady Anne

Wow. At least chuck some flowers in there to hide it. :-/

July 29, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterStacey@StuffbyStace

It boggles my mind that anyone, professional or hobbyist wouldn't at least try to hide the holes. But, when someone puts a round peg in a square hole, I guess I shouldn't be surprised.

July 29, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterTrevor

omg seriously! cover the square holes! is this a budget cake? "um, sorry. your design didn't cover fresh flowers to cover the holes and we've used up all the icing allotted to your cake. we don't have any left to pipe any into those holes."

Lladro cake topper? yikes--hope that doesn't break! next time go with a stacked cake. that's what's in fashion lately anyway.

July 29, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterAnonymous

Yeah, those gaping holes where the pillars are certainly are bad. But.... does anyone else notice the top tier has slid a little? It isn't centered on the pillars. AND --- the cake topper is way, WAY too big for the cake! I mean, come on! That topper belongs on a cake twice that size. Ug. Wreck on many different levels.

July 29, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterMaureen

Seriously?? O_o

July 29, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterAnonymous

Must. Not. Get. Plastic. Pillars. Covered. In. Frosting.

July 29, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterCher

Originally I wasn't going to comment (that cake defies description) but when I saw my wv I just had to...

sommer: After seeing her cake, the bride thought maybe a sommer wedding HADN'T been a good idea, after all--like everything else, it was overly air-conditioned.

July 29, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterSaraCVT

"Tiers of a clown." Perfect.

I've heard of cutting corners, but this is ridiculous.

Pointy-Haired Boss received the order from corporate, Wally came up with the design, Dilbert complained about it and Phil 'blessed' it before it was faxed to the factory in Elbonia.

Looks like one of those deals I have heard about where only the top tier is actual cake (the couple saves that for the 1st anniversary and eats sheet cake along with the guests) while the rest is actually rented. You get the same photo op, save some money and everyone is happy.

In this case, however, the only thing missing is a sash that says, "Fred's Rent-a-Cake".

July 29, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterCraig

I love your blog for the hilarity. But despite the atrocious renderings featured here, at the end of the day, all I want to do after reading your blog is eat cake. Lots and lots of cake.

July 29, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterLil Z-Bear

Those gaping holes are distracting us from everything else (and I mean everything!) that is wrong with this cake.
It's barely decorated at all!
They thought they could get away with that with a big cake topper, but it's much too large for the cake.
And you can see lots of crumbs in the icing, which is not smooth.
Just really, really sad.

July 29, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterBin

Um...but you're not supposed to...I mean unless you were trying to make it all one but, no, because...and then why square the holes...um...because...no...

AIIIIEEEEEEEEEEE!

*brain death*

July 29, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterKimberly Chapman

For all of you tilting your head going 'Huh??' See if you can figure out which piece(s) the baker forgot (or thought weren't necessary!)
http://www.globalsugarart.com/product.php?id=17662&name=Wilton%20Roman%20Column%20Tier%20Set%20Wilton

Holly W.

July 29, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterHolly Williams

I don't think they cut holes on purpose--I think the pillars just tried to sink out of sight in shame.

July 29, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterEvenSong

Looks a lot like the first tiered cake I ever did, WAY many years ago. Except it was smooth, and the shells were even and I knew to put another coat over the crumb-coat and to put down the little plates for snapping the columns into.

Other than that---dead ringer.

PS Is that cake chocolate, or are those columns a foot and a half tall?

July 29, 2011 | Unregistered Commenterracheld

You totally asked for this:

(Oh yeah yeah yeah)

If you see a hole in my cake
It's only there tryin' to hold a column
But it still can't hold the weight
This thing is uglier than Gollum
Please ignore my lumpy frosting
The scallop blobs are nothing
I know this looks bad
Cheesy and bad
The bride and the groom are so mad
Even the flower girl's sad

There's some bad wrecks you can bake
But this one takes the cake
The tiers of a clown
On a gold cardboard round
(Um hum oh yeah baby)

And now to draft a letter of apology to Smokey Robinson and every last one of the Miracles.

July 29, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterNaomi

Please, please, please tell me this wasn't Keshia's wedding cake...

July 29, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterSharyn

That's just sad. Maybe it looks better if you're drunk. Nope there isn't enough booze in the world for that. The poor topper just makes you tilt your head. This would be a good cake for the couple that you just hate.

July 29, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterBarbara

I truly believe those Lladro figurines are not meant to be cake toppers. I'm glad that our cake decorator was able to convince my mom that it was too heavy for the top of our cake, otherwise something similar may have happened.

July 29, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterKimberly

Maybe it's just the angle the picture was taken from.

July 29, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterAnonymous

Maybe it was just the angle the cake was photographed from.

July 29, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterAnonymous

Or maybe it was the angle the cake was photographed from.

Let's see if it gets though this time.

July 29, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterAnonymous

OMG Naomi... I love it!!!!!

*humming to your version* yeah that cake is PRETTY BAD!!!!

VW those pillar *busta* hole in the cake....

July 29, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterNo Cake Fo' You!!

I guess you just need to column as you see 'em.

July 29, 2011 | Unregistered Commenterwassamatta_u

And it's off-center to boot. Please tell me they got a refund...

July 29, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterStephanie

@naomi I think I got your WV: sings

July 29, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterAnonymous

My first thought - a Lladro topper? That much weight is asking for trouble. And it's off center, maybe.

Second thought - Ah, the topper is nothing compared to the other structural problems here . . .
LittleRed1

WV:nesse. Even Nesse would be appalled at being asked to pay full price for this wreck.

July 29, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterAnonymous

I don't get it. Did the cake lean over because of the cake topper's design?

July 29, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterAnonymous

Tiers of joy, column as you see 'em, square peg, falti towers-- great lines, folks. This cake does rather beg for them!

OK, not everyone can afford a Sunday Sweets-calibre decorator, so I'm willing to overlook the highly imperfect icing and trim. After all it IS a chocolate cake; if it tastes good, dessert is saved and the photographer can focus on the happy couple and guests rather than the cake for the photo albums.

But for the way the supports were put in: obviously, that baker was previously an engineer. I recognize that logic: if they could bake, I'd suspect certain friends who once suggested cutting a hole in my living room ceiling to accommodate a too-happy houseplant!! (not being an engineer, I just pruned the plant & gave out cuttings)

July 29, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterAliza

Naomi's awesome! Of course, it'll take a song like Toni Basil's "Mickey" to get that out of my head now. :D

-Barbara Anne

July 29, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterAnonymous

Looks like the baker was more dense than the cake!

July 29, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterQuizzy

Well, if that's cake, it
comes at much too high a cost:
defying grav'ty.

July 29, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterHaiku Joy

LOL I would have just piped icing around the holes. :-)

July 29, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterAnonymous

New bakery in town...guess who got their first tiered cake?

wv: autere, what the baker said, "au...? tere?"

July 29, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterAicats

Ok, there are columns that are MADE to go straight into the cake, not on a column/plate set. But this was NOT it! How awful that whoever did this just decided to stick the squares right on through and not even cover it up! It's just sad I tell you! Very, very sad!

July 29, 2011 | Unregistered Commenterdankim23

I honestly didn't even notice the over-sized cake topper the first time I looked at the pictures. The off center holes were so distracting! I would love to hear why the baker did this!

July 29, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterHeather J.

Yup, Holly, I'd say there's at least one piece missing.....hence the square holes. Took me a minute to figure that out & when I saw your post, I knew I was right. *sigh* I just don't get it.

Also, LOVE the Tiers of a Clown words! Ah, well, like a hatchet, that song is now stuck in my head.....

July 29, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterSusan

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