Yesterday the United States of America suffered one of its darkest hours, in what is already being called "The Great Richmond Earthquake Of 2011." During the crisis, literally billions of unsuspecting East Coast citizens were mercilessly and violently wiggled for an agonizing duration of nearly 25 seconds.
Already, hospitals have admitted hundreds of thousands of injured office workers complaining of whiplash. Said one local executive assistant, "That's covered under worker's comp, right? OW! My KNEE! I mean... MY NECK!!"
Damage reports are still coming in, but since this is America, preliminary estimates are topping 7 trillion dollars.
Hardest hit, however, were our nation's bakeries.
But amidst all this tragedy, a few shining rays of light emerge.
Heroically, some wreckerators refused to seek shelter, choosing instead to continue their work:
This kind of sacrifice might be called selfless. Valiant, even.
We caught up with one anonymous hero in the Richmond, Virginia Shop-A-Lot to ask how she did it.
An attitude worthy of a local hero.
Thanks to field wreckporters Seanna B., Rachel O., Kelsey, Yello, Carissa B., Lara A., and Kristi M. for their in-depth coverage today.
[Editor's note: Upon further investigation it appears all of today's "earthquake cakes" were in fact made last week, and the baker quoted was asleep on her lunch break during the quake. CW regrets the error.]