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What's a Wreck?

A Cake Wreck is any cake that is unintentionally sad, silly, creepy, inappropriate - you name it. A Wreck is not necessarily a poorly-made cake; it's simply one I find funny, for any of a number of reasons. Anyone who has ever smeared frosting on a baked good has made a Wreck at one time or another, so I'm not here to vilify decorators: Cake Wrecks is just about finding the funny in unexpected, sugar-filled places.

Now, don't you have a photo you want to send me? ;)

- Jen
Friday
Sep302011

We Are The World Wrecks

As you've probably guessed by now, most of the wrecks on this site are made right here in the good ol' US of A. Which may be a sad point of pride, but we'll take it. (America! Heck yeah!!)

Still, in an effort to give our American bakers a much-needed shot of schadenfreude, we've decided to search through 16,000 submissions to find a few wrecks from other countries.

"But Jen," you're thinking, "isn't that kind of like William Shatner picking on Andrea Boccelli for singing a single note slightly off-key one time while he had a cold?"

Yeah, kind of.

Are we going to do it anyway?

Heck yeah!!

 

From Denmark:

I'm not sure if these are actually cakes or just giant Danishes, but whichever it is, keep in mind that someone thought the green icing was helping.

 

From Egypt:

You might think camouflage triangles, shooting stars, and neon splattered rings would be a little crazy, but that white pom pom thing really pulls it all together.

 

From Taiwan:

I don't know what it is, but I think it wants to kill me.

 

From Morocco:

Is that...Doc? From Snow White? Hey, I think it's Doc!

No, wait. The little trees are all knocked over.
Must be Sneezy.

 

From Iran:

That's either a fish or a rubber chicken. Final answer.

 

Courtesy of the Ivory Coast, here's one way to cover up messy handwriting:

Inadequately.

 

From our friends over in China:

Say, is your tank dripping, or are you just happy to see me?

 

And finally, from Mexico:

I will now yell at a Mexican cake in a bad Scottish accent.

"Heed! Down in front!
"Would you look at the size of that girl's head? That's a 'uge noggin'! It's a virtual planetoid! It has its own weather system!"

 

Thanks to Stephanie B., Heather B., Alisa K., Cindy P., Lisa, Amanda D., Jacquie B., & Clau for that veritable tapestry of nations. A world showcase, if you will, providing illuminations for our own American Adventure.

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Reader Comments (93)

That tank is GROSS. It's slimy! Yuck!

September 30, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterJen

I also thought the Taiwanese cake was Lady Gaga! I always thought my sister and I were the only ones who memorized Axe Murderer...Head, down!

September 30, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterEJL

I think I love this post just for the movie reference

September 30, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterStephanie Q

Now I feel like listening to the Bay City Rollers!!!! Thanks!!!!

September 30, 2011 | Unregistered Commenterjean burke

That third cake is definitely Lady Gaga. With a little bit of Michael Jackson thrown in. EEEP!

September 30, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterAmber

I want to call the Taiwan cake "Bride of PuppetMaster."

September 30, 2011 | Unregistered Commenterjbrecken

If i didn't already love this site, I now love it more for the So I Married An Axe Murderer references.

September 30, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterA.J.

.. that's not green icing.. or wasabi.. or poop.. it is pistachio.. still looks awful though! YUCK!
And it is pies.. or tarts..

September 30, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterPernille.. a Dane!

Love the "So I Married An Axe Murderer" quotes! I think that Taiwanese one is a cross between Lady Gaga & The Grudge, which makes it doubly scary.

September 30, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterMichelle

The cakes are spectacularly creepy and as always your comments had me giggling. However, today you won my psychology student heart when you correctly used the word schadenfreude in your introduction. Bonus points for spelling it right. You rock, it's so nice to know that it is possible to be intelligent and yet be funny in a way that everyone can get. Thanks again for making my day.

September 30, 2011 | Unregistered Commentermoriah

FINALLY
A post that takes me back to why I started reading CW
The wonderful truth of horrifying cakes. -_-,

September 30, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterAnon

OMG!! Jen! I thought I was the only one who remembered "So I Married an Axe Murderer", and while watching a guilty pleasure of mine, (What I Like About You-don't judge!), I looked up Nick Zano -the actor who played Vince....and realized how sick his and Holly's relationship was...since he is only 6 DAYS younger than me...and she's 8 YEARS younger....ewww.

September 30, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterDenee

The green stuff on the pastry, while less that aesthetically pleasing, looks like it's almost certainly marzipan, which goes a looong way towards forgiveness in my book. :)

September 30, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterBW

The one from Taiwan looks like that girl character in The Dark Crystal (which I’ve never seen because she creeps me out). I will NOT be re-creating that wreck on a cupcake for the Orlando tour date.

Does the Iranian fish/chicken have lips?? o.O

So, did either of YOU marry an axe murderer, hmmm? [eyes J & J(thoJ)]

“A world showcase, if you will, providing illuminations for our own American Adventure.” Cheeky monkey!! That’s from Spaceship Earth, isn’t it?

P.S. Loo-E Loo-I wins!!

September 30, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterBarbara Anne

That Taiwanese zombie will stab your brains with her life size hat pin. You don't suppose the baker just used one right out of her own stash do you?
The rubber chicken luckdragon from Iran has Angelina Jolie's lips.
Has China bought out Michelin? 'Cause that looks like the Michelin man to me. (Although would would the tire guy be driving something tireless like a tank that runs on tracks?)
Language and cultural barriers abound, but wrecks are understood in any language or culture.

September 30, 2011 | Unregistered Commentermarnieb

I was happily reading the comments on today's post and couldn't think of anything to say that hadn't already been said, and then went out to hang the washing on the line. As I stood out there hanging lots of socks, running through my head was Bad Romance by Lady Gaga (yeah I like Gaga, deal with it.) All of a sudden, inspiration struck me, rather like globs of icing and random plastic things will strike a wreck. So I present to you my new ear worm:

Bad Cake Wrecks

Ra ra ra-ah-aah
Wreck-ah oh wreck-ah
Ga Ga oh la la-aah
Want your bad Cake Wrecks

I want your ugly, and your CCCs
And underneat that I want sprinkles please
I want your wrecks
Wrecks, wrecks wrecks, I want your wrecks

I want Happy Falker Satherhood
I want your poo swirls that don't look good
I want your wrecks
Wrecks, wrecks wrecks, I want your wrecks

You know that I want them, and you know that I need them
I want it bad, bad Cake Wrecks

I want your flotsam and suggestive balloons
You and me could make a bad cake wreck
Contragulations, you're a spelling buffoon
You and me could make a bad cake wreck

Wo-oo-oo (etc.) caught in a bad cake wreck

September 30, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterWolverine Girl

for that veritable tapestry of nations. A world showcase, if you will, providing illuminations for our own American Adventure.

This sentence is one of the great wonders of life, truly one of the best things that has been spoken across the land, or even beneath the living seas.

September 30, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterAndrusi

1. The green sherbet's not so bad, being my favorite color. I'm more disturbed at what looks like pumpkin seeds or cornflakes on that pie.

2. This tribute to "Underneath my Bed" also disturbs me more than the green sherbet.

3. They succeeded out Ga-Ga-ing Lady Gag-Gag. Give her some sherbet.

4. A post-modern monument to Dumbo. Disney should take note.

5. Another one for Disney, this time for Nemo.

6. For the wedding guests who don't like sweets, the snack mix was a good touch. What's sad, is that actually sounds good to me and I love cake.

7. I hope this did not occur at the wedding for #6

8. See #7.

September 30, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterMeghan

Ooh, ooh, I know, I know!!!! The one from Taiwan!!! They were trying to recreate Lady Gaga!!! Anyone else seeing the resemblance here......

September 30, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterJess

That Taiwan cake looks like a very peeved Lady Gaga who has no feet. Lol at least I can't see any. Those wrecks are scary especially that green goop on several cakes. Why do this???

October 1, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterArlene

Hm. Did I hit the "preview post" button again earlier today instead of the "create post" button? Either that or I managed to say something that's not allowed, sorry. :(

Just in case, I'll try again.

The intro made me think of John Scalzi's schadenfreude pie, which I discovered recently. I wouldn't consider it a wreck, but it does look pretty much the way you'd expect an unadorned chocolate pie to look. On the other hand, it sounds delish.

I guess I'm the only one who didn't think those were arms on the tank driver. My first impression was that it was someone very um, well-endowed. You know, with tracts of land.

October 1, 2011 | Unregistered Commenterhyphen8

OR it's entirely possible that due to the time difference, and where that puts you in your day, you just haven't gotten there yet. Sorry, didn't mean to be annoying. I don't actually expect you to spend all your time moderating comments! :s

Thank you for keeping your sense of humor...and sharing it with us.

Meanwhile, I'm still waiting for someone to chime in and give us the cultural reference for the interesting critter on the Iranian cake, because I just can't figure it out.

October 1, 2011 | Unregistered Commenterhyphen8

Sometimes your posts make me need cake. Today, your post makes me need to watch So I Married an Axe Murderer.

October 1, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterShay

FYI - the Taiwanese cake is a character from a very famous (and hilarious/creepy) Taiwanese puppet show called Pili. Pili is EVERYWHERE there. I was always half amused, half scared by the whole thing.

October 1, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterMeredith

I'm surprised that a couple of geeks like Jen and John didn't recognize The Bride with White Hair. The Taiwanese cake is clearly intended to be the main character in this Hong Kong cinema classic. It's an amazing film - well worth seeking out. OK, the cake is still kind of wrecky, but it's definitely NOT Lady Gaga.

October 1, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterBarbW

OK, I admit, Meredith is probably right. It's Pill and not The Bride with White Hair. Sowwy. My bad.

October 1, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterBarbW

@Wolverine Girl I not only like Lady GaGa but I now like you!! :D

October 1, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterBarbara Anne

I think the Thing from Taiwan is the Empress of Heaven. If I were the Empress of Heaven and saw that, I would most likely be doing some Smiting right about now...

October 1, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterBADKarma

The morrocan one also has... giant... chocolate... EARS? It must be a dwarf thing.

October 1, 2011 | Unregistered Commenterbringdal

It's the hands that bother me in both Mexico and Taiwan's cakes. Ariel's hands are so noodle-y and small. The other cake....I feel like she's been buried in icing and is begging me to help her get out. Her hands are creepy tiny as well.

October 1, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterJezebele

Arial feels so burned!!..
She can go cry her eyes out on her giant pillow.

October 1, 2011 | Unregistered Commenterhawkfeather

That's not a forehead, that's a fivehead.

October 1, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterRikki

The cake from China says 平安中国 on the front, meaning "peaceful China". Can't see the characters on the tank itself, but enjoy that little contradiction. (:

October 1, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterElizabeth

Pretty sure the Taiwanese "Lady Gaga" cake is actually a character from the very popular puppet series, Pili. Check it.

http://traditions.cultural-china.com/en/17Traditions5185.html

October 1, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterStephalopod

ACK!!! I totally recognize that Taiwan one - he was a character on a really creepy puppet show (in Mandarin, so I never really understood what was going on) but I saw him suture another puppet's wounds. With his own veins. Thanks - I'm gonna have nightmares again tonight!

October 2, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterAnners

I just have to say, the writing on the China cake says "Peaceful China." So, they think driving tanks all over the place will bring peace?

October 2, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterLaura

i just have to say thanks for the knod to "so i married an axe murderer!" one of my favoritist movies ever!

October 3, 2011 | Unregistered Commenterchef barbie

Hey, a quick word about the Danish Icing, it is a delicious pistachio paste similar to marzipan but more sticky and less firm so it is worked more like a frosting, but I think cake decorating is just not something people do much in Denmark because I don't think I have ever seen the green stuff look all that attractive on anything, we usually just try to make the cakes them selves look good, like those in the picture with out pistachio paste on them. One thing I can tell you about it though, it tastes heavenly.

October 3, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterIda

Lady Gaga would totally wear that in real life

October 3, 2011 | Unregistered Commenternepetacataria

C'mon guys, Lady Gaga? That's clearly Emmylou Harris.

October 3, 2011 | Unregistered Commenterreh

Love the "So I Married an Axe Murderer" quote!! I love that movie. Hilarious. Was it proper to put the movie in quotes? I know your the punctuation expert :)

October 4, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterLydia

The irony of that China tank cake is that the words in front read "Peaceful China"!

October 7, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterABC

Still no cakes from the UK. I keep wondering why not. After all, there are plenty of people here who don't speak good English, and loads of kids who leave school totally unable to spell. I think the reason is that we just don't buy enough bespoke cakes. People here don't get cakes for graduation, or leaving their job, or Halloween, and we don't have baby showers or Thanksgiving. We have special cakes for birthdays and Christmas, but people who don't make their own buy them mass-produced from the supermarket. Christmas cakes are rich fruit cake with almond paste and white royal icing. If you make it yourself you stick a plastic Santa ornament on top, preferably the same one your mother used when you were a kid, and if you buy it it's usually plain.

The one exception is wedding cakes. We do order those to be made specially. I can't believe none of those get wrecked. Maybe brides can't bring themselves to reveal the disaster to the world, or maybe there just aren't enough people here who know about your blog. I'm doing my very best to change THAT.

February 1, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterMorag

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