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What's a Wreck?

A Cake Wreck is any cake that is unintentionally sad, silly, creepy, inappropriate - you name it. A Wreck is not necessarily a poorly-made cake; it's simply one I find funny, for any of a number of reasons. Anyone who has ever smeared frosting on a baked good has made a Wreck at one time or another, so I'm not here to vilify decorators: Cake Wrecks is just about finding the funny in unexpected, sugar-filled places.

Now, don't you have a photo you want to send me? ;)

- Jen
Tuesday
Oct232012

A Total Dud

John and I spent all of last weekend working on the Halloween costumes we're going to wear to go trick-or-treating at Walt Disney World this Friday, because that's totally something thirty-something adults with no kids do.

Oh, I'm sorry; did I say "trick-or-treating? I meant "treak or treating."

 

It's a lot like trick-or-treating, only with more treaks.

 

We also bought a giant variety pack of Halloween candy to give out to the neighborhood kids next week, but John's already eaten everything except the little boxes of Milk Duds. We are literally going to be giving out Duds, you guys. We'll probably walk outside on November 1st to find our lawn littered with TP, Milk Dud boxes, and tiny molars.

I'm pretty sure caramel was invented by a lazy dentist who got tired of pulling teeth. Admit it: chewing caramel is like chewing a mouthful of Lilliputians armed with grappling hooks. (Really sweet Lilliputians, though. Some of which come with a chocolate coating. Mmm. Is this disturbing anyone else? No? Good.)

 

Hey, speaking of Lilliputians with grappling hooks... what the heck are these?

More importantly, does the idea of chewing gummi teeth squick anyone else out?

 And most importantly, isn't "squick" like the coolest made-up word ever?

 

This ghostly bowling ball has a boo boo. See if you can spot it.

 

 Now, I know what you're thinking, and I'm way ahead of you. So you just sit right there and relax, while Auntie Jen fetches just the thing you're looking for.

[sounds of construction]
[geese honking]
[slide rule]
[minor explosion]

 

 Er, you did want a pair of zombie muppet pumpkins, right?

 Dang, I'm good.

 

Hey, I just realized "Auntie Jen" sounds like "antigen" if you pronounce "aunt" the American, buggy way. Which is totally creppy.

It's kind of a cross between crappy and creepy.

Or maybe it's like a thin pancake. 

 

Either way, as the pirate mummy with a poor grasp of puns likes to say, 

"It's a wrap!"

 

Thanks to Heather S., Raevyn, Julie D., Brooke, Melios, Timothy C., & Lorinda R. for the spirited selections. 

« Subjective Reasoning | Main | Read 'Em And Weep »

Reader Comments (60)

Initially, I read the first one as "freak or freating." I think that makes it even better.

October 23, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterSarah

I want to know what a slide rule sounds like. :)

And did anyone else hear Admiral Ackbar say "it's a wrap"?

October 23, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterJMS

I actually think the mummy pirate cake is kind of cute -- I like the expression on his face.

October 23, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterJulie

I actually pulled a tooth out while eating caramel one time!! Best way to lose a tooth, since I hate that root detaching pop. Blech!

October 23, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterCrystal A.

Anybody ever see, "The Complete Works of William Shakespeare (Abridged)"? There's a bit at the end where they perform the entire 90 minute show in 90 seconds BACKWARDS! The ghost from Hamlet who originally says, "Boo" makes a return appearance saying, "OOB". So I totally love the ghost cake :-)
The zombie Muppet pumpkins, on the other hand, scare the living crap out of me.

October 23, 2012 | Unregistered Commenterbmbagain803

Sung to “That’s Amore”

Over 30 years old?
Grab your spouse, you can go
Treak or treating

When you only have Duds
For the kids and their buds
Gums are bleeding

Doorbells ring ding-a-ling-a-ling, ding-a-ling a ling
You see bright pools of yellow
Their lips slip over gummi lips, over gummi lips
I feel bad for these fellows

When you write “boo” backwards
But can still read the words
On your cookie

You deserve a big scare
Zombie pumpkins are there
(They’re in love…)

When you just want to eat
But not these creppy treats
Don’t start bleating

Scuzza me, puns are free
Save the candy for me
Treak or treating

October 23, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterSharyn

I assume everyone else is sniggering at the ghost/pirate/mummy's little icing dinky doo.

October 23, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterShirley Fowley

So, I know you read young adult books sometimes, but I don't know if you've read any Scott Westerfeld- he uses the word 'squick' in his Leviathan series. In his context, it's a slang unit of time- I'll be there in a squick- so I like the idea of adding definitions to the word.

October 23, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterEmily

Lone white balloon boos
Michelin Man's costume party.
It's a (Milk) Dud . . . wrap . . .

October 23, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterHaiku Joy

Sharyn hahahaha. Those cakes amuse me, they are the least frightening thing i've ever seen

October 23, 2012 | Unregistered Commentermindy1

Nice job Sharyn!
I see Freak or Freating as well.
I'm gonna start saying that instead.

October 23, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterJacJac

"Creppy"

*sigh*

October 23, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterFluffy Cow

Looks like the official colors for "treak or treat" are blue and green...yeah, those are great Halloween colors.

Is there any cake at all under that mummy pirate icing, or is it just a pile of white sugar?

October 23, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterTwinMom

I preferred to think the ghost-mummy-pirate was the ghost of Admiral Akbar: "It's a wrap!"

October 23, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterG-Baby

Obviously the fourth cake saw the rest....

October 23, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterThe Former CB

Uh, they are clearly smiley-face vampires celebrating a birthday in picture #3 (duh.).

Which is a totally normal thing to make out of cake (I guess).

Sure, it'd be easier to tell if they were "round" like a traditional smiley face. But, other than that, spot on.

October 23, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterM. Dale

The pirate/mummy looks like the Michelin Man to me. Or maybe a cross between the Stay-Puft marshmallow guy and the Michelin man?

October 23, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterKat

You've always been my favorite anitgen for a boring morning.... ; )

October 23, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterKathleen

Those yellow globs may be Spongebob in his vampire witch Halloween costume. That is the kindest interpretation.

October 23, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterCatTrampoline

The "creppy" one totally cracked me up. I will definitely start using that word when referring to something that's half-crappy, half-creepy...or if I bake crêpes and they end up being way too thin...LOL

Also, as a big fan of the Leviathan books, I wanted to mention the same thing as Emily -that the word "squick" already exists...but sure, let's add other meanings to it :D

October 23, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterKrisfromParis

30 year old, Steampunk DINKs
Awesome Costume!
Who cares what anybody thinks?

Have fun Freak or Freating!

October 23, 2012 | Unregistered Commenterjackwire

I think the cookie "cake" with all the yanked out teeth and the blood drizzled everywhere is actually my favorite of the day! A COOKIE cake, y'all! It's fittingly morbid. I don't think I would want to eat it, just put it out on the porch next to the Jack-O-Lantern.

October 23, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterAndrea

The mummy has a poor grasp of puns because it lacks any appendages. Well, except for a wee, little Wonky Willy....

October 23, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterBADKarma

Loved "squirk" ... the best made up word! Unlike CREPPY!
An "Under Construction" sign is needed on those CCCs (patooooie)
LOLd at Shirley Fowley's "dinky doo" remark
So nice to see Haiku Joy comments...Welcome Back & Underneat That WE Mist You!!! (yeah i know the flack i'm gonna get)
As usual, Sharyn should be at the top of the music charts!

October 23, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterEla

@JMS: Actually, I heard Sheldon Cooper saying (in his best Admiral Ackbar impression) "It's a trap!" over and over. Anybody else? No? Just me? Okay.

October 23, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterSaraCVT

The second one looks like bacon-topped Oreos with ketchup sauce. And the creppy cake - severely lacking in crepe. And I gotta love that ghost-pirate-mummy-Ghostbusters Marshmallow man cake.

October 23, 2012 | Unregistered Commenterthalwen

I have one burning question: why a PIRATE mummy? It is my understanding that the Egyptians weren't too big into piracy (being in the middle of a desert and all) and pirates didn't stop to mummify their dead comrades even if they had known how. So why combine the two? Anybody got any theories?

October 23, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterSaraCVT

I just have to say that I laughed out loud at more of your posts today than I ever have. Either they were funnier (yes) or I'm just in one of those moods. Regardless, I LOVE CAKEWRECKS!!!

October 23, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterDana

Some very creative cakes here! I gotta admit I had never seen Halloween cakes before.

October 23, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterMike

I'm with Dana, I also laughed out loud to most of this post, and the comments. Sharyn, love it! Welcome back Haiku Joy!

October 23, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterDegera

That doesn't say treak or treating
Nor does it say freak or freating
It says Preak or Preating
AND
I once had a Milk Dud pull out a crown, then I ended up with a root canal.
That stupid MIlk Dud cost me about $1000.
I've never had one since, and now I lay claim to a learning curve.

October 23, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterMary Connealy

You guys, Treak or Treat is the way Count Dracula says it! Or was it Count Chocula?

October 23, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterLaxmom

Dan Savage uses the word "squicked" a lot. Great minds think alike?

October 23, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterShayla

There is a candy even worse than Milk Duds when it comes to dental work. DOTS. They are way stickier and harder to chew. I can top Mary Connealy, I broke off a crowned tooth eating a box of Dots. Ended up getting a dental implant to the tune of about $2500. Most expensive piece of candy I ever ate.

And what in the WORLD is that second one supposed to be? I can't figure that out for the life of me.

October 23, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterJulie

Those yellow blocks look like vampire spongebobs with party hats on.

October 23, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterAddy

A comments section that references both Dan Savage *and* the Reduced Shakespeare Company?? I call that a beautiful thing.

October 23, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterDaphne24

Ok, so I'm going to say it? Is that mummy a CCC? I think it might be with the head and body each as a cupcake. It really wouldn't be such a wreck if they didn't throw a totally random pirate hat on him (possibly to disguise the squiggle of icing going off the top of his head?).

I would also like to say that I greatly enjoyed BADKarma's comment - it made me laugh out loud. And I also read it as Freak or Freating. :)

October 23, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterAmberM

I saw the "pirate mummy" and immediately thought "Mr. Stay-Puft is gonna be mad that someone smashed him!"

October 23, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterAJ

I had a crown pulled off by salt water taffy. Fortunately, salt water taffy shows up in Halloween treat bags only if the homeowners went to the beach and seriously overestimated the demand for semi-edible souveniers.

And now I will be spending the rest of the day humming, "Treak orTreating."

October 23, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterWaneta

"Zombie Muppet Pumpkins" would be an awesome name for a band.
Just sayin.

October 23, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterJuls from Houston

Jen, you are amazing with your commentary but seriously? The comments and Sharyn's song get me every single time!

October 23, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterJodee in WA

I thought the first one said "Preak or Preathing."

October 23, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterMelanie

As half of another 30-something couple with no kids who go to Disney for Trick-or-Treating every year I don't see any problems... Well except that you're eating the Milk Dudes wrong. You should be alternating them with handfuls of hot buttered popcorn so the caramel turns into gooey goodness.

October 23, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterRachel

The yellow things are Spongebob crossed with Ike from South Park!! ;-D

October 23, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterKaren

@SaraCVT - my then 7 year old wanted to be a mummified koala for Halloween. It was actually kind of cute :-)

October 23, 2012 | Unregistered Commenterbmbagain803

Trifold, the last pick.
First picks were tiara and
a rainbow clown wig.

October 23, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterHaiku Joy

who leaves the MILK DUDS? I eat those first...course, I have no caps, crowns or fillings...remember SUGAR DADDY? loved those, oot

October 23, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterBarbara Anne

The third one looks like Pac-Man turned into vampire twins lol. And yep looked at the mummy again and it does have a tiny little squiggle oh how evil my mind is lol. Off to find something else to die laughing at.

October 24, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterArlene

You can go trick-or-treating at Disney World? I guess they have an advantage on Busch Gardens and Universal Studios because neither of those give candy or allow costumes. Wonder if they have a FL resident discount for the Disney event?

I thought the second cake was supposed to be (really gross-looking) sushi at first. What is that coming out of the mummy/pirate/Michelin Man's head? Is he on fire and smoking?

October 24, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterHeather

YES SARACVT I WAS HEARING SHELDON TOOO..LOL.
I WONDER WITH THE OOB BOO WAS A PUN THAT THE GHOST WAS TRYING TO DECIDE IF IT WAS COMING OR GOING?

October 24, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterNETASHA

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