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What's a Wreck?

A Cake Wreck is any cake that is unintentionally sad, silly, creepy, inappropriate - you name it. A Wreck is not necessarily a poorly-made cake; it's simply one I find funny, for any of a number of reasons. Anyone who has ever smeared frosting on a baked good has made a Wreck at one time or another, so I'm not here to vilify decorators: Cake Wrecks is just about finding the funny in unexpected, sugar-filled places.

Now, don't you have a photo you want to send me? ;)

- Jen
Thursday
Nov082012

Limer-Icks

There once was a wedding confection

That failed the bride's final inspection

So we grabbed an airbrush

Painted it in a rush

And told Yanks it was for their election!

 

 

I'm finding it rather outrageous

That I have to spend some of my wages

On a cake for my Dad

Of a girl, partly clad

Is it me, or does she look contagious?

 

 

I hope you don't find me neurotic

But I'm sure my new heart is necrotic

It rattles and shakes

And I think that it's cake...

Did I mention my surgeon's psychotic?

 

 

Clap your hands for poor Tinkerbell

A bee sting has caused her to swell

Grab a fresh EpiPen

And inject her again

For she's really just not looking well.

 

 

 If you just can't spell "congratulations"

And your piping skills won't win ovations

You should find a career

Where you won't end up here

 

 

 

Or at least take extended vacations.

 

 

I once saw a cake in Nantucket

That had frosting applied by the bucket

Though it's called a nice gift

It's too heavy to lift

So I guess that I'll just have to chuck it.

 

 

Thanks to Fiona N., Annabelle K., Melissa J., Michael C.,  Miranda B., Wendy R., Erika H., and Arlene for making me speak in rhyme all day. (Hey guys, are there rocks ahead?)

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Reader Comments (80)

If there are, we'll all be dead!

Awesome post, loved the limer-icks! That body cake is disturbing, and poor Tinkerbell..

November 8, 2012 | Unregistered Commentermrslittle

If there are, we'll all be dead!

(Sorry. Had to.)

if there are, we'll all be dead

November 8, 2012 | Unregistered Commenterbuttercup

If there are....we'll all be dead!!

November 8, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterJacJac

If there are we'll all be dead!

November 8, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterRikki

(I'm sure I'm not the first one to say it, but....)

'IF THERE ARE, WE'LL ALL BE DEAD!"

November 8, 2012 | Unregistered Commenter~Lori

Aorta say the
bacongreased heart-brain-bladder
puts the "urp" in "durp."

November 8, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterHaiku Joy

Of that corpse cake I have some requests,
That it purchase some very long vests.
'Cause it's hairy g-string
Is a horrible thing,
And it's staring at me with its breasts.

November 8, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterSuBee

(Hey guys, are there rocks ahead?)

If there are we'll soon be dead!

November 8, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterTina

Why, oh WHY is there pubic hair on the "female torso cake"?

November 8, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterJenna

That last cake, is all that fruit solid icing??? If so, YUM!!!! 8-d

November 8, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterBea

If there are we'll soon be dead!

November 8, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterJess

What worries me most is the first cake is listed as an "Exclusive" cake somewhere in the UK (that looks like a pound symbol by the price to me).

November 8, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterTrevor

Those frosting-fruits could be a hit,
If you tasted just one tiny bit.
All that sugar's a curse,
But there's something that's worse.
Cornucopias made out of poop.

November 8, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterSuBee

Of the first cake, Mr. Haiku says, "It looks like a barber pole got into an accident."

November 8, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterHaiku Joy

The last one is a cornucopia of icing, literally.

November 8, 2012 | Unregistered Commenterverdefae

Thanks for keeping limericks alive,
A lost art, for which many strive,
You've given us laughs
With these bakery gaffes...
For you, clever Jen, a high five!

November 8, 2012 | Unregistered Commentermel

I hope "exclusive" means "one of a kind" so we never have to see another one!

November 8, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterJenn

Why are there pasties on top of the bikini top on the second cake?

I feel sad that I don't understand why 7 or 8 people (at least) posted the same line. I guess I'm just not cool enough to know what it means.

November 8, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterTrekkie Gal

There was a young girl from Cathcart
Who saw a cake shaped like a heart
Surrounded by jelly
It upset her belly
So she let out a mighty big exclamation of disgust and scrolled past the offending image immediately.

ANYBODY WANNA PEANUT?? Wait... what?

November 8, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterJoan

If there are, we'll all be dead!
@Haikujoy, @ Subee and @mel --- well done
Jen -- totally freakin' terrific AWESOME that you put limericks to the wrecks this morning!!! **clapping**

November 8, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterMaureen

The "cornucopia of poop"- best decription ever Su-Bee! The sign in the corner states that it is a "Specialty Cake- made in house" AS IF they were afraid we would think they had to import poopy cornucopias from somewhere else!!

November 8, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterNicole S.

Am I the only one who read this post in Carl Kasell's voice?

(He's the announcer, judge, scorekeeper, and limerick reader on Wait Wait... Don't Tell Me!)

November 8, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterChris S.

Funny, I was already thinking of TPB for a different reason: "Conguatulation" made me think of "mawwiage."

What a very unpleasant surprise!
Put the forks for the cakes in my eyes!
Let them all go to waste
For a lack of good taste
While we hope for more luck with some pies.

November 8, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterClassic Steve

The final wreck shows us that corn isn't the only food which goes through you completely intact... O_O

November 8, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterBADKarma

The heart cake shines like a red jewel.
I know if you think with your head you'll
Be glad just to know
Wrecker focused on dough
She luckily didn't choose med school.

November 8, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterSuBee

Anybody want a peanut?

November 8, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterBob

"Ah! a 70's bush cake, just what I wanted" I imagine a guy with a VERY Movember mustache saying.

November 8, 2012 | Unregistered Commenterspel chek

Just when I think you can't get any funnier, BAM. You hit it again. This whole week has been great.
Thank you for making my day. Every day.

November 8, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterDiane

No more rhyming now I mean it!


Does anyone want a peanut?


There once was a baker in Nantucket,
Who liked to use frosting by the bucket.
They took her away,
for an extra long stay.
At a dentist's office chair
to fix up her mouth with care.
Now she lives without care,
with her gums all laid bare.

November 8, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterIsolder74

Alluring side boob is kinda hot,
Yellow pasty skin definitely not.
Beer goggles in place,
Thank god there is no face!
Oooh! Happy Birthday blocks the shot.

November 8, 2012 | Unregistered Commenterjackwire

After seeing that second cake,we don't need rocks to 'be dead'. My eyes already are.......
The first cake looks made from glass.Especially the flowers.

November 8, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterThe Former CB

I didn't even realize those black squiggles were supposed to be pubic hair on the female torso cake. At first glance, I assumed it was simply illegible writing, but upon closer inspection, the pubic hair is unmistakable. Why did they think that was necessary? And now that I've had to look it over several times, the color of that torso is just so pale it looks like a corpse's. Totally unappetizing all around.

November 8, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterJamie

Jaw dropping post. The first was odd but I could live with that. It went quickly downhill from there. I'm more then a little horrified by the torso cake. The writing is spelled correctly and you can read it...if you're not distracted by whatever that is supposed to be around it. (Someone PLEASE tell me they didn't mean for that to be pubic hair! I'm begging you... please!!!)

Haiku Joy please tell Mr. Haiku that I appreciate what his comment did for my diet!

November 8, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterJodee in WA

Tinker's unfortunate dowager hump
Is quite an impressive posterior lump,
Tho I might be mistaken,
'Cause I've been busy baken'
Wasn't this recycled from the dump?

November 8, 2012 | Unregistered Commenterjackwire

Yeah, I was noticing that the front of the last one looked like food, while the back looked like... post-food.

@Trekkie Gal: They're quoting The Princess Bride. A couple of the characters in it (one of whom is played by André the Giant) make a game of rhyming, including the "rocks ahead"/"all be dead" lines. This annoys their boss, who says, "Stop that rhyming, I mean it!" To which one says, "Anybody want a peanut?"

November 8, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterNyperold

That torso cake is just ICK!

Trekkie Gal - I too am in the dark. It feels like 7th grade all over again.

November 8, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterDiana

These cakes remind me of one of my other favorite TPB quotes: "Get used to disappointment." Also, "congratulion", "congradulation", and "coNgvatulation"???? I do not think that means what you think it means...

November 8, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterElizabeth A.

No, it's all in your head.

November 8, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterHannah A

If you were told these were cakes, then they lied.
Most of us looked at them and then cried.
But one redeeming fact
Allowsed us the laught-
er--Jen quoted from Princess Bride.

November 8, 2012 | Unregistered Commenterdrgns4vr

I absolutely LOVE the limericks! This has really made my day. Thank you!

November 8, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterOnionSauce

Anybody want a peanut?

November 8, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterSusan

Gee, I didn't know I was one of "the cool kids"! I feel so superior!

Actually, if you haven't seen the Princess Bride yet, do yourself a favor and do so. Srsly.

November 8, 2012 | Unregistered Commenter~Lori

Ack! This is Sharyn's post, everyone, not mine. I messed up the author tag, because I'm a terrible person. :( I've fixed it now, but I'm so, SO sorry for taking credit for her genius. (Although I did add the "rocks ahead" line, because I couldn't resist. Heh. Sorry, Sharyn!)

November 8, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterJen

Is it just me or does that body cake kinda look like an anorexic minion from despicable me?

November 8, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterGuinan

My six year old daughter just walked up behind me and said, "Is that Tinkerbell? :o/ Cause if it is, it's NOT a very good one."

November 8, 2012 | Unregistered Commenterash

I love limericks, and the "Cornucopia of poo" comment was priceless, so I felt I must post a "Poo" related limerick:
There once was a girl from Clyde
Who fell in the outhouse and died
The next day her brother fell into the other
And now they're In turd side by side

November 8, 2012 | Unregistered Commenterladiebugg

My daughter, about the last cake: "That looks like fruit on poo!"

November 8, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterJenn

ohhh, that last one is a whole foods cake... i'd recognize the font on that label and those miserable all natural food dyes anywhere... i used to decorate cakes for them.

November 8, 2012 | Unregistered Commentererin

The heart cake reminds me of some of the moulded, jellied salads from the 70s Weight Watchers recipe cards, as seen on the Candyboots site. Like someone mixed up the Bean and Mushroom Salad and the Rosy Perfection Salad recipes, but just used pimento strips.

The bottom cake is kind of a cool idea, but it’s scary. Is it made ENTIRELY of frosting?

November 8, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterMike

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