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What's a Wreck?

A Cake Wreck is any cake that is unintentionally sad, silly, creepy, inappropriate - you name it. A Wreck is not necessarily a poorly-made cake; it's simply one I find funny, for any of a number of reasons. Anyone who has ever smeared frosting on a baked good has made a Wreck at one time or another, so I'm not here to vilify decorators: Cake Wrecks is just about finding the funny in unexpected, sugar-filled places.

Now, don't you have a photo you want to send me? ;)

- Jen
Monday
Dec172012

Slights of the Season

This is my absolute favorite time of year to write for Cake Wrecks. That makes it hard, of course, when John is begging me to please just run some "best-of" posts so we can get a few days off to spend with family this week, but, c'mon. Like I'm supposed to just NOT post this Santa cake:

My, Santa, what big scary eyes your mustache has.

Yes, those ARE plastic eyebrows, and they're upside down. But thank goodness the baker didn't have to pipe the eyes and mustache herself, because THIS is soooo much better. Reeeeally. (No, I mean really really. Do you see that "nose?" YIKES.)

 

And who says it's too early for Easter eggs?

NOT ME!

(Actually, if you just think of this as a belly cake for a baby shower, except instead of a baby it's all Santa fat in there, then it's deeply, deeply disturbing.)

 

In fact, I love this next Christmas egg so much that I want to commission someone to make me a plush version of it. Then I'll put the plush in a box, and put that box inside of another box, and then I'll mail that box to myself, and when it arrives? AHAHAHAHAA! I'll... hug him and squeeze him and call him George!

It's brilliant, brilliant, BRILLIANT!!

Seriously, though, doesn't George looks like a snow-thug who's just lost a fist fight?

And we know he lost because - say it with me, now - BIG HEAD LITTLE ARMS!

This will never not make me laugh like a fool.

Hm. You know you've had a leeedle too much eggnog when you reference THREE separate cartoons for one wreck. Sorry. And to those of you who got all three references: the next glass is on me.

(No, I mean literally - eggnog also makes me clumsy.)

Sooo....

I don't really know how to get myself out of this literary hole I've just dug, so I'm going to try something SHOCKING.

Yeah, B*TCH*S!

Granted, I don't know what hip new curse word this is, but I'm guessing it's roughly equivalent to rocking out with your chicken out.

 

Speaking of which...

"Hey, baby, I got yer Christmas 'special' RIGHT HERE."

 

Oh, whoops. Sorry, Frosty; I, uh, didn't see you there.

...and I think your nose fell off.

 

Maybe I should wrap this up before things get even more out of hand. So allow me to wish you ALL...

...the best of luck in deciphering this.

 

Thanks to John, Denis S., Lizz, Sarah D., Alison L., Shell, & Laura P. for reminding us of the true meaning of sprinkles: to cover up spelling mistakes and bad handwriting.

 

***********

This year we're condensing our Charity Countdown into two charities: charity: water and Give Kids The World. Though I loved featuring 12 unique charities in our previous countdowns, it required a huge amount of work from three to four people over several weeks to set up each year, and for severely dwindling interest and participation. I'm hoping that by focusing on only two, we'll be able to make a larger impact as a group on these fantastic organizations.

 

Give Kids The World provides children with life-threatening illnesses and their families truly magical experiences at the Give Kids The World Village, a 70-acre Orlando resort specifically designed for children with special needs.

 

And thanks to charity:water and you readers, there are now several more village wells in Africa providing clean water to hundreds of people - and one of those wells has a sign that proudly credits "Cake Wreeks."

And the only way that could possibly be more perfect is if there were even more of them. (Wells, I mean, not misspelled signs.)

So please consider taking a moment to give to these organizations, and to spread a little goodwill towards those in need this season.

Click here to give to Give Kids The World and here to give to charity:water.

« THE FINAL COUNTDOWN | Main | Sunday Sweets: Christmas Charm »

Reader Comments (85)

Has anyone noticed the tiny plastic Santa Hat on the right hand side of the googly-eyed Santa thing? We have the case of a two hat Santa Claus!

Get Santa much sadder and he might have a three hat day..............

December 17, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterIsolder74

Oh dear. Number five is a Kringle Dingle.

December 17, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterLogicMouse

For the record, I totally got all three cartoon references, and you are THAT much more awesome to me simply for them!!

December 17, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterCorinne

You guys crack me up. I look forward to spotting your blogs on my facebook and this one was especially belly wobbling for me. Have a merry merry christmas and I can't wait for the next lot of cake faux pas <3

December 17, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterTash

I didn't intend to write my previous comment almost entirely in italics. Razzfragglefrizzing HTML tags...

#5 How The Grinch Missed Christmas.

December 17, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterCraig

Best d*ng CCC E.V.E.R!!!! Just sayin'

And did Frosty lose his nose or is he just really happy to see us???

December 17, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterKaren

I am very proud to say that I volunteer at Give Kids the World. It is a very magical place and my heart grows three sizes every time I work a shift.

December 17, 2012 | Unregistered Commenterccm

Let it SWAN! I have to say that this one KILLED me. I know it was SW*N. But In my mind, it was swan, and it made me laugh so hard that I hurt myself. :D

December 17, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterJanet

Let it Swen, Let it Swyn, Let it Swon ... tra-la-la@nsfc.urg ...?

December 17, 2012 | Unregistered Commentergobbler

I laughed out loud when the Emperor's new groove reference started.
I know that movie like the back of my hand.

December 17, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterJennifer

Ok, Houndmom "...the stockings were HUNG, weren't they?" and LogicMouse "...Kringle Dingle" really, really, REALLY got me laughing!! BWAHAAHAHAHAHHAHAH!!! Kudos to you, guys! (gal n guy? gals? :-)

And as for Sue, ouch - touchy, aren't we?! How do you know that contributions declined due to income declines vs interest/desire declines? Have you read *every* charity post that CakeWrecks has ever done? Did you plot the amount of donations from each charity post each year onto a nice graph for a visual comparison? Have you interviewed regular CakeWreck readers & contributors & asked for their reasons for donating or not donating this year vs last year vs the year before that, right on back to 2009?! Do your homework, will ya? Else people are gonna think you're just a troll out to rile us up...hmmm...okay, I am a *little* riled up here, aren't I? Maybe some Southern Comfort in my egg nog carton will help me...but then, maybe that's how certain people end up losing their pants during nog-related blackouts... ;-)

December 17, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterKarateLady

I pledged! Thank you for organizing the fundraising effort!!

December 17, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterEva

One of the best posts EVER. And some of these should be smashed with a hammer...;-)

December 17, 2012 | Unregistered Commentercatsnbirds

Yay, SuBee!!! (sorry about the elbow, lady)

Woot, Sharyn!!!

"Cake Wreck Nation" :D Personally, I love it but we do have a "few" people who check in from elsewhere. May I suggest "Cake Wreck Planet" if there's no rhyming needed?

BTW, in the more delicate words of Southern ladies, "swan" stood in for "swear." I still heard "well, I swan" as a child but I think that time has passed along with my youth. (Young at heart, slightly older in other places!!)

December 17, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterBarbara Anne

At the store where I found #7, we now walk around saying "Happy Hoilday" to one another-- from the stockers to the current manager! I even chuckled with him the other day and said, "y'know, if your baker hadn't made the error, we wouldn't have this lovely little memory!!" Happy Hoilday to all y'all!

December 17, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterLaura P.

"#6 Note the orange smears on the way down. This, of course, tells us that Frosty's nose was running."

Ok, *that* made me LOL!!! The rest, of course, were snickered at. :P

December 17, 2012 | Unregistered Commenteranony mouse

I always have great fun explaining to people how my dog, George, is named after Bugs Bunny. I'm sure most of them don't believe me.

December 17, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterSharon

Thanks for taking the time for an original post, Jen. Great work, as always!

December 17, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterMelinda

Thank you guys for supporting such great charities every year! This year I am so pleased to see Give Kids The World as one of these charities. My 7 year old son has Duchenne Muscular Dystrophy and he made a wish to go to Disneyworld, on January 6 his wish comes true! We get to enjoy everything that Give Kids The World has to offer! Thank you sooooo much!

December 17, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterKim

Lol my husband took one look at that holiday "sock" and couldn't stop laughing. I can't either and frankly if the wreckerators keep this up I might not make it to next year with all the hilarious laughter.

December 18, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterArlene

Excellent choices on the charities, thanks.

@Barbara Anne re: "Cake Wreck Nation"

I dunno, I think the boundaries the of the Cake Wreck Nation are in the mind, not on a map. After all, if you know the way, you can get to the bunker from anywhere, right?

December 18, 2012 | Unregistered Commenterhyphen8

I wanna be in the band! Can I play the triangle? Please, please?
Jen rocks, John (thoj) rocks, but all you commentators really rock too! This is the best site ever! Happy hoildays, everyone, and may it sw*n on us all.

December 18, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterMorag

Forced smiles, on display.
Why embarrass cake further?
Just please . . . let it swoon.

December 18, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterHaiku Joy

I love the Emperor's New Groove reference!!

December 18, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterArianna

Am I the only one that thinks that first weird Santa cake looks kind of like Michael Scott?

December 18, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterCarly

I was laughing so hard at all of these, but I had to get into the comments to see if anyone told you about Eggbert, the Christmas Egg. I grew up in a small town in upstate NY and there we visited a giant egg named Eggbert each Christmas instead of Santa. Of course I don't really Believe that either of those eggs were trying to be Eggbert, but they did bring back fond memories and a lot of teasing from my husband. And just in case you think I am making this up: http://www.nytimes.com/2011/12/12/nyregion/santa-as-talking-egg-returns-to-post-in-new-windsor-ny.html?_r=0

December 18, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterEricka

@hyphen8 Excellent point! You not only have great taste in blogs but an clever mind, too! :D

December 18, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterBarbara Anne

OH MY GOSH!!! Such a funny post!!

December 19, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterBecca

Little sea creature
peers from curious eyestalks
and rests wee flippers.

December 19, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterHaiku Joy

This is some of the funniest stuff I've ever read. Two of my fave movies in there (Emperor's New Groove and Meet the Robinsons...duh!). The writing of this blog is brilliant and hilarious and my sense of humor exactly. Love it! To all the people posting annoyingly analytical comments, get a life and learn to laugh. Keep up the great work!!

December 20, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterA.C.

http://www.childsown.com

You send them a picture of something and then they make it into a stuffed animal. This could be an option for you.

December 20, 2012 | Unregistered Commenternelly

Are those maple leaf sprinkles? BWAHAHAHAHAHAHA

January 5, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterRuben

My four-year-old just took one look at the last one and said "Happy... Um... Happy birthday?"

He can read words like "elementary" and "obvious" and similarly large words... But he couldn't read that cake!!

Challenge, accepted. Challenge... Too hard!

January 10, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterMommy23Melody

I just never get tired of watching that "I got a big head and little arms" clip. That was the best part of the movie.

January 13, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterMabel

Wow! For once I could decipher a wreck!

October 26, 2013 | Unregistered Commenteryomomma

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