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What's a Wreck?

A Cake Wreck is any cake that is unintentionally sad, silly, creepy, inappropriate - you name it. A Wreck is not necessarily a poorly-made cake; it's simply one I find funny, for any of a number of reasons. Anyone who has ever smeared frosting on a baked good has made a Wreck at one time or another, so I'm not here to vilify decorators: Cake Wrecks is just about finding the funny in unexpected, sugar-filled places.

Now, don't you have a photo you want to send me? ;)

- Jen
Tuesday
Dec042012

BREASTS OF FURY

I don't know about you, but when *I* get an e-mail with "BREASTS OF FURY" in the subject line, I tend to read that one first.

Happily, this particular submission didn't disappoint:

 

 They DO seem kinda angry...

 

Sadly Melanie T. didn't include an explanation for her cake, so we're left to devise our own theories - and in book title format, of course.

Here, I'll get us started:

 

1) When Fembots Attack


2) Put Out Your Heart Light, and Turn On Your Head Lights

 

3) Shelly the Turtle/Airplane Hybrid and the Exploding, Somewhat Leaky BAZOOMS OF DOOM!! (Now With Balloons!)

 

K, the floor is now open. YOUR TURN.

 

***************

IMPORTANT 12/10 UPDATE: Melanie tells she went back to the same store this week and saw *another* cake, same drawing and everything, in the case. So she broke down and asked the baker what the heck it's supposed to be. You'll never guess. Are you ready? Like, really REALLY ready?

It's a walrus. Allegedly.

Please, scroll on up there and see if YOU can figure it out. 'Cuz I'm still stuck doing this:

Also, I need more Bill Murray gifs in my life - although he'll always be Peter Venkman to me. ;)

 

« 'Scuse Me, I Think Your Fly Is Down... | Main | Seeing Double »

Reader Comments (194)

Rocky 47 - The Russian Wives Edition " I will BREAST you!!"

December 4, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterTerri

Now that some of you have declared this a walrus, I can't unsee it. It IS a walrus. With balloons.

Never Get Your Daddy a Walrus

A walrus with whiskers is not a good pet.
A walrus which whispers is worse even yet.
When a walrus lisps whispers through tough rough wet whiskers,
your poor daddy's ear will get blispers and bliskers!

- Dr. Seuss

December 4, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterKdot

airplane, viewed from above

December 4, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterLorie

Yeah, Jackwire's made me laugh.

December 4, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterLindarella

I laughed so hard I got the hiccups, cried and I think I maybe wet my pants a little. "Exploding, somewhat leaky Bosoms of doom!"

December 5, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterKARINA

I'm trying to see a walrus... I'm trying to see a walrus... Not happening. When someone tells me to make my mind blank, this is what I'll think of: the Stay-Puft Marshmallow Man's Wife (with laser boobs of doom).

December 5, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterLindarella

Come to look at it... looks like a bad version of your epbot robot. But i can see walrus too.

December 5, 2012 | Unregistered Commenteralisomniac

Well it could be a ghost version of a poor stabbed to death Mr. Bill. Lol his boobs obviously just went poof from the stress of wondering when the next anvil would squish him. Poor thing.

December 5, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterArlene

Edvard Munch's first draft of "The Scream"?

December 5, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterM. Baracuda

The Stay-Puft Marshmallow Woman beats her chest after the Stay-Puft Marshmallow Man rejects her in an emotionally charged scene of "Ghostbusters III" that ended up on the cutting room floor for a reason.

December 5, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterSaraCVT

It's a walrus... >^..^<

December 5, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterDraeconeia

OMG lazers pew! pew! pew!

December 5, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterDegera

I guess it's Marshmellowman who tried on a catsuit. He held his breath to get in, looked really slim a few seconds and than - badabooom - catsuit ripped, man boobs went wild.

December 5, 2012 | Unregistered Commenteralterego

If its an upside down bunny, how does that explain the right side up balloons? Nah, it's clearly in celebration of World Lactation Day, they just forgot the writing on the right side of the cake!

December 5, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterADRx

It could be the official "mastitis sucks" cake for all the ladies who have suffered this...

December 5, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterDeidre

It WAS hard to tell under all that metal, but the Iron Giant wanted the whole Earth to know that she was a SHE! Unfortunately, in between beating her chest and yelling "What do you think THESE are?!?", it slipped her mind that such metals when struck together--with enough force--could cause sparks. She felt terrible about the devastation caused by the ensuing forest fire; this had to be the worst case of PMS ever.

December 5, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterSaraCVT

"My nipples explode with the light!" (an obscure Monty Python line)

December 5, 2012 | Unregistered Commenterticea

This cake has balloons. Clearly, something is being celebrated. If it's a walrus, why? Is this World Walrus Week and nobody told us? If it's supposed to show exploding breast implants, why the celebration?

December 5, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterMorag

Scene: bakery department
Enter frazzled-looking man in PJ pants and shirt with buttons done up wrong.
Bakery Employee: Welcome to Cakeland, sir. How may I help you?
Customer: Floozle muzza cake?
BE: I'm sorry?
C: Sorry, not got much whatsit, um, thing what happens at night, yeah SLEEP, no sleep. New baby. MmmMMMmm, sleeeeep [leans head on counter and starts snoring].
BE: Sir, this is the Bakery department. Bedding is upstairs.
C: [Waking up slightly] Wife sent me for food. Crying, all the crying!
BE: Yes, sir, new babies do cry a lot. What kind of cake would you like?
C: No, baby's fine. Wife crying. Breasts. Pain. Bad pain. Elephants.
BE: Elephants?
C: No. Enorgemous breasts. Too much milk.
Female Customer [butting in helpfully] Engorgement. Very painful. Can lead to Mastitis, she should see a doctor, can be very dangerous!
BE: I see. And you want a cake to commiserate with her suffering, but celebrate the joyful arrival as well?
C: Whatever. Food. Pink. Chocolate. Vanilla. And sprinkles.
BE: [writing on clipboard] Gotcha. Marble cake, sprinkles, angry breast woman, balloons. Ready in 20 minutes.

December 5, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterAA

The Ghost in the electric field who rattled too hard.

December 5, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterSolli

I second the group hug. Awesomeness abounds!
@AA: LOVE your explanation. Made me remember those first few weeks with baby #1. This cake would have probably made sense then.

December 5, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterTari

Lots and lots of rounds of "Draw Something" with my 5 year old niece tells me that this is a walrus, but try as I might, I can't make my brain actually see the walrus. I am definitely seeing nipslposions, and she's not happy about it.

December 6, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterLuci

Ok, it's a walrus. There's enough demand for walrus cakes that they just have one sitting on the shelf most days?

December 10, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterJonathan

A walrus? I MIGHT be able to see it if I squint. My next question.....WHY?? :|

December 10, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterSuzanne

OOOOOOH! A walrus! Of course, I see it now!

(And if you believe that, you need more help than the person that drew that and called it walrus!)

December 10, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterTrekkie Gal

Not a chance in Hello Kittyland is that anywhere a WALRUS.

December 10, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterNikachu

i litterally just showed this to my husband and asked him what he thought it was supposed to be without telling him anything about the post. he said a walrus straight away! wtf??! i just don't see it.

December 10, 2012 | Unregistered Commenterpastey

Luci - Your niece was RIGHT!! A WALRUS?? I can't make myself see it either!

December 10, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterNikki

That my friends, is NO walrus Even in John and Paul's drug addled state, that wouldn't one!

December 10, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterTrevor

Yeeaahh. A walrus. Riiight. Because that's such a popular cake that they needed to make two of them!

December 10, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterTinah

Ok I've been here 10 minutes TRYING to see the walrus and I just can't, I kinda get the tusks, and wiskers... tail. But how do you get a whole walrus out of that???

December 10, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterChelsey T

Oh yeah, a walrus. I see that if I'm drunk with one eye closed and squinting the other..

December 10, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterJean

Oh I see it...no wait, lost it...maybe if I squint my eyes.

December 10, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterJennifer

If I cross my eyes & squint, I can kinda see a walrus.

December 10, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterMelissa

I not too sure as I have not seen many a walrus in real life, but I am pretty sure that they don't have breasts with tears drops coming out of them.

December 10, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterAmanda

I can almost... ALMOST see a walrus but... why a walrus?

December 10, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterMichelle

If you squint, definitely a walrus. I see it!

December 10, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterCrysti

Close your right eye and tilt your head to the left. Now squint a little. Then, and only the, grasshopper, will you see the walrus. Koo-koo-ca-chu.

December 10, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterCheri

I actually googled a picture of a walrus just to make sure I still knew what one looked like, and I'm really not seeing it in this cake.

December 10, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterChrissy

GASP! i CAN see the walrus!

it's just much easier to see an upside down bunny

or, you know...

December 10, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterBecca

So if we are buying that it is a walrus (not intending the disrespect the baker here), is it a regional thing to put walrai (plural for walruseses?) on cakes? Which lucky hamlet is this cake from??

December 10, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterAnnie

I can see the walrus! It's kind of like those Magic Eye pictures - you have to let your eyes go a little soft and cross eyed.

December 10, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterSabrina

I actually saw it! For a fleeting moment, I saw the walrus! I had to treat it like one of those hidden 3D images that were popular in the early 90's (remember? The ones where you saw people staring blankly 'through' the picture all for a glimpse of a dolphin). Alas, the moment passed and I decided I really didn't want to relive the experience.

December 10, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterCeclka Watson

Hmm... Am I the only one who looked at it before reading the post and said "hey, that's a walrus!"....

December 10, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterBeccah

Well, now that you say it's a walrus -- I do see the walrus.

The boob-looking things are supposed to be the nose and the lines emitting from their centers are the whiskers. The things hanging down are the tusks. It apparently is standing on it's tail.

December 10, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterTesstarosa

Kat, that MST3K skit gets so much funnier when you turn on the Youtube captions.

December 10, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterChelsea

its an "i know breast feeding sucks but its worth it" cake

December 10, 2012 | Unregistered Commenterkwikzotic

Yes, because a walrus on a birthday cake totally makes sense.

December 10, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterAlissa

The explanation introduces more questions than it answers.

December 10, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterNatalie

Maybe it's Jethro Q. Walrustitty from the Monty Python "Election Night Special" sketch.

December 10, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterJuliaJellicoe

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