My Other Blog

What's a Wreck?

A Cake Wreck is any cake that is unintentionally sad, silly, creepy, inappropriate - you name it. A Wreck is not necessarily a poorly-made cake; it's simply one I find funny, for any of a number of reasons. Anyone who has ever smeared frosting on a baked good has made a Wreck at one time or another, so I'm not here to vilify decorators: Cake Wrecks is just about finding the funny in unexpected, sugar-filled places.

Now, don't you have a photo you want to send me? ;)

- Jen

Blandle... OF JOY

You might think with all the wrecks I see each day I'd get a little jaded, but the truth is I'm constantly finding new favorites to show the cats. (And then we laugh and laugh and have a little more of this here happy juice. Good times.)

In fact, this is my new favorite baby shower cake:

Why, you ask?

Well, for a start: "Congratoletionsj." C'mon.

Next, it's painfully obvious that the first baker stopped writing after "blandle," forcing someone else to come along later and write "OF JOY!"

Which is kind of like tripping during a tap dance routine, falling off the stage into the orchestra pit - destroying the entire percussion section in the process - and then, while the audience is still waiting in shell-shocked horror to see if you're still alive, popping up and throwing some frantic jazz hands for the big finish.

Can't you see it?

[jazz hands] "OF JOY!!"


Oh, and did I mention the "blandle" bit? 'Cuz while I'm not sure what that actually is, I'm pretty sure this must be one:

A butt? A belly? A headless, armless infant contortionist?


It's a BLANDLE, bee-yotches. Yep, you heard it here first. Tell your friends. (If only to warn them.)

And while you're at it, tell John I needs me some more happy juice. Ring-a-ding-ding, farm boy!

[dropping mic]

PEACE. I'm out.


Thanks to Erin N., Shelley P., Tonks, Lily, Mr. Snugglypants, Mrs. Whiskertickins, Sir Fuzzyknickerbottoms, & Oosawiddlewoveypiekins for being such a great audience.

« Sunday Sweets: Disney | Main | Let's Play Telephone! »

Reader Comments (87)

O...M...G. I totally just choked on my morning coffee, and my co-workers are calling the funny farm as we speak, because I'm laughing hysterically all by myself in my cubicle. BLANDLES UNITE!!

February 17, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterDC

I read blandle as Handle, and wonder if a "Handle of Joy" was a new euphemism for manly bits :-)

February 17, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterTina

I was in hysterics by the time I reached the jazz hands OF JOY. Then I saw the blandle. *spit take*

I was, however, totally unprepared for the happy juice- ring-a-ding-ding.

My day can hold no more awesomeness.

February 17, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterFluffy Cow

Farm Boy! LOVE IT!!!

February 17, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterKatie

I fell into the orchestra pit in my high school and broke my arm. If only I'd had a blandle to break my fall!

February 17, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterScaperMama

I'll have a foot please! :d Oh, it's not a real baby? Then just make it any corner piece with lots of icing.

February 17, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterJo

It's not just a blandle. It's a blandle of Joy -- it's common knowledge that Joy makes the best blandles. You see, Jami blathed, and everyone knows to blathe means to bluff, and in the end Jami was successful and came away with the blandle. Congratoletionsj, Jami.

Now, off you go. Have fun storming the castle with farm boy.

February 17, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterSharyn

Big jazz hands, Blandle!
I mean, if you had some hands.
Big jazz toes, Blandle!

February 17, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterHaiku Joy

Okay, I admit it. After picturing that tap-dancing routine, I literally did jazz hands at my computer monitor while cracking up. I can't be the only one.

February 17, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterBeth

So, blandle=pantload so huge that it causes bow-legged, pigeon-toed, pantie-ruffled deformities. Did I get that right?

February 17, 2012 | Unregistered Commenterzoomom

So, falling into the orchestra pit to return with jazz hands? BEST. MENTAL. IMAGE. EVER.

February 17, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterChelsea

You are quickly becoming my favorite site on the web! [jazz hands] "OF JOY!!"

February 17, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterStacie

I believe Jamij will be happy you included her wreck.

February 17, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterBrian T

As you wish.

February 17, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterSay g'night, Gracie

You totally forgot to mention the backwards e in Jamie! Unless her name is Jamig. Or Jamis, with a really deformed s. Or Jami (telephone symbol). That right there was LOADED with snark opportunities. Thanks for saving it for us. :)

February 17, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterMelonie

W...T...F that first one is just terribly wrecky, but that second one??? Who thought a mutated baby torso was a good thing??? O_o

February 17, 2012 | Unregistered Commentermindy1

Is it a job requirement to not be able to spell any word longer than "cat" to be a professional cake decorator? I sometimes wonder.

Who would dare present a cake such as THAT to a baby shower??? Late pregnancy hormone swings and all that and all, you know...

February 17, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterBea

I want me some happy juice too!!!! Blandle!!!!!!

February 17, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterKaren

Is that a comma after "Jami" or is it supposed to be an "e". Not that it matters. This look like it was translated three or four times through various languages and someone finally settled on, presumably, English. Wow.

February 17, 2012 | Unregistered Commenterhedge

Sometimes it's hard to get excited about others' babies because they look, sound, and act so much alike at first. That must have entered the first wreckorator's subconscious.

Yay for crazy (but harmless) cat people!

February 17, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterClassic Steve

A new tradition! Cake Wrecks Happy Hour with happy juice and blandles of joy. Your servers tonight will be John and Sir Fuzzy Knickerbottoms. Over there is our resident barfly, might I suggest you do NOT mention CCCs or dead baby cakes in her presence?

February 17, 2012 | Unregistered Commenterms anthrope

Thank you so Much, Jen. Now that I know what a Blandle is, and what they look like, I can avoid them in future. You are a scholar and a humanitarian, no matter what those guys down at the docks say!

(Oh, and my cats laughed and laughed as well).

February 17, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterBADKarma

That poor blandle of joy has some serious leg issues going on. Hip dysplasia maybe?

February 17, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterKelley

Is the baby cake made of chocolate cake? OR red velvet??? :-D

February 17, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterAisha

I think spell check is definitely indicated in the first instance (the font change might be due to the first wreckorator passing out). In the second, a limb and head check. But in a totally positive way, of course. (Isn't complaining about negativity rather ironic?)

February 17, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterCraig

Yes, Jen I CAN see it! Hee. I think I'll add "OF JOY" to the end of every sentence today and see what happens.

Don't worry, Blandle, it's just a flesh wound.

February 17, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterAndrea

I'm not even going to mention Cake #1 and all its rigamerole (although I just did) but I thought at first the top yellow spodge on Cake #2 was the back of a bonnet. But then that threw the top body proportions all off (as if that mattered, I guess), so we are back to tap-dancing into the orchestra pit.

I am seriously never going to a baby shower again--I will guzzle all my cake in secret to avoid meeting such monstrousities in real life.

February 17, 2012 | Unregistered Commenterdrgns4vr

I was thinking... it's hard to tell from the angle of the cake, but I think that the belly button is actually supposed to be butt crack... maybe?

February 17, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterSeaWork

Well, I'm pretty sure after looking at the cake - the boss fired her and someone else had to finish the cake!

February 17, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterLinda

and get that baby to orthopedics - that's some major clubfoot there!

February 17, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterLinda

That yellow makes me think of breastfed baby poop. I really don't think I'd want to be anywhere near a diaper that full given a choice, never mind seeing it as a cake.

February 17, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterStephanie

So here's my idea. The original cake stopped at Blandle. But when Jamis (or maybe his or her mom) objected, the counter person added the "OF JoY", because lord knows a little joy goes a long way to fixing things. I'm sure everyone was totally ecstatic about the cake and went around congratoleting each other for such quick thinking and Jamis went home to enjoy an corner piece with double icing.

February 17, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterSarah

Andrea - A flesh wound OF JOY!!!!!

February 17, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterBADKarma

Man, that is one super loaded blandle!

February 17, 2012 | Unregistered Commentermelissa

The first one brought chuckles and then great sadness that someone was expected to pay for that disaster. I think that you could start a new business, offering cheat-sheet cards for bakeries. Let the bakery employee have a card to follow for spelling. Card#1: CONGRATULATIONS on YOUR....
Card#2: Happy Birthday.... Oh, I forgot, the idiots would probably put the ....'s instead of adding the ending.

February 17, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterBeckie

I love you. You totally rock.

February 17, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterSusanB

Ohhh, this totally makes up for the fact that I signed up for Weight Watchers a mere 10 minutes ago. Kind of helps me control any desire that I might have for cake as well....

February 17, 2012 | Unregistered Commentermarfie

Totally and completely unrelated to today's post:

I was going back to read the comments I missed on the last couple of days's (or days'?) posts and Holy Cannoli, y'all!

I love you Jen, John-THOJ and the CW team. Don't change.

If you need me, I'll be over in the Epcot Bunker devising a secret passcode. Hmmm, should it be King Cake or Frozen Peas? How about "You mock my pain! - Life IS pain, Highness. Anyone who says differerntly is selling something"? Any other suggestions?

February 17, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterAndrea

trying to snicker quietly behind my computer screen is attracting stares from co worker and customers!! OMG LMAO

February 17, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterValerie

Blandie is my new word for the week. It must be said with jazz hands OF JOY to work. LUV U! (not in a weird way, really.

February 17, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterPeg D

Totally startled my nursing baby when I read "jazz hands"!

February 17, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterClaude

As if this post wasn't already made of awesome, (jazz hands) of joy anyone?, you dropped a princess bride reference right there at the end and took straight past awesome to an adjective that hasn't been invented yet.

February 17, 2012 | Unregistered Commenteryota

I suppose it could have been worse, like a blandle ... OF DOOM! lol

And that "baby" has definitely got some serious issues. Has anyone commented yet on the fact the feet are right next to the baby's bottom?

February 17, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterJim Todd

Maybe that's a comma after Jami?

I just channeled this: when I read that first cake, or at least attempted to.


February 17, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterPamtha

I needed a laugh ... I got one! Jazz Hands!! :)

February 17, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterMorgan

Cake #1 - Are we sure that isn't a sixteenth note at the end of the attempt of "Congratulations"?

Aisha>Diaper is chocolate, the rest is red velvet. ;)

February 17, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterSaraV

Jazz hands can solve any problem! For example, as the cake (either one but the baby butt one comes to mind) is being presented, the presenter should just suddenly adopt a jazz hands pose. With vigor. Problem solved. As long as the cake doesn't end up still in one piece.

February 17, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterPaula

What Jen doesn't know is that my cats actually wrote the inscription on the first cake.

Yes, it took three of them to do it, but then, they don't have opposable thumbs.

February 17, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterGary

So THAT'S what you call those really ugly babies that peer up at you, looking like wrinkled old men. I never knew what to say before.

And good one, Sharyn.

February 17, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterSaraCVT

You can destroy the percussion section, my band teacher keeps telling them she will destroy them anyway. Just stay out of the trumpets. We like to live. But is that baby wearing CHEESE????

February 17, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterClaire

PostPost a New Comment

Enter your information below to add a new comment.
Author Email (optional):
Author URL (optional):
Some HTML allowed: <a href="" title=""> <abbr title=""> <acronym title=""> <b> <blockquote cite=""> <code> <em> <i> <strike> <strong>