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What's a Wreck?

A Cake Wreck is any cake that is unintentionally sad, silly, creepy, inappropriate - you name it. A Wreck is not necessarily a poorly-made cake; it's simply one I find funny, for any of a number of reasons. Anyone who has ever smeared frosting on a baked good has made a Wreck at one time or another, so I'm not here to vilify decorators: Cake Wrecks is just about finding the funny in unexpected, sugar-filled places.

Now, don't you have a photo you want to send me? ;)

- Jen
Monday
Mar052012

Pumpkin Eaters

Remember, kids, cheaters never prosper.

Unless they work at a bakery.

Cheater.

See, the way bakeries see it, replacing a talented baker with giant bits of plastic flotsam a trained monkey could use is good for the bottom line.

Well, until the trained monkey forgets which one is the "bottom:"

I weep for our future.

 

Still, imagine how crappy this cake would look without the plastic:

Haha! Just kidding.

You really don't have to imagine it.

("Whoo? Whooo poooped?")

 

Yessir, decorating with icing is just plain overrated. Giant rubber bands, on the other hand, were on sale yesterday:

(What, no snappy comeback?)

(HEYO!)

 

The most cost-effective bakeries know that technically this qualifies as a "Nascar cake."

So fork over your $34.99 and deal, lady.

 

Also cost-effective? Shaking out the empty Oreo trays and calling it "garnish:"

Not to mention the broken "snow" plaque and single squirt of green icing are truly inspiring, in a post-modern, pre-vomit kind of way.


Although, really, who needs writing or Oreo dust or even colored icing when you've got lots and LOTS of choking hazards?

Go on, pull the other one.

(I'm currently having flashbacks to the midnight vet run when my cat had a pull string - if you catch my drift. And for some reason that's just not making me hungry.)

 

Still, don't let 'em get you down, cake consumers! Just put on a happy face, and...er...

Oh, never mind. We're doomed.

 

Thanks to Steven S., Sara S., M.K., Linda T., Shawn T., Ami S., Elyse M., & Gopi F. for reminding us that, no matter how ugly these are, at least they haven't been peed on.

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Reader Comments (48)

Shouldn't a cake wreck actually include cake?? Geez.

Also, the "cat with a pull string" is going to stay with me for quite some time. Thank you.

March 5, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterFluffy Cow

Rudolph the bunny
balances hot dog bun 'neath
crossed eyes and clown nose.

March 5, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterHaiku Joy

Is the label on the second cake a comment on the ethnicity of the baker?

March 5, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterShirley Fowley

All I could think of when I saw "Rudolph" there was this:
Wow! It looks so life-like! Is it real?
Nope. Chuck Testa.

March 5, 2012 | Unregistered Commenterzoomom

1 & 2: You're giving them too much credit when you suggest the monkey was actually trained.
3. Give a hoot, don't poohlute.
4. In an ironic twist, the wristbands are a tribute to unemployed bakers.
4. "See, the cars go past so fast, they're a blur. Nailed it!"
6. When Psychology students moonlight as bakers: "I call it 'Under the Sofa Cushion Cake -- Everyone Feels Crummy.' It shows the futility of life in the current century. It's like an edible dissertation."
7. When you get cats, you stop using tinsel on the Christmas tree. Nuff said.
8. It's not nice to make fun of Big Bird's ongoing struggle with obesity.

March 5, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterSharyn

I had the pull string thing going on with one of my dogs once. That was fun. Much like these cakes.

March 5, 2012 | Unregistered Commenteremmbeedee

Pull string... HURK.

And the last one to me looks like Big Bird is emerging slowly and in sinister fashion. I imagine that just after this shot was taken, he continued to emerge from the cake, taking shape from the very yellow 'icing' that spawned him, his open beak growing wider and wider until it engulfs the camera, the photographer, the bakery and, finally, the world...

Ooft. Sorry. I get weird in the presence of too many artificial colourings.

March 5, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterJoan

The mind boggles... O_o

March 5, 2012 | Unregistered Commentermindy1

I love the placement of the candles on the beribboned birthday cake. It's like the candles are huddling together in fear as the ribbon circles them menacingly, waiting for the perfect moment to close in and strangle the life out of those poor, helpless little candles.

On another note, kudos to the baker for realizing that ribbon on a birthday cake is a potential fire hazard. However, shame on him/her for putting ribbon on a cake in the first place.

March 5, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterBeth

You had me at HEYO!

Seriously... none of them are even remotely appetizing. And are you SURE it's cookie crumbs and not just the dustpan leftovers?

BLAAAAAAH.

My experience involved 'cat with Easter grass'. Equally unpleasant, I assure you.

Poor Big Bird....someone melted him!

March 5, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterTrekkie Gal

One time my cat ate curling ribbon. It was the poop/barf/pee apocolypse when I woke up the next day.

that's right, I said the next day.

She ate that crap overnight, and didn't make any fuss, and we slept through it. I felt like the worst cat owner in the world, simultaneously furious that she decided to have her orifice-emptying party on my couch.

Curling ribbon is not allowed in our house anymore.

March 5, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterChristina

Just what IS it about that stuff that cats find irresistible? I don't think it tastes like tuna...not that I've ever sampled it...

March 5, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterSteph

Hee, Sharyn. "An edible dissertation". : - )

"Nascar"...is the visible representation of a whisper.

March 5, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterAndrea

"Ring the Cupcake" game
is the latest fad, followed
by toy ingestion.

~~~
OT: Today's Word of the Day is the Krebs cycle, using both glucose (represented by the cakes here) and oxygen (represented by our gulps of terror and disbelief) to create energy (represented by the sound of our abs rippling as we laugh) and carbon dioxide (see "laugh).

March 5, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterHaiku Joy

@ Haiku Joy: Hmmm. "Kraken." "Krebs Cycle." I'm betting "kreosote" may be in your future, or maybe "Kreme, Krispy."

Your class sounds like a lot more fun than the ones I took in college. I LOVE words.

March 5, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterSharyn

@Haiku Joy: Using Krebs cycle to describe today's post=fan-freaking-tastic!

I just realized something! Sunshine Mary is perfectly qualified to be a cake wreckorator!

March 5, 2012 | Unregistered Commenterzoomom

Is it me, or do the cupcakes with the rubber bands look like they're a week old? Apart from the 'why-on-earth-do-you-put-rubber-bands-on-cupcakes'-question.

March 5, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterRietje

I think we've all had a cat or dog with it's own pull string.

March 5, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterMike in Wheaton, IL

That ribbon cake reminds me almost of our dog pull string nightmare - the day my dog decided she loved balloons. We found out how much after a birthday party how much she loved them. I guess she thought they were colorful rubber treats or something (shrugs). She was popping them and eating them while we were running around squee-ing and trying to get them before she did. She ate as many as she could and we just wondered...well...now what? We found out the next day when our back yard looked like some devilish poo clown had visited. There were poo-loons EVERYWHERE. Thankfully she didn't blow any up from that end. I cannot even imagine how that would have transpired.

March 5, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterMelinda

the one with the broken chocolate Let it Snow sign is made in a factory somewhere and shipped predecorated and packaged (frozen) to the store to sell. Yes, most of them are rather sad looking.

I just imagine they are made on some sort of assembly line, perhaps even by machine and not the result of a decorators lack of ability. That's what I'm telling myself anyway.

The big bird one looks like he is sinking into a neon yellow tar pit. ;)

March 5, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterJen VG

Having worked in a grocery store, I recognize some of those labels. Eeeeeek! Never did like the Bakery Dept. LOL

March 5, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterFancyNancy

I LOVE your site...and the comments of your many fans! You never fail to make me LOL!

March 5, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterKaren in FL

Do you think that some of these bakers are just making their cakes look horrendous so they can get on CakeWrecks?

Me thinks so. Lol.

March 5, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterMeghan

Re #2. "Decorator iced", my a**.

March 5, 2012 | Unregistered Commenteressjaytee

When I got to Big Bird, the first thing that ran through my head was "Aaagh!!! I sinking!!" Is anyone else thinking that Sunshine Mary, when presented with a half a glass of liquid, says its full, as opposed to half-full or half-empty. She seems like an over-optimist, no offense ment.

March 5, 2012 | Unregistered Commenterkelticat

I am adicted to this site!! Glad to see that I am not the only one who checks Cakewrecks more than once a day. Jen & John: Keep up the awesome posts!! Love the comments, too!!

@ Haiku Joy & zoomom: Sunshine Mary shouldn't be invited to the bunker!! lol
@ Sharyn: wild imagination girl!! love it & keep it coming!!

March 5, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterPam's Pans

all I can think about the Big Bird one is that this is what happens if Big Bird becomes Cassandra (from Doctor Who, aka "the last human" aka a sheet of skin with a face)

March 5, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterAlly

And now I'm not hungry.

'The Cake Wrecks Diet' is Guaranteed to help you lose weight. It will reduce your appetite in a significant way, particularly for sweet foods. In fact, the 'Cake Wrecks Diet' ' will re-train your brain into rejecting all kinds of sugary substances and any food that is prepared outside the home. No diet pills! No exercise!! No special or forbidden foods! Simply allowing your body to access its own will power, the Cake Wrecks Diet will help you to lose pounds simply by focusing on the screen. Guaranteed!

March 5, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterRhissanna

The only credit I can give the "Snow Cake" is that the Oreo dust might taste pretty good but the cake still looks horrendous.....partially due to the fact that the green thing looks to be propped against a white mound............ And after reading Ally's comment I agree..... Big Bird does look like Cassandra, I was wondering why it looked familiar LOL

March 5, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterHeather Kiwi

So is it odd that the cakes make me cringe and the comments makes me lol? Guess not, from the comments.

I totally saw that Big Bird/Cassandra image!!! I can only wish for more "Who" cakes. As in Dr., but not Suess.

March 5, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterDi

Ally-warn someone before you say something like that! Now I have Big Bird's voice in my head saying "Moisturize me!" It's gonna be a long night:)

March 5, 2012 | Unregistered Commenterronda

@zoomon -- I finally got a chance to click the Chuck Testa link. Is he for real? No, he's Chuck Testa. My life was not complete until I clicked that link and learned the verb "to taxidermize." (I'm assuming the gerund is "taxidermizing.") Thanks for 1 minute 6 seconds of gape-mouthed stupefaction.

March 5, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterSharyn

"There were poo-loons EVERYWHERE. Thankfully she didn't blow any up from that end. I cannot even imagine how that would have transpired." FART BALLOONS!!!!!! Bwahahahahahahaha!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Thanks Melinda

March 5, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterLindarella

I'm picturing Chuck Testa and his significant other:

"Oh Chuck-- you're an ANIMAL!!!!"

"Noooope-- it's Chuck Testa."

March 5, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterCarol

They are all resplendent in their crappiness! But I think my favorite is the bundle of birthday candles shoved in the center of the ribbon cake... Saves on having to light separate candles all over the cake; light one, and you're done!

March 5, 2012 | Unregistered Commenter{gemmifer}

Ok - that last cake looks like Big Bird wandered onto the set of A Fish Called Wanda

March 5, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterCarolina

Cake Wrecks has become a family favorite, especially for dinner discussions :-) Thanks for all the laughs!
Our cat insists on waking me up by chewing on my long hair, making it short in spots. We've done the "running around the apartment in terror because it won't stop following me!" pull-toy game several times. You'd think she would learn...

March 5, 2012 | Unregistered Commenterbmbagain803

A lil ole pull string? You brought back memories of our Irish Wolfhound eating a whole braided rug. Well, bigger dogs are hungrier!

March 5, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterShannon

I bet Cake Wrecks readers would do better than average on the Word of the Day section of the midterm I'm giving this week. Mr. Haiku traditionally takes my exams and scores in the top 3 slots without a word bank. He's amazing.

Yes, last semester was all jalopy and jackanapes, joie de vivre and John Barleycorn. Next semester, the luscious letter l. I usually have fun teaching, but today I was accused by two of my most lackluster students that I am "mean" and "unfair" and that I "don't understand" because I'm childless. I might be childless, but most of my students are either raising their kids or their grandkids, and they come to class.

@ Sharyn - great guesses! None of those are scheduled, but katzenjammer, kapok, kibosh, and K (as in potassium) are.

March 5, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterHaiku Joy

Are we certain that the last cake hasn't been peed on?? It is so vibrantly yellow and big bird looks to be drowning..poor thing. Poor Rudolph the Easter bunny doesn't quite know where to lead his sleigh full of eggs. Man now that I would love to see. A cake with bunnies leading the way on Santa's sleigh lol. I am sure wreckerators have done this somewhere.

March 6, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterArlene

According to my two year old, that last one is a

"happy dinosaur mango"

catchy dont you think????

elly
xx

March 6, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterVelvetfeet

This site makes me glad I don't ask for customized cakes.

@Shirley Fowley: The sticker on the second one certainly can be read that way, can't it? Colossal cupcake, white decorator iced.

@Beth: I love that interpretation.

March 6, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterRae

I don't remember Cassandra being yellow there on the last cake... maybe that was before she took over Rose Tyler?

March 6, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterCakeninja

Big Bird vs. road roller: He didn't have a chance.

March 6, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterSuzieQ

Okay, so I totally have to tell my dog's "pull string" story now - partially cuz it's so recent.
So dumb pit bull likes to eat grass and in winter, grass doesn't get mowed in rainy states. About 3 weeks ago, he comes in from his morning "constitutional" and when I turn around from closing the door, he's crouched in the living room, shivering like mad. Now, normally, he'd be lounging on the couch by now, or tormenting the cat -- luckily, I'm feeling intuitive and immediately ascertain the problem and send him back outside where he, the dog who won't sit on wet, starts scooting ALL OVER the soaking wet grass while I laugh a similar portion of my anatomy off.
After covering most of our half acre back yard with his lovely nether regions, he returns to the door - tail tucked between his legs. The dog mom is suspicious. (sigh) I actually had to get an old rag (now renamed "trash") and pretend it was toddler potty-training time again - he'd managed to lose the "string", but apparently half an acre isn't enough scooting room to clean up the resulting mess.
However -- you will hear no complaints out of me, as I'm amazed, astounded, and ETERNALLY GRATEFUL that for once in his life he was an intelligent dog -- how else can I explain the lack of poo stains on my still-fairly-new BEIGE couches?!?!
I love my dog.
Thanks for putting up with my mostly off-topic story :-)

March 6, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterAlex Dreamz

Well, I agree that all the cakes on there were a desaster but the last one. If I would have gotten that one I could have made due with it. It kind of looked like Big Bird poking his head out of the cake and saying Um....Happy Birthday Day. And that is exactly what I would have written on the cake. lol

March 7, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterTerrie

I thought that when you said "We're doomed." I thought it said "We're dormed."
Then I reread it.
Wait for it.....
Wait for it.....

OOoooohhhhh......

October 15, 2014 | Unregistered CommenterTokaiyaBMalfoy

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