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What's a Wreck?

A Cake Wreck is any cake that is unintentionally sad, silly, creepy, inappropriate - you name it. A Wreck is not necessarily a poorly-made cake; it's simply one I find funny, for any of a number of reasons. Anyone who has ever smeared frosting on a baked good has made a Wreck at one time or another, so I'm not here to vilify decorators: Cake Wrecks is just about finding the funny in unexpected, sugar-filled places.

Now, don't you have a photo you want to send me? ;)

- Jen
Tuesday
Mar062012

Naughty Bits

Note to responsible parental units: Hide ya' kids! Hide ya' wife! Today's post is rated PG!

Here's a behind-the-wreckage tidbit for ya: when you send in your submissions, they get labeled according to what you think is wrong with them. So, if you say your cake looks like a poo-covered-patriotic-pirate-cat cake, it goes in the poo-covered-patriotic-pirate-cat cake folder.

(Note to self: write post about poo-covered-patriotic-pirate-cat cakes.)

Now, my favorite to browse is the "suggestive" category, because, frankly, you guys see naughty bits in everything. It's actually kinda cute, in a maturity-of-a twelve-year-old-boy kind of way.

The only problem is you're corrupting my wife. Seriously. For example:

Me: "What's wrong with this one?"

Jen: "Umm...Oh! I see it now. It's boobs. On the face. [head tilt] In fact, if you cross your eyes a little it almost looks like a scruffy guy with his face pressed..."

Me: FORGET I ASKED.

 

Me: What about the cute little babies on clouds?

Jen: Clouds? Really? Is THAT what you see there? REALLY?

Me: What? Hey, you're not the judge of me!!

 

Jen: And I suppose you didn't snicker at ALL over the guy with the giant pole sticking out of his lap.

Me: He's FISHING.

Jen: Well, those fish are definitely getting the shaft, then. HEYOOO! Up high!

Me: YOUR PARENTS READ THIS BLOG WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?

[pause]

Me: Ok, I'll bite: what's wrong with the gavel?

Jen: Er. Actually, I have no idea. I think some of our readers just have their minds in the gutter.

Me: I know, right?

Jen: Like that bathing suit one. Seriously, what's the problem there?

Me: Yeah, beats me. People are so weird.

"Is nice for you! Not."

 

Thanks to Lindsey W., Leslie W., Deb K., Ashley I., & Jane A. for today's mind-trip. To the gutter.

« There's a Moral in Here Somewhere... | Main | Pumpkin Eaters »

Reader Comments (76)

Well, at least today's title made me put the coffee down first. (Good thing)

#1- Makes me afraid to put my name on this comment.
#2- Phallic clouds. Definitely.
#3- Nice pole!
#4- I seriously had to read it 4 times before I even began to believe it was a gavel.
#5- Umm... it scares me.

March 6, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterFluffy Cow

The Borat cake...who would even order that?? That's not the least bit appetizing!!

March 6, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterKaitlyn

I actually squeed at the ducks on the fishing cake. That being said, I am off to bleach my brain after the last one *shudder.*

March 6, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterScaperMama

My favorite is the "gavel" CCC (patooie!) with the little blob of white frosting at the pointy end. Talk about suggestive!

March 6, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterVanessa

Neon banana
So not your color, Peter.
Try camouflage next.

March 6, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterHaiku Joy

One word for the bathing suit guy - BRAZILIAN. It may hurt you for a little while as you're getting one, but you not having one hurts us for a long time. Augh, my retinas!

March 6, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterLisa B

Oh, I am so scarred for life from that last cake.

March 6, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterR

Ack! I need mind bleach!!! That last one is SCARY!

March 6, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterNerwen Aldarion

I can never unsee #5. I feel...violated and a bit woozy with nausea.

March 6, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterHeather

The only thought I've managed to have in the last couple of minutes is that someone at the party with the last cake ate frosting pubic hair. And black frosting already doesn't really taste good...

March 6, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterSiddy

GACK!!! It's green thong man on a cake!! Can't. Unsee.

March 6, 2012 | Unregistered Commenteremmbeedee

Huh, I don't know what you're talking about. I see nothing off-color with these cakes. I do have the inexplicable urge to look up how to make herb bread. So, let's see. I'll fire up the old Wang computer -- I like the wang for keeping abreast of current info -- and look up how to make dill dough. While it's baking, I'll watch the Karate Kid -- for some reason that last cake made me think of the "wax on, wax off" scene...

March 6, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterSharyn

Erm, the first three are actually pretty well done . . . you can just pretend you didn't see anything, heh. But those last two . . . erg . . . we don't keep mind bleach in the house; do you think a scrub brush will help at all?

March 6, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterIkwig

LOL @ Heather!!! Same here!! Ew, ew, ew, ew, .....

March 6, 2012 | Unregistered Commenteranony mouse

That last one made me literally gag and cover my mouth... I thought I might lose my breakfast! No movie reference EVER justifies that!!!

March 6, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterHeather

Do bakers LOOK at what they are making?? D: Also, what kind of party calls for that last cake???

March 6, 2012 | Unregistered Commentermindy1

Except for the misplaced pole, the fisherman cake ALMOST could have made Sunday Sweets! The words on the sign are spelled correctly, the fondant frosting is well done, and the duck is cute. Maybe there should have been - UH - a space between the guy and the pole...? Maybe a little reel on the pole? I mean ... ugh ... It's HARD to catch fish? Aw, never mind.

March 6, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterDelia Jean

If I had seen the first cake anywhere but here I would think, "Oh, that's cute! A cow jumping over the moon! Sure it's a disembodied cow. But, a cute cow nonetheless. I want one!" But, since I saw it on Cake Wrecks...*sigh*....you all have corrupted me, too (Thanks!).

March 6, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterM. Dale

Can someone pass me the bleach? I seriously need it after that last one.
AAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!! Just...... awful.

March 6, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterMaureen

John (thoJ): You are a cruel, cruel man. You get us chuckling at some innocuous, and even kinda cute cakes. We think, "hey, that fishing one is pretty good!"

And the BLAM!!! you hit us with that last one.

Good God, man! We thought you loved us.

March 6, 2012 | Unregistered Commenterelissa

Urk.

Add. To. Shopping. List...

Mind/eye. Bleach. Superstrength!

This is one day I WON'T be urging my (adult) son to "check out Cake Wrecks!"

What on Earth and all the other planets (and Pluto!) were they thinking???

I love how John takes the high road of innocence, while Jen apparantly has her mind in the gutter (just like me)... while my brain could use a little scrubbing to get that "Borat" cake out of my head - I need to douse my brain in bleach to get that whole movie with the real man-kini out of my head... it is a sad piece of cinema.

Great job on the commentary as usual... almost better than the actual cake wrecks (but the cake wrecks win by a small margin). I now cruise the bakery department of my grocery store with my cell phone in hand just in case I spot a wreck.

March 6, 2012 | Unregistered Commentermistiqueallie

Hee. John(thoJ). Great post.

#5 Cake: That's the gag cake, right? After the giggles, gasps and hurking was done, they brought out the REAL cake for EATING, right? RIGHT?!?

Lisa B.: A cake that needs a Brazilian. I cannot wrap my brain around that. I don't think I want to try. *shudder*

Sharyn: Ahahahahaa!

March 6, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterAndrea

Ahhh..it's a beautiful spring day here...a perfect day for letting my inner 12 year-old out to play....thanks, john (thoj)...snicker...snicker....

March 6, 2012 | Unregistered Commentermel

#3 - see the bug-eyed look on the guy while he's holding his "pole" - it just adds to the wreckage.

March 6, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterNo Capes

Besides the suggestive nature of the gavel, it bothers me because it defies the laws of physics. How can you see both ENDS of the gavel from one point of view?

March 6, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterJamie

Thanks for reminding me of the film Borat. I had almost managed to forget it. Now the wrestling scene is coming back ...AAARGH

March 6, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterPenny JG

Awww...that fishing one is really cute! It just has a very misplaced rod, er..pole,...um...object?

@John (thoJ) - another great post!

@Sharyn - You are one hilarious lady! :-)

March 6, 2012 | Unregistered Commenterlisadh524

DX Kill the last cake... with FIRE! My eyes! My eyes!

(can I borrow someone's eye-bleach please? I'd like to "unsee" that....)

March 6, 2012 | Unregistered Commenterarmy_wife

You finally did it. You finally found a cake I wouldn't eat.
I've seen pictures of poo cakes, cakes covered with dust, pregnant belly, cakes that glow in the dark, and all of them I thought to myself, "Ah, heck, they're cake, I'd eat that"

I would not eat that last one if it was the very last cake on earth and I had a fatal disease that made it neccessary for me to eat cake or my head would fall off.

Thank you.

March 6, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterLynne

I had found odd comfort in the fact that I had never watched Borat -- and here you go and kill me. (did the post say WHY they ordered that cake .. monstrosity... thing?)

I also love the intentional irony of all the suggestiveness where it kind of isn't, until you get to obvious suggestion, and you can't see it. So sweet. So you. Oi.

Thanks for the laughs, no thanks for the Borat! And my friends think my mind is always in the gutter, but I'm having a tough time with the cow over the moon... I couldn't tell what it was at all, till I recognized the moon. (and yes, I get the irony of my name) It's such a cute cow jumping over the moon\. A very nice depiction of a cow, if all you have is a heart cake.

ok, I'll shut up now...

March 6, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterDi

Sharyn--- bwaahahahaha!

Yep, I think the fishing cake is awesome, but the fishing pole is poorly placed. I, too, am wondering what event requires a Borat cake!

March 6, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterAndrea H.

Who was the model for the last cake? She's cute.

March 6, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterNaomi

Cake #1 = MOObs...
I find it hard to believe I was the first one to come up with that one.

March 6, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterMop Top

I didn't realize as I was scrolling down that my 9 year old son was right behind me, reading over my shoulder.

And I just had to explain to him...what that last cake was.

He just said "...oh. Ew." and walked off. ROFL!

March 6, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterDenita TwoDragons

Yum! NO competition for much if not all of that last one. (Grabs plate and pushes to the front of the line... )

March 6, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterIcing Monster!

... Because nothing - and I mean NOTHING says, "Umm... Whatever occasion this is..." like the lower half of Borat's torso rendered in cake and frosting!

March 6, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterBADKarma

Just what I never wanted from a cake, floss.

March 6, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterJulie

Sadly my brain went even fouler with the Borat cake when it envisioned a party full of people smiling as they eat cake.... With little icing "HAIRS" sticking out from between their teeth.
Yikes!!!

March 6, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterMags

I have obviously been reading your site too long. I saw the "problems" with the "cakes" long before I read the actual punchlines. Your site has affected (infected?) my brain.

As far as the Borat cake, why for the love of Betty Crocker would anyone order that???? I feel faint and woozy.

March 6, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterGinger

#1 I saw two bunnys kissing each other...until i tilted my head and saw a cow head. then...you corrupted me...lol
#2 If that's a cloud, Im the jolly green giant
#5...why is the first thing I wondered about was "hmmm wonder if its bannana flavored?" Ick Ick Ick.

March 6, 2012 | Unregistered Commentertorimom2010

That last cake is nasty. Who would want to eat the package... or the hair???!

March 6, 2012 | Unregistered Commentervelouria

"Excuse me! Waiter!"

"Yes?"

"There's a curly hair in my cake."

"Oh?" (Leans down and squints) "It's not what you think. It appears to be simply belly hair. Okay?"

March 6, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterKaren @ SoupAddict

I don't know why everyone is hating on the Borat cake. I mean, there's probably not a lot of opportunities to perfect the technique of making pubic hair out of frosting and this baker has done an exemplary job. And we all knew exactly what it is right away. That puts it one up on the "gavel" cake. I mean, the cakewreck description specifically says a wreck is something that is UNintentionally creepy. I'm pretty sure that creepiness was very intentional!!

March 6, 2012 | Unregistered Commenterspoons19

who would EVER make a Borat cake? Wrong. Just. plain. wrong.

March 6, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterChristy

The fishing cake is actually REALLY cute. Too bad they didn't use a more realistic FISHING pole. LOL

The last one, on the other hand, oh, my poor eyes..... The good news is that now lunch doesn't sound quite so appetizing. LOL

March 6, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterLisa

Last one, it's just icing people!!!

March 6, 2012 | Unregistered Commenterme

Have you noticed the EYES of the fisherman? jajajajaja Sure... the pole!

March 6, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterSilina

Awesome post! I laughed out loud a LOT!

March 6, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterSusanB

I dunno.... are you sure that much pubic hair showing still fits in the PG rating system. I'd say for sure that it was PG-13 at least. I'm not showing it to my kids even AFTER they're 13. *shudder*

(Great post, and I promise not to send any suggestive cakes to corrupt your wife. After all, then you might suggest that it's time to stop cakewrecks. Besides, I don't have a cell phone with a camera, so I'd have to bring a real camera shopping with me. They'd see me coming and hide the wrecks!)

March 6, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterMuria

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