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What's a Wreck?

A Cake Wreck is any cake that is unintentionally sad, silly, creepy, inappropriate - you name it. A Wreck is not necessarily a poorly-made cake; it's simply one I find funny, for any of a number of reasons. Anyone who has ever smeared frosting on a baked good has made a Wreck at one time or another, so I'm not here to vilify decorators: Cake Wrecks is just about finding the funny in unexpected, sugar-filled places.

Now, don't you have a photo you want to send me? ;)

- Jen
Friday
May182012

From The Baker Formerly Known As "Prince"

I was working part time in a bakery line
My boss was Mr. Wreckie
He told me several times that he didn't like my signs
'Cuz I spelled too "creatively"

 

Soon he had me lookin' for something else to "destroy"
But different from the day before

That's when I saw it - Oooh, I saw it!
I dropped it right on the tile floor (tile floor).

It was a
Raaaaaspberry purée

The kind you grind and then reheat to pour

Raaaaspberry purée

And if it gets warm it starts to look like gore

Raaaspberry purée

I think I loooove you.

 

Mr. Wreckie
Now, had the nerve to ask me
If I planned to do him any harm

I told him, "Look, man,
I was only bakin'
Surely NO cause for alarm!"

I said now, jelly roll cakes never turned me on
But somehow the purée and bread mixed

Eeee-eEEEE-ee! That was a fright!
But I could tell Wreckie missed me;
Soon I was back to my old tricks:

Thanks to the
Raaaaaspberry purée
The kind you grind and then reheat to pour

Raaaaspberry purée
And if it gets warm it starts to look like gore

(EW!)

Raaaspberry purée
I think I loooove you.

 

Thanks to Diana S., Jillian, Katelyn C., Leigh E., Tara S., Jamie B., Renee, Michelle M., Elizabeth C., and Megan P. for showing us what it sounds like when doves cry.

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Reader Comments (132)

This is one of my favorites posts ever! Thank you for making me laugh today!

May 18, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterBeth

Loved it, I had to tune my iPod to Raspberry Beret just so that I could appropriately sing along with your new lyrics.

May 18, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterTere

@Allegra- I just watched that episode yesterday- Season 1, Episode 25. Poor old Remmick- I wouldn't wish hosting the alien parasite queen on anyone. :P For further reference, all ye who think that's a mashup: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Conspiracy_(Star_Trek:_The_Next_Generation)

Still the best cake ever; whoever made it is a dyed (red?)-in-the-wool geek.

May 18, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterHelen

Must say, with all the cavalier time-traveling that happens in the Trekverse (and collisions in space with police boxes), I'm not surprised one of the timelines kinked and some poor raaaspberry shirt ended up beaming to LV-426

May 18, 2012 | Unregistered Commentermsyendor

That first cake looks like it has a giant blood clot on it.

Next, a used sanitary napkin...?

The part in the scary movie where the bathtub/pool fills with blood. And, er, sprinkles.

Arterial-splatter-frosting atop blood soaked cake. Yum.

EEE! Before scrolling down, I thought we were witnessing some sort of horrific circumcision accident.

Abby Normal

If Jen woulda sold her Not A Squirrel (see Epbot) to this place....nevermind. I can't even finish that thought. I'd rather think of the Not A Squirrel in Dove shorts doing jazzercise!

Vintage movie poster for the not so well received horror movie mash up of Anaconda and The Blob: Blob-aconda! It Eats You Alive! And Also, Squeezes You To DEATH!

Well, if y'all can haz hysterectomy cake, then I can haz my colectomy cake!

May 18, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterAndrea

Years ago when "Purple Rain" was playing at our local cinema, the first P had fallen off of the sign, and the letter spacing was kind of wonky. My husband will never let me forget that I asked him what the movie "Urp Le Rain" was about.
But seeing these cakes today certainly made me go "Urp." And run from the room.
Ewww indeed.

May 18, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterFM

Excellent song parodies! I'd rather have Prince playing in my head than the current crop of political ads. This was just what I needed after an awful commute to work.

I think my cats would love some mouse cake, if it was made with real mouse.

May 18, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterCatTrampoline

I actually understand why picture #3 has "French Bread, Hot at 5 pm or Free" on it and there's not French bread in it. It's not a mistake. It may be stupid, but it's not a mistake. I immediately recognized the label for a chain of grocery stores near my home--S&?!way--and they are extremely proud of their fresh French bread. They make it daily. I have to admit, it IS pretty good, hot out of the oven. So they put those little labels on EVERYTHING in the bakery, whether it's bready or not, and have stands of bread all through the store--hey, who wants to give away bread?

May 18, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterSaraCVT

Thank you, Allegra and Helen. I thought I had seen an episode on TNG like that, but I didn't watch them religiously and it was a long while ago, so I thought mayhap I was mis-remembering.

Bravo to all of our song wreckers, including Jen! You are awesome. I knew it was gonna be great when I saw so many comments this early!

I'll be back later to see who else has popped by!

May 18, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterAndrea

I have to admit, picture 7 definitely reminded me of the frozen neck you pull out of a half frozen turkey for Thanksgiving (obviously before it's put in the oven). Also, what is up with the frosting color around the bottom edge of the cake? That color alone would be enough for me to second guess buying/eating it. :)

May 18, 2012 | Unregistered Commentermillbrit

Oooo, disembowelment cake! My favorite!

May 18, 2012 | Unregistered Commentergobbler

I think No.7 needs a course of penicillin.....

May 18, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterCaroline B

New. favorite. post.

Really, people? You've never heard that song? It will be stuck in my head all day! :)

May 18, 2012 | Unregistered Commentermichelej

I LOVE Prince! That was awesome, thanks! :P

May 18, 2012 | Unregistered Commenterquisty0174

Someone have a link to the actual song, so I can get the melody of this post

May 18, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterSam

1) The "Star Trek"/"Alien" Mashup is freakin' hysterical. I want one.

2) I'm pretty sure there will never be an occasion for an "Inflamed Bowel" cake.

3) I'm also pretty sure the "bloody star/pinwheel/thingy of doom" cake is not, in fact, "fresh bread", irrespective of the label...

May 18, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterBADKarma

Long time reader, first time commenting: This was brilliant! Raspberry Puree, genius! Perfect and hilarious.

May 18, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterLisa

Oh, my gosh! I am in tears! So, so, funny, Jen! My favorite Prince song, too.

Perfect song parody for perfectly wretched cakes!

May 18, 2012 | Unregistered Commenterlisadh524

@DB: "I got an alien in my uniform
And, baby, he's ready to roar"

Love it!!

May 18, 2012 | Unregistered Commenterlisadh524

I almost spit out my salad when I saw the alien coming out of the cake. That was astounding!

May 18, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterGail

I also panicked when I noticed the signs were from a Price Chopper store...
The Star Trek cake totally grossed me out, but then I saw the very last cake. WTH?!
Definitely disemboweled. Do they think anyone would actually pay for that?

May 18, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterNew England Flybaby

Thanks...now I won't be able to get those horrid cake pictures out of my head AND I'm going to be singing that Prince song to myself all day, too!

Seriously, I would put this in my top 10 favorite posts! ;-)

May 18, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterCharlene

I am amazed that only 3 people got that the baker didn't cross Star Trek with Alien, it is from an actual episode.

That first raspberry cake reminds me of the Flying Spaghetti Monster

May 18, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterSuper Geek

As a major Prince fan,as well as Cake Wrecks fan, this was Brilliant....one of your best posts Ever!

May 18, 2012 | Unregistered Commenterlisa

#1 Maybe these are pies made by Ted Nugent when he's in a good mood. Which these days, ain't all that often, thus the special.

#2 W1: "How do you spell 'streusel'? W2: "Just sound it out." W1: "Thanks. I'm glad one of us finished school."

#4 You have to admire the microseconds of thought that went into the presentation, here. Bakery department management pro tip: When someone gives notice, take them off decorating and have them do something comparatively innocuous, such as making signs.

#5 I love the irony of 'serves 12'. Let's see, there are 12 people on a jury...I wonder why I went there.

#6 I see Mrs. Lovett has branched out from mince pies.

#7 It's a mashup. No, it's TNG. It's been too quiet around the Bunker, lately. [evil grin]

#8 Reminds me of the Moonstone from Outer Limits. Which I did not see first-run.

#9 I'll have a slice without so much mouse in it. I could really go for some Spam, though.

#10 The pamphlet, 'How to Use Shiny, Red Glop in Ways That Someone Might Actually Find Appetizing' has been out of print for far too long. Think I'll order a print run and have a copy sent to every bakery in the Universe.

#11 The Unsee Machine should get a thorough workout today. Once I'm sure there aren't any bugs, I can start on the portable version.

May 18, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterCraig

Ugh! I'm sure I had an expression of disgust throughout the entire post, but the one with that thing popping out of the heart is so seriously disturbing.... *shudder*

May 18, 2012 | Unregistered Commenterelizabeth

Did anyone notice that the First Raspberry Puree cake has a label that says its French Bread, Hot at 5PM or free..... hmmmmm

May 18, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterLaura

Oh...my...God. This is hilarious. You are SO close to being almost as good as W. Al Yankovic. Truly. What a riot. And, what nauseating cakes (ish).

May 18, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterMelissa

I gotta admit, while not particularly appetizing, the Trekkie Alien cake kinda rocks.....

May 18, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterLisa

I LOVED THEM! I just bought some raspberry puree. Now I know what to do with it! Make my desserts look so gross no one else will want them.....

May 18, 2012 | Unregistered Commenterscyllacat

Wow thank god I have nothing in my stomach from being sick the past couple of days otherwise these wrecks would have wrecked my stomach! :X

May 18, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterLaura B-C

Love this post! Love Prince! Love Raspberry Puree, but don't love these cakes... (and who are all these people who don't know Prince's songs, and under what rock do they live?)

May 18, 2012 | Unregistered Commentertmmvol

All I thought was "why is there a penis coming out of Capt. Picard's chest?" Then realized it maybe was supposed to be the Alien monster. And then "Why is the Alien monster coming out of Capt. Picard's chest?"

And props to the commenter who made a Purple Rain Cakewrecks song. Jen needs to borrow that.

May 18, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterJanelle

Best post ever!

May 18, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterBecky

*Wild Applause*

May 18, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterPaisley

This was amazing! LOL! It takes true talent to make up cake wreck captions to the tune of a Prince song. Kudos Jen, Kudos!

May 18, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterJulie

That last one was just disturbing. It looks like one of those trays they use in operating theatre trays with a bunch of intestines on it!!!! That cake should've stay back in the kitchen never to be seen by the public!

May 18, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterKaren

I think that's not a Star Trek TNG/Aliens mashup. It's from the episode "Conspiracies," if I'm not mistaken. Pretty sure I saw it with my brother years ago, not knowing how gross it was gonna be (having only seen tamer episodes prior to that). Avoided all TNG episodes I was unfamiliar with for a while after that.

These cakes are just....yeah, my appetite is going on hiatus for a while. x-P

May 18, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterAmy

Jen you have out done yourself on this one!!! I can't stop laughing!! Your song parodies are always good but this one is Totally Awesome!!!! Go ahead and take Saturday off!! ;D You deserve it!!

May 18, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterMickey

To everyone either mocking or confused about the Star Trek cake, it's not a mash-up, nor is it an accident. It's a reference to one specific episode, called Conspiracy

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Conspiracy_(Star_Trek:_The_Next_Generation)

It's still revolting as heck, but it's incredibly well-done and geeky, if a little obscure.

May 18, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterDiane

Sorry...coming late to the party today (I was out late last night partying like it was 1999)...so, just a quick note to say the post and the comments were royal today! A tip o' the rassssssssssspberry puree...er...beret...to everyone!

The Trekkie cake is my most favorite cake of *all* time, methinks... I had to 'splan it to my fiance, but that's okay, he got it eventually.

That alien cake looks uncomfortably like a um....male organ of reproduction. Also, that shirt is all wrong; Star Trek never had something gnawing out of its chest. I demand a proper movie cliched cake! That or my money back.

May 18, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterTigerrage

Any Trekker worth the title would recognize the Dax symbiont from Deep Space 9.

May 18, 2012 | Unregistered Commenterkim

I'm glad a few other Wreckies wrote about the fact that #7 is not a mashup cake, but rather from the final episode of Season 1. one of the best season 1 episodes in my opinion. I always wish they had followed up on that ending....

May 18, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterTrevor

DB, Your Party Like it's 1999 spoof is AMAZEBALLS!!!!!!!

May 18, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterMelisa

A. this is why raspberry puree belongs INSIDE a cake - tastes great, looks nasty
B. that "alien" looks like a penis with teeth
C. I refuse to say what that last cake looks like, or how I know, but gross

May 18, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterLori

Wow!!!! I LOVE Prince - and your site. Thanks for the laughs. You are truly hilarious!

May 18, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterBillie

Greatest CakeWreck song parody EVER!!!

May 18, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterPeacefulDave

All I can say about the cakes in today's post is... thank God I'm allergic to raspberries. Just one more excuse not to have to think about eating them.

May 18, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterDegera

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