My Other Blog

What's a Wreck?

A Cake Wreck is any cake that is unintentionally sad, silly, creepy, inappropriate - you name it. A Wreck is not necessarily a poorly-made cake; it's simply one I find funny, for any of a number of reasons. Anyone who has ever smeared frosting on a baked good has made a Wreck at one time or another, so I'm not here to vilify decorators: Cake Wrecks is just about finding the funny in unexpected, sugar-filled places.

Now, don't you have a photo you want to send me? ;)

- Jen

Do We Have To Pay Royalties For This?

On June 27th, 1859, sisters Patty & Mildred Hill wrote the most famous song everyone-hates-to-sing: the Happy Birthday song.

Then, at some point I'm too lazy to look up, someone else decided we should honor that song's birthday with a national holiday/birthday celebration. Which is way too meta for this hour of the morning. But whatever. You know the drill: sing the stupid song and you'll getcher cake. Capiche?


Haaappy biiiirthdaaaay,
Tooo you!

"I HATE this song."

"Shaddup, kid."


(Now like you're drunk!)

Haaappy biiiirfday,

Tooo joo... ooh, I think I'm gonna be sick....


(Now like you forgot the person's name!)

Happy BIIIRTHDAY dearrrr...

...Oa...v... gAAAABBY!!


(Now like you're at a Japanese steakhouse!)


(That handwriting is the visual equivalent of having a metal pot placed over your head and falling down a flight of stairs, so...appropriate.)


(Now like you forgot how many verses there are!)

Happy BIRTHDA...

Wait, I think we're supposed to be done...

Do we get cake now? Oh, good. Never mind.


Thanks to Dawn S., Solange A., Parsl, Kristina, & Sandy ...And NO SINGING!

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Reader Comments (45)

I kind of like the one with Spiderman fighting a giant evil Kitty. I'd go see that movie. For some reason it reminds me off the StayPuft Marshmellow Man.

June 27, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterBB, Miami

Now there's some names you won't find in any baby name book: Shdajy, Jabby, and HW Babian!

June 27, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterSusanna K.

I thought the third one said "Happy Birthday Stabby", which makes sense, because that's what I'd be if I got a crappy cake like that.

June 27, 2012 | Unregistered Commenterlynne

Sung to “You Say It’s Your Birthday”

You say it’s your birthday
So say "Goodbye, Kitty!"
Wait, you don't like shared cakes?
Let's try this one more time
It says Happy Bir\day
Happy Bir\day Sholajy!

Happy Birth Oav Gabby (Gabby)!
Happy Birth Oav Gabby (Gabby)!
Happy Birth Oav Gabby (Gabby)!

The green font makes me prance – Birthday
In my pa-pa-pa-pants – Birthday
Can you read it by chance? – Birthday

You say it’s your Birthda
“Y” do I feel like something’s missing?
So hard to write that word
Spell it out one more time
We’re going with birthda
Happy Birthda to you-ou

John – Thanks for keeping us in stitches – and good luck getting yours out today!

June 27, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterSharyn

Ok, for the Japanese Steakhouse one, I see the word, "babies", but is the other part HW? Homework Babies? I suppose it could be "Nov Babies", but that's the H-iest looking N I've ever seen (maybe they're Russian?). The rest of the non- "Happy Birthday" writing is illegible, though they look like they might taste good, which puts them at a higher level than the Cinnamon Creme things from recent memory (I'm not sure I'll ever be getting those out of my head though).

June 27, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterMuria

So the story on the first cake is that I ordered half batman and half dinosaur for the two kids pictured (dual birthday party). Apparently the Dino wasn't girlie enough for the cake designer, so she improvised. Also, not a fan of batman? The unhappy girl is mine. :)

June 27, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterDawnderlee

Hahaha best post ever!

June 27, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterStoich91

oh my god has no one else noticed the HAND lighting the candles on the Spiderman/Hello Kitty mashup cake??????!!!!!!!!!!! it looks like it suffered a very nasty accident last time it lit some birthday candles! (with apologies if that is exactly what did happen).

June 27, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterKate

@ Dawnderlee: Well, I mean, one is a recently-rebooted classic comic hero with dead parents, and the other is a cold-blooded juggernaut from the distant past-- close enough, right? (I would have been so ticked off if someone had offered little-me a dinosaur and pulled a Hello Kitty bait-and-switch. "At least gimme a friggin' Keroppi," I'd have growled. (I was a little potty-mouth.))

June 27, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterNaomi

It is my birthday today. Here's to hoping I don't get a wreck.

June 27, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterAnnie

Okay, is the Spiderman person older so she gets more cake? Was the Hello Kitty person naghty so she got a smaller share? At least the cake should have been evenly split.
As for the other cakes--I could and have done better myself and I'm not that much of a cake decorator OR speller.

June 27, 2012 | Unregistered Commenterdrgns4vr

Seriously? You ordered Batman and Dinosaurs and got Hello Kitty and Spiderman???
You should have set your daughter on the baker. Next year, you might consider this (it's both girly AND dinosaury:)

June 27, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterSuBee

@Dawnderlee, I also noticed that the spiderman half of the cake is larger than the HELL-o kitty side. How fair is that???

June 27, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterBecky

For years, my younger child would cry every time someone sang the Happy Birthday song (no matter who was having the birthday). It's only fairly recently (and she's almost 4) that she's stopped being upset by the song and sings along. We have no idea why she would cry at the song.

June 27, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterDiana

I feel sorry for poor Gina. Her "half" of the cake is quite a bit smaller than Ian's half. No wonder she looks unhappy.

June 27, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterMelonie

Hehehehe and hahaha@sharyn XD

June 27, 2012 | Unregistered Commentermindy1

The second cake (with the oreos?) looks like it says Happy Birfday

June 27, 2012 | Unregistered Commenterpineapple

@ Dawnderlee: I thought perhaps your daughter was unhappy because her side didn't have candles. Was that cake made by a relative? I can't fathom a perfect stranger railroading a birthday cake like that!

@Kate: The Hand is wearing a clear plastic glove. I had to do a double take, too.

I looooove your perfect description of the Japanese Steakhouse one. Is that an ampersand? "Happy & Birthday H W Babies!" is what I'm seeing. Oh, wait! It's "HPN Babies!" That makes much more sense. I totally get it now. I think I need to lie down after looking at that cake for so long. I've got a ringing in my ears that sounds suspiciously like BONGBONGBONGBONGBONGBONGBONGBONG.

June 27, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterAndrea

I honestly think the split cake is fairly evenly divided. The lower half of the cake skews to the girlish side, and the upper half skews to the boyish side. Besides, that Kitty ear extends into Spidy's "box".

June 27, 2012 | Unregistered Commenterquaba_q

The one w/ roses and green writing is very pretty; I love that shade of green. It's just....I have no idea what it says.

June 27, 2012 | Unregistered Commenterdoodlebug

Holy Kittysaur, Batman! Maybe we'd better ask Spidey if he can help capture it!

June 27, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterRPainter

I was giggling the entire time...and then I got to BONGBONGBONGBONGBONGBONG and just totally lost it.

BONG is now the sound I make falling out of my chair onto my computer's removed side panel! :)

June 27, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterAmy H.

Kate - take a deep breath; it's going to be OK. I think the hand of which you speak is wearing a plastic glove. It's not her skin.

I'm pretty sure the Japanese steakhouse green one says "Happy Birthday HPN Babies." I have no idea what it means, though.

June 27, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterCarol

Today's my birthday too! And I had no idea that the Happy Birthday song was written today. Sweet.

My favorite of these is the final. I can totally hear it in the voice of a well-meaning person who just got surprised by something unpleasant.

June 27, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterSoundSorceress

How fitting - it's my birthday today too! Hopefully somebody will sing me that song later...

June 27, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterSam

"Goodbye, Kitty": What Hell o' Kitty should be called from now on. Not sure I buy the plastic glove theory, and I initially thought the lighter was a knife of some kind.

#2 "Happy Birfday Sholgiy"? Why do I hear Eddie Murphy as 'Buckwheat' saying this.

#3 "Happy / Birth / Day ShABBY" The flowers might be pre-made (or even plastic flotsam), but the rest looks like a violation of child labor laws.

#4 "Ok. I want it to say, 'Happy' -- yes, that's right, 'Happy' -- and 'Birthday', then 'Babies'. Use my initials to identify it for pickup: HPN. I want all that written in white." The result: "Happy & Birthday HPN Babies" (in green, of course). Note the irony of the fairly competent (if oversize) flowers.

#5 It looks like the 'y' was originally there. Is this a case of creating a wreck through an aftermarket mod of an otherwise non-wreck? (Slips under the Theardare radar like a ninja!)

June 27, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterCraig

HPN is the airport code for White Plains, NY. Could that cake be for babies that were born in the airport? (Happy Birthday HPN Babies) If so, can't wait for the Happy Birthday LAX Babies.

June 27, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterKathy

I'm crying!! Thank you all (including commenters) for a great laugh! I LOOOVE Cake Wrecks!

June 27, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterEllen

The blue worms on the side of the Happy Birthda cake may be searching for the missing Y. Or perhaps this is more existential. Here is your Happy Birthda cake. The Y in life is up to you.

June 27, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterMary

While today's post was perfectly, appropriately *lovely*, I was hoping for a "Back to the Future" theme. After all, today is the one and only EVER Back to the Future future day. *sigh*

June 27, 2012 | Unregistered Commenterchefgurrl

The third cake is confusing only because the word "birthday" got split into two lines. It really looks like someone let their 8 year old do the writing "Please Mommy, can I do the letters? PleasepleasepleasePLEASE?" Which, if you only had the store bought tube of icing with the too-large-holed tip produces exactly this result. Adorable effort actually. Now, had someone paid a professional baker and gotten those results, well, sorry about that Gabby.

June 27, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterJessica

I think the "Happy Birth Oav gabby" one they tried to spell Birthday as "Birth Day" but just did a horrible job! Because clearly Oav and Day should look different

June 27, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterTWeb

My birthday's Friday... is it weird I kinda WANT a wreck? Also BONGBONGBONGBONGBONG is the sound that a glucose meter is making somewhere, because of those icing roses. Ick.

June 27, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterWendy

SuBee: That was a cool cake in the link! Girly and dinosaur-y as advertised. But still a CW candidate for the trails of dino-poo.

June 27, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterASG

Here you go @ Dawnderlee:

June 27, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterAnnette

@Kathy, people born in LAX, when they grow up, would be ex LAX babies. I don't EVEN want to think what that cake might look like.

June 27, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterCraig

What does "bongbongbong" have to do with a Japanese steakhouse?

June 27, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterStartledoctopus

Hi there @chefgurrl, actually the date in the movie is October 21, 2015. It has often been faked, with pictures then doing the inter-rounds. I'm sure Jen will be onto it - in 3 years' time.

And in Pic #1 - my first take on it was a flame-retardant glove, cos it was holding an extra-long gas lighter, to light those candles. Hence the apprehensive looks on both kids' faces.

June 28, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterMc from NZ

I'm thinking that the happy birthda... wreckerator was chased off by an angry mob before finishing the cake lol. I know I would be chasing them if I saw half of these cakes in a window. Boy what a way to celebrate the birth of a birthday song.

June 28, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterArlene

Well, that's good. I was afraid the steakhouse one was "HPV babies." As in, babies with human papillomavirus. Who definitely need a happy birthday at LEAST as much of the rest of us, but it's odd to single them out that way.

@chefgurrl, it's a hoax. The real Back to the Future day isn't until October of 2015.

June 28, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterReggie

@Craig HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA Maybe that's why there are "poo" cakes. hahahahahah

June 28, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterBecky

I don't know if you noticed or remembered, but June 27, 2012, is the day that Marty McFly traveled to

Note from Jen: That image is a hoax, but it fooled a lot of us! The date Marty travels to is actually in 2015 - October something, if I'm remembering right.

June 28, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterAnonymous

I wouldn't call that small round chocolate cake with the green icing a wreck on the baker's side. I used to work at a store bakery and way way too many people would choose the smallest cake with the most flowers on it and ask for you to write something LONG on it. I would always say "it wont fit and it will look bad... are you sure?" and everytime "yep whatever just do it".

So its a wreck on the buyers side. It's a lot harder to write with piping bags than it looks (specially if there are air bubbles in the bag or the hole got cut too big, etc)

June 28, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterStephanie

Those kids don't look very happy about sharing the cake but that would make one hell of a crossover. Hello Kitty goes evil and Spider Man tries to take her down.

June 28, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterBarbara

The perfect cake for the budding dinosaur geek (while giving a nod to the gender-propriety police): Cinderella riding a T. Wrecks.

Goodbye, Kitty could pass for a dinosaur: it goes back quite a few years and it is scary-looking. I kid. I kid the Kitty.

June 28, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterCraig

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