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What's a Wreck?

A Cake Wreck is any cake that is unintentionally sad, silly, creepy, inappropriate - you name it. A Wreck is not necessarily a poorly-made cake; it's simply one I find funny, for any of a number of reasons. Anyone who has ever smeared frosting on a baked good has made a Wreck at one time or another, so I'm not here to vilify decorators: Cake Wrecks is just about finding the funny in unexpected, sugar-filled places.

Now, don't you have a photo you want to send me? ;)

- Jen

Play It Again, Donkey!

Today's Wreck is so unrecognizable I figured I better give you as many clues as possible before showing it to you.

Clue #1: He's big, green, and lives in a swamp.

Clue #2: He's a cartoon ogre.

Clue #3: His name is Shrek.

Clue #4: He looks like this:


Ok, have you guessed who it is yet?

'Cuz here comes the Wreck!

(Choo choo!)



Ok, so it's shiny, toothy, and has a homicidal glint in its dead, dead eyes.

On the other hand, now we know what would happen if the Incredible Hulk and Sloth from the Goonies ever had a love child. Right, Michelle Y.?

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Reader Comments (50)

How could anyone turn a nice, friendly ogre into that horrendous mess??? Are bakers all blind????
I'm pretty sure they are all compulsive liars telling customers that of course they can make a Shrek cake, or a Mickey Mouse cake, or whatever.

July 17, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterDonkaloosa

AAAAAIIIIIIIIIIIIIIEEEEE!!!! Dear lord that's horrifying!! :O

July 17, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterAmanda

Who is that?

July 17, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterSuBee

This is from Dreamworks' sister studio, Nightmareworks.

Sung to “My Bonnie Lies Over the Ocean”

My body is filled with emotion
Closer to disgust than to glee
I think I will make a commotion
That doesn’t look like Shrek to me

Shiny, toothy, part of his ear is missing, you see?
Should I eat him, before he tries to eat me?

He looks like he spawned in the ocean
HIs eyes just make me want to flee
But I must not act on that notion
Until I’ve saved my family

Homicidal glint in his eyes, can’t you see, look see!
Scarred for life now. Too bad, since I’m only 3.

July 17, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterSharyn

Did someone actually accept this travesty of a cake and pay for it?

July 17, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterEvie_M

From the creepy eyes up it looks like a Gremlin. And Shrek. And The Hulk. And Sloth. And a little bit like Maurice from LIttle Monsters. I wonder how much she paid for this; she got a GREAT deal! 5 monsters in one!

July 17, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterLaura

OMG. That is hilarious!

(and really flippin' scary)

July 17, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterShannon

Looks like the decorator took an uterus cake, painted it green and called it a day.

July 17, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterSet

Aha. It's summer rerun season!

July 17, 2012 | Unregistered Commenterkayk

For some reason that reminds me of the aliens at the end of "Explorers". That is a great kids movie by the way.

July 17, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterDerek

Looks more like a World of Warcraft goblin.

July 17, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterVern

Are you absolutely sure that Yoda didn't have a terrible accident??

July 17, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterTrekkie Gal

I believe this is Shrek's cousin, Shriek.

July 17, 2012 | Unregistered Commentermel

Wait... this is Shrek after emulating that lady who loves tanning so much....(squint, and you can see the resemblance)....

@ Sharyn: :-)

July 17, 2012 | Unregistered Commentermel

I am still shuddering from the thought of Shrek and The Hulk getting anywhere near each other for the purpose of creating a Love Child. Never mind what said LC would look like.

July 17, 2012 | Unregistered Commenterdrgns4vr

Is it just me or does it look like they used a Scooby cake pan?

July 17, 2012 | Unregistered Commentermaggiew

Ladies and gentlemen,
I present to you the love child of Larry the Cucumber and Sid from 'Ice Age'.


Poor kid. He'll have a rough life. Wait...did someone punch him in the eye??

July 17, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterSuzieQ

That's not so much Shrek as a SHRIEK of agony.

July 17, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterHM

If Yoda and Golum had a love child......

July 17, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterDonna M

Sharyn FTW! :)

Sung to "I'm a believer" (from the Shrek soundtrack, appropriately!)

I once thought that
Bakers just made yummy things
Meant for a birthday;
Wedding or random glee

Now they’re out to get me
That's the way it seems
Scary pastries are now haunting
All my dreams

Then I saw that face
Now I’m a big heaver
Not a trace
Of food in my mouth
I’ve turned green!
I’m a big heaver
I couldn’t squee now
If I tried!

I thought cake was
great; yummy with frosting
But what’s the white thing
On the giant nose?
Oh no!

Why are his eyes staring
At me that way?
Is he going to bring on “to the pain?”

Then I saw that face
Now I’m a big heaver
Not a trace
Of food in my mouth
I’ve turned green!
I’m a big heaver
I couldn’t squee now
If I tried!

July 17, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterScaperMama

I laughed so hard when I saw this. And then I read the comments for this and laughed even more. I'm still laughing.

July 17, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterSydney

Sharyn bwahahaha. That is a horror, the kid who got it is probably still babbling to himself and crying D:

July 17, 2012 | Unregistered Commentermindy1

@mel -- "Shriek" is great. I was thinking "Blech". And you're right about the tanning lady...
@ScaperMama -- that was, as Shrek might say, "Ruddy Brilliant!" PERFECT choice of song and words.

July 17, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterSharyn

LOL @ Mel!!!

July 17, 2012 | Unregistered Commenteranony mouse

Put a (clean, obviously) sock next to the cake and tell your kid it's Dobby the Elf of Harry Potter fame. Unwrecked!

July 17, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterSusanna K.

I just watched a Dr. Who rerun last night, The Runaway Bride. The one where Donna is about to get married and then an Arachnoss comes back to Earth to release her children from the Earth's core to devour everyone. If that "Shrek" was red, I'd say it was a very good likeness of the Arachnoss Empress. Those "Shrek" "ears" and "forehead" look like extra eyes, to me.

July 17, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterAndrea

It *kind of* looks like the Shrek from the original books. I just don't think that the creator knew that.

July 17, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterEmme

I agree that it kind of looks like the book Shrek, but it is still a horrible wreck. Book Shrek would love it.

July 17, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterGretchen

Oh my. What a disaster. I like those hints at the beginning, though. They really help things out! *scrolls up* *scrolls back down* IZ CONFUZED And Sharyn, as always, hilarious song!

July 17, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterStoich91

The proper term for this is "Shwreck".

And I think it looks a bit like Golem posing for a school picture.

But that's just me.
The voices told me so.
And they're never wrong.
Except when they are.
But when the voices are wrong, the Andanusians tell me things.
But only if I'm not wearing my special hat.
It's made of foil.

July 17, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterBADKarma

Maybe the wreckerator is a fan of the ogre from William Steig's book rather than the movies (yeah, right)? Here.

July 17, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterTeresaK

I honestly think that is the greenest cake I have ever seen.

July 17, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterPeepBunny

Well the ears look about right :/

July 17, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterNancie

BWAHAHA, I was totally thinking Sloth from Goonies before you even said it! XD

July 17, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterAimz

No lie, my first thought when I saw this photo was, "Hey, cool Slimer cake!"

July 17, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterJen H.M.

I looked at it & I saw Aahz, from the Myth-Adventures series.

Fun books, y'all ought to read them.

July 17, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterFrith Ra

YES Susanna K, that's exactly what I was thinking! Only this has a slightly rounder nose. And more crystal-meth-y eyes.

July 17, 2012 | Unregistered Commentershmana82

I think someone had a little too much
with the airbrush machine.

July 17, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterAna

Well, it's big and green, I'll give them that. And looks kinda like Steve Buscemi.

July 17, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterSandy G.

guess what i'll be having nightmares about tonight.

July 17, 2012 | Unregistered Commenterarchersangel

@ScaperMama - your song lyrics are phenomonal. Well done! That cake - not so much...

July 17, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterAnne-Marie

At first glance, I thought it was Ferengi.

July 17, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterTodd

Well if it isn't evil killer clowns now it is zombie like things that come from a swamp. Horrifying and also glad to note I live nowhere near a swamp so that thing can't get me lol. I think that wreckerator is aiming for nightmares and succeeded.

July 18, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterArlene

This is how they got around copyright infringement.

July 18, 2012 | Unregistered Commenterjeliecam

Deep green disaster
Recipient scarred for life
It's Yoda roadkill

July 18, 2012 | Unregistered Commenterakathleen

Someone is going to have green poop for days...

July 18, 2012 | Unregistered Commentershe-she

I guess you could say this is Yoda's twin who had gone to the dark side. I know I was jolted more than a bit. I do hope the poor person who had ordered this refused it after laughing themselves silly of course.

July 18, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterJamie Jo

Shrek could have used this cake as his no trespassing sign!

July 18, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterEla

sometimes, actually all the time, i wonder how these bakers manage to stay in buisness....

August 4, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterSam

The last Shrek movie actually featured a Cake Wreck...

April 6, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterBrushfire

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