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What's a Wreck?

A Cake Wreck is any cake that is unintentionally sad, silly, creepy, inappropriate - you name it. A Wreck is not necessarily a poorly-made cake; it's simply one I find funny, for any of a number of reasons. Anyone who has ever smeared frosting on a baked good has made a Wreck at one time or another, so I'm not here to vilify decorators: Cake Wrecks is just about finding the funny in unexpected, sugar-filled places.

Now, don't you have a photo you want to send me? ;)

- Jen
Wednesday
Aug012012

WHO'S CRAZY NOW?

Yesterday I mentioned on Twitter how much I love rainy days, because I never have to go outside. Then I might have said something about going 5 or 6 days without leaving the house, and hellooooo, Judgey McJudgersons!

Look, internet people, I don't need your pity. I HAVE CATS.

Besides, I DO leave the house on occasion. Sometimes even voluntarily. However, with Florida basically a giant steam sauna filled with mosquitoes right now, I prefer getting my sunshine through a window - and with the A/C at full blast, thankyouverymuch.

Some people think a lack of live social interaction can make you go a little funny in the head, but I say the opposite is true. In fact, every day I see perfectly socialized bakers churning out silent, frosting-soaked pleas for psychological intervention:

The sign says, "Turkey shaped cake." Tell me this isn't a cry for help.

 

And I'm not talking about special orders here, where you could understand, say, Darth Vader riding a My Little Pony. I'm talking the stuff they put out in the display cases, for all the world to see and quietly back away from, being careful to make no sudden movements.  

We call it, "Someone please just make the voices stop screaming."

[P.S. - Two words: "Blue boobs."]
[You're welcome.]

 

And now, edible ghost chickens, because, yeah, that's perfectly normal:

 "Bok Bok B'WoooOOOooo!"

 

The person who made this deals with people all day. 

Let's all take a moment to really let that sink in:

 

This, too:

 And these:

Let's just say I wouldn't invite this baker over to babysit.

(Why are there ghost flies around the edge? And two monsters hiding beside the crib? WHY?)

 

For all the days I've spent peacefully working at home, it's never once occurred to me to make edible toes out of gummi rabbits. 

...and that almost makes me sad; I bet this baker's head would be a fun place to visit.

 

I clearly remember my pre-blog days, of course, back when I had "normal," people-riddled work places. The worst was the return desk at a TJ Maxx. After a day of dealing with deranged customers who insisted the waffle iron that still had waffles in it was "never used," I'm pretty sure even these would've looked like a good idea:

The trick is to eat them before they start talking.


So remember, extroverts, before you judge us hermits hiding behind the blinds and dressing our cats as Stargate characters, sometimes getting out of the house isn't always the answer.

Sometimes people just do better on their own. 

And sometimes the mutant Strawberry Ladybug thing just needs to die.

[twitch]

 


Hey Jill E., Niomi W., Anony M., Brocha S., Kelly W., Susan K., Carolyn T., Bethany, & Dani S, party at my place? Doctor Meow-Kay and Tail-La would love to meet you!

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Reader Comments (100)

@Sharyn, someone should check on the baby. Oh wait -- that was two days ago. Never mind.

August 1, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterCraig

The blue blob booby family were the next door neighbors of Edvard Munch. Junior is trying to get the Ghost Chickens to dance with him. Such an inspirational family.

August 1, 2012 | Unregistered Commenterjellen

That "mutant strawberry LADYbug thing" looks to me like it has a pretty big, obvious moustache. This would most likely mean it's a... "DUDE-ie bug" which might explain a lot. (I was actually about to type "dudele-bug" but then I realized I could make a poop joke out of it.) You're welcome!

;-)

I really need to hear more about those waffle irons...

August 1, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterEva

"Blue boobs"...

What has been seen cannot be unseen.....

August 1, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterBeth

The World Outside is a horrid place, full of annoying carbon-based life-forms that impede my progress. I can go days and not go outside or speak to another adult other than my husband. I am perfectly sane. (Well, ok, maybe not "perfectly.") But I have never, ever wrecked a cake like that, and never ever EVER made one with clowns on it. Because clowns are terrifying. And creepy. It's probably clowns hiding by that crib on the baby cake. >_>

August 1, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterWendy

You crack me up! This is my first time commenting...but just needed to tell you that you make me laugh, even when days look gray (and I'm staying home, in my pajamas, wasting time on the computer!)

August 1, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterNikki

I absolutely love your blog!! I have to make my daughter a birthday cake next week and I just pray that it does not turn out like some of the crazy things I see on here!! LOL I would love to just go buy a cake but 1. it has to be dairy free 2. what if it ended up looking like something on here? :-D Thanks for great posts!

August 1, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterA. Strongheart

I don't go out much either. I have a policy where I don't go out when I feel like I'm going to be broiled just by going out to the garage. I think that last cake needs to be killed with a flamethrower. I have to wonder about the people who pay money for these things. I'd have to eat with a blindfold and would still have trouble because I'd be thinking of those eyes staring at me.

August 1, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterBarbara

"Edible Ghost Chickens"! Your best phrase ever, i'm laughing out loud in my office. I need to find reasons to repeat that as often as possible!

"Bok Bok B'WoooOOOooo!" hahhahahahaha!!!

August 1, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterFlower Girl

Blue boobs.

Epic.

August 1, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterMeghan

I go months without leaving the house. I just don't see a reason to go anywhere. I can get everything delivered - food, drug store items, clothing, books... you name it, you can get someone to bring it straight to your door. Plus this way I never have to deal with people. People scare me.

August 1, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterDegera

Oh the T J Maxx reference brought back memories. Used waffle iron pppfffftttt try used panties. Shudder Oh, and what are the things in picture 8 supposed to be? Incubators for penicillin?

August 1, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterBooann

Um... No, Craig. That, uh, that's perfectly, uh, well, yeah, it's NORMAL. You bet. Totally normal. Uh, could you excuse me a minute?

(EardareThay! EardareThay! OdeCay Edray. Odecay Edray!)

Sorry. I thought I heard the doorbell.

BTW. I can't check on the baby right now -- I'm too busy trying to find the damn turkey.

August 1, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterSharyn

I'm Inspired! I am SO going to put gummy animals on my bicycle seat.

August 1, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterGranny K

Sooo, Im curious...Do the owners and/or store managers not even care what these bakers are putting out for sale?? Is a full case all they care about? Just sayin...

August 1, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterKim

Nope, still not seeing sheep on the baby crib cake. They still look like little monsters to me. :P However, the "flies" are starting to look like bunny heads. The whole yellow/white/black color scheme is both shocking & genius at the same time. :)

August 1, 2012 | Unregistered Commenteranony mouse

BTW, I stay indoors with the a/c on not only because it's blazing hot outside, but mainly because I'm allergic to grasses & everyone here is a mowing freak. LOL. I'm such an introvert that my dog gets anxious when I talk on the phone, because it's usually VERY quiet in here. :P

August 1, 2012 | Unregistered Commenteranony mouse

gah. you are hilarious. you make it difficult not to laugh at work.

August 1, 2012 | Unregistered Commentersky.

Heheheh.... "bluueeeeoooooooobs"

August 1, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterRach

But, there is a song called "Ghost Chickens in the Sky" by the Homestead Pickers. .. Its a really funny ode to a chicken farmer!

August 1, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterEm

It's totally normal to not leave the house for days and don't let the McJudgersons tell you otherwise! People are weird, frustrating animals that should be avoided as much as possible. Now if you'll excuse me, I need to show this post to my husband and yell, "I told you so!" at him.

August 1, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterMaggie

I once worked the customer service desk on late shift at a 24 hour Wal-mart (they stopped doing that- wonder why?) and my vote for all time worst return is the lady who brought back a *USED* pregnancy test because she "didn't like the result." I. AM. NOT. MAKING. THIS. UP. Even worse? MY MANAGER MADE ME ACCEPT IT. Now I work for a police department- and get to deal with all the cranky people after they've been released from custody. Staying in my house for 5-6 days at a time sounds like paradise to me!

That said, those are some truly wrecked cakes, but I kinda like the ghost chickens.

August 1, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterMickey

1. - Bambi with The White Stallion, combined with a nightmare? Looks like someone had a lot of plastic flotsam to unload.
2. - Ooooh- A cake for the Blue Man Group!
3. Actually, I thought these were rather cute, myself.
4. This one is, however, not cute. Not even anywhere in the vicinity of cute or even agreeable.
5. Someone trying to get overly creative with a smiley face? Have no idea...
6. Monsters under the bed... perfect theme for a baby cake. Brilliant.
7. What... the heck....
8. These look like the zombie versions of the chicks above...sort of. Not cute. Very uncute.
9. I'm not usually afraid of bugs but if anything like that ever showed up on my doorstep, I'd squish it.

August 1, 2012 | Unregistered Commenterakathleen

Oh, Jen! Thanks for making my intense desire to be in a quiet house a good, good thing. Oh, and also for the laugh. Thanks for that.

August 1, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterLaura R

Bok Bok B'wooOOOooo ... that explains a lot of what goes on here just before dawn. They are calling for crumbs and sprinkles. I like those rolled-fondant-draped ghost chickens with their distrustful little chicken eyes.

August 1, 2012 | Unregistered Commentergobbler

Kitten, kree! *sound of metal boots marching*... That sounds like a bazillion times more fun than a customer service job anywhere! Unless customer service for a Goa'uld mothership. "You say your transporter rings aren't descending properly? I need you to click on the start button and go to control panel"

As a life-long introvert who doesn't drive, I get away from the house maybe once or twice a week. I fear jobs with high human interaction and would love if my job was running a awesome blog like this and having snuggle time with my imaginary hubby. At least yours is real!

August 1, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterJabby

Is the fourth cake supposed to be Bluebeard? 'Cause that beard looks blue to me.

August 1, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterCarol

You make me laugh. SO hard I'm almost hyperventilating. I live for your cake wrecks post. I know I should have a life, but there you have it. Ok so #5 looks like a Rorschach Test gone bad. (Can you say "hottie?" Never saw Mr. Rorschach until I looked up the proper spelling of the name, and low and behold...a Brad Pitt lookalike from like a century ago! Who says we're not reborn???) Well then, off to go learn more about Rorschach.

August 1, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterJeanne

Read to the tune of the nursery rhyme "This is the house that Jack built".

This is the flotsam horse prancing

This is the ghost family dancing
that watched the white horse prancing

This is the chicks, yellow and white
that stared at the ghost family dancing
that watched the white horse prancing

This is the smile not quite right
that grinned at the chicks, yellow n white
that stared at the ghost family dancing
that watched the white horse prancing

This is the black glasses runny
that melted at the smile not right
that grinned at the chicks, yellow n white
that stared at the ghost family dancing
that watched the white horse prancing

This is the bed with sheep and bunny
that stared at the black glasses runny
that melted at the smile not right
that grinned at the chicks, yellow n white
that stared at the ghost family dancing
that watched the white horse prancing

This is the gummies, side by side
that envied the sheep and bunny
that stared at the black glasses runny
that melted at the smile not right
that grinned at the chicks, yellow n white
that stared at the ghost family dancing
that watched the white horse prancing

This is slimer, brown and one eyed
that viewed the gummies, side by side
that envied the sheep and bunny
that stared at the black glasses runny
that melted at the smile not right
that grinned at the chicks, yellow n white
that stared at the ghost family dancing
that watched the white horse prancing

This is the ladybug strawberry
that laughed at slimer, one eyed
that viewed the gummies, side by side
that envied the sheep and bunny
that stared at the black glasses runny
that melted at the smile not right
that grinned at the chicks, yellow n white
that stared at the ghost family dancing
that watched the white horse prancing

This is the graduation cake airy
that was lighter than ladybug berry
that laughed at slimer, one eyed
that viewed the gummies,side by side
that envied the sheep and bunny
that stared at the black glasses runny
that melted at the smile not right
that grinned at the chicks yellow n white
that stared at the ghost family dancing
that watched the white horse prancing

August 2, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterC.W.

On the 2nd cake, one of the blue things is happy while the others are horrified.

August 2, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterPrudynce

Fellow introvert, I salute you for standing up for our ways! I too have cats (and more importantly, a husband and babies, all of which I'm totally in love with), and don't feel the need to see other people every day. It's better to have them in small doses ;-)
I have to say, though, I like those ghost chickens!!

August 2, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterKathleen

Those little ghosty chickens must have been inspired by the song (yes, it actually exists) "ghost chickens in the sky"

No, really.

August 2, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterDina

Oh my..gosh. And someone bought the little blue boob cake? Lol. That one fascinates me yet scares me all at once. I don't even want to know where the wreckerators even thought up these things. I fear them all.

August 2, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterArlene

Actually, I like the BABY cake. And Jen, you have cats, that should be totally obvious: there's a crib, 2 fluffy mats either side, and because there are 2 fluffy mats, there are also 2 cats hiding *under* the mats. The dead flies were specially selected by the cats as gifts for the new baby, because, well, cats don't really like new babies, so mice aren't warrented.

August 2, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterAA

Gotta send the "Ghost Chickens" link: http://www.google.com/url?sa=t&rct=j&q=&esrc=s&source=web&cd=2&ved=0CFMQtwIwAQ&url=http%3A%2F%2Fwww.youtube.com%2Fwatch%3Fv%3DcR2BQ13BKEE&ei=fWgaUM6sH4Oe8gTL_oHYAw&usg=AFQjCNFQcundbmci-6Yu5EA4dHV1si8hDg&sig2=SxE3U34JJTH8UD_xoHv_iQ

August 2, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterTim

Oh they're not ghost chickens. They're poultrygeists. LOL

Sorry just couldn't resist. The set up for the poultrygeist is just too rare

August 2, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterSheila

Here's the truth: the days that I stay in the house foregoing human conatct are the days theat NO ONE wants me outside. And I mean law enforcement. Humidity and bugs have nothing to do with it - people have to do with it. I'm in Customer Service, do you need to ask?

August 2, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterEvalyn

Hmmm... How about a Pac-Man/Mrs Pac Man reboot with those ghost chickens?

Also, if you find you can laugh at your customer service days, check out Norm Feuti's comic: Retail

August 2, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterKiwi

@Sheila, 'poultrygeist' is why it pays to revisit the comments the following day. Right now, I'm listening to Barry Manilow and Celine Dion's cover of 'Stairway to Heaven' as punishment for failing to come up with one of the great puns in the history of words.

August 2, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterCraig

Cake number three: Around here, we call those "poultrygeists"...

Also, if it weren't for work, I would happily stay in the house for days on end.

August 2, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterBrandy

I happen to work at T. J. Maxx, occasionally on the returns desk. If I didn't need the money to support my DVD and music download habit, I wouldn't leave my house, either.

Anyone work customer service at a bakery/supermarket and have to deal with the fallout of these wrecks? We'd love to hear from you!

And Jen, the Internet demands pictures of your cats. :)

August 2, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterEileen

Laugh out loud post! That was about the funniest thing I've seen in months!

August 3, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterJeanne

"Why are there ghost flies around the edge? And two monsters hiding beside the crib?"

Tsk. Those are clearly zombie rabbits and two melted sheep.

August 3, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterSusie

I kind of think the blue guys (cake 2) are cute, in a weird way. I mean, it's not a well-decorated cake or anything, but it kind of appeals to me.

August 4, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterMiranda

O.M.G. I'm crying from laughing so hard! This is one of the best posts ever! The yellow cake with black icing looks like a Rorschach inkblot test. Which reminds me of a favorite movie quote:
"I'm not stuck in here with you...You're stuck in here with ME!" (yeay Watchmen!)
It seems appropriate for the post somehow!

August 4, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterG-Baby

The "Bok Bok Bwoo'Oooo" made me laugh way harder than it should have.
Might the ghost chickens be a shoutout to "The Ghost and Mr. Chicken"? And if you know what that is I will love you and squeeze you and never let you go!

(Maybe it's a good thing I never leave the house if I can help it.)

August 19, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterEmma

Now I really want a cat, so I can dress it up as a Stargate character.

August 29, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterJessie

I think the yellow face cake with the watery icing is suppose to be Banano... some Japanese banana character. Still looks terrible though.

October 8, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterCyndi

Woops, I thought, 'Why are there two demon potties next to a toilet on a cake?'

February 16, 2014 | Unregistered CommenterDanni

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