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What's a Wreck?

A Cake Wreck is any cake that is unintentionally sad, silly, creepy, inappropriate - you name it. A Wreck is not necessarily a poorly-made cake; it's simply one I find funny, for any of a number of reasons. Anyone who has ever smeared frosting on a baked good has made a Wreck at one time or another, so I'm not here to vilify decorators: Cake Wrecks is just about finding the funny in unexpected, sugar-filled places.

Now, don't you have a photo you want to send me? ;)

- Jen
Friday
Sep142012

The Best Return For Your Money

Spacing: The FINAL frontier.

 
These are the travesties of the bakers-who-don't-plan-ahead-well.


Plus the ones who like to center-justify their text so each line only has four letters each, because, yeah, THAT makes sense.

(Great. Now I really want there to be a band named the Cong Rats.)


Or how about just three letters each?

 Que?

 

I know how those long words can sneak up on you, bakers, but the important thing is to make sure everything is legible and spelled correctly:

Oooh, so close.

 

Less close.

 

You're kidding, right?

 

WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU PEOPLE??

 Ahem.

Then there are the bakers who get their spacing right, but throw in a dash anyway:

Dash it all!

And, uh, this person:

Oooh, if only there'd been more space for the baker to work with!

 

 And finally, there are the bakers who are just batpoop insane:

Forget the writing - I want to know what that drippy brown spot is.

Or...do I?

o.0


Thanks to Krissy K., 

Christine D., 

Justine J., 

 

Chris & Jessica, 

Deborah B., Carl J., Marina C., Angela W., Bronwyn G., & Angie W. for really exploring the
bakery space.

« Sunday Sweets: Casual Elegance | Main | Are You Kidding Me? »

Reader Comments (52)

oooh! LOVE the yellow/brown roses! THAT's what i want on my cake! oh yeah, and don't forget to leave a giant airbrushing stain on it too! Thanks~!

September 14, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterNancy

At the risk of belonging to an Epcot, I think the drip might be on the outside (judging by the light). I hope it's chocolate sauce.

Are we absolutely sure the writing wasn't done by 5 year olds? I remember what my son's handwriting looked like at the beginning of Kindergarten. Some of these are close. And I'd bet he'd do the strange green squiggle on the icing blobs in the upper corner of Que-en!'s cake. Or is that Que-enJ's cake?

September 14, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterMuria

I think someone And then it got ran out of space on the order form on the Ame - nda.

September 14, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterMark

Gotta proofread before hitting send.

I think someone ran out room on the order form for the Ame - nda. Then the wreckerator copied it directly onto the cake.

September 14, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterMark

No, you do NOT want to know what the drippy brown spot it. Just walk away from the display case, now.

September 14, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterNancy

Sung to “The Long and Winding Road”
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fUO7N-zSMYc

The long and winding words
That bakers adore
Will never disappear
We’ve seen such words before
They always leave me here
Chin dropped to the floor

Won’t space the Brewers right
‘Til you get extra pay
You split the Cong Rats up
The heart got in the way –ay –ay – ay
What’s with the dash in “QueenS?”
Not bueno, OK?
Many times I’ve asked myself
What went wrong with “RY”?
Anyway, Dad’s cake shows us
How awfully hard you tried
I’m still taken aback
By the long, winding words
You broke birthday up there
With two letters to go –oh –oh –oh
You shook Anna’s words up
And gave them a pour.

“Why did you put a dash?” poor Ame-nda implored.
You left lots of space there
Where Owen’s words could go –oh –oh –oh
Don’t keep me wondering here.
What’s that brown spot for?

September 14, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterSharyn

I read the second one as "CAN'T RATE JENN." She's off the charts!

September 14, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterNaomi

Some of them could have been so nice except for that crappy writing :(

September 14, 2012 | Unregistered Commentermindy1

Oooo ... words that end / begin / middledeedee in %*&)()&*^^$%^&%*()&^%#@%$^. My favorite! And in - gasp - jell! Almost as good as cake for breakfast!

September 14, 2012 | Unregistered Commentergobbler

The sixth cake down, the one with the white flowers on one half, is absolutely gorgeous. Too bad about the spacing, but I'd eat that in a heartbeat.

September 14, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterMarie

I like the idea of celebrating Bi nth day. It occurs twice a year, on any day you choose. Great excuse to have cake!

September 14, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterSusanna K.

What is with the awful color on those roses?!
Thanks
as always

Jen
andJohn

September 14, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterMaureen

A word of advice to you all from someone who works as a decorator in a grocery store: ask the DECORATOR to write on your cake and not the twit without an apron packaging buns, cutting bread or cleaning the floor. Just saying. I've seen many a lovely cake ruined because these bakery clerks take it upon themselves to write on cakes instead of asking the girl with the skills.

September 14, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterSarah

I think the third cake down is French. Que=That En=in Of course, it makes no more sense in French than it does in English, but there are probably some French wrecks -- somewhere, sometime.
And as another question, what's with the grey frosting? That's such a cheery Happy Birthday color.

September 14, 2012 | Unregistered Commenterdrgns4vr

@Mark, I thought you wrote your first message as it might appear on a cake, and laughed right along with you.
I have to confess I'm one of the "can't visualize space" people. I can't even put leftovers away in the correct size containers.
This is but one of the reasons why I don't decorate cakes . . .

September 14, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterFM

@Mark, It was so much funnier before your correction - such a beautiful, subconscious mocking of the wreckerators.

September 14, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterKate

Bahahaha Sharyn

September 14, 2012 | Unregistered Commentermindy1

Mark, I don't know if you really didn't mean to submit your first comment, but it's a whole lot funnier in that format; really matches the mood of these wrecks.

Also, although some of the choices on that heart cake are questionable, it's too bad the baker thought it was ok to split up "birthday"; it was the most promising of all the fonts on here and might have been ok otherwise (ok, not great).

September 14, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterHeather

I don't think it counts as a "wreck" if the purchaser messes up the writing, which nearly all of these look like. I recognize the work, mine looks like that too! It is hard to write with gel pens or icing tips!
For me true "wrecks" aren't open yet, and have the store label still. I suspect only the Happy Birthd-ay heart was photographed in the store.

September 14, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterLisa

This is what I do. That's why I DON'T GET PAID TO DECORATE CAKES. I don't know why these people do.

September 14, 2012 | Unregistered Commenterdoodlebug

@Mark: Actu
ally Ithi
nkyour fir-
st post
sen sema
kes m0-
re.

September 14, 2012 | Unregistered Commenterjackwire

It's unpossible that these are professionally baked. Simply unpossible.

September 14, 2012 | Unregistered Commenterauntie meme

What's with the blue boobies on the Brewers cake? Especially since they look particularly cold?

And the sixth cake looks like they used one of those 100 Piece Betty Crocker Cake Decorating Kits (as seen on TV!) to press in and pipe over the letters, and didn't realize that the line underneath was just a guide and not to be piped as well.

September 14, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterMelonie

so snarkily perfect...

September 14, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterKaren

In defense of the drippy brown spot, it does appear to be on TOP of the plastic cover... Which really isn't any less disturbing, now that I think about it... (blinkblink)... Ew.

September 14, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterBADKarma

It's not the spacing of the letters on the first cake that bothers me,it's that blue pillow with worms leaking out of it......

September 14, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterThe Former CB

@Mark: : - )

Thank you all for explaining the Que-enJ cake. For the life of me, I could not figure out what that was supposed to say. I was also wondering what that green outline of a turtle wearing a leash was about and only just realized it is supposed to be the strings on the balloons. Oy.

Those brown flowers look kinda like toasted marshmallows, mmmmm. Or, you know, like old, dead flowers. Does anyone have a guess at what that word is after "Birthday"? It looks like "Bronco__", but there seems to be at least two more letters after that. "Bronco-ers"? "Broncotts"? Aha! I bet they both got bronchitis on their birthday! So, it's Happy Birthday Bronchitis, Jeremy & Owen!

September 14, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterAndrea

That brown spot is a drop of sweat from the brow of the person that expended SO much effort writing on that cake.....

September 14, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterCaroline B

Pra cti c e mak es pe rfec t...or...ma yb e n ot....

@ Shary n: sp p

September 14, 2012 | Unregistered Commenterm el

Am I the only one who had to read the post twice before getting that Jen's spacing in the acknowledgments was on purpose? (crickets chirping) No? Ok then...

:)

September 14, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterScaperMama

Speachl-
ess.

September 14, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterEvalyn

Your comment for the 2nd to last cake gave me the giggles. Perfect amount of snark!

September 14, 2012 | Unregistered Commenterlisadh

Melonie, those aren't boobies! I'm pretty sure that's an angry blue squid ejecting yellow ink.

September 14, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterKelly

The heart shaped cake is no mistake...it's a birthday cake for The Fonz - Ayyyyyyyy!

September 14, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterKarey Gardner

Uh, I think someone spilled alphabet soup all over your post.

September 14, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterLib

okay so, there's a gloworm barfing yellow silly string, orange jello is now the decorator's icing of choice, they now make cakes out of head cheese and PP just happens to be directly adjacent to... well i heard those no name brand diapers were lacking in leak resistance but now we have proof. i'm just gonna quit while i'm ahead today, all these words are too hard to fit in this space anyway.

September 14, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterAllie

I want to reiterate that, coming from someone who has worked as a grocery store decorator, the decorator may have done a beautiful job on the cake, but it was just a lowly bakery clerk who wrote on it, and thereby ruined the cake. We seriously had a 50 year old woman with handwriting legitimately this atrocious. Some of the bakery clerks wish they had skills, or the decorator is busy or has left for the day, but I think these prove that you should always get the decorator to write on the cake as well.

September 14, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterJess

excuse me while i pick my jaw up off the floor

September 14, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterColleen

Aw, man. That heart shaped white cake was really pretty before it got all HAPPY BIRTHD AY"ed all up in it.

September 14, 2012 | Unregistered Commenterjecca

I'm sad for the lily cake - so lovely, so wreaked - and I love "batpoop insane" as a description of these cakes :D

September 14, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterLacey S

Orange neon frosting with brown sprinkles to enhance readability? Oh, sure!

I came here first because I'm about to pay my quarterly taxes and needed a laugh first. Mission accomplished! Thankfully, giggling is tax-free!

September 14, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterTLC

My little three year old just said "What is dat brown spot on dat cake? That D-gusting!!!!!" I think it fits!

September 14, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterMiranda

These images never fail to make me laugh! And even though I have no earthly reason to cruise by the bakery section, I must admit to looking in the case occasionally, just on the off chance I'll see something this good (bad). Maybe all were produced on "take your five-year old to work day". Hand the kid an icing bag!

September 14, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterNanci

I can't even read cakes 3, 7, and 9...

September 14, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterShannon

Re #3: @drgns4vr Sadly, if it was French, it would still be a wreck, because que + en would be written qu'en :)
Re #7: seeing as the text was added after the candles, why turn the cake 90 degrees to write it?

September 14, 2012 | Unregistered Commentercorax

I'm pretty sure it was the mention of Cong Rats that generated the Chuck E Cheese banner ad!

September 14, 2012 | Unregistered Commenterpikkewyntjie

@Mark I, too, thought your first comment was irony and then you told on yourself. :)

@jac
kwi
reF
TW

And, yet again, the comments lead me to find something my sleep deprived eyes missed: two pairs of teats with tassels on the first cake.

Please note: the "anuiversa-ry" cake has 3rd written properly. Wooo hooooooo

September 14, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterBarbara Anne

I too really liked that heart shaped cake. Really pretty..until someone decided to write on it lol. Then it just went to heck in a handbasket. Aw. Really are the wreckerators acting like kids who can't spell on these things or do they really want us to think they cannot spell to save their lives. And if so they should just leave town before the bridal season is upon us lol.

September 15, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterArlene

Dear Deli clerk/Produce Stocker/Bag Boy... You cannot write on the cakes! Stop volunteering!

September 15, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterJenn

This is totally random, but I'm a bio teacher and was recently showing my students some cool cell organelle cakes... I'd love a post with science cakes. Sweets, not wrecks. Just a request, obviously! :) I read this blog all the time for the giggles. I have some weird fish to submit... Someday.

September 15, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterK

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