My Other Blog

What's a Wreck?

A Cake Wreck is any cake that is unintentionally sad, silly, creepy, inappropriate - you name it. A Wreck is not necessarily a poorly-made cake; it's simply one I find funny, for any of a number of reasons. Anyone who has ever smeared frosting on a baked good has made a Wreck at one time or another, so I'm not here to vilify decorators: Cake Wrecks is just about finding the funny in unexpected, sugar-filled places.

Now, don't you have a photo you want to send me? ;)

- Jen

Cake Writing 201: "Congratulations"

"Alright, class, take your seats. We're going to need extra time to review yesterday's quiz, since once again you have all failed to meet even my lowest expectations. I suppose I shouldn't be surprised, considering you each barely scraped through Cake Writing 101 - yes, even you, Doug, so stop looking so superior. How you all expect to be professional cake decorators when you can't even spell the most common cake word after 'happy' and 'birthday' is beyond me. Seriously, what do I have to do? Spell it out for you? Oh wait, that's right: I ALREADY HAVE!!

"Laura, so help me, if you run blubbering to the bathroom one more time I am going to fail your cotton candy rear faster than you can say "contralulations". Which, incidentally, is what you wrote on your cake:"

"And Laura? What in the name of all things holy is UP with that apostrophe? Does Ronan belong to Contralulation, whatever that is? Oh for goodness', take a Kleenex. I don't see what you're crying about, though; I'm the one saddled with teaching you bunch of imbeciles.

"Ah, Chris, I see this isn't quite so funny to you now, is it? Mr. Chuckles looks a little worried! Could it be because you made the EXACT same mistake as Laura?"

"Who's the big man now, Chris? Huh?

"And Katie, could you please remind the class of the very first thing I said to you all when we started last week? Oh, I'm sorry; you don't remember? Well, obviously you don't remember, Katie, because what I said was 'there is no 'd' in congratulations'."

"Way to go, Katie; you inserted a 'd' and omitted the 'i'. Now, class, 'omitted' means 'left out' - I don't want all these big fancy words to overtax your teensy little brains.

"Sarah, this looks like 'Congratwat Jody Clarry'."

"Maybe if you would stop focusing on your cutesy little flowers for a few seconds, you could attempt to center your inscription, eh? How's that sound? Honestly, class, have you undergone some massive brain-wipe since The Art of Spacing? Do you remember NOTHING that I taught you?!?"

[breathing deeply]

"Alright, moving on: Doug, let's take a look at your cake:"

"Say, Doug, why don't you do us a favor and just say the word you wrote here, hmm? No, really, I want to hear you pronounce it. Go ahead.

"I'm waiting, Doug. No? Nothing? I see.

"And finally, there's Beth's cake:"

"Beth here apparently thinks my years spent teaching have left me blind as a bat. Wow, it's like I can't even SEE that gaping hole between the 't' and the 'u', Beth! And I certainly would never notice the 's' is missing, or the fact that the 'g' stands out more than my wife at an anorexics anonymous meeting. Nope, this cake looks A OK to me!

"Well, since I'm obviously not getting through to you numskulls, we're just going to have to try a slightly less traditional teaching method. The metal pens you see before you are not airbrushes, class; they're tattoo pens. Now, pay VERY close attention, because you're really going to want to get this next bit right..."

Becky W., Claudine, Katy B., Liz P., and Terricha, class dismissed!

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Reader Comments (155)

I can't seem to get over "Congratwat."

October 10, 2008 | Unregistered CommenterTONY a.k.a. i sWEAT bUTTER

Cake decorators and tattoo artists unite!

October 10, 2008 | Unregistered Commenterhorriblelicenseplates

These are physically painful to look at. And the irony that they are cakes referencing education ... wow.

October 10, 2008 | Unregistered CommenterUncommon Blonde

Ugh, nevermind the spelling, the handwriting is horrible.

October 10, 2008 | Unregistered CommenterJim and Garret

Thanks - just the side-splitting laugh I needed this morning :)
Awesome monologue - it could be an audition piece.

October 10, 2008 | Unregistered Commenterkate

Contattooulation's on such a funny post!!

October 10, 2008 | Unregistered CommenterThe Wade's

Let's be fair now, maybe they are not native english speakers! Yeah ok...

I do really like the 'doug' cake though, too bad he can't spell, otherwise that's a pretty creative and well done cake.

October 10, 2008 | Unregistered Commentercounterdependent

there really is nothing more to say...


October 10, 2008 | Unregistered Commenterdoula_char

I was hoping to see a con"grad"ulations somewhere in the mix. But that would be purposeful misspelling and proper use of quotation marks. And we know that those just don't happen.

October 10, 2008 | Unregistered CommenterValarie

When people misspell the word "congratulations," I am filled with rage. White-hot rage.

October 10, 2008 | Unregistered CommenterMelanie

Um, teacher.......teacher? Can you spell "numbskull," please?

October 10, 2008 | Unregistered Commentergharkness

No matter how many times I see it, it's always funny! On behalf of the rest of the world who has to deal with (and subsequently photograph and foward to you) these cakes, we thank you, Teacher!

October 10, 2008 | Unregistered CommenterMissy

LMAO, I love the teacher's 'voice' you write in.

October 10, 2008 | Unregistered CommenterTammy Jo

So sad, the 5th one is actually a very nice looking cake other than the butchered spelling of congratulations.

Hey kids if you want to grow up to be a cake decorator you should probably pay more attention in spelling class while you're in elementary school!

October 10, 2008 | Unregistered CommenterApril

oh man...I think the worst one has to be number 5. Not only is the word mangled...clearly we're looking at a bakery that is a step above walmart. Being paid minimum wage to decorate is one thing but this....

Also WHAT is that green pompom over in the corner? I find it baffling

October 10, 2008 | Unregistered CommenterRebecca

Although the last cake's spacing is horrid, I THINK they were making some sad attempt at a "grad" pun. Although I suppose they should have taken the "gradulations" spelling for that. Or maybe they were just stupid, either way.

October 10, 2008 | Unregistered CommenterRanasp

I'm totally paranoid when I have writing/spelling on a cake. I write the message out, sometimes twice, and I also have someone else look it over to make sure I'v got it right. Crazy that these cakes were actually paid for! Oh my....

October 10, 2008 | Unregistered CommenterAnonymous

I love this blog! I found it only about a week ago and it is now my primary source of laughter...

At any rate... I'm a bit surprised there's also no comment about the fact that the inscription for poor Sophi's cake also wasn't centered with the "s" ending up on that bright pink edging.

October 10, 2008 | Unregistered CommenterAnonymous

lol.... wow... those were quite impressive... especially Doug's
How do you pronounce that one Doug??

October 10, 2008 | Unregistered CommenterCynthia Z

Your post made me laugh out loud in the middle of my school library. xD

The first thing they should teach is a crash-course on how to spell 'Congratulations'.

October 10, 2008 | Unregistered CommenterJanine

Maybe we could try to figure out the etymology of contralulations. Because we've clearly got the latin contra, against, starting our word off. I'd guess that lulation is a variant of ululation, from ululatus, also Latin, to howl or wail. How approriate. Right there in the first cake the writer is telling you not to yell at him. In Latin.

October 10, 2008 | Unregistered CommenterMolly

Lord have mercy.

Has it never occurred to them to buy these two simple items:

1. Dictionary
2. Wilton letter press

I've seen rank amateurs turn out better stuff than that. I'm no pro, but I'm good at what I do...and I would NEVER give my friends a cake with misspelled, scribbled words on it and sloppy borders! I would be ashamed! I will stay up all night making sure a cake is perfect if that's what it takes. Hello, people, work ethic?



October 10, 2008 | Unregistered CommenterMiranda

What's extra sad is that the 5th one is a GORGEOUS cake. And then someone let a high school kid run rampant with the piping bag.

October 10, 2008 | Unregistered Commenterberkie

I haven't laughed that hard in a long, long time. COn Grad utawations!

October 10, 2008 | Unregistered CommenterMamaMia

these people have come to rely upon spellcheck way too much.

October 10, 2008 | Unregistered Commentercath c

Wait. In the "gaping hole" in Beth's cake, there is a smudge. It's a missing letter, a letter not-so-deftly removed because Beth said to herself, "Hmm, that doesn't look quite right. I think 'ConGratrulation' shouldn't have that R in the middle, so I'll take that out and then it will be perfect."

October 10, 2008 | Unregistered CommenterCraig

Oh my goodness. I can't decide which is my favorite. I'll have to go with Doug's. And they just get worse and worse as you work your way down the page...

October 10, 2008 | Unregistered CommenterSusan

Is that an "r" scraped out of "ConGrat ulation"? Or an "s" maybe? Sophi's cake decorater also slept through spacing class!

October 10, 2008 | Unregistered CommenterChiclet

Hysterical! Great post!

October 10, 2008 | Unregistered CommenterJAMIE'S CREW

I think the cake decorators all smoked crack before deciding to scrawl the words on the cakes...either that, or they let their kids do the writing on take your kids to work day.

October 10, 2008 | Unregistered Commentermonster

Well, miserable spelling aside, some of the cakes do look rather yummy. Pity that they seem to hire elementary school children at these bakeries.

October 10, 2008 | Unregistered CommenterShira-chan

This is great!!! You are just too funny! I love reading your blog for a well-deserved laugh. Not only are the cakes hilarious, but your commentary just cracks me up! Job well done teach!

Oh, and on the last cake, it looks like they went over a letter with white icing to try to cover up their mistake...I guess they didn't realize that to cover up that mistake, they should just start over!!

Thanks again Jen!

October 10, 2008 | Unregistered Commenteravasmommy

OMG! Too funny! I decorate cakes and have had my fair share of spelling mistakes but I am usually able to catch and fix them. Hopefully my fix-ups aren't as obvious as these!! LOL! LOVE the blog!

October 10, 2008 | Unregistered CommenterHeadyball

Ok... how about: Good Job!

These are so funny!!

October 10, 2008 | Unregistered CommenterFluffy Cow

Congradsulation, countgrudaltion, congruntulation oh heck. Way to go!! Good Job!

October 10, 2008 | Unregistered CommenterAccidental housewife

Not to nitpick but since this is a pet peeve of mine and you are picking on people for spelling - all right is two words. The best way I heard to remember that is this: you wouldn't say alwrong would you?

October 10, 2008 | Unregistered CommenterHugeness

I also love with the pink trimmed cake how they started nearly in the middle writing it and then trailed off the edge of the cake onto the pink icing! ROTFLMAO...

October 10, 2008 | Unregistered Commentertkdquintmom

You'd have thought by now bakers would have a big list on the wall of the bakery with all the common things written on cakes on it spelt correctly. A sort of idiots crib sheet for decorators to avoid those icing disasters :)

October 10, 2008 | Unregistered CommenterLiz P from wales :)

pmsl... they are great wrecks!!

wonder if the cake flower decorators hate the cake writers on these cakes? lol

My new saying: We are surrounded by idiots!!

October 10, 2008 | Unregistered CommenterGallifrey

I LOVE it. The cakes are common enough (I've seen plenty of misspelled Congratulations before). But the commentary!

I want more of the class! You had me trying to stifle my laughter (since I'm at work...). Wonderful!

In fact...cingrtultns for the great job! :)

October 10, 2008 | Unregistered CommenterCat Skyfire

Geez. Don't these students..err... 'professionals' have some kind of lettering thing like what comes with several Wilton cake decorating kits, so you can have them perfected before icing?

Though, while it helps with spacing, it won't help with spelling, sadly :P

October 10, 2008 | Unregistered CommenterKilroy!


oh man, i seriously was trying not to just laugh my ass off here at work... so instead i smothered my giggles. priceless!

October 10, 2008 | Unregistered Commenterrenita

With every picture, another little piece of my soul died...

October 10, 2008 | Unregistered CommenterThe Courteous Chihuahua

I have a friend who constantly inserts apostrophes where they do not belong in his emails. I am good about "letting it go" but this post brought back my apostrophical frustration (yea, I just made that up--"let it go").

October 10, 2008 | Unregistered CommenterSheri in Rehoboth

@hugeness & gharkness: Teach had me look up those words to defend his good name, since he's too busy berating his new piping class. I consulted, and here's what I found:

Alright - "The form alright as a one-word spelling of the phrase all right in all of its senses probably arose by analogy with such words as already and altogether. Although alright is a common spelling in written dialogue and in other types of informal writing, all right is used in more formal, edited writing."

So while you are technically correct, hugeness, apparently the usage of 'alright' is close enough for government work 'round these parts.

Also, "numskull" is indeed an acceptable variant of "numbskull". (And interestingly enough, the spell check here on Blogger thinks it is the 'b' version that is incorrect.)

Ya gotta hand it to Teach: he sure knows his old-fashioned insults.

October 10, 2008 | Unregistered CommenterJen

Ha, this is hilarious! It was a cake wreck involving the word "congratulations" that inspired me to start my blog, Apostrophe Catastrophes. This cake was for the governor's inaugural ball!!

October 10, 2008 | Unregistered CommenterBecky

These make me weep for the future.

October 10, 2008 | Unregistered CommenterJohn Galt

Jen, were you a Catholic school nun in a previous life? Such a hard@ss! LOL Thanks for the smile this morning. You'll graduate one of these losers yet "o)

October 10, 2008 | Unregistered CommenterErica

I love this blog - I haven't laughed so hard all year. The only unfortunate side effect is that I now really want cake. All the time. I'm particularly loving the "Con GrAt(r)ulatioN" cake on this one. Keep up the cakey-humour!

October 10, 2008 | Unregistered CommenterSarahLB

How to pronounce "Doug's" cake:

October 10, 2008 | Unregistered CommenterKansas girl

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