Search

My Other Blog

What's a Wreck?

A Cake Wreck is any cake that is unintentionally sad, silly, creepy, inappropriate - you name it. A Wreck is not necessarily a poorly-made cake; it's simply one I find funny, for any of a number of reasons. Anyone who has ever smeared frosting on a baked good has made a Wreck at one time or another, so I'm not here to vilify decorators: Cake Wrecks is just about finding the funny in unexpected, sugar-filled places.

Now, don't you have a photo you want to send me? ;)

- Jen
Friday
Jan042013

Penal Code Violations

NOTE: These cakes may have been meant for children, but the commentary is not. Double entendres ahead!

 

Do you ever get the feeling that certain bakers are up to some...er...monkey business?

I think this monkey lacks a certain...appeal.

 

I mean, maybe it's just me, but it seems like some of today's wreckerators are getting downright...

...nutty.

(I had two different readers send in two different pictures of this cookie cake, btw. See?)

There's something kind of awesome about having a pair of photos of a pair of...um...pink blobby things.

(Swinging plums? Low riders? Crown jewels? Man tonsils? Pant Potatoes? Scroto Baggins? Ok, internet, you've earned your keep tonight.)

Oh, and I *think* they were going for a heart. Maybe. And before you ask, no, the baker should not be sacked, because this is far too entertaining.

 

I'm sure some of you may think I'm being unfair. Well, not to worry, wreckerators; you'll get your day in court.

Just no dribbling, please.

 

There's a certain bakery chain (which shall continue to Remain Nameless) that has a rather curious carrot cake design. It looks like this:

You guys have sent me a bunch of examples, so I can assure you: this really is how the cake comes:

So my question is this: if we all sat around discussing the failings of this particular design, would that make it a circle jerk?

[Bah-dum-BAH!]

 

And while I'm being inquisitive, bakers, I've got to ask: do your wrecks ALWAYS have to look like dongs?

o.0

Ok, never mind.
Please bring the ding dongs back.

 

Thanks to Carrie C., Beth M., Rachael, Becca S., Nick D., Michelle W., & Richard for enabling me to make it four whole days into the new year before making a wiener joke. NEW RECORD!

« Introducing...GEORGE | Main | Great Expectations »

Reader Comments (99)

I think the cookie cake is supposed to be a breast cancer ribbon, not a heart!

January 4, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterJenn T.

I thought the pink blobby thing was a breast cancer awareness ribbon (or at least that's what the wrecker was going for).

January 4, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterErin

the last cake, it's. umm. looks sort of like... and it has TEETH! and its already EATEN ONE! ouch.

January 4, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterJamie Jo

Ask not at whom the penis points, it points at thee.

January 4, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterSuBee

OK, the pink blobby twins -- based on my initial suspicion and the date visible on the label, I'm guessing it's not a heart but a pink ribbon, for breast cancer awareness. Does that make it better or worse? (My son says, "How is that a ribbon?" I say, "I didn't say it looked like a ribbon, just that I believe that was the intent.")

January 4, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterTigger

"How the cake comes"

*snort*

January 4, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterFluffy Cow

Sung to "Born Free"
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RZHaQ3C3xQo

Porn free, cakes shouldn't be peep shows
That chimp should wear pants, oh
To me, that's just not a heart.

Dear me, sports willies surround you
Those carrots astound you
Each time I look I'm just scarred

Save me! That last cake reminds me
I'd rather see a backside
That looks like... never mind...

Porn free. And cakes are worth giving.
But only worth giving
If They're. Porn. Free!!!!

January 4, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterSharyn

I wonder if that ballsy pink cookie cake is supposed to be a pink ribbon?

January 4, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterDeedee

First time I've seen one with a zipper on it.....

January 4, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterCaroline B

I think the pink blobby cake *may* have been supposed to be a Breast Cancer Awareness ribbon (which kinda makes it even more funny).

January 4, 2013 | Unregistered Commenterwonder_aloud

Am I allowed to say the pink blobby thing is bollocks?

January 4, 2013 | Unregistered Commenterdiddleymaz

That, ahem, carrot picture is wrong....so wrong....

January 4, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterCW

Good Lord, thanks for the laugh this morning! All of my co-workers are wondering what's got me in hysterics over here.

January 4, 2013 | Unregistered Commenterjennie

@Sharyn- Awesome!

"Man tonsils" FTW!

January 4, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterKim in ID

Yes, it's another coffee-spewing day here at Cake Wrecks.
Even with your puns I couldn't figure out what the heck was supposed to be on poor Caden's cake, but my highly intelligent husband (not a sports fan but a former art teacher) was able to discern the basketball court in the, er, Wreckage. I was thinking, "Seat belt? bumper cars? gun belt? Why are those penises pointing at an egg?????"

January 4, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterFM

I think maybe the last one (which is well done in its details) is the penal version of the venus fly trap. (or an offspring of Audrey from Little Shop of Horrors)

January 4, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterDonna`

The fact that some of the descriptions of these bakery goods includes "inches" is interesting!

January 4, 2013 | Unregistered Commenterkarpat24

Ok, I have a 9yr old boy (going on 10) and if his cake looked like #4, NO WAY would I serve it! I mean, just imagine having such a suggestive cake around MALE 'tweens. (Yes, folks, the 'tweens are talking like high school jocks now - scary, huh?!) I'd just do without or purposely drop the cake. (If I hadn't checked it on pick-up or, more likely, *the hubby* hadn't checked it on pick-up...) ANYTHING to avoid serving that cake to a bunch of barely pre-pubescent boys!! The mere thought of it *terrifies* me - AAIIGGHHH!

January 4, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterKarateLady

Thank you for stating right away that this commentary had double entendres. Since I try to steer clear of those when I can, I appreciate the warning. I am sure many parents feel the same way. Thanks again, and I hope to see more "heads-ups" at the beginning of your posts in the future.

January 4, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterSarah

Pink blobby thing bunker alert!

I thought they might be ballet slippers, but the ribbon makes much more sense.

January 4, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterCC

The first cake was practically 'G' rated compared to the rest.
Oh,the rest......
Oh nooooo,the rest.......!!!!!

January 4, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterThe Former CB

Okay, but what is the Happy Birthday Caden (4th pic down) cake even supposed to be??

January 4, 2013 | Unregistered Commenterflanigak

Have you got lipstick
in your purse, or are you just
happy to see me?

January 4, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterHaiku Joy

@FM: I couldn't tell it was a basketball court, either. Thanks for passing this on! (Was about to say "pointing this out," but I think there's enough "pointing" on today's post already.)

Although the pink ribbon explanation makes sense, I would never have guessed that one, either.

The carrot cakes look like they're doing a new version of the Hokey Pokey: You point your "carrot" in....

And the "purse" with teeth. Straight from Little Shop of Horrors!

January 4, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterTLC

I'm TOTALLY stealing "Scroto Baggins!"

January 4, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterEd

VAGINA DENTATA!!!! VAGINA DENTATA!!!! VAGINA DENTATA!!!!!!! (koffkoff... koff... koff...)

Okay, I'm better now.

January 4, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterBADKarma

@FM-Because that's how babies are made.

BTW, I think the heart testicles are supposed to be a pink ribbon ;D

January 4, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterSuBee

The pink blob is a heart you can tell because there are heart sprinkles on the edge which points to Valentines day. Plus some cake decorators use just a coupler to make hearts and pulled down on one side and repeat it on the other. It's a "trick" they teach grocery store cake decorators which can look good when down right which this was totally not done right. Also to the defense of grocery store cake decorators its not always them decorating. Sometimes other people step up to do when the decorators don't have time.

January 4, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterCrissy

The old Mother Goose rhyme “Wee Willie Winkie” just won’t leave my head, so I had to do this. (I apologize if I have gone too far, it was beyond my control.)

Wee Willie Winkie runs through the store
Decorating cakes that are fit for a whore
Doinkers in the windows, schlongs behind the locks,
Put your children back to bed, these cakes all look like c**ks.

January 4, 2013 | Unregistered Commenterzoomom

"Scroto Baggins!!" LOL!! I died at that one - my husband is still laughing. Great post Jen!

January 4, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterArielaHvM

There's NO WAY that what's going on with those carrot cakes is unintentional.

January 4, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterPeachkins

The vaginacuda purse is very well done.

January 4, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterAmy'sMom

"Feed me, Seymour!!!" ***runs away giggling hysterically *** :P

January 4, 2013 | Unregistered Commenteranony mouse

The last cake keeps reminding me of the phrase "It is like throwing a hotdog down a hallway." I think from now on I am going to say "throwing a lipstick in a handbag."

January 4, 2013 | Unregistered Commentershe-she

Sharyn, Haiku joy, and zoomom thanks for the guffaws-XD I cannot believe that they do not see it, especially the carrots, "sports" cake and purse-i wonder what is wrong with people.

January 4, 2013 | Unregistered Commentermindy1

Anyone else notice that the... ummm... carrot cake is... ummm... 8 inches...

January 4, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterGraffitiBoi

Are they using dildos as carrot molds these days? I mean, that's the only possible explanation.

January 4, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterGrace

That last cake would make Georgia O'Keefe proud!

January 4, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterKathy W.

Oh.My.God. Scroto Baggins is my new favorite euphamism. As always, thank you so much, Jen and company, for making me laugh so hard I cried.

January 4, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterTitanium

"the baker should not be sacked"?
Mynd you, wrecked cakes Kan be pretti nasti...

January 4, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterPeepBunny

Happy monkey aside, the first cake is pretty well executed. I mean, you can actually read the lettering, which is more than you can say for most cakes that have the (dis)honor of appearing here.

January 4, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterSummer

Dear God in Heaven! I'm in tears.

Wee Willie Winkie
Is that lipstick in your purse?
Pointing at an egg
Man tonsils
Porn Free
No Dribbling

I can't stop the laughter, and my kids (7, 6, and 4) are wondering what is wrong with Mommy.

Bwah-ha-ha-ha!!!!!!!

January 4, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterAnnette

When your carrot has a shaft and a head, you no longer have a carrot.

January 4, 2013 | Unregistered Commentercal331

WOW, that "shall remain nameless" store just keeps "scoring", huh? Those carrot cakes are simply unspeakable. Since apparently said store has this as a widely approved decorating scheme, seems to me they're telling the cust. "F*** you!" (not just once, but with MANY ... um, carrot sticks? ;) And last cake is downright scary, for all kinds of reasons!

January 4, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterSkitmom

Luckily, there is only one other person here at work. Still, I had to hide the page when he walked by for fear he would think me a perv.

*runs to the bunker, bangs on the door* "Theardare! Haiku Joy! Somebody, let me in! I can't go back to look at those cookies again to discern whether they are hearts or ribbons! My co-worker might walk by again! I've brought some nourishment! Anyone want a schnitzengruben?!"

January 4, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterAndrea

I think Homer Simpson must have posed for that carrot cake...

January 4, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterGrungemaster

As a baker(not decorator) who works at the chain with the carrot cakes i just want to say they come to us like that...and it gives me the giggles that they ALL look like that xD every single one of them.

January 4, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterAmber

I'm just glad there are no naked mohawk babies riding those carrots! Also, the way those carrots are touching each other in the second picture is not good because they are not wearing protection. They should be doing that the SAFE WAY by using carrot condoms.

Scroto Baggins is okay, but I would have worked in a Dildo Baggins joke instead. :D

January 4, 2013 | Unregistered Commenterpikkewyntjie

Those 2 cookie cake pics are the same exact photo. I think it's suppose to be a heart and you show it upside down.
And the last photo is supposed to be a purse.

January 4, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterJoni

Bakers ring in 2013: Year of the Trouser Snake.....

January 4, 2013 | Unregistered Commentermel

PostPost a New Comment

Enter your information below to add a new comment.
Author Email (optional):
Author URL (optional):
Post:
 
Some HTML allowed: <a href="" title=""> <abbr title=""> <acronym title=""> <b> <blockquote cite=""> <code> <em> <i> <strike> <strong>