My Other Blog

What's a Wreck?

A Cake Wreck is any cake that is unintentionally sad, silly, creepy, inappropriate - you name it. A Wreck is not necessarily a poorly-made cake; it's simply one I find funny, for any of a number of reasons. Anyone who has ever smeared frosting on a baked good has made a Wreck at one time or another, so I'm not here to vilify decorators: Cake Wrecks is just about finding the funny in unexpected, sugar-filled places.

Now, don't you have a photo you want to send me? ;)

- Jen

Our Hour of Discontent

Well, folks, it's Monday. And as if that weren't bad enough, we were all robbed - ROBBED, I say - of one entire hour over the weekend. A whole hour! It should be one hour earlier than it is right now, but it's not! Who signed off on this?! What evil mastermind convinced the US government that a nation of grumpy sleep-deprived workers was a *good* thing?

Do you know what I could have done with that extra hour today? DO YOU?

Well, neither do I, but this blog being what it is, we both know it's going to have something to do with cake.




- Buy enough goldfish to refill this wedding cake:

(Ok, picture this: Finding Nemo, except instead of a dentist's office the gang all live in a bakery's wedding cake display. I CALLED IT FIRST, DISNEY.)


- Write at least 6 or 8 puns on how these cookies look like the Sorting Hat made out of poop:



- Write a compelling argument for why a cupcake decorated with another cupcake impaled on top of the first cupcake with a straw through them both is basically the Inception of cupcakes.

If the yellow candle falls over we'll know this isn't real.


- Photoshop the perfect couple's portrait:

Unnng, you're liking that shoulder, aren't you, Robert Pattinson? Yeeeah. C'mon, let's go sit in the back row of that school bus and stare moodily at each other.


- Find out who is manufacturing cake flotsam in the form of tiny digital projectors:

 ...Mostly so I can find the person responsible and shake his or her hand. And maybe order a few dozen for my next Jem and the Holograms party.


- Plan a Jem and the Holograms Party.

Poor Stormer.

The best thing about this Jem cake is that it gives me an excuse to link to this one. GOOD TIMES.


And finally, if I had my stolen hour back I could ...

- Stack all of these "wedding donuts":


... before explaining to the bride that ideas like THIS are why we as a nation can't have nice things.


Thanks to Janice W., Monica C., Katie S., Faith, Danielle B., Tiffanee D., & Rachel K., who know I'd really just spend my extra hour sleeping. AS GOD INTENDED.

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Reader Comments (77)

Oh, and feel better, TLC!

March 11, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterSuBee

"Top three levels of doughnuts resemble cheeseburgers." OMG, The Former CB!, that is the BEST WEDDING CAKE IDEA EVER!!! CHEESEBURGER WEDDING CAKE FTW!

The mini projector looks like a tiny camera, which would be more effective than using drones. No one, not even criminals and terrorists, would turn down free cupcakes.

March 11, 2013 | Unregistered Commenterpikkewyntjie

Mmm....doughnuts. Aughghggh..... (I'm guessing the last creation was dedicated to Homer Simpson.)

March 11, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterSaraCVT

I also hate Daylight "Saving" Time. Study came out last year that in Indiana (which did not have it until a couple of years ago) is that it actually uses MORE electricity because of air condidtioning use during the long summer nights.

As for the "Twilight" cake: to me it looked like a fan got her picture taken with the star and had it put on a cake, which would explain a lot and exonerate the pastry chefs.

March 11, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterAlison in Indiana

How I wish I had been brave enough to have poo mound cookies as the gifts at my wedding.

March 11, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterSam

Those are cookies??

March 11, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterLaura


That's what we in the trade call a hoax. The original can be found, search under "trololo." It was a popular Russian singer, singing a song that folks were afraid the Soviet government would shut down because it was about America... so he did a Talking Heads/Speaking in Tongues in reverse, and replaced the lyrics with nonsense syllables. Then some "clever" "creative" "genius" on the internet decided to trash it with a grunting soundtrack.

Now you know. The rest. Of the story? /paul.harvey

March 11, 2013 | Unregistered Commenterkhereva

Gryffindump! Ravencrap!

March 11, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterApril Fool

@Andrea, that is one of the paradoxes associated with the Unsee Machine. If you unsee an item in a list, that will of course throw off the list numbering, because you didn't see that item when you counted. Clear? (I'm somewhat awake, now -- I should be fully alert by bedtime. Oy.)

March 11, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterCraig

about that photoshopped picture cake; it would be odd enough if the lady in question was in her teens or 20s, but she looks like she's much older. so that adds to the oddness of the thing IMHO.

... before explaining to the bride that ideas like THIS are why we as a nation can't have nice things.
it's probably also why we as a nation are mostly fat @sses

March 11, 2013 | Unregistered Commenterarchersangel

Hairy Pooper (that was terrible)
The Peesely family (just as terrible)
That's all I've got. And they're terrible.

March 11, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterElphaba Thropp

some idiot recently suggested FL adopt daylight savings year round so there'd be more hours of sun for the tourists to spend money. sorry, I meant bone-headed-double-chinned-inbred-drooler-idiot. not that I have an opinion one way or the other, you understand. just for clarity.

March 11, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterBarbara Anne

Can I get 100 individual guppycakes to serve with that first one? Just in case anyone still has an appetite.

March 11, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterMarkinSF

I can't figure out what it says on top of the school bus. Anyone?

March 11, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterR

There is nothing particularly appealing about a cake filled with goldfish, especially when you consider those fish will be dead very soon and the water won't stay clear for long. They'll either die of heat shock, oxygen deprivation, or choking on their own ammonia waste. Because that's what happens when you put that many waste producing machines.... errr... messy messy goldfish in a small unfiltered space.

March 11, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterLR

OMG hufflepoop. Genius!

March 11, 2013 | Unregistered Commenterjessica

The fish one might actually be kinda neat if it weren't for like 1000 possible health risks.

March 11, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterNetbug

I think the donut cake looks yummy and I would happily run off with all of them lol. Those poor fish should really never be put in cake in any form. Ugh.

March 12, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterArlene

Based on the cloudiness of the water, those goldfish aren't going to live to the end of the reception. Now isn't that appealing - a wedding cake surrounded by deceased fish.

March 12, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterKestrelle

To all the folks complaining about Daylight Saving Time: they told us when they gave us the extra hour in November that they'd be needing it back in March. Am I the only one who got that memo?

Mind you, I think it's backwards. We should have the extra hour of daylight in December, when the sun sets at four o'clock. I hate leaving work in the dark.

As for the cakes . . . my favorite is the Twilight fan's Photoshop job. Only, couldn't she get a better picture of Robert Pattinson? One where he's looking at the camera, or at least more in the direction of her face? Or did she have to settle for what she could get?

Love the Jem cake, but didn't she have pink hair, or is that my fuzzy memory?

And the donut/cheeseburgers? Making me drool. Scuse me. *wipes monitor*

March 12, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterEileen


March 12, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterCatherine

The only thing more annoying than a wedding cake with goldfish in it is a wedding cake with goldfish in it that is not sitting centered on the fish bowl stand. (Watch out innocent bystander! You just may get covered in fish and frosting! Pray there is not an earthquake.)

The only thing more annoying than a doughnut wedding cake is a doughnut wedding cake where the largest doughnuts are stacked on top of the smaller ones so as to make the stacks off balance and about to tip over.

Gah! Some people can't even keep from wrecking their wrecks!

March 12, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterSandy

Okay, maybe it's the tiredness from the time change, but shouldn't it be that it should be one hour "later", since we moved the clocks ahead? This folding of time always confuses me so...

What a sticky mess that must be to get one of the doughnuts not on the top layer. How attractive to have an unstuck donut with a frosting mess all over it served up to you!

March 12, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterTwinMom

LOL @ THIS are why we as a nation can't have nice things. Snurk...

March 12, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterColin M.

Just discovered your site today and imagine my surprise when I scrolled down to this post and saw MY Jem and the Holograms cake! In my defence it was one of my first cakes and it's a lot harder to mold stormer out of fondant than you would think! lol
Anyways I guess I should be flattered? haha
Love the site!!

March 12, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterOhTheShame!

@OhTheShame! welcome to the party and congratulations on being brave enough to own your wreck!! not bad for a first time cake, either.

March 12, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterBarbara Anne

I just wasted an hour sifting through the comments in the hope that someone knew where to get tiny projector flotsam because I know someone who would love that...

Instead I learned that there is no such thing. Sad.

March 24, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterKJ

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