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What's a Wreck?

A Cake Wreck is any cake that is unintentionally sad, silly, creepy, inappropriate - you name it. A Wreck is not necessarily a poorly-made cake; it's simply one I find funny, for any of a number of reasons. Anyone who has ever smeared frosting on a baked good has made a Wreck at one time or another, so I'm not here to vilify decorators: Cake Wrecks is just about finding the funny in unexpected, sugar-filled places.

Now, don't you have a photo you want to send me? ;)

- Jen
Tuesday
Jul232013

The Baby Currently Known As "Prince"

Here at Cake Wrecks, we'd like to take this opportunity to congratulate the royal family the best way we know how:

...in a barely literate, wildly inappropriate manner.

 Score!

 

Plus - of course - with some really bad puns:

This egg-celent choice is sure to crack 'em up - no yolk!

 

We'd also like to share this time-honored wisdom:

 Hey. You're welcome.

 

 Hang on, I just realized we haven't actually congratulated the new parents yet. 

That's better.

(Go Yanks!)

 

Or, for something a little more colorful:

(We can only hope.)

 

Now prepare for a full-frontal assault of celebratory cakeyness:

It's the DEAD-EYED MONKEY STARE... OF JOY!

Rejoice, I say!

 REJOICE!!!

Ahem.

 

As of this writing there haven't been any photos of the new prince released, but I'm sure the little tyke looks absolutely delicious:

Or at least ... shiny.

 

Tell you what: maybe we should just keep it simple.

Anyone know how to grunt in a British accent?

 

Well, that's all from us, royals. Wishing you all many happy returns, and of course, hugs n' kisses!

 

 

Thanks to Lindsey J., Anony M., Amanda K., Keri K., Sarah S., Carrie, Erin G., Carly A., Kelly L., & Marla G. for helping us keep it classy.

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Reader Comments (78)

The Yankees cake was a nice touch...

July 23, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterSharyn

That KISS one is hilarious!! Thanks for my morning laugh. :)

July 23, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterJGMB

So glad the awesome KISS baby was in here to soften the trauma caused by the egg cake, the shiny prince cake, and that scary monkey.

July 23, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterMelody

I was sooo looking forward to the birth of this child.


Because I knew the cakes would be excellent!


Is anyone else betting on the name Arthur? I like to imagine a three year old strutting around and announcing, "I am Arthur, King of the Britons..." every time he enters a room.

July 23, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterSuBee

Shiny, shiny babe
needs a diaper, and maybe
depilatories.

July 23, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterHaiku Joy

I'm amazed. I think "congratulations" was actually spelled right TWICE, and the apostrophe-ess was in the right place a couple of times, two. As for the "babby" cookie cake, I'm going to give the baker the benefit of the doubt and assume he/she is Scottish... :-D In which case, that's a totally appropriate spelling.

July 23, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterHAL

I don't even like KISS and that last one is pretty awesome. Gene Simmons would be proud :)

July 23, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterMissy

I'm fairly certain that you need to tweet this to Will and Kate via @ClarenceHouse because I'm sure they'll find it as awesome as I do. :)

July 23, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterTara

A brief detour:

Happy birthday, Joy
I hope I counted this right
Now go have some cake

July 23, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterSharyn

I love the Kiss one. the baby on the half shell, not so much

July 23, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterMargaret

Did anyone else hear Whitney Houston in the "BABBY" cake?
Try it in a scratchy, cocaine-y voice.
No?
Too soon?
Okay then....

July 23, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterShar

I'm embroidering this on a pillow and sending it to baby Arthur because he loves Shakespeare.
On second thought, maybe I should pipe it on a cake...

This royal cake of kings, this holy crap,
This cake of majesty, this very large sperm,
This other pastry, semi-adequate,
This repast made by a wreckers for herself
Against good taste and the gifted hand,
This slimy horrid babe, this monkey face,
This awful fetus set it a silver shell
Which serves advice we need,
Or as a tribute to Yankees far away
Against the envy of more talented hands,
This sad affront, this slight, this mess, this Cake Wreck.

July 23, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterSuBee

Ok...so if I ever had a baby and then baby shower, I would require the KISS baby cake.

July 23, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterWasnt_serious

I heart SuBee's parody. :D

July 23, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterHaiku Joy

Yay, I have Sharyn's permission to eat cake!

July 23, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterHaiku Joy

How is cookie formed? How oven get preheat? ;)

July 23, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterNyperold

The Kiss one was cool, and honestly as bad as they could have been (and most were), I kind of like the sperm one. I mean, it's a sperm, that is supposed to be a sperm, and the whole he shoots he scores is kind of fun.

July 23, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterEvan

Hey what's this in the weeds? It's a BABY! Awesome!

July 23, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterKendra T

SO tacky. And why is that baby sleeping on blocks?

July 23, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterDisney fan

@HaikuJoy -- well done young lady
Loved the Kiss one; the rest of them..... not so much

July 23, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterMaureen

Happy Birthday Haiku Joy!
and underneat that
We Love You!

Pretty sure that doesn't actually count as a haiku but, it's early here. And I haven't had any coffee yet...

My co-worker is British and when they announced the birth I thought she was going to cry. I'm not going to show her these, she might quit!

The KISS cake reminds me of the life size poster my brother had on his door when I was little. Every single morning I started the day by looking at Gene Simmons tongue. Maybe if he had been holding a baby rattle it would have been better? Nope, still traumatized!

Well done SuBee!

July 23, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterJodee

APPLAUSE SuBee APPLAUSE!!

July 23, 2013 | Unregistered Commenterearlleen

Shiny zombie babes
And dead-eyed monkey staring
Do not make good cakes

July 23, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterJoan

I actually LOLed on the Yankee one. I love puns. They make the world go 'round.

July 23, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterBetty Martin

Wow. I feel bad (as in, nauseated-bad) for the nice folks who made that supposedly "REALISTIC-looking" (but wickedly CREEPY) baby "cake"-the one sleeping (or freezing) in the white ashtray. It's truly crapindicular. Maybe they were all proud and stuff, seeing as how it's so "realistic"-looking, and sucks. OOPS--I MEANT to write "and such"!
=^-.-^= (SURE you did...)

July 23, 2013 | Unregistered Commentersendingtheclowns

That's a really well done sperm cake, though. I think I'll get one for a pregnancy announcement next time: Have the fams over for dinner, bring out the sperm cake replica for dessert, and see how long it takes to sink in.

Or maybe the baby Chtulu cake. I like the concept, and Baby Chtulu is cute, but it needs less airbrushy stuff around the character, and more...something else to fill in the large white areas.

July 23, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterBethany B.

BWAHAHAHAHAHA! Oh, that baby in the egg...WHAT. A. FACE!!! And the baby Gene Simmons - FTW!!! Like Jodee, I too have memories of life-size KISS posters (I had a full set!) & Gene Simmons' tongue in all its glory, though Peter Criss was my fav since I was fond of cats. Ace Frehley was a close 2nd cuz his spacey outfit looked so cool. :-)

Hmmm... I hear Her Majesty Queen Elizabeth II does not approve of...well, pretty much anything making fun of The Royal Family. :-( I'm sure, though, that Kate & Will are quite aware of that all ready & will be sure to save their giggles & guffaws for these cakes after Her Majesty has left the room... "Oh, yes, that Cake Wrecks post is *quite* atrocious! Yes, Your Majesty, it's quite shameful! Ugh! It would never happen here! Well, good to see you again, Your Majesty.".... "Is she gone? Are we alone now?! Great!! Let's go look @ some more Cake Wrecks! And have the maid see if they have an England section for Sunday Sweets - the baby's christening is just around the corner!" :-)

PS to Haiku Joy - Hey, if we had your phone #, we'd serenade you with Happy Birthday! (It's a family tradition to serenade our far & away friends and family by phone on their birthdays. :-) Then again, we'd probably crack the screen with our screeches...Hope it's a good one! :-)

July 23, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterKarateLady

Thanks for keeping me up to date on the important happenings in the world Jenn. I missed the news last night but I know I can count on you to keep me current.

July 23, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterTrasawee

The Baby Cthulhu cake and the Kiss cake are not wrecks. They are PURE AWESOME.

July 23, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterBADKarma

"Every single morning I started the day by looking at Gene Simmons' tongue." Has anyone ever considered what a marvelous thing context is.

#1 This one collected some pretty cool riffs on FB. Our resident grammar nazis experts are undoubtedly as aghast as am I over "if's".

#2 I first saw this as a cartoon ghost, but then the inscription makes no sense.

#3 Gaaah! The recipient is a Tolkien fan, right? Something mythological like that. That's what I choose to believe anyway...

#5 I like how they slipped the logo in there without anyone noticing. Smooth.

#6 Niiice. If you don't like the kid, just say so, already.

#7 What unsettles here is the thought that someone deliberately chose this. "Let's see...I want to scare the frosting out of them, but in a subtle way. Bingo."

#8 Yes, it's important to have a sense of proportion about these things.

July 23, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterCraig

SuBee - You move me. Nicely done.

Haiku Joy - Hippo Birdie Two Ewe! Eat lots of cake (good, bad or ugly) for us!

July 23, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterTricia

The sperm cake, while a bit tacky, was well made. I love the little Casper-ish face and jaunty bow tie.

July 23, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterErica

Nyperold, that was the first thing I thought of as well!!! So glad someone alluded to it. XD

July 23, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterE-chan

Bahaha the KISS baby XD the other ones O_o

July 23, 2013 | Unregistered Commentermindy1

I'll consider myself serenaded, KarateLady :-)

July 23, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterHaiku Joy

Brilliant, SuBee.

July 23, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterSharyn

We're waiting for the first sight of our new Royal Baby - I'm kind of hoping Prince Charles will be holding him skywards on the balcony of Buckingham Palace to the music from the Lion King. Let's hope it's better looking than these babies!

July 23, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterCaroline B

So cute, Tricia - nifty!

July 23, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterHaiku Joy

LOL @ King of the Britons: "what is your NAME?"

Am i the only one who loves the baby cthulu cake?? *crawls back into her cave"

July 23, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterHeather

I'm from the South and even I appreciated the Yankees cake. Hey, royal kid, whatever your name is, you're pretty cute from what little I've seen of ya, but you'll never be MY king! BA HA HA HA HA! (Well, not unless something goes horribly, horribly wrong. The way things are going, who's to say there won't be a huge Loyalist uprising?)

July 23, 2013 | Unregistered Commenterpikkewyntjie

3.
Gollum! Gollum!

July 23, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterShae

Technically they weren't making fun of the royal family (who, imho, is nothing but classy). They were making fun of bad baby cakes.

July 23, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterNeetza

Anyone else think of the boy from Jumanji with that monkey cake??? Just me?

July 23, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterJami

The prince of 'wails'!!!

July 23, 2013 | Unregistered Commenterz

At least putting the question mark after "baby" on the Cthulhu cake seems appropriate.

The shiny, melty baby cake disturbed me much, much more.

July 23, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterCary G

One wonders what the Yankees cake was originally meant to be. Clearly, the upper left corner was scraped of icing and re-iced badly. "Here, put a sticker over it. No one will notice."

July 23, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterTricia L

Burthday Greatings, Joy!
We all wish you happyness
On this speshl day.

July 23, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterSuBee

@Craig ~ I almost said "Every single morning I started the day WITH Gene Simmons' tongue" but that sounded worse O.O

The terrifying terrorist in the shape of an orange kitten is being called 'Dare. I've hidden all the Manilow CDs and frosting. Wish me luck!

July 23, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterJodee

Edible babies
Musings from both Earth and Moon
Haiku, you're our joy

July 23, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterJust Andrea

That monkey cake terrifies me. It's like it's staring into my soul.

On an unrelated-to-the-monkey-cake note, why doesn't the royal family have a name picked out yet? To quote my favorite comedian, Brian Regan: I HAD NINE MONTHS TO DO IT; I DID NOTHING!!

July 23, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterSabs

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