My Other Blog

What's a Wreck?

A Cake Wreck is any cake that is unintentionally sad, silly, creepy, inappropriate - you name it. A Wreck is not necessarily a poorly-made cake; it's simply one I find funny, for any of a number of reasons. Anyone who has ever smeared frosting on a baked good has made a Wreck at one time or another, so I'm not here to vilify decorators: Cake Wrecks is just about finding the funny in unexpected, sugar-filled places.

Now, don't you have a photo you want to send me? ;)

- Jen

The Joker's Revenge

Thank goodness for those big photo books at the bakery counter. You know, the ones with all the cake designs in them? Yeah. Without those, how would we ever know what toys come with the cake?

What's that? You thought the books showed the cake designs, too? Ah. Please excuse me for a moment, while I turn my head and laugh heartily at your oh-so-sweet naivete.


I do so love shattering expectations.

Here's what Naomi J. ordered:


Aaand what she received:

Great slithering slabs of slime-secreting slugs, Sally!
(Sorry Naomi; I needed an S name.)

Note how all that airbrush dye pools together and glistens wetly in the light. Mmm. And the way that blackened, moldy green offsets the fluorescent green border. Yeah, that's tasty. And, of course, there's the eclair-filling slug bombs; can't forget those.

However, you should also note - and in the decorator's defense - that the batman toys look exactly the same. Hooray, photo book!


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Reader Comments (37)

Na na na na na na na na Nasty!

January 15, 2014 | Unregistered CommenterSharyn

Gotham's smog alert
inflames lungs, yet suppresses
my expectations.

January 15, 2014 | Unregistered CommenterHaiku Joy

(I can't believe this didn't occur to me immediately...)

Sung to the tune of that obnoxious Batman song we all learned as kids that's set to the tune of Jingle Bells

What the hell?
That cake smells
Penguin laid three eggs
Batmobile sludged its wheels
"Please save me!" Batman begs.

January 15, 2014 | Unregistered CommenterSharyn

The apocalypse hit Gotham City particularly hard...

January 15, 2014 | Unregistered CommenterSuBee

I'm a little disappointed that they didn't give the Batmobile its cloud of smoke. I'm imagining a giant fart cloud.

And now I want the Batman figure on a disco ball cake.

January 15, 2014 | Unregistered CommenterAlexa

Why does Batman look like he's doing some lame impersonation of John Travolta in Saturday Night Fever?

January 15, 2014 | Unregistered Commentermiss_paper

Close, but no succor.(Or, alternately, there's one born every minute.)
Ah, what the hey!-the kid's got the trinkets, and the GawdWhattaGooeyMess cake... and he was FOUR~~like he's going to care what it looks like (going in OR coming out)!

January 15, 2014 | Unregistered Commentersendingtheclowns

Bakery At Night (with apologies to Frank Sinatra)

In the bakery at night, exchanging glances
Wond’ring in the night what were the chances
You could make a cake that looked just like this, too

Something in the cake was so inviting
Batman, Gotham looked so darn exciting
Pastel colors, hero, car, outlined in blue

In the bakery at night
Choosing a cake in the bakery at night
Up to the moment when I picked up my cake little did I know
A wreck was just a pan away, a warm fresh-made cake away


Ever since that night I wake up screaming
Horrified by dreams of buttercreaming
Nothing turned out right in the bakery that night


A wreck was just a pan away, a warm fresh-made cake away

Ever since that night I wake up screaming
Horrified by dreams of buttercreaming
Nothing turned out right in the bakery that night

(Hand me a dooby dooby doooooooooooo, doo doo doo dee daa…)

January 15, 2014 | Unregistered CommenterThe Midnight Writer

They should take this cake into the backyard and have the kids...... * BAM * *BOOF* *WHAM*

January 15, 2014 | Unregistered CommenterMaureen

I've done the whole "Lets look in the book and find something" route. I can get the toys cheaper at The Dollar Store. A few months ago the 14 year old wanted a Minion cake. I hit Pinterest looking for something easy. I found one that didn't look like you needed an engineering degree to create it. When I showed the idea to the birthday girl we decided to just make a cake and get some Minion figurines at Walmart. Still cheaper than Disco Dancin' Batman.

What were they going for with the slugs??? We have ginormous banana slugs here in my little corner of the world but I guarantee you they are not yellow!

@Sharyn ~ Now I'll have THAT song stuck in my head all day! I'll likely be humming it as I'm walking through the courthouse. Anyone willing to post bail for me when they lock me up for being a crazy person???

@Haiku Joy ~ I less than 3 you...a really lot. :-)

January 15, 2014 | Unregistered CommenterJodee

This may be the only time in recorded history that I felt the urgent need to scrape every tiny bit of frosting off a piece of cake before eating it. I would't touch that mess. :-P

January 15, 2014 | Unregistered CommenterTLC

Foe some reason I keep imagining that the Naomi J that ordered the cake is Naomi Judd

January 15, 2014 | Unregistered CommenterLola

And they dare call themselves pros.... I could do a better job than that blindolded. Sharyn and Haiku joy hahahhaa XD

January 15, 2014 | Unregistered Commentermindy1

Anyone else annoyed by the "professional" cake? I mean, come on, they didn't even try to make the airbrushed buildings look like buildings. They're just shapes!

January 15, 2014 | Unregistered CommenterVioletRose

I feel so lucky. I naively ordered the Pirates of the Caribbean cake several years ago from our local grocery store, and it was pretty dang good. We still have the toys, too! Wish it had come with a plastic kraken, though.

January 15, 2014 | Unregistered CommenterAlison

It's like modern art; it's all in the interpretation. Here, the artist carefully renders Batman surfing a massive blow-out from the sewers of Gotham, triggered by three radioactive covalent bombs left by one arch nemesis or another.

And sendingtheclowns, you are quite right. At four he won't care. But Naomi needs to save the photos to traumatize the little guy later. Like, for first date nights.

My favorite part is the unbelievably huge tip they used to pipe the lines down the middle of the road. Really? They didn't have a smaller tip? For crying out loud....

January 15, 2014 | Unregistered Commentermelanie sparkles

It's like the decorator had no idea that the dashes were the road markings.

January 15, 2014 | Unregistered CommenterPastrychef

Wow I always wonder if the bakers actually take time and make sure the cake is somewhat like the picture, because this cake (along with the cake that was supposed to be Jem and looked like Beavis being attacked by a small purple yeti) looks NOTHING like the picture. LOL!

January 15, 2014 | Unregistered CommenterMorgan

In what universe does that cake look like the picture? Baker, are you color blind? On second thought, a color blind person would have done it better. They can see shading. Does the baker not like 4 year olds?

January 15, 2014 | Unregistered CommenterEvie_M

What's with the garlic cloves? :D

January 15, 2014 | Unregistered CommenterFred

I love this website so freaking much. Thanks for the laughs.

January 15, 2014 | Unregistered CommenterCarrie

What? Guessing someone in the bakery who isn't a decorator somehow wound up making this. At least, I hope. Is that bavarian cream for the road stripes? My years in a supermarket bakery say yes.

January 15, 2014 | Unregistered CommenterAngel

More Batman Cakes pleaseeeeee! :D

January 15, 2014 | Unregistered CommenterBatmanLover

The kid has an interesting name, though: J[infinity symbol]kson. How do you pronounce that? Must be old family name.

January 15, 2014 | Unregistered Commenterpikkewyntjie

"First day using the airbrush? Yeah, that thing can really get away from you if you're not careful!"

On a happier note they got the number (4th) perfect and you can actually read what it says.
Evidently it's a trade off kinda thing. You can get correct spelling and somewhat legible writing but the decorating will look like heck OR decorating will be aces but you wont be able to read it and if your kids name is anything more complicated than Amy, good luck. Also, they may think your child is 4nd years old.

January 15, 2014 | Unregistered CommenterSandy

Sodium sodium sodium sodium sodium sodium sodium sodium sodium sodium sodium sodium sodium sodium sodium sodium

That's the Batman theme song in chem speak... :-)

January 15, 2014 | Unregistered CommenterKarate Lady

@The Midnight Writer: Too funny! My Dad used to goof around with songs all the time, changing the words. With this one, he sang it as, "Stranglers in the night..." ! =^-.-^=

January 15, 2014 | Unregistered Commentersendingtheclowns

@Fred: "garlic cloves"? BWAHAHHAHAHAHAH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! That small comment killed me more than any other post!

January 15, 2014 | Unregistered Commenterwildmaven

@Sharyn, we must have been on the same wavelength because my first thought was "nana nana nana nana oh nevermind" and then the "Batman Bells" song popped into my head.
@The Midnight Writer, looooove the rendition! (Whenever I hear that song, I always think of the MTM Show episode "Murray Buys a Piano.")


*rolling on the floor laughing my Batman off

January 15, 2014 | Unregistered CommenterZippy

wow, I worked at a walmart bakery, this is NOT a hard cake to make, it hurts my brain that someone did THIS to a poor defenseless cake.

January 15, 2014 | Unregistered Commenterkate

where is a patner batman robin and why u don't put blackcat in there to or other miniature city of gotham :D

January 15, 2014 | Unregistered Commenterkue kering

Lmao!! What on earth did these wreckerators do to that poor cake? I guess the book was just a joke on the poor customer considering what they ended up with. I really hope they got another cake somewhere else.

January 16, 2014 | Unregistered CommenterArlene

Riddle me this...I like how to top it all off they pushed Batman down INTO the cake so now it looks like he's surfing.

That darn Joker struck again!

January 16, 2014 | Unregistered CommenterAnn

Hey, the Santa Cruz Mountains banana slugs hereabouts are exactly that color! Go Slugs! (yup, UCSC mascot...)

January 16, 2014 | Unregistered CommenterDBC

@sendingtheclowns: thank you, and I'm familiar with the "Stranglers" version, too, and have been known to sing it...not in public, however...(there are laws against being a public nuisance....)
@Zippy: thanks...(my favorite MTM show was the one about Chuckles the Clown's funeral.....)

January 16, 2014 | Unregistered CommenterThe Midnight Writer

I <3 karate lady!! In a chemistry kind of way.... wait that sounds bad too... its a chemical thing. Oh forget it! Thanks for the laugh!

January 17, 2014 | Unregistered Commentershannon

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