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What's a Wreck?

A Cake Wreck is any cake that is unintentionally sad, silly, creepy, inappropriate - you name it. A Wreck is not necessarily a poorly-made cake; it's simply one I find funny, for any of a number of reasons. Anyone who has ever smeared frosting on a baked good has made a Wreck at one time or another, so I'm not here to vilify decorators: Cake Wrecks is just about finding the funny in unexpected, sugar-filled places.

Now, don't you have a photo you want to send me? ;)

- Jen
Thursday
Jan162014

What The Frosting?

No, no, don't tell me, bakers.

Lemme see if I can guess:

Suffocating snowman?

 

Two-tentacled jellyfish?

 

Twin highways beside a poppy field?

 

Dancing lampshade?

 

Worm wearing a turtle shell?
(Hero in a half shell: EARTHWORM POWER.)

 

Running Cupcake Man?

Oh! Or McDonald's Fry Guy?

 

Elmo in a teal turtleneck doing the hula dance with his mouth wide open?

(Admit it: you see it, too.)

 

**SIGH**

Look, bakers, I don't...

 

I mean, I just can't...

[blinking]

 

Er...

That's it.

 

I GIVE UP.

 

Hat tip to Erica, Hollie, Julie B., Emily G., Daemon S., Kerensa J., Rhonda M., & Jullian G., who says she can't wait to scarf one of these down. Heh.

[eyes widening]

Hey, waaaaait a minute...

*****

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Reader Comments (110)

Sung to "Love Story" (No, the other one...)

Where do I begin?
To tell the story of the scarf cakes I have seen?
The red/blue story
Why can't they use orange or green?
The truth is that they just don't look like scarves to me...
Where do I start?

January 16, 2014 | Unregistered CommenterSharyn

I give up. What is it? Seriously, so many bakers wouldn't be trying to recreate it if it wasn't a thing, right? But I have no freaking idea what it's supposed to be.

January 16, 2014 | Unregistered CommenterBW

But...but...what's with the ecclesiastical looking snowflakes in the top left and bottom right of a lot of these cakes? They must mean something! I'm not satisfied with your conclusion...which I came to with your help, even though you didn't say it...HOW do you do that??
I don't think that's what it is. I think it's something much more secretive, and this is a code. Why red and blue? Every one of them! Why the white dots? Why the ecclesiastical snowflakes? What does it mean? Why the pale blue of the background? (except on the cccs)
It's a conspiracy...a secret...a plot...a scheme...it has to mean something!

January 16, 2014 | Unregistered CommenterNancie

Yeah me, I figured it out about the 4th cake, but those are bad!

January 16, 2014 | Unregistered CommenterDonkaloosa

Oh, and I live on that highway by the poppy fields. Really.

January 16, 2014 | Unregistered CommenterNancie

Bakers testing us.
One of them is Rorschach, but
do we know which one?

January 16, 2014 | Unregistered CommenterHaiku Joy

Hahahahaha... I don't know why the anticlimactic reveal makes me laugh so.

The Outernet - Kickstart a documentary about Internet friendships

January 16, 2014 | Unregistered CommenterLauren

*wails* I still don't know what it is!

January 16, 2014 | Unregistered Commenterconfused

Some of the scarves look like dirty socks on the floor. But it's the paltry snowflakes that really frost me!!

January 16, 2014 | Unregistered CommenterCathy

Hat and scarf! (finally got it with the worm wearing a turtle shell)

January 16, 2014 | Unregistered Commentercc

Does NO ONE know how many points a snowflake has anymore? Sheesh...

January 16, 2014 | Unregistered CommenterLillyB

As a retired teacher, I laughed thinking about the disconnect between the instructions and the results. Just like the time my drama students were supposed to write a paragraph on what they had learned from a guest presenter; one student wrote that she learned "the Row Mans invented panty mines."

January 16, 2014 | Unregistered CommenterLorie

So don't keep us in suspense... what was it supposed to be anyway???

January 16, 2014 | Unregistered CommenterBea

What is it?

January 16, 2014 | Unregistered CommenterJoJo

I was also confused by the runes in the first two pictures. I needed the 5th picture to figure out what it was!

January 16, 2014 | Unregistered CommenterJean

From As You Bake It
By William Cakespeare

Blow, blow, thou winter wind
Thou art not so unkind
As a frightened hat;
Thy tooth is not so keen
As a flailing scarf
Although skill one cannot find.
Heigh-ho! Sing heigh ho! Unto the dancing clothing:
Most bakers are faking, most cakes are mere folly:
Then, Heigh ho, to the wreckers
Their cakes are quite jolly.

@Lori-Thank you. I'm always looking for history factoids that might help when I'm watching Jeopardy!

January 16, 2014 | Unregistered CommenterSuBee

If you really put your imagination into it, you can construct a story around all the pictures. The Adventures of Billy the Blobby Biped!

January 16, 2014 | Unregistered Commenterzoomom

Oh my God, it's an epidemic! I mean, how can there be so many? And almost entirely the same? Is it an illness? Something that causes the bakers to produce worms wearing turtle shells in ONLY REDS and BLUES?!?

January 16, 2014 | Unregistered CommenterTrista

Why are they all the same?? By which I mean, why are they all based on the same red-with-white-polka-dots, blue-tentacles template? Are hat-and-scarf cakes really a thing over there?

Man, you Murricans truly have a cake for every occasion. Which is a good thing, obviously.

In principle, anyway.

January 16, 2014 | Unregistered CommenterJoan

Well the first one I thought it was just a one cake thing. I thought it was a monster with only legs and a head and it lived in your closet. Or maybe it was a little cute monster that comes out at night and accidentally got caught in someones jeans. But then I saw the next cake and could not believe that this was a thing. A real thing that bakers across the country actually somehow coordinated with each other. There must be conferences where they all meet and come up with this stuff and learn how to make it look like crap.

January 16, 2014 | Unregistered CommenterAngela

It wasn't until the 5th one that I realized it was supposed to be a hat and scarf... EARTHWORM POWER!! Loved that caption. One would think more care would be taken in creating this, but then it wouldn't be CW. I do wonder if these were all from one bakery, or many bakeries.

January 16, 2014 | Unregistered CommenterKim M

Ah! I don't know what it is!!!!!

January 16, 2014 | Unregistered CommenterMapleGirl

Are these supposed to be hats and scarves? If they are, then all of these wreckerators must live in the trooics and never see or wear them.

Today we have a high wind warning with winds of 35-45 mph, and gusts up to 55-60 mph. And I have a flu bug. But even so, if IHAD to go out today, I would not wear one of these hat/scarf combos. I'll take my chances.

January 16, 2014 | Unregistered CommenterTLC

I could tell the first one was a knit hat and scarf (barely) but then the cakes got progressively worse. Yeah, it must be some sort of meme thing but I have yet to see it. And those cupcake cakes *ptooie!* Yikes! They were like some mutation out of Mario Bros.!

January 16, 2014 | Unregistered Commenterakathleen

Oh! I totally DO see Elmo! Thanks for that. :)

January 16, 2014 | Unregistered CommenterElly

Ahhh... Scarf and hat, Bea. I didn't figure it out until the end which was the most approximately scarf and hat - like of them all. Where did all of these come from? Were they from various bakeries of the same bad grocery chain that got some sort of internal design memo? Why are they all the same color?
It is like the mustache trend of last year. I didn't know about it until it showed up in the Oriental Trading Co. catalog (party supplies). Why were mustaches such a thing? Why am I the last to learn of these memes?

January 16, 2014 | Unregistered CommenterJenC

The 'cloned sheep' of Wrecks.

January 16, 2014 | Unregistered CommenterThe Former CB

Shoot! I missed the National "Let's See How Many Variations Of Awful We Can Come Up With Using Only Red, White, And Blue Icing" competition AGAIN? =^-.-^=

January 16, 2014 | Unregistered Commentersendingtheclowns

What do the snowflakes mean?
WHAT DO THEY MEAN???

*ahem*

But seriously, what do they mean? And why in the top left and bottom right? And why do they look like masonic symbols/ hieroglyphics?

Someone get me Robert Langdon's number.

January 16, 2014 | Unregistered CommenterShar

Hat and scarf combos... right? Please let that be right, because alternative explanations are just too baffling.

January 16, 2014 | Unregistered CommenterAnthrogirl

Well, I was thinking 2-stemmed mushroom, but I guess I was way off. I thought maybe the newest Mario game had evolved mushrooms that were suddenly all the rage. Actually, I'm going to stick with my theory because that makes a whole lot more sense then "scarves and hats cakes" suddenly becoming a thing . . .

January 16, 2014 | Unregistered CommenterHeather

what was it supposed to be? Elmo in teal looked like the bottom half of a child in a red skirt with blue stockinged legs and no shoes (I see feet). did a house fall on her?

January 16, 2014 | Unregistered Commenterjo

Hat and scarf? Seriously? I don't know how you understood that from the pictures, but I'm glad you 'splained it to the rest of us.

January 16, 2014 | Unregistered CommenterMaureen

Welcome to the Winternet...er, Winterknit...? Darn; I missed The National "How Many Versions Of Awful We Can Come Up With In Red And Blue" icing-bag competition AGAIN? And honestly, to me, they look all like something/someone in blue, knitted (or corduroy) leggings running away from something that's chasing it/him/her and can't see anything with its/his/her hat pulled down over its/his/her head. But I could be wrong/nuts.
=^e.e^=

January 16, 2014 | Unregistered Commentersendingtheclowns

First, this proves that cupcake cakes should never be made. (Yuck!) Second, I thought that I saw the Flying Spaghetti Monster (FSM) in at least three of the cakes. Although, FSM's noodlly appendages are usually white.

January 16, 2014 | Unregistered CommenterEvie_M

If those are scarves I have a bridge in brookyln to sell you...

January 16, 2014 | Unregistered Commentermindy1

I saw what it was immediately, but why? Why so many? Why all the same colors? This is totally a conspiracy. There's something behind this...I...just...don't....know....what.

January 16, 2014 | Unregistered CommenterDrockbox

The Wrecky Side of the Street (sorry, Frank Sinatra)

Grab your scarf and get your hat
Leave your senses on the doorstep
Just direct your feet
To the wrecky side of the street

Can’t you see just what this is?
As you stare ahead in wonder
These cakes are a real treat
On the wrecky side of the street

I love the way they’re made
With their “skills” on parade
(But some make me afraid)
Talent’s been tossed over

If I never have a clue
I’d still be a happy fella
Gong to get my laughs
On the wrecky side of the street

January 16, 2014 | Unregistered CommenterThe Midnight Writer

Wow, I could NOT figure out what these were supposed to be! Thank goodness for the comments. The closest I came was that #1 looked like Jack Pumpkinhead (from the Oz books) wearing badly fashioned overalls.

January 16, 2014 | Unregistered CommenterJodi

Count me among the ungetters. And what is with those krypto-krixian-krosses? Anyway?

January 16, 2014 | Unregistered CommenterJohn Dash

Hat and scarf? I would never have gotten that without your hint. Even I could decorate a cake better than that, and I am not anywhere close to a professional. I think whoever made these cakes should give up and take up dog grooming.

January 16, 2014 | Unregistered CommenterNancy

Proof that wreckerators are from much, much warmer climes and have never seen snow (let alone a hat or a scarf) in real life, TV, photographs, or children's drawings. Of course, I'm not sure if I could draw a snowflake if I couldn't first fold the paper in 8!

January 16, 2014 | Unregistered CommenterZoe

Wow... and they're all so similar that you find yourselves wondering if it was the same wreckerator doing each one... I still can't tell what they are. I keep wondering if it's something to do with the Winter Olympics and Team USA, since there's red, white, and blue going on - if it's the hats and scarves everyone is suggesting, are these the hats and scarves being worn by Team USA? That could explain a lot...

January 16, 2014 | Unregistered CommenterHAL

Hero in a half shell made me giggle uncontrollably. I think they all look like Mario mushrooms on steroids. I'm not buying the hat/scarf thing. We have had a couple of serious criminal cases recently involving psychedelic mushrooms. I think those bakers may have consumed something like that.

FYI It doesn't seem to matter if your child is 2 or 20. Becoming a parent means you'll never get 8 straight hours of sleep again. Maybe this time the doctors will be able to actually do something for my girl.

January 16, 2014 | Unregistered CommenterJodee

@JenC, you are not the last to hear things. I only recently learned what a meme was. I could have gone my whole life in the dark. And because I now know about it, memes are dead. You heard it here. They are going underground and will emerge under new management soon.

January 16, 2014 | Unregistered Commenterdrgns4vr

"ecclesiastical snowflakes" perfect...

January 16, 2014 | Unregistered Commenterjohanna

Please. Please. Will someone find the original idea? I have to know the story! Please, I beg of you. I must know what conspiracy is behind these insidious cakes! Always the red hat. Always the blue scarf. The snowflakes must be in the upper left and lower right. If it is not a cupcake cake (patooie!), then the background must be light blue. It's driving me mad! And trust me, it's not a very long trip.

January 16, 2014 | Unregistered CommenterRobin

Yep, I do totally see Elmo in that one cake! :D What I don't get is how there can be so many wrecky interpretations of the same cake. Where did the original design come from, I wonder. I mean, it's not like it's a very exciting design to begin with. Er, I should just stop thinking. It hurts too much. (love the commentary in the post, though!)

January 16, 2014 | Unregistered CommenterLaura P.

On 3, 7, and 8, it's pretty clear what those are! Dumb Donald and Holly Hobbie had a child! I think it's beautiful that they found each other. Only people without faces could understand.

January 16, 2014 | Unregistered Commenterpikkewyntjie

Um lumberjack skulking away after being pelted by snowballs? (#1)

January 16, 2014 | Unregistered CommenterAuntie Meme

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