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What's a Wreck?

A Cake Wreck is any cake that is unintentionally sad, silly, creepy, inappropriate - you name it. A Wreck is not necessarily a poorly-made cake; it's simply one I find funny, for any of a number of reasons. Anyone who has ever smeared frosting on a baked good has made a Wreck at one time or another, so I'm not here to vilify decorators: Cake Wrecks is just about finding the funny in unexpected, sugar-filled places.

Now, don't you have a photo you want to send me? ;)

- Jen
Wednesday
Jan292014

Score!

Hey, I hear the Super Bowl is coming up. Whaddaya think of that, Wilson?

[pauses to see how many other people remember Home Improvement]

 

And we all know Wilson' favorite part, right?

:D

[bowing] Ah thank you, thankyouverymuch.

 

Ok, enough funny stuff. Time to get down to business.

Oh, is that what the kids are calling it these days?

 

Well, just be careful with those "touchdowns," if you know what I mean. We all know where those can lead:

Yep. Haunted football-shaped ponds.

 

Not to mention all the football-shaped tumors:

Nike: Just Chew It.

 

So in conclusion: always know what time it is, use your quotes wisely, and perhaps avoid ordering your Super Bowl Game cake from this place:

Even if it IS a real gem.

 

Thanks to Jenny P., Melinda B., Rachel R., Pearl D., Kellie G., & Alexis M. for keeping the pigskin and just passing the cake.

*****

Thank you for using our Amazon links to shop! USA, UK, Canada.

« Seahawks vs Broncos: The Wreck-Off | Main | Loki Here! »

Reader Comments (50)

"Yep. Haunted football-shaped ponds."

I thought those were sperm.

January 29, 2014 | Unregistered CommenterBW

OK, the Wilson joke followed by "defence" was brilliant. (No song today. Sick kitty and endless cleanup instead.)

January 29, 2014 | Unregistered CommenterSharyn

The pregnant football cake is actually pretty funny if the couple are both footballl fans-the rest just make me wonder O_o

January 29, 2014 | Unregistered Commentermindy1

Why did the coach put
a tuning fork on my head?
Why? What does it mean?

January 29, 2014 | Unregistered CommenterHaiku Joy

Please tell me "Brysan Alen" is either a mistake or the name of a large multinational corporation.

I'm not a big fan of sport, but the Superbowl is being played here this year (well actually in our backyard, but all of the NFL sanctioned festivities are being held right here in my home,) and let me tell you, if you give a football fan enough beer, they don't care if it's 12 degrees outside.
GO-whoever's the underdog!!!

January 29, 2014 | Unregistered CommenterSuBee

I try not to get my knickers in a twist over other people's baby name choices, because to each his own. But Brysan Alen? I mean... what's so wrong with Bryson Allen? Or Bryson Alan? It's not a new name just because you spelled it wrong.

January 29, 2014 | Unregistered CommenterKara

Defence is the punniest cake here. My daughter loved Home Improvement, so that's how I know about it, I thought Wilson was a volley ball on an island somewhere. Volley ball, foot ball, bowling ball...all the same thing, right?
The swimming pond sperm after the touchdown (something about a pond scum bag??)...is that what kids call it today?

January 29, 2014 | Unregistered CommenterNancie

Thanks for mentioning Wilson. Although he has gone to the Big Fence In the Sky, he won’t be forgotten. Sadly, neither will theses cakes. However, they are a fitting tribute to the Binford men ‘cause they look like they were made by tools….

January 29, 2014 | Unregistered CommenterPassing By

Before I realized that the "fence" on the second cake was supposed to be the football grips (or whatever that thingy is called--I'm sure it has some official name of which I'm totally unaware), I was thinking how totally awesome it was that the wreckerator thought that defense--or defence, as the case may be--had something to do with actual fences. Sigh, so much for unintentional creativity.

January 29, 2014 | Unregistered CommenterHeather

I don't know. I might order that last cake. It's got oreos. And I don't really care about football. :)

January 29, 2014 | Unregistered CommenterMuria

@Jen - Yeah, I know about what you mean, being careful with those "touchdowns". I went to two Superbowl parties at the same friend's house with my husband over the years...and I have two kids born in October. Now my female friends refuse to drink the water in that house. They say they are taking *no* chances! :-)

@Sharyn - sorry for your sick kitty! Sounds like it got hold of some of that bad batch of catnip I accidently gave Theardare. As you may recall, I thought I was giving him some nice, organic, locally-grown, freshly-dried catnip! Little did I know...(see below for the rest)

Catatonic Catnip Catastrophe part 3

(part 2 ran on Monday, January 27 and part 1 ran Friday, January 24th, 2014)

[Karate Lady is preparing to protect the occupants of Andrea’s Spa from an unknown assailant. The door of the Spa has cracked and will give way at any moment. Karate Lady sends a frantic text to all members of the CakeWrecks DOC (Dept of Corrections): “Andrea’s Spa under attack. Door failing. Send SWAT NOW.” ]

[CRACK! SCREEEEECH. The metal door is buckling. CRASH! The door has dropped, revealing a MAD, drooling, toothy…Theardare?!]

Good grief, thinks Karate Lady. Not again! But that was MY catnip from MY favorite organic food coop!

[But as previously mentioned (but unknown to Karate Lady), her organic-vegan-all-natural-friend-and-proprietor-of-the-local-food-coop, Lisa, had been snatched away and brainwashed by none other than the Evil-Wreckerators-Of-Kakes-Union, EWOKU. Lisa was tricked into making acid catnip packed with a serious overload of kitty anabolic steroids. (Lisa thought she was merely making an extra special batch of naturally-and-organically flavored catnip as a favor to Karate Lady for her kitties, ‘Stache and Spot.)

EWOKU had other plans. They wanted the adulterated catnip to be traced back to Lisa & her food coop, closing her business and swamping her with lawsuits while causing a nationwide panic that organic vegan foods were all suspect and all food coops were run by shify-eyed, crazy, nutty hippies and therefore to be avoided at all costs. Wrecked cakes would then be seen as preferable since they might not be pretty but were still edible and not associated with sending people and cats into drug-crazed demolition sprees. Meanwhile, Theardare’s binge would result in the total destruction of Andrea’s Spa and the Cake Wrecks Bunker, dealing a grievous blow to the Cake Wrecks team and their legions of Wreckporters, and possibly shutting down Cake Wrecks PERMANENTLY. Oh, the horror!]

“ROOOOAAAAAR!” thunders Theardare, as he advances on Karate Lady with a crazed look in his bloodshot eyes. She maintains her fighting stance and slowly backs away while various scenarios run through her mind. Lead Theardare outside? Nope, no place to run or hide in cyberspace. Fight it out here and now? She’d go down before the SWAT team was even half-way there, which would leave Theardare plenty of time to rip his way into the Serenity Room and… <shudder>. No, there had to be another way…wait! The side door into the Bunker should lead….Karate Lady does some quick mental calculations. Yes! It should work…

“Hi, Theardare! Looking for this?” Karate Lady holds out a small handful of the noxious ‘nip. Theardare’s eyes focus upon it and follow as she waves it back and forth.
“Here, kitty, kitty.” She drops it on the floor. Theardare pounces on it and begins snorting it immediately.
“Want some more, Theardare? Well then, come and get me!” yells Karate Lady as she makes a break for the hallway behind her.

Karate Lady runs past the many doors of the Spa…Manicure Room…Spa Pedicure…Massage Room #1…Massage Room #2…Steam Room…Mud Bath Room…Showers…here! The old Bunker side-door was here! She wrenches it open and dives through knowing Theardare will be upon her soon.

Yes! I was right! As Karate Lady suspected, the door opened into the Bunker’s gym, which is where Karate Lady keeps her cage-fighting arena set up.

“Good thing I had the ThunderDome option installed last summer” muses Karate Lady. Now all she had to do was lead Theardare in…and stay alive long enough to slip out and lock the titanium doors. Surely it would hold until the SWAT team arrived or ‘til Theardare came down from his high.

[sci fi movie serial music plays. Tune in next time for the exciting conclusion of Catatonic Catnip Catastrophe]
[Yes, I will try to hurry up and end everyone's suffering. Next post should be last one on this topic. Next time I will take the Daughter's recommendation and SKIP TO THE END.]

January 29, 2014 | Unregistered CommenterKarate Lady

You're warning about "touchdowns" and where they could lead (the haunted football-shaped pond cake) may be prophetic if the recipient is a wide receiver; tight ends should be safe.

January 29, 2014 | Unregistered CommenterLittle Boy Blue

@Haiku Joy (nice one, btw!) - It means he needs a tune-up, of course. :-)

January 29, 2014 | Unregistered CommenterKarate Lady

The first thing that bobbed up in my mind at "Wilson" was the volley ball in "Castaway" (w/Tom Hanks). Nothing to do with cake.....................so there is a similarity after all. =^-.-^=

January 29, 2014 | Unregistered Commentersendingtheclowns

Some of you guys are assuming the parents meant to spell "Alen" that way. It may be a wreckerator error!

Haiku Joy, I thought it looked like a tuning fork as well!

Sharon, good luck with the sick kitty and subsequent clean up!!!

January 29, 2014 | Unregistered CommenterJodi

The value of the obol decreased after the fall of Athens, but now they're collector's items and quite valuable.

January 29, 2014 | Unregistered CommenterJoel Polowin

At the few college football games I attend each year, I always see posters with a fence on them and sometimes the word 'DeFence' or 'De Fence'. So maybe the cookie was an intentional pun?

However, I suspect that many of the students at the games are likely to mispell 'defense' in their everyday writing because they it mispelled at the games.

January 29, 2014 | Unregistered Commentersquirrelgirl

**snort** Thanks @Haiku Joy, someday I will learn to put the coffee down...

I got the Wilson joke! Even if my first thought was Russell. I can't help it! I live just North of Seattle. It's 12th man fever around here!

@Karate Lady ~ I've missed you!!!

@Sharyn ~ Give Inigo a pet for me!

January 29, 2014 | Unregistered CommenterJodee

Well, in defense of the 'Defence" cake..
1. People who read this blog probably aren't aware that fans at football games hold up a sign that's actually in two parts: a D, and a facsimile of a fence... so they're encouraging the defense side of the team. Get it?
2. "Defense" is spelled that way here in the US.. in other parts of the world, it's usually spelled "defence". So it's not entirely wrong.

January 29, 2014 | Unregistered CommenterSue

I'll never touch a "football" again....

January 29, 2014 | Unregistered Commenterms anthrope

KarateLady, did you get a peek inside mel's brain? (I've often wondered what it looks like in there...)

January 29, 2014 | Unregistered CommenterSaraCVT

So am I the only one who noticed that "Football" is in quotes probably because it is on a Detroit Lions cake? There are those who think that is what the Lions play..."Football" while other teams play FOOTBALL!!.

**SIGH** Well, if the Saints (Remember the "Aint's" and the paper bag masks in the 80's) can win so can the Lions!!!!

I know, just let me have my little dream.

January 29, 2014 | Unregistered CommenterHeloise

Actually, @Heather, I don't think the fence on the 2nd cake is supposed to be the laces (aka grips) on the football, but rather literally a fence. At many a football game, you will see fans holding up signs that say:

D- "insert picture of fence here"

because we all know that the members of your team's defensive line look up into the stands for inspiration/instructions from the fans rather than from Da-coach ;-)

January 29, 2014 | Unregistered CommenterDonna

LOVED Home Improvement. Pairing the "defence" cake with the "Wilson" cake was brilliant.

I totally don't get what the sperm pool is supposed to be. Did anyone else figure it out?

And, yeah, I'm with Kara and SuBee on "Brysan Alen." C'mon, people. Let's hope that was wreckorator error and not parental error.

Alright, hope you'll alll get to play a little "football" on hump day.

Thanks for the daily laughs, Jen.

January 29, 2014 | Unregistered CommenterKW

Just wondering if the Brysan Alen cake is a baby shower cake for twin footballs?

January 29, 2014 | Unregistered CommenterRachel CrazyMum

Woohoo who wouldn't want a pregnant cake for the football fan? The chocolate one with blue icing looks yummy and I'm not even a football fan.

January 29, 2014 | Unregistered CommenterBarbara

@SaraCVT - uh, um, I... plead the 5th. Frankly, I think it depends on how my "Catatonic Catnip Catastrophe" post is received by our fellow Wreckies. If well-liked, it's a complement to mel & possibly myself; if not liked, the blame's on me. I'll never tell about that MRI stashed in Room 101 or how Theardare managed to trick mel into climbing inside it. (I hear copious amounts of chocolate mousse were involved, though.) :-)

PS Where is Craig? I may need his portable Un-See machine if I can't get out of the ThunderDome...

January 29, 2014 | Unregistered CommenterKarate Lady

So, am I the only one wondering if the pregnant cheerleader cake following the "pond sperm" cake is placed there on purpose? o.O

January 29, 2014 | Unregistered CommenterA Nonnymouse

I wonder how those folks WANTED that name to be pronounced, don't you? They really need a second "l" for it to sound like "Allen". Only one "l" means it'd sound like "ailin" (as in "ailing"). I'm getting a haddock... =^e.e^=

January 29, 2014 | Unregistered Commentersendingtheclowns

I assumed the Brysan Alen cake was a baby shower cake and actually should have read Bryce and Allen for the twins to be born. No?

January 29, 2014 | Unregistered Commenteressjaytee

I think Brysan Alen is a fabulous name.

January 29, 2014 | Unregistered Commenterjhon scmyth

Awesome! I loved the Wilson reference!
@ Karate Lady, Thanks for the update on Threadare- while I am more of a cat hater I can be amused by the tales of a cat from a distance.
@ Heloise, agreed, but I didn't want to say anything- I'm an AZ Cardinals fan, so who are we to talk?

January 29, 2014 | Unregistered CommenterRikki

Wow, what an inspirational post this turned out to be. I was trying to figure out what to name my next baby, and then I saw that Brysan Alen cake! But, I really think his parents just didn't try hard enough. I've decided to go with Bricynne Alin for my daughter. Our last name is boring ol' Williams, but I'm going to make sure that, on her birth certificate, I spell it "Wilyumz" because I want her to be unique.

Also, I'm really hoping she'll be shaped just like little Brysan there, because that seems like it'll be a little easier to deal with when it comes times to push.

Wish me luck!

January 29, 2014 | Unregistered CommenterS. Martass

As a longtime Lions fan I think the "football" in quotes is quite appropriate.

January 29, 2014 | Unregistered CommenterCashmere

Yes, life has its ups and downs, but it's good to know that constants remain: A humble Epcot shelter becomes a resort / spa, the de facto ruler of which is an AK-toting tabby with a completely feline ego and an excessive fondness for catnip (to say nothing of a propensity for torturing Jen-questioners with bad songs). Said location is in a state of near-constant upheaval with which just about any pet owner can identify (except fish, reptiles and certain rodents, but they don't really do anything anyway), but the overarching awesomeness that is Cake Wrecks ensures that everything works out in the end. Not that fish, reptiles and certain rodents are pet owners, but unscrambling the syntax would have resulted in a sentence comparable in length to 'War and Peace'.

Now to return to pondering the mystery of a blue football ringed by what my sense of propriety firmly maintains are ghosts, even though we all know what they really are.

January 29, 2014 | Unregistered CommenterCraig

I've watched a lot of Lion's "football" games. It is not very often when they do play anything but "football".

January 29, 2014 | Unregistered CommenterLisa

@Craig:
1. Are you saying that I better remember to dis-arm Theardare of his AK-47? If so, do you suggest doing so before or after he enters my cage-fighting-ThunderDome-roofed trap? And where is the portable UnSee machine? I need it, pronto! (Please, please, pretty puuuuuleeeez...)

2. Just fyi, according to my dad, War and Peace made for a good distraction on a troop ship bound for Korea back in the day...'cept you have to write down numerous supporting characters cuz they pop in n out like ghosts and it gets very confusing when one surfaces on page 477 and you last read about him/her on page 29... :-)

3. I admire your sense (and strength) of propriety in the onslaught of such hideously suggestive Wrecks day after day after day! :-)

January 29, 2014 | Unregistered CommenterKarate Lady

CRAAAAAAAAAAAAIG!!!!! I just new you were out there somewhere and not frozen in your car in Atlanta! Please give Mrs. Gossamer my best ;-)

January 29, 2014 | Unregistered CommenterJodee

I thought you were referring to Wilson the volleyball from "Castaway." That would work, too.

And purposely misspelling a baby's name ala "Brysan Alen" isn't "yoonique." It just means that your kid will have to spell out his name every single day of his life. *steps off soapbox*

January 29, 2014 | Unregistered CommenterTeal

Okay, I am giving up and admitting defeat. I don't know what the Super 🌑B🌑L Gem cake is supposed to MEAN! Help me!

January 29, 2014 | Unregistered CommenterAngela

I think the blue one isn't a football cake, it's a Lewinsky cake.

January 29, 2014 | Unregistered CommenterErin

Wilyumz could also be Will E. Yumz so you can add on even more fun names. (Like Will I. Am)

Love the tuning fork comment!

Thanks, Jen, for another great CakeWreak!

(There seem to be regulars on here. Can anyone join?)

January 29, 2014 | Unregistered Commenterelmosmom1994

For everyone hoping that "Brysan Alen" is a wreckorator error - take a look at Baby's Named a Bad, Bad Thing: http://viktorie.fuzzymonkey.net/~diana/forum/index.php

January 29, 2014 | Unregistered CommenterCapt_Video

Yay! Craig is back! We missed you very much!!!!!!!!!!!

January 29, 2014 | Unregistered CommenterLindarella

@Craig - Mrs. Gossamer?! - You got some 'splainin' to do, young man. (But I hope Jodee's right about you not sleeping in a car in Atlanta. Hopefully you at least slept over in a grocery store last night... :-)

@elmosmom1994 - Yes! Be sure to read the FAQ (tag is at the top of the page) to learn what an Epcot is, how to *not* trigger it (this is key), requirements for access to the Bunker during an Epcot, and last but not least, use the search function to learn all about Theardare...and how to keep him happy and avoid a trip to Room 101. Oh, and there's goodies for sale under Stuff. I highly recommend getting a personalized autograph to stick in your Cake Wrecks book, or anyone's Cake Wrecks book, for that matter. :-)

January 30, 2014 | Unregistered CommenterKarate Lady

Oh man that haunted cake made me laugh so hard. Wow. Though I am impressed that one was actually shaped in the form of a football for once. Interesting things wreckerators do to amuse themselves in the bakery lol.

January 30, 2014 | Unregistered CommenterArlene

I actually cried when Wilson the volley ball was swept away.

January 30, 2014 | Unregistered CommenterCynthia

elmosmom1994 ~ come on in, the icing's fine.

January 30, 2014 | Unregistered CommenterHaiku Joy

#3 would be almost perfect if it weren't for the errant quotation marks on that ...um....*looks at cake again*.....Lions cake? Oh, erm, never mind. Since it's the Lions, putting "football" in quotes is correct.

January 30, 2014 | Unregistered CommenterNerfbomb

Thinking the same thing as some others. Football in quotes because it's the Lions. We're not sure how to play real football around here. #SOL and all.

February 2, 2014 | Unregistered CommenterKristen

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