Search

My Other Blog

What's a Wreck?

A Cake Wreck is any cake that is unintentionally sad, silly, creepy, inappropriate - you name it. A Wreck is not necessarily a poorly-made cake; it's simply one I find funny, for any of a number of reasons. Anyone who has ever smeared frosting on a baked good has made a Wreck at one time or another, so I'm not here to vilify decorators: Cake Wrecks is just about finding the funny in unexpected, sugar-filled places.

Now, don't you have a photo you want to send me? ;)

- Jen
Tuesday
Feb252014

What's Mold Is News Again

MOLD.

The silent killer that lurks in your pastries.

Lurking, like a silent killer... WHO LURKS.

 

Yeah, like that.

 

Mold is responsible for untold deaths, dismemberments, and icky gag-fests the world over.

Plus it's gross.

 

But who is to blame for this malicious fungus of death?

[picture of grim reaper wearing a baker's hat]

 

We went right to the source, to ask the tough questions and get the exclusive answers that only Wrecks News can provide.

[video of well dressed woman running toward random baker]

 

"Sir! Can you tell me why your bakery hates America? And children? How many American children have you personally dismembered? Is it true you perform deadly experiments on the state park pigeons? What's up with that, you sicko?

"Hey, come back here!!"

[turning to face camera]

"Well, there you have it, my friends. Bakers hate America. Back to you, Sally!"

 

Thanks to our wreckporters Chris H., Rane M., Jill H., Amy S., Jessica B., Kate K., & Tami F.. Coming up next: can cake make you skinny?! The new diet sensation sweeping the nation!

*****

Thank you for using our Amazon links to shop! USA, UK, Canada.


« Dueling Disasters | Main | Move Over, Mensa »

Reader Comments (41)

Just when I was wavering and thinking about going to the snack shop for a mid-morning treat.....GREAT timing, CW! Thanks for helping me stay resolute.

I wonder if they'll at least knock 50% off the price of these moldy oldies?

February 25, 2014 | Unregistered Commenterbassgirl

Sung to "Goldfinger"

Mold lingers (mwa, wa, wa) Silent killer
That lurks in your pas-ter-ies
Not taste-er-y

Why does mold linger?
Untold deaths, gag-fests and dismemberin'
And. Much. Chagrin!!!

Fungoid strawberries cause you such fear
So don't eat them, the answers quite clear
'Cause a moldy bun, will make you pissed, sir
People haters deep in our midst, fer

Mold lingers....

February 25, 2014 | Unregistered CommenterSharyn

I'll just bring my own bag of Dark Chocolate Milanos, thank you very much.

February 25, 2014 | Unregistered CommenterCathy

I know it's obscure, but just in case anyone remembers Bob Fosse and All That Jazz or Peter Allen or Hugh Jackman as Peter Allen (mmm Hugh Jackman,) sorry, I present

Everything Moldy is News Again

When wrecked cakes were mellow
And white frosting turned to yellow
No need to remember when
‘Cause everything moldy is news again

Bakin’ in a filthy, grime filled kitchen
That green hamburger is really bitchin’
Swans swim in a rank pig pen
‘Cause everything moldy is news again

Get out your Lysol, your bleach and a mask
What growing there? You just had to ask
Moldy berries and Sponge Bob’s shame
I’d rather starve than play this hunger game

Don’t throw that cake away
Some fool might buy it some rainy day
And give ideas to our old friend Jen
When everything moldy is news again

February 25, 2014 | Unregistered CommenterSuBee

@SuBee: Woot!

February 25, 2014 | Unregistered CommenterSharyn

Better mold than what you just THINK is mold. Ew. http://abcnews.go.com/US/man-bites-birthday-cake-finds-dead-rat/story?id=22641849

February 25, 2014 | Unregistered CommenterKendra

I can sort of understand the moldy strawberry on the cake, if the cake had been in the fridge for more than a day. But the rest -- do these people really stand back when they're finished decorating and think: "There! That's attractive!"

And Sharyn: mwa, wa, wa is going to be going through my head all day and making me smile. Thanks! Much better than the other night when I saw the new Nike commercial and then tried to go to sleep with the theme from "Underdog" playing in my head.

February 25, 2014 | Unregistered CommenterTLC

Go SuBee and Sharyn! (And, darn you Sharyn, now I can't get Goldfinger out of my head!)
I'm totally with bassgirl -- this post will help me stick to my diet today.

I'm always curious as to WHY people have things lying around such as moldy wedding cakes? Is it Miss Haversham's? Did the happy couple break up at the altar and there was no reception? Is there a secret vault somewhere filled with moldy, forgotten cakes? Enquiring minds want to know!

February 25, 2014 | Unregistered CommenterJodi

I was thinking how pretty cake #3 would be without the creepy baby, but then I remembered that those aren't supposed to be flower petals and now I just feel disturbed and not very hungry for cake.

February 25, 2014 | Unregistered CommenterHeather

The new cake diet is only legit if it involves a weird trick.

February 25, 2014 | Unregistered CommenterJennifer

Jen:Funny as These Cakes:Disgusting.

February 25, 2014 | Unregistered CommenterBrooke

Hrk

February 25, 2014 | Unregistered CommenterMaureen

Well, as Alton Brown (and who am I to argue with someone who successfully pitched a cooking show by saying only "Julia Child. Mr. Wizard. And Monty Python's Flying Circus."?) says, "Mold are fungi. That's why they get invited to all the best parties."

But some invitations you need to turn down.

February 25, 2014 | Unregistered CommenterSaraCVT

I'm sorry. You lost me at the line about experiments on park pigeons. Because ALL I could thing about was Tom Lehrer's song "Poisoning Pigeons in the Park".

For the uninitiated:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yhuMLpdnOjY

February 25, 2014 | Unregistered CommenterAshley P

*hurk*

For some reason, most edible cakes don't bother me (intellectually at least), but ones that should just NOT BE EATEN... *shudder*

February 25, 2014 | Unregistered CommenterCarol

@Sharyn: lol...well played! You never cease to amaze -- or amuse -- me!
@SuBee: spot on! to funny! and I love "All That Jazz"...some great music and fantastic dancing...time to watch it again....

February 25, 2014 | Unregistered Commentermel

I'm almost pretty much at least a teensy bit not unsure that what looks blackish on the "moldyhungergames" cake might actually be due to the sprinkles. I've known since first grade that you can make a dark brown with red, blue, and yellow. Black food coloring is iffy, but an almost-black is possible, through the marvels of science, chemistry, and maybe (or not) the folks at McCorm-ick. =^+.+^=

February 25, 2014 | Unregistered Commentersendingtheclowns

Thanks guys, I just stopped throwing up like a day and a half ago and now I'm feeling queasy again. Yep, the CW diet plan is working today.

@Sharyn and @SuBee Bravo!!!

February 25, 2014 | Unregistered CommenterJodee

Ugh, the first time I saw cakes I did NOT want to eat D:

February 25, 2014 | Unregistered Commentermindy1

Personally, I think it's lovely. Too many resistant strains of bacteria out there… we need better Penicillin.

February 25, 2014 | Unregistered CommenterFluffy Cow

@Ashley, YES!!! I thought the exact same thing.

February 25, 2014 | Unregistered CommenterTAL

A very appropriate tribute to Egon Spengler, collector of molds, spores and fungus.

February 25, 2014 | Unregistered Commenterjbrecken

I never realized Mr. Krabs' eyes were green before. He really ought to get that checked out.

February 25, 2014 | Unregistered CommenterSaraCVT

Who doesn't love a moldy cake? The Sponge Bob cake is kinda cute. Yes I confess I'm a wee bit weird. I guess people could close their eyes while eating since those cakes have to taste better than they look.

February 25, 2014 | Unregistered CommenterBarbara

Oh. EW.

February 25, 2014 | Unregistered CommenterStoich91

@ jbrecken-Lovely!

@Sharyn - Love, love, love (well, loved) Goldfingahh!

February 25, 2014 | Unregistered CommenterSuBee

So... How many of these are actual mould, and how many are just ugly cakes? I'm pretty sure the first one is just ugly, but I'm not sure at all about the mockingjay one.

February 25, 2014 | Unregistered CommenterLani

Loved The Hunger Games Cake.

February 25, 2014 | Unregistered CommenterLaura Saxon

I'm confused... Is that real mold or decorations gone wrong?

February 25, 2014 | Unregistered CommenterBullwinkle

Too many great comments to mention. We need a comments "like" button. Is that a possibility?

February 25, 2014 | Unregistered CommenterAngela

Gabriella's cake made me think they were going for an Anne Geddes look, but didn't quite get it right, but at least it wasn't moldy as such.

February 26, 2014 | Unregistered Commenterbob

Well I know a way cake can help you lose weight. Just put mold frosting on it and you are all set blech! That peeping baby cake might give me some nightmares though. Plus mold this should make my night interesting lol.

February 26, 2014 | Unregistered CommenterArlene

#3 A still from the forthcoming Little Shop of Horrors -- The Bakery Department.

February 26, 2014 | Unregistered CommenterCraig

Does this have anything to do with the rat in the birthday cake in the news this week sometime?

February 26, 2014 | Unregistered CommenterAisha

Why is Gollum popping out of Gabriella's birthday cake?!

February 26, 2014 | Unregistered CommenterYiayia

Anyone else think the baby on (in?) the third cake looks like Gollum?

February 26, 2014 | Unregistered CommenterRoxy Random

Anyone else concerned that the "hamburger"cake doesn't know what flavor it is? White. No! Chocolate. No! Aaahhhh!

February 26, 2014 | Unregistered CommenterVioletRose

That "Do not touch!" sign behind #3 pretty much sums it up!

February 26, 2014 | Unregistered CommenterNerfbomb

I was not liking the cake but if I ever get a chance I would like to make it on my own. Tell me the recipe please.... :)

February 27, 2014 | Unregistered CommenterArnold Brame

#3, I just see one of Anne Geddes' subjects moments *after* she snapped a 'peaceful-infant-bizarrely-crammed-into-a-flower' pic. I can't say the 'gently opening petals' analogy did anything for me in labour, maybe it did for the 'flower power' generation?

February 28, 2014 | Unregistered CommenterAA

I totally read this in Robin from How I Met Your Mother's voice.

March 2, 2014 | Unregistered CommenterPinkie Pie

PostPost a New Comment

Enter your information below to add a new comment.
Author Email (optional):
Author URL (optional):
Post:
 
Some HTML allowed: <a href="" title=""> <abbr title=""> <acronym title=""> <b> <blockquote cite=""> <code> <em> <i> <strike> <strong>