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What's a Wreck?

A Cake Wreck is any cake that is unintentionally sad, silly, creepy, inappropriate - you name it. A Wreck is not necessarily a poorly-made cake; it's simply one I find funny, for any of a number of reasons. Anyone who has ever smeared frosting on a baked good has made a Wreck at one time or another, so I'm not here to vilify decorators: Cake Wrecks is just about finding the funny in unexpected, sugar-filled places.

Now, don't you have a photo you want to send me? ;)

- Jen
Monday
May122014

Someone Bring Me A Sammich! (But Not This One.)

It's my birthday today - have I said?
So one wonders why I'm out of bed.
Well, can't be a bad host
You'll be wanting a post!
Here, have some gummis and bread:

"Meals in Minutes," it says, oh how witty!
The earthworms are ever so pretty
And look, how divine!
Just $9.99!
A bargain for chefs who cook... um...

...badly.

 

Thank you to Britanie E.,
who really should probably see,
How much else I could say,
For Limerick Day,
But it's my birthday and I'm going back to bed, dammit.

*****

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Reader Comments (63)

Happy birthday, Jen! May your birthday be filled with geeky glee, lots of cake, and much sleep.

Jen, our beloved wrektator
Cosplayer, humorist, and decorator
To you, dear, we say
Happy Birthday!
As we wish you another great year.

May 12, 2014 | Unregistered CommenterHannah A

I realize this should be a limerick, but first -- The traditional Birthday Song. (Please don't sing it in public, or I'll have to pay royalties.)

Happy Birthday to you!
Your cakes make me "Ewwww!"
Some look like they were made by monkeys.
And they're spelled like it, too.

Happy Birthday, Oh Cakey Goddess of Most High Snark and Random Sprinkles.

May 12, 2014 | Unregistered CommenterSharyn

Happy birthday, Jen! I hope you have a wonderful day filled with cats, cake, and wonderfully geeky things!

May 12, 2014 | Unregistered CommenterGenevieve

I won't say the cook is a dummy
But she garnished with worms oh so gummy
But because she's not bright
She thinks it looks just right
And that you'll think her dinner is yummy.

May 12, 2014 | Unregistered CommenterSharyn

It’s your birthday! I hope it’s not crummy
And that all of your gifts are real yummy
I know John will serve
You the treats you deserve
And not some bread topped with worms that are gummy

Happy, happy bthday, Jen!

May 12, 2014 | Unregistered CommenterSuBee

@SuBee: OK, we're still channeling each other. So, tell me, what should we make for dinner? (NOT today's featured dish, OK?)

May 12, 2014 | Unregistered CommenterSharyn

When I hear my rumbling tummy
I want to fill it with something that's yummy -
Not slices of bread
With worms that are dead!
Happy Birthday Jen, love from me!

May 12, 2014 | Unregistered CommenterCaroline B

Happy Birthday, Jen! I hope your birthday dinner/dessert is much better than that monstrosity. Why is this even a thing? No limericks from me. My head hurts too much trying to figure this one out. :(

May 12, 2014 | Unregistered Commenternormajean

Happee Burht Day too yu,
Haype Barth Day two Yew
Hippy Borp Day, Hoppy Bite Day,
Howie Bath day tooo EEEEWWWW!!!
And Minnie Mouuuuuse!

I thought I'd serenade you on your birthday - but then I reconsidered, because that's kind of mean, so I just wrote it down instead. Hope your day is filled with only the best wrecks!

May 12, 2014 | Unregistered CommenterMoe

There once was a girl from F-L,
Whose blog is a funny as h*ll
With daily guffaws
That never do pause,
I hope that her birthday is swell!

********
Happy Birthday to you our dear Jen!
Today you can put down your pen,
Relax on your day,
Take time off to play,
(‘Cause tomorrow it starts once again.)

***********
I’ve been reading this blog for a while
And it always brings forth a big smile,
Jen makes us all laugh,
So I raise my carafe,
May your birthday be the best by a mile!

*******************
And…
Gummies and bread is divine,
With tomatoes fresh from the vine!
But sadly the gummies
Are not good for our tummies,
So I think I’ll just have some more wine.

May 12, 2014 | Unregistered Commentermel

Happy birthday, may get a sunday sweet worthy cake and thanks for the giggles :))) Sharyn and Suebee bahahahaha you should team up :))

May 12, 2014 | Unregistered Commentermindy1

There once was a gal named Jen
For whose blog I've developed a yen
I viewed today's worms
With giggles and squirms
And now must go view it again.

Happy Birthday Jen!!!

May 12, 2014 | Unregistered CommenterJodi

Happy birthday from your biggest fan!!! Hope your cake isn't a wreck!

May 12, 2014 | Unregistered CommenterTheCreepyTribble

Happy 2st B-day Jin!
With sprinkles
And worms, apparently
Deep fried
Underneat that
We love you -- many many happy birthdays in red!!!

Yeah I know that is not a limmerick but I haven't had my coffee yet. That's my excuse and I'm sticking to it. What @Sharyn said, anyway.

May 12, 2014 | Unregistered CommenterMaureen

Happy Birthday to you / me! Now I know why I love Cake Wrecks so much, we're separated at birth! It all is clear now!

May 12, 2014 | Unregistered CommenterTrudy

On closer inspection those look like peanut butter and jelly sandwiches. At least 5 whole ones, probably more.
Looks like a perfectly acceptable snack for a big group of kids, who would probably love to see worms crawling all over them.

Happy birthday Jen, I'm sure you'll get better snacks than this today.

May 12, 2014 | Unregistered CommenterBin

Happy Birthday! Today is my mom's entry into the octogenarian club. My birthday is tomorrow - had to be born on my on day. Mom's getting an ice cream cake. Feels funky ordering my own cake for me but I am a caregiver and I'm going to get what I want!!!

May 12, 2014 | Unregistered CommenterJoanie

"Happy" brithday, Jan! Underneat that. I hape you have a greet day?

May 12, 2014 | Unregistered Commenterpikkewyntjie

Have a great day! Happy Birthday!

May 12, 2014 | Unregistered CommenterMary D.

I am at the home of Haribo for 2 weeks! Would you like me to bring you some delicious gummy treats from the original spot? And some real kuchen? Had a tiramisu sundae this afternoon. . . . .YUM!

Happy birthday, Jen. For all the happiness you give us, may you get it back tenfold and more. And may all your cakes be Sunday Sweets.

May 12, 2014 | Unregistered CommenterTLC

Happy Birthday, Oh Cakey Goddess of Most High Snark and Random Sprinkles!
I have no limericks.

@mel ~ Please pass the wine. Grapes count for breakfast, right?

@Sharyn ~ SNO-CONES for dinner!!! Sorry, couldn't help myself!

May 12, 2014 | Unregistered CommenterJodee

HAPPY BIRTHDAY JEN!

That last limerick is the best ever. Happy Birthday, Jen!

Happy Birthday Jen!! Have a super fabulous non-wrecky day filled with all things geekily good!!

May 12, 2014 | Unregistered CommenterMelissa

Happy Birthday Jen! Your husband is a genius, if he can't make it a sweet, make it a wreck! The worst thing about plastic cake picks is when you take them out to cut the cake they leave holes in the icing and disrupt the cake, so now the slices on the plate look like they are pre-chewed. Terrible. Enjoy your wreck and have a piece for us!

May 12, 2014 | Unregistered CommenterCBushLite

Happy birthday, Jen!!!! I hope you have a fabulous day, filled with cat snuggles, hubby snuggles, and wreckporter greetings! I'm not good a writing, so I'll leave the limericks to the creative souls in the group.

I do wish I could like everyone's comments today - you're all so clever!

May 12, 2014 | Unregistered CommenterAnne-Marie

Now I know why I like your blog so much and have been following it for quite a while: apparently we share our birthday! Hope you have a great one!

May 12, 2014 | Unregistered CommenterRuth

I, umm.... Is that, umm... What the...

Oh well, happy birthday Jen! I wish that all the happiness you have spread be heaped upon you ten-fold.

May 12, 2014 | Unregistered CommenterAngela

Happy, happy birthday, Jen! :)

May 12, 2014 | Unregistered CommenterStephanie

Happy Birthday! :)

May 12, 2014 | Unregistered CommenterPeachkins

Happy Birthday, Jen! Many thanks for the years of laughs, tears, horrors, and more laughs. God bless and best wishes to you!

May 12, 2014 | Unregistered CommenterLaura P.

To be read when you get up:

"Hapy" Briday, Jen, who has her eye on all who bake,
And the geekiest in all the 'Verse, we all so spake
But do tell (if not disconcerted)
After seeing these 'just desserts',
To celebrate, do you ever anymore WANT cake?

May 12, 2014 | Unregistered CommenterSaraCVT

Happy Birthday, Jen! Thank you for all you do, here and on EPBOT. My warm fuzzies abound for you.

Sadly, my lack of creative juices prevent me from writing you a limerick.

@mel - thanks for writing extras!

May 12, 2014 | Unregistered Commenterlisadh

Have a wonderful birthday. May your year bring as much joy to you as you do to all of us!

May 12, 2014 | Unregistered CommenterKathleen

Happy Happy Birthday, Jen!

May 12, 2014 | Unregistered CommenterAnice

Happy birthday, Jen!

Best wishes for a wonderful year and lots of gratitude for CakeWrecks and Epbot!

May 12, 2014 | Unregistered CommenterKW

It's your birthday, Jen? What luck!
I hope that you are not stuck
With an overly gooey
CCC (patoo-ee)
From a baker that can't give a ...darn

May 12, 2014 | Unregistered CommenterSusan

Sharyn-I'll be making whatever Sandra Lee makes today. That's what I always do. Always...

May 12, 2014 | Unregistered CommenterSuBee

Happy Birthday, Jen! I hope you have a great time, and your cake comes from a good baker!

May 12, 2014 | Unregistered CommenterNansJns

Happy birthday Jen!!
With sprinkles
Underneat that
And blue icing

Jen's Birthday, Zoly
Much love!!

May 12, 2014 | Unregistered CommenterLaura

Happy Birthday, Oh Cakey Goddess of Most High Snark and Random Sprinkles.

May 12, 2014 | Unregistered CommenterMalin

Today is your birthday, Hooray!
Many great folks were born on this day
Carlin, Berra, me and you
Plus Burt Bacharach, too
Get healthy so you can go play!

A friend of mine says birthdays don't always fall on convenient days, so he just declares it birthday week!

May 12, 2014 | Unregistered Commenterbassgirl

Happy Birthday!
Speaking of which, are PB&J towers a *party thing* now if so I am horrified on behalf of my youngest daughter with the peanut allergy. We were at a preschool birthday party just a couple of weeks ago and for the first time in my eight years of parenting three kids, the party buffet included two towers of PB&J sandwiches. If this is going to be the new normal and it is being inspired by grocery stores I can only assume it is because they have overstocked peanut butter and as the allergies rise, more people are declining to buy PB&J in the old quantities. (Don't blame me I loved PB until it nearly killed my baby but the nut-free classroom trend was a thing long before my allergic youngest was born).
OMG my baby. I will have to attend every birthday party of her elementary school years if PB&J towers are a now a store-bought kind of thing.

May 12, 2014 | Unregistered CommenterJenniferC

May you reap all the laughs, guffaws, giggles and sore stomach muscles (from laughter) that you have given us all over the years. You make us laugh and lighten our days, your karma is in the black baby!!!

HAPPY BIRTHDAY JEN!!!!

May 12, 2014 | Unregistered CommenterVaBeach alemaP

We salute our queen on high
Who's married to a wonderful guy
Hope your cake's not a wreck
Full of horror and dreck
Perhaps you should just stick with pie.

Happy b-day to Ruth and Trudy too!

May 12, 2014 | Unregistered CommenterJodi

Another trip around the Sun! Happy B-day Cake Goddess.

May 12, 2014 | Unregistered Commenterkorenyx

Happy Birthday!!

May 12, 2014 | Unregistered CommenterDis fan

JEN. Happy birthday from this first time viewer! I decorated your cake today when your hubby came in for it and told me about the site. and I hope you WRECKED that cake as much as I did! I had a blast filling it up and making it my best bakery story yet, thanks for that memory and I hope your birthday ROCKED. LOVE the site by the way!

May 12, 2014 | Unregistered CommenterLexi K

Egads....that's one lazy deli/bakery department. Did they actually think anyone would buy that? Especially for $9.99? Outrageous!

Hope you have a "Hoppy Brathdiy", Jen! ;)

May 12, 2014 | Unregistered CommenterNerfbomb

All hail the queen of wreck-ed cakes
People happy, this birthday girl makes
So shout hip hop hooray
Jen have a great B-day
Free of any Wrecky mistakes

< (= 3)

May 12, 2014 | Unregistered CommenterDeadly Unicorn

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