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What's a Wreck?

A Cake Wreck is any cake that is unintentionally sad, silly, creepy, inappropriate - you name it. A Wreck is not necessarily a poorly-made cake; it's simply one I find funny, for any of a number of reasons. Anyone who has ever smeared frosting on a baked good has made a Wreck at one time or another, so I'm not here to vilify decorators: Cake Wrecks is just about finding the funny in unexpected, sugar-filled places.

Now, don't you have a photo you want to send me? ;)

- Jen
Monday
May192014

PLEASE TELL ME THOSE ARE DEAD SQUIRRELS

Sometimes you want your wedding cake to tell a story.

Just not this one.

 

He was a small game hunter who liked to drink.

She was an amateur taxidermist who collected tiny hats.

(And also liked to drink.)

Together, they would create:

THE MOST HORRIFYING WEDDING CAKE
...IN THE WORLD.

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA

[deep breath]

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAIIIEEEEEEEEEEEE!

 

Thanks to Christine C. for finding the Bloggess' next anniversary cake.

*****

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Reader Comments (83)

Squeak squeaker beloved family members squeakity. Squeaker squeak squeak grief squeak trauma squeaken. ARGHHHHHHH. Squeakity personal injury lawyer squeak squeak squeaken squeak.
squeak

May 19, 2014 | Unregistered CommenterSuBee

Sung to "You Don't Know Me"

You give a slice to me
And then I say, "Oh no!"
And I can hardly see
My eyes are bleeding so
And anyone can tell
You think your cake is swell
I just think, "Oh, gee!"

May 19, 2014 | Unregistered CommenterSharyn

Horrified at this cake, obviously.......but is that hay on the ground?? The people at this reception all wondered why they got rabies and mad cow disease....ACK.

May 19, 2014 | Unregistered CommenterBecky

OOOH, remember the Beverly Hillbillies?

Just listen to a story ‘bout some folks who wed
They made up a cake with some varmints that were dead
Then one day, looking for computer sex
They noticed that their cake had been labeled as a wreck
Cake Wreck, that is
Pure gold
Wrecky glee...

May 19, 2014 | Unregistered CommenterSuBee

if anything calls for a "Nononononononono" gif, this would be it.

May 19, 2014 | Unregistered CommenterHeather

Monday morning diet reminder post.... CHECK!

May 19, 2014 | Unregistered Commentermiss_paper

The LEAST they could have done is have unopened cans of beer.

May 19, 2014 | Unregistered CommenterMargaret

The LEAST they could have done is have unopened cans of beer.

May 19, 2014 | Unregistered CommenterMargaret

I REALLY like cake, and I read your post a lot, and don't often say these words, but I would not eat that cake.

May 19, 2014 | Unregistered CommenterAnnette

Suddenly, I hear Jeff Foxworthy:

If you've got stuffed animals that you shot yourself topping your wedding cake... You might be a redneck!
If Bud Lite is the official sponsor for your wedding ... You might be a redneck!
If you think getting boxes of ammo is a romantic wedding gift... You might be a redneck!

May 19, 2014 | Unregistered CommenterGingerSnap

I am sorry, I audibly cursed when I saw this pic.

Upon further examination… I am impressed that someone actually got two dead squirrels to hold hands, but I am a little worried about what mister squirrel is doing with his other hand. Is it an attempt to fondle himself? Or is he just holding in his nonexistent guts?

May 19, 2014 | Unregistered CommenterFluffy Cow

I try to be prepared to see anything on CW (no sips of coffee in this mouth!) but this one elicited an out-loud OMG and then hysterical laughter. The empty beer cans are are the proverbial "icing on the cake"! Like to drink much? The reference to the Bloggess and then the comments (SuBee, I'll be humming your song all day) are pure gold. Thank you for a great start to Monday.

May 19, 2014 | Unregistered Commenterms anthrope

And why-oh-why is Mr Squirrel checking his 'acorns'??

May 19, 2014 | Unregistered CommenterGray

I'm at a loss of words.

May 19, 2014 | Unregistered CommenterBrigham

@SuBee: PERFECT song choice -- I stared at the cake today like a squirrel in headlights and completely blanked. You've completely captured the essence of this... thing.

May 19, 2014 | Unregistered CommenterSharyn

Oh dear God.

That is all.

May 19, 2014 | Unregistered CommenterJoan

For Scrubs (the TV show) fans: imagine if the Janitor had been in charge of his wedding...this would be the cake.

May 19, 2014 | Unregistered CommenterChristina

If I had the creativity of Sharyn and SuBee, I'd take a stab at a Mississippi Squirrel Revival parody...but I'm not that good.

May 19, 2014 | Unregistered CommenterSaraV

I could totally see The Bloggess ordering this cake.

May 19, 2014 | Unregistered CommenterWendy

I'm wondering how they got hold of the fingerpainting I did when I was in kindergarten, and why they wanted it on their cake.

May 19, 2014 | Unregistered CommenterDegera

Maybe the squirrels are made of marzipan. We'll never know until someone takes a bite.

May 19, 2014 | Unregistered CommenterJenny, Bloggess

I'm still having difficulty breathing, because I clicked on the link to The Bloggess' post first. Haven't laughed that hard since I read the first Cake Wrecks book. I'm a long-time lurker and first-time poster. Love @Sharyn and @SuBee's songs. Wonder what mel and Haiku Joy will come up with. @Gray- too funny!

May 19, 2014 | Unregistered CommenterTabbymom

That is just all kinds of wrong. It makes me shudder to think what the meal was at that wedding.

May 19, 2014 | Unregistered CommenterHeloise

We have tons of squirrels around my work. They are very friendly because lots of people feed them. I've also seen them climbing in trash cans and we ALL know how sanitary THOSE things are. Just...eeeeeewwwww! Thanks for the appetite suppressant this morning. **hurk**

@Sharyn and @Subee ~ 2 songs that should never go together. Both are stuck in my head now. Thanks ladies!

May 19, 2014 | Unregistered CommenterJodee

For a moment I thought today was Sunday and thought, "Wow, was that the nicest cake they could find?" Now to look at the real Sunday Sweets.

May 19, 2014 | Unregistered CommenterEmily

@Heloise, having lived in the hollers of eastern Kentucky, I'm guessing the meal included what they removed from the squirrels before they stuck them on that "cake." And @Gray, it appears that he's reaalllly eager to get that honeymoon started. Bet the tie doesn't even come off. That, or he drank most of that beer himself and is eager to get someplace else.

May 19, 2014 | Unregistered CommenterZeldabird

I have words, but most are disgusted gurgling noises. Who gets a SQUIRREL WEDDING CAKE TOPPER? I would do a song, but am now thoroughly traumatized and may never eat again. Three words: MOTHER OF GOD!

May 19, 2014 | Unregistered CommenterTheCreepyTribble

Each cake to his own,
and each bride has her style, but
this one gives us pause.

May 19, 2014 | Unregistered CommenterHaiku Joy

Yeah... I don't care if the squirrels are dead or alive. If they're real squirrels, I don't want them on cake. If they're just, as Jenny suggests, made of marzipan, then... sure? But if I were there, I'd want assurances before eating any of it.

Because if those are real, that is beyond cakes that look like they've been pooped on, and also beyond cakes that commemorate birth in the worst ways possible, because they're at least made entirely of edible parts, or at least theoretically clean and removable inedible parts. This is actual contamination, something which only moldy cakes generally achieve.

May 19, 2014 | Unregistered CommenterNyperold

Alvin?
ALVIN!
AAAAALVIIIINNNNNNNNN!!!!!

May 19, 2014 | Unregistered CommenterLaura

I can't really get past the fact that someone ordered something that came out looking like this. And while this is horrible, what on God's green earth did the person order?

"Hi, I'd like to order a wedding cake, with dead squirrel toppers. Colors? Let's go with mud poop and seaweed green swirl. Oh, and can you put some beer cans around it? Let's see. Oh, yeah, the male squirrel should be incontinent. Or perverted. Whichever you think would look best. Kthanxbye."

May 19, 2014 | Unregistered CommenterNaomi

At least the squirrels are dressed appropriately for a wedding with a necktie on him and a hat for her. Judging from the cake choice, they may be overdressed compared to the guests.

May 19, 2014 | Unregistered Commenterdrgns4vr

Sharyn and Suebee perfect :D. Gingersnap hehehehe. that cake is why some people should leave weddings to he professionals D:

May 19, 2014 | Unregistered Commentermindy1

All the world seems in tune on a spring afternoon while we're poisoning pigeons in the park....
We may even do in a squirrel or two while we're poisoning pigeons in the park...


AAAAARRRRRHHHHHGGGG
*spluttering noises*

May 19, 2014 | Unregistered CommenterCarol

Squirrel, Squirrel, candle light
Havin' a weddin’ and doin' it right in the hay barn
Oh gosh darn!
Squirrel Suzie, Squirrel Sam
Do the wedding dance in a Squirrel Land
As they hold hands, Sam is glad
And they whirl and they twirl and they tango
Singin' and jinglin' a jangle
Float like the heavens above
Looks like Squirrel Love

Nibblin' on Weddin’ cake
Flanked by Beer
Sam says to Suzie
Would you please be my Dear
Suzie says, Yes, as Sam’s “love” grows
Now, they’re sticky with frosting
Stuck in their toes
Muzzle to muzzle
Now anything goes as they wriggle
Sue starts to giggle
And they whirled and they twirled and they tango
Singin' and jinglin' a jangle
Floatin' like the heavens above
Looks like Squirrel love

May 19, 2014 | Unregistered CommenterSandy

How do you make sure only you and the groom get to eat the Wedding Cake??? Put dead animals on it. Sadly I live around alot of backwoods people who drink that beer... and this that the rest was Dinner AND Dessert (blech)

May 19, 2014 | Unregistered CommenterMargot

I think what's getting me aside from the squirrels is they didn't just use Bud Light, but they used open, empty cans of Bud Light. It's like someone drank them and then stuck them on the corners of the cake!

May 19, 2014 | Unregistered CommenterSusan

I can only hope this was some sort of "prank cake" served at a bachelor party... lol

May 19, 2014 | Unregistered CommenterChris

We had squirrels on our wedding cake. They were ceramic and looked like they were about to get it on, but in a much classier way. Just sayin.

May 19, 2014 | Unregistered CommenterJanna

Really?????? Bud Light????? Cheapskates! I'm goin' home!

May 19, 2014 | Unregistered CommenterJo

Hahahaha! I was thinking exactly of Stanley the Magical Talking Squirrel!!!!
Thank God you added that connection, I thought it was just me.

May 19, 2014 | Unregistered CommenterC.J.

And here I thought the shrimp cake was disgusting.

May 19, 2014 | Unregistered CommenterMB

Poor Squirrels. This is a sad cake. :(

May 19, 2014 | Unregistered CommenterLenne

I couldn't decide whether to make a Bloggess joke or an Emperor's New Groove joke, but I've been beaten to both punches so I'm going to slink off and watch the LIVE squirrels in my back yard...

May 19, 2014 | Unregistered CommenterL

Wth!?! No way! Why? Why oh why?

May 19, 2014 | Unregistered CommenterCorie

Haha...Not only are there two dead squirrels on the cake but four empy beer cans! Couldn't save it to go with the wedding cake?

May 19, 2014 | Unregistered CommenterSquirrely Girl

This is a real cake and those are real squirrels. The groom is a taxidermist. The couple was featured on the TV show "My Big Redneck Wedding" (or whatever it was called) and live in south Georgia. You should look it up...if nothing else but to see the look on the cake makers face when she presented her idea to him.

May 19, 2014 | Unregistered CommenterDana the Wonderchick

@SuBee, you win the internet today. And the coveted Earworm of the Day award. You just win it all!

May 19, 2014 | Unregistered CommenterAngelaS

Let me guess: The open Bud Light cans are for the cigarette butts.

May 19, 2014 | Unregistered CommenterChris

I haven't figured out what bothers me the most about the cake: the poorly executed camouflage; the fact the squirrels look like they are balanced directly on the cake without benefit of even a piece of cardboard; or the fact that they consider bud lite an acceptable form of beverage. Or that they put squirrels on a poorly decorated cake with 4 empty cans of beer flanking the whole mess...*shakes head sadly*

On the other hand, the comments here were priceless and now my Monday is SO much better.

May 19, 2014 | Unregistered CommenterNancy

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