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What's a Wreck?

A Cake Wreck is any cake that is unintentionally sad, silly, creepy, inappropriate - you name it. A Wreck is not necessarily a poorly-made cake; it's simply one I find funny, for any of a number of reasons. Anyone who has ever smeared frosting on a baked good has made a Wreck at one time or another, so I'm not here to vilify decorators: Cake Wrecks is just about finding the funny in unexpected, sugar-filled places.

Now, don't you have a photo you want to send me? ;)

- Jen
Tuesday
Jun102014

9 Bakers Who Have Never Seen A Guitar In Their Entire Lives

For those about to wreck: we "salute" you.

 

Mmmm. Beany.

 

"Back in MY day, sonny-boy, guitars were made of cigar boxes and cat intestines, and gosh darn it, WE LIKED IT."

 

I'm seeing a chainsaw shaped like a corn on the cob.
Just me, or should we all quit drinking now?

 

"Darling, this guitar is like my love for you: NO STRINGS ATTACHED."

"D'awwww!
But seriously why are there no strings."

 

Maybe if we add a little miniature plastic guitar ON the cake as a guide...

NOPE.

 

In fact, when presented with guitar cupcake toppers, one baker panicked:

"AAAUGGH! Which way is up? WHICH WAY IS UP?!"

 

Taxidermied Big Bird as an Upright Bass:

Actually, I kind of like this one.

 

I bet you never wanted to equate a guitar with a flabby guy's pectoral muscles, did you.

WELL TOUGH:

 

And finally, I believe this kid from One Direction has cause to fret:

Get it? "CAUSE TO FRET"?! BAHAHAHAAA!

Because seriously that looks like a dong.

 

Thanks to Stephanie, Keli C., Shelley S., Cherisse B., Andrew W., Kathryn C., Rocke, Katie F., & Jared G. for knowing better than to pick on a guitar with blue balls.

*****

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Reader Comments (43)

Valentines Bear?!? Why is the chainsaw/corn cob one labeled Valentines Bear???

June 10, 2014 | Unregistered CommenterTrista

I think it is funny that the corn on the cob guitar has a sticker that says "Valentines bear pullapart cupcakes. They really missed on that one.

June 10, 2014 | Unregistered CommenterKathy

Sung to "While My Guitar Gently Weeps"

I look at the wrecks and all I see is "beany"
While my guitar gently weeps
Cat guts and corn cobs? Lay off the martinis!
Still my guitar gently weeps.

I see no strings waiting to hold you
Flotsam might help.... sort of
"They're upside down!" I have to scold you.
I guess no one told you...

I look at Big Bird and I find him concerning
While my guitar gently weeps
Flabby pecs and blue balls start stomach churning
Still my guitar gently weeps

June 10, 2014 | Unregistered CommenterSharyn

As a guitar player, I am seriously offended. And laughing like a moron.

June 10, 2014 | Unregistered CommenterTheCreepyTribble

Regarding #3... I'm seeing a cactus in a catchers mitt. Just saying...

June 10, 2014 | Unregistered CommenterPatty

Well, One Direction never actually *specified* the direction. Maybe it's closer than you think.

Or maybe the baker just really hates boy bands.

June 10, 2014 | Unregistered CommenterSaraCVT

And I'm more than a little concerned that the "chainsaw corn" (I saw a strange variety of cactus) has a label on it claiming, " Valentines Bear Pullapart Cupcakes". Either they recycled a label or that cake is even worse than we thought....

June 10, 2014 | Unregistered CommenterSaraCVT

I think my favorite thing is that the third one purports to be a Valentines Bear.

June 10, 2014 | Unregistered CommenterMelissa

@Sharyn-That song was just waiting for this moment and your interpretation. I will now go and weep...

But first-what makes everyone think these are supposed to be guitars? The first one is obviously a monkey in a very tall chef's hat. Patty has already identified the cactus in a catcher’s mitt, and if that doesn't work we know it's a bear because of the label. The last one obviously depicts Declan or Milo (or whichever One Direction kid that is) running in a sack race. Even the plastic guitars are being disguised so we won't recognize them as guitars.
Guitars? I don't see any guitars...

June 10, 2014 | Unregistered CommenterSuBee

Cake One: With a body shaped like a famous mouse’s head, this guitar asks the question, M-I-C-, K-E-WHY?
Cake Two: A failed attempt to meld a classic painting and music. There’ll be no starry night for this guy…put it in your van and gogh….
Cake Three: Originally designed for a rock version of the Old Testament, this is a prop from the scene where Moses meets the burning guitar….
Cake Four: Sure it has no strings…it’s an air guitar for those who can’t full grasp that concept…
Cake Five: Road-kill guitar…the notes give it away – this guitar B flat…..
Cake Six: Ostrich guitars….
Cake Seven: No matter what you do, the only song this baby plays is “Can You Tell Me How to Get to Sesame Street?”
Cake Eight: see Cake One (smaller ears, so the question is in lower case…)
Cake Nine: This bomb-shaped beauty clearly points to the One Direction this band will ultimately go...have a blast while you can….

June 10, 2014 | Unregistered Commentermel

We did a banjo cake once and did a Google image search to see what other bakers had done previously. Believe it or not, those pics were much scarier than these!

June 10, 2014 | Unregistered CommenterJen @ Cup a Dee Cakes

Okay - I think the best description you've ever written may be "Taxidermied Big Bird as an Upright Bass". Thank you for causing me to spew my sweet tea across my desk today. The absolute best!!

June 10, 2014 | Unregistered CommenterGrace

Cause to fret...shaped like a dong!

Good grief, you absolutely killed me this morning! I had to clean the oatmeal off of my computer screen to even leave a comment today.

Thank you for that!

June 10, 2014 | Unregistered CommenterRuthie

Taxidermied Big Bird... I think you just made my day :)

June 10, 2014 | Unregistered Commentermichelej

Ok, I officially want to marry Mel. The puns! I love thee punzzz!

June 10, 2014 | Unregistered CommenterChenaya

1. I'm seeing a princess-y hand-held mirror for #4.
a. I worry for Harry Styles - that can't be comfortable.

June 10, 2014 | Unregistered Commenterlisadh

The cupcakes in #6 at least have an upside and not only a down (get it? upside? down?): at least they have sprinkles.

June 10, 2014 | Unregistered CommenterZeldabird

Cannot stop laughing XD and I think it's the bakers who should stop drinking :P

June 10, 2014 | Unregistered Commentermindy1

A guitar is not exactly the easiest thing in the world to draw you know, or cut or...

June 10, 2014 | Unregistered CommenterBeth Anne

Why do bakers *keep* using THAT icing tip with chocolate icing. It's as if the actual desired effect is 'turd'. I have to admit though, they always make me giggle.

June 10, 2014 | Unregistered CommenterAnatee

For all these wrecks I need to give up a big ole, WHAT THE FROSTING?!!!!!!!

The "guitars" on Moe's cake and Andrew's cake look suspiciously similar...but why oh why are the strings going the wrong direction? I know it's useless to ask why about a CW wreck, but still. Why?

As for the corn on the cob. What I saw was a flaming cucumber...with strings!

Love the guitars stuffed into the cupcakes almost as much as the baby faceplant in blue frosting cupcakes from yesterday. I would lay money it's the same baker.

@Sharyn, They're just making it too easy these days, aren't they?!

June 10, 2014 | Unregistered CommenterSandy

Beany-HA!

June 10, 2014 | Unregistered CommenterAngelaS

And I thought "cause to fret" was going to be the crowning glory today, but NO! You actually typed OUT LOUD what we were all thinking "shaped like a dong" is my new favorite! "What the frosting?!?!" Has been replaced :( @mel, you are a genius. I believe you may be the god of puns. @Sharyn, I'm always torn when I don't recognize the song you've picked, I'm sad, because you are also a genius and I laugh like a mental patient while I sing your new lyrics to anyone who will/is forced to listen, but then I'm happy that I won't be humming and giggling the song all day. I adore you all, Cake Wrecks is comedic gold.

June 10, 2014 | Unregistered CommenterCBushLite

Well, I'm about to show my Disney side. I see Hidden Mickeys in Cakes #1 and #8.

ºoº

June 10, 2014 | Unregistered CommenterJason

My wife used to work at a music store. They would call those cheap "beginner guitars" that you can buy at Wally World "GSOs": guitar-shaped objects.

These... don't even qualify for that term.

June 10, 2014 | Unregistered CommenterDale

The one with the Hannah Montana plastic guitar is the most disturbing. Yeah, it is hard to make a CCC look like anything, but this is a cake-cake. The border starts out reasonably nice (upper left) and dissolves into a long blob on the right. The unidentifiable blue streaks appear to be randomly dropped from a pastry bag. The sprinkles placement, pink squiggles, and the disturbing orange lab beaker thing, well, unbelievable. But a purple plastic butterfly will make it all look pretty.

June 10, 2014 | Unregistered CommenterTricia L

Well it's so harrrrd to make a geetar out of cupcakes, dontchaknow?!

June 10, 2014 | Unregistered CommenterSue W.

Hey! Were these all made in.....COLORADO???? Lol Really, though, was I the only one humming Lucy in the Sky with Diamonds by the end??? I wasn't was I!

June 10, 2014 | Unregistered CommenterRachel D.

I think that's the One Direction boy my 14-year-old is in love with. I'll have to make sure she checks CW after school.

It's been a seriously crazy day around these parts. I had an individual call wanting to talk to a prosecutor because the police officer behind him was "infringing on my Constitutional right to travel" o.O Maybe I should have referred him to Mr. Potato, Head Council.

@mel ~ I had a dream last night that I was getting married. Maybe you could get to work on those vows for me? Girl's gotta be prepared!

June 10, 2014 | Unregistered CommenterJodee

#3 is definitely a saguaro cactus, but I don't think that's a catcher's mitt below it. The orange at the bottom is undoubtedly a prickly pear cactus blossom, which completes the desert theme. I still haven't figured out why some vandal painted the white horizontal stripes on the saguaro, though.

June 10, 2014 | Unregistered CommenterAlice

All of these were bad, but the guitars plunged neck-first into the cupcakes made me LOL. Some people really don't know which end is up!

@Chenaya: oh, I have a crush on mel, too! Maybe we should have a cake decorating contest to see wins (or wrecks) his heart?

June 10, 2014 | Unregistered CommenterTLC

So many funny moments, I don't know where to start...well, to all who saw #3 as a cactus...YES, it's a cactus that someone wanted to play tic-tac-toe on, but the desert was so hot the cactus erupted into flames at the base. Fret, Bflat, OH THE PUNNIEST of PUNS in CW AND comments today. @Jodee, wow, really? Constitutional right to travel...BAAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA. Do you live in Washington or Colorado by any chance? <snort> @CBushLite- it's a Beatles tune, you've probably heard it, just didn't realize it. @mel standing up and clapping....BRAVO!! HAZZAH!!
Today's post RULES!

June 10, 2014 | Unregistered CommenterVaBeach alemaP

Taxidermied Big Bird as a Stand-up bass had me busting a gut! Not a cat gut.

June 10, 2014 | Unregistered CommenterSusan

these cakes are very scary. but the comments are uniformly hilarious. your fans are funnier than half the cast of SNL.

June 10, 2014 | Unregistered Commenterdawn

Cake #4, are you sure it is supposed to be a guitar? I think it makes a very nice fly swatter

June 10, 2014 | Unregistered CommenterALT

I've never seen an upright bass with six strings, but I'd buy it -- I play a six-string bass guitar, after all.

[Hastens to add] I'd buy the concept, not a CCC. The concept of a six-stringed upright bass, not one that looks like a taxidermied Big Bird. Well, maybe, just to hear everyone ask 'why'.

June 10, 2014 | Unregistered CommenterCraig

@Chenaya: ah…a fairytale wedding...I, the prince, you, RaPUNzel…but perhaps with it’s all its thorny situations, it would be easy to lose sight of the happiness...maybe it’s a bit Grimm for a wedding theme…. Thanks for your comment and I’m glad you enjoy the puns!
@CBushLite: Thank you for that kind comment! I’ve always enjoyed puns, and am more than happy to share! And, you are so right: Cake Wrecks IS comedic gold…there is more comedic gold mined here than anywhere else….
@Jodee: I’m on it….
@TLC: you’re too funny…! :-)
@VaBeach alemaP: Thank you for the upstanding clapping….and, speaking of that, we’ve had a few storms here recently and I was wondering…if a single sound of thunder is called a clap, are several rumbles called applause…?

June 10, 2014 | Unregistered Commentermel

@Sandy, I believe you may be on to something. Not only do the "guitars" on Moe's and Andrew's cakes look similar, but some of the music notes on both had strange triangles on them instead of how they should look. I think the same wreckerator has two cakes in one post!

June 11, 2014 | Unregistered Commenternormajean

I will take the Valentine's bear thing lol. Cause that sure doesn't even come close to a guitar. Possessed cucumber possibly. Wow wreckerators.. just wow lol.

June 11, 2014 | Unregistered CommenterArlene

Oh Harry, no wonder the older ladies like you, it's big AND chocolatey!

June 11, 2014 | Unregistered CommenterCaroline B

With apologies to Foreigner

He iced a beat-up six-string
taxidermied bird.
He didn't know how to bake it
but he knew for sure
That lumpy cigar
felt good in his hand.
Shaped like a dong:
you understand.
Not quite a guitar,
more corn on the cob
Gee how should he stick it
head first don't you know.
So he started bakin'
ain't never gonna stop
Gotta keep on bakin'
someday gonna make it to the top.

And be on Cake Wrecks Tuesday:
Guitars in disguise
It's a Cake Wrecks Tuesday
He took one guitar
(Cake Wrecks Tuesday)
flabby pec guy's
(Cake Wrecks Tuesday)
cat guts, no lies
They'll pull apart all right.

June 11, 2014 | Unregistered Commenterhyphen8

Haha omylanta

June 11, 2014 | Unregistered CommenterStoich91

I like the one with the love thing. That was hilarious! These cake bakers are very bad at decorating guitars. also, I like the taxidermy big bird cake. It does look like a bird.

June 24, 2014 | Unregistered CommenterCake eater

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